Forsaken Harvest
by MotherHeninFlorida
Summary: Dacey and her special needs brother must figure out how to survive in a world where most plants have stopped producing food. Apocalyptic drama inspired by the book and movie entitled "The Death of Grass."
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

 _BAM! KABLAM! KABLOOY!_

The sounds of the fireworks split the night. The people in the stands and on chairs and on picnic blankets throughout the fairgrounds admired the display, few of them realizing it would be the last 4th of July many of them would celebrate.

I remember standing there thinking as far as birthdays went my 13th totally rocked and that it beat the stuffing out of Charlene McNeel's silly co-ed party … not that I had been invited to the mayor's daughter's house for the occasion. But even the McNeel family was noticeably downsizing their normally extravagant lifestyle. Her brother had a huge party at the country club for his 13th birthday just three years earlier and it was months before Charlene would let her parents forget the disparity.

My life never approached the upper echelon of the small town royalty that I went to school with. But when you are a kid you don't really miss what you've never had, especially if your parents make sure you feel rich in other ways. But that July even my parents struggled to provide the simple and free joys that wound up being some of my most precious memories.

Things had been getting progressively bad over the preceding years but as a kid I only knew what my parents made a point of my knowing. Kids have an innate survival skill to ignore the really bad stuff and I was no different. It was only because my parents deemed it prudent to see that I was aware of what was going on in the world outside of my home, school, and church.

The way my dad explained things it started with an extremely wet growing season after an historic hemispheric drought. At the end of the rainy cycle people who monitor such things recorded a new plant disease. It affected less than half of a half percent of the harvest of one particular variety of GMO wheat so it wasn't a particular big or noticeable issue. What was "interesting" to the scientists was that everything but the kitchen sink was thrown at it but it was found totally resistant to all known chemicals. In response they took care of it the old-fashioned way and burnt it off.

At the time what the scientists didn't realize was that because they didn't quarantine the field, the spores that had been released by the fire had spread on the wind and deposited into a much larger area and began to multiply even in the off-season.

The following year the disease affect 5% of the entire wheat crop in Russia but had also spread to other wheat varieties and most surprisingly had spread to other types of grain crops. At first the scientists characterized the disease as a new form of "rust" similar to the one that had affected rice crops a few years earlier. Upon closer inspection however they soon had to admit the description wasn't accurate and they were still trying to determine exactly what it was. Treating it wasn't even possible yet. It wasn't exactly a bacterial infection but it wasn't fungal in origin either; nor was it a viral infection like a mosaic disease. The traditional plant DNA could be found but it was all fouled up with animal proteins, and even had strands of genetic material from e. coli. Different crops exhibited different symptoms … scab, smut, rust, mildew, foot rot, bloom rot, nematode like cysts, stunted growth, sterility, etc.

Again they burnt the infected fields not realizing that they were spreading the disease rather than containing it. They hadn't yet discovered that while the spores of the disease could propagate by apomixes, when stimulated by smoke or fire the spores propagated even better using genetic recombination. Also unfortunately for everyone, scientists were only testing plants that showed symptoms of infection. They failed to ascertain that spores were incubating in export crops, in luggage that traveled through customs, and even on the soles of tourists and that the disease was spreading worldwide nearly as fast as a human pandemic could.

The following growing season registered crop contaminations exploded as the disease appeared not only in Russia but all over Asia, Africa and in the island nations of New Zealand and Australia, destroying a lot of the agriculture and finally forcing it into the mainstream media as it began to affect commodity futures on the world's stock exchanges.

North America had so far avoided the disease by imposing very strict import and customs laws. By the following year things were so bad that US debt had been cut in half as China forgave most of our debt they held in exchange for receiving virtually exclusive access to all of the US's excess agricultural production.

For as long as I could remember really taking notice the disease had been around and causing more and more hunger in the world – human to domestic and wild animals - just not in my own backyard; however, just because there was no contamination in the US didn't mean we weren't affected in many ways. Prices at the grocery stores were at historic highs. Crops like tea, coffee, and other previously imported products had disappeared from all shelves everywhere and even though some substitutes had been found, the prices for those items were prohibitive. There was also a lot of pressure by the UN for Canada, the United States, and Mexico to "feed the world" as a good will gesture. Forget accepting a sale for at cost pricing or even making a slim profit, no, everyone seemed to think they were entitled without cost to what North America had.

All of this was made worse as the Administration, coerced by well-meaning scientists, environmentalists, and even some agricultural economists, pushed through draconian laws that tried to prevent inadvertent contamination by discouraging home gardens and dooryard orchards. If you wanted to do something as simple as grow a few potted herbs or have a bucket with a tomato plant in it you had to purchase an expensive federal permit and submit to regular inspections of your premises. Existing orchards and fruiting trees/plants had to be licensed or destroyed. It was as Momma said "monstrously intrusive," but smart people paid for the permits, grew all the food they could, wasted nothing, and preserved the excess. The not smart thing to do was to do nothing and sit around complaining about it.

As tough as things were the complaints were fairly mild because all you had to do was turn on the radio or television to see how bad it was in other countries. Our school district got into some real hot water with parents when they started playing infomercials of starving children during lunch period. It had originally been meant to deal with student complaints about the lowered quantity and quality of cafeteria meals but it was morphed by some federal and state pundits into part of their agenda to globalize US power and influence.

Thousands upon thousands of people were dying of starvation from Europe to Asia to Africa. Add to that the Administration was constantly harping on the good things that were coming out of our return to worldwide dominance:  
*the dramatic fall in national debt due to export demand and subsequent price increases (including additional and new taxes on profits of those increased prices);  
*the drop in availability of heroine as the poppy crops failed (the disease had begun to affect some ornamental plants by then);  
*the strict control of other organic pharmaceuticals (big profits that could be further taxed);  
*more people quitting smoking as the cost of tobacco skyrocketed (local, state and federal taxes on stateside production sent most tobacco overseas as people picked up the habit of smoking – including children - to curb their hunger);  
*decrease in liquor production which increased price which lowered access and use for some populations as fields were converted away from non-necessity grain production to exportable food production (which increased taxes on profits);  
*a sharp fall in the unemployment rosters as federal mandates moved many of unemployed into agricultural jobs on federally subsidized corporate farms (in turn pushing a lot of the migrants – both legal and illegal – to return to their countries of origin both with and without their anchor babies).

Yep, my thirteenth birthday seems like a real gift … fun, food, and family in a happy atmosphere. It seemed like the whole country was celebrating my birthday even though intellectually I knew that couldn't be true. My thirteenth birthday also marked the beginning of the end of my innocence.

A month after that Independence Day the disease was found in Venezuela, Cuba, Guatemala and southern Mexico. How it entered those countries was never proven but the most likely scenario had it coming from Russian contacts and then transferred further by migrants searching for food and work.

Surprisingly, or not surprisingly if you had been reading between the lines like my father and a few of his contacts had, Chinese troops suddenly appeared on the US side of our southern border to "help" protect what appeared to be the last uninfected soil in the world. Canada got her fair share of "help" from some of her over enthusiastic allies as well. Mexico was ignored and allowed to burn. Life on this continent got very interesting very quickly.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

My father wasn't a seer or prophet or anything like that but he did have a boatload of commonsense. He also had a different way of looking at things. For instance, his two favorite stories was the parable of the ant and the grasshopper and the story of Joseph from the Bible. He believed things were preordained yet that God gave us a great deal of control if we paid attention and did our best.

I suppose some people would have called him a survivalist but not the weird, anti-social, freaky kind. He wasn't shy about telling people his beliefs when he was younger, at least according to Momma, but by the time I was old enough to notice he'd changed as a result of how people reacted to what they thought they knew about him. He didn't like being laughed or ridiculed anymore than the next person. People would tell him he watched too many disaster movies or read too much science fiction. Something I remember him saying a lot when I was a kid was, "Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists?" He said it was a quote but I never learned by whom.

When I was little Dad moved our family out of the city where we lived, where he'd met Momma, and into a house outside the rural community where he had grown up in. It was a nice little house, nothing spectacular, but something he got at a really good price because real estate prices had fallen dramatically during that time. It had three bedrooms, two bathrooms, an attic, a basement, and a large kitchen where I grew up helping my mother preserve the food from our family-sized garden, the fruit orchard, and the field crops Dad grew when he wasn't operating his forge and welding equipment.

Dad would give a tenth of his field crops to the local community pantry, sell half of what was left to cover taxes and insurance and then told every all of the remaining grain was used as animal feed. However, that wasn't true in the strictest sense. Although I suppose the argument about people being animals is supported by the way a lot of them act.

One of the main reasons Dad and Momma picked the particular location that they did was because it backed up to some public lands my dad was very familiar with. As a boy, Dad had traipsed all through the area and had run across an ancient sink hole right outside the public lands.

One day Dad swiped a watermelon from the farmer's field that owned the land that the sink hole was on and he put it to cool in the spring that ran right beside the sink. As boys sometimes do he wasn't paying enough attention to what he was doing and his brand new canteen that he'd just gotten for his birthday began to float away and then slide down into the sink. Dad climbed down into the sink, foolish and dangerous though it was considering all of the junk that people had thrown down in it like old cars, refrigerators, etc. On his way down he fell through a curtain of kudzu and discovered a crevice in the granite landscape that turned out to be a full blown cave.

The cave turned into his home away from home; a place where he could escape the drama of a father who drank, an older brother who soon did the same, divorce, remarriage, the death of his biological father and then the death of his stepfather. Then Dad started dating and the cave was less important than his need for a car. The cave didn't stand a chance against the need to work and his new interest in girls.

After graduation Dad had to move to find a job. A good man decided to take a chance on the nearly homeless young man and hired him and Dad discovered he was pretty good at fixing things, especially metal things. After discovering what he was good at Dad discovered the boss' daughter. Granddaddy was a good man but a stickler; if Dad wanted to see Momma he would have to come to church with them. Dad never could decide what was kinder, Granddaddy giving him a chance at a job or Granddaddy introducing him to a life so different from the one he grew up in. Dad and Momma married right after she graduated highschool and they had a pretty old-fashioned relationship which mirrored Momma's parents.

Things were going well and soon I came along followed four years later by my brother. Then Momma's mother died unexpectedly of cancer after only a very short illness followed by Granddaddy a year later of a heart attack. That's when things got difficult.

Momma inherited her father's share of the business but her uncles tried to force her out. They started by trying to fire Dad but then had to take that back when a lot of the customers found out and wouldn't do business with them over it. Then they tried to make it seem like Granddaddy owed the business a lot of money which records show that he did not. Dad finally had to get a lawyer involved and the judge told her uncles to either knock it off and buy her out in an equal share or he'd dissolve the partnership and liquidate the business and distribute her share that way. Right when all of that was being settled Dad's mom died.

To put it bluntly the "ties that bind" broke. No one in Momma's family was speaking to us so Dad just decided to move us back to where he grew up and start his own business. Dad's siblings agreed to let us live in my grandmother's house rent free so long as Dad fixed it up so that it could be sold. This gave Dad and Momma time to look for their dream home. Dad remembered the cave and providentially the land that the cave was hidden on was up for sale. Dad now had two houses that he had to work on but just as soon as the house outside of town was liveable we moved into it and the house in town was sold at auction. The proceeds were split between Dad and his siblings and everyone went their separate ways except for the yearly Christmas card.

Dad had learned things growing up about being self sufficient and he helped Momma to deal with her own family turning on her and her unexpected loneliness because of it. I started school that year so I think that is why it appeared that she lavished an unusual bit of attention on my brother. Of course my brother needed the attention.

The older my brother got the more apparent it became that he was … different. In school they used to call it exceptional. To me he was just my little brother. To the pediatrician he was autistic. He was what they called "very high functioning." Some people didn't even notice, but he definitely had his own way of doing things and sometimes people just didn't get that. He was very smart and there wasn't a lot about a computer or electronic gizmo that he could figure out by osmosis. He had some issues … no tags in his clothing, no polyester at all, Dad was the only one allowed to cut his hair, he hated socks and mittens, and he could only handle certain foods if he was allowed to eat them from a different dish separate from everything else on his plate. But none of that was insurmountable.

Where my brother had the greatest deficit was in his social interactions. When he was real little he would do stuff just to see what the reaction would be but then he would fall into a loop and do the same action/reaction activity over and over and over again, almost like a compulsion. He outgrew that for the most part but objects were a lot easier for him to deal with than people. He was really sweet and nice 99.9% of the time but when he flipped that .1% seemed to overshadow everything else. He also had a very difficult time recognizing facial and voice clues.

He was also the most literal person I've ever met in my life. The only joke he really understood were the really old ones like "Why did the chicken cross the road?" He didn't get sarcasm, cynicism, or any of the subtle emotions. That was a huge block that many people couldn't get passed but for those that were able to, my brother was a really neat kid to know.

This as much as my father's own background growing up meant that our family tended to keep to ourselves. I mean we weren't hermits – we attended a medium sized church, went to the fair, and stuff like that – we just were more thoughtful and careful about where we went, what we did, and more aware of things for my brother's sake.

The doctors said that it was a strong possibility that my brother would be able to lead a "normal" life and maybe even have a family of his own; he'd just be a late bloomer when his brain got around to hardwiring itself. On the other hand my Dad liked to plan for just in case.

As I said, my Dad had learned things growing up about being self sufficient. He learned more from my Granddaddy and yet more from the circumstances of his death. He vowed he'd never worry again about how he'd feed his family or where'd they lay their heads at night. He also wanted to make sure that my brother was always taken care of just on the off chance the doctors were wrong.

The cave and what it had meant to him as a boy symbolized how he felt as a man. It was an open secret under our roof. It was a closely guarded one otherwise and even my brother understood that.

Dad cleaned out the sink that most had just considered another gully out in the woods that they could use like a dump, only without the environmental rules. Then he cleaned the cave out, even more challenging in its own way given its location and that he was trying to keep it hidden at the same time. When he cleaned the cave he found it stretched further back than he had realized. After that the cave went from being a storm shelter of sorts to being a storehouse slash hidden cabin.

To further disguise the location he ran thick cables across the opening of the sink like a spider web and then let grape vines grow along the cables. This was stealthy and productive as Momma said the grapes that grew there were some of the best she'd ever eaten or canned with. Dad's friends said that he made some of the best homemade wine they'd ever had the pleasure of drinking.

Dad was smart. He knew that most people resented other folks who had something they didn't so he his most of what he did in plain sight. Under the guise of creating streams of income he would make trips to the closest big city and make bulk purchases of barrels. Some of the barrels used to hold things like pickles, banana peppers, soda syrup, sorghum and stuff like that; but by the time they got to us they just stank and it was one of my chores to clean them out since my brother tended to heave at the worst moments.

Many of these barrels he would turn into compost tumblers or rain barrels to sell at flea markets and craft fairs. Some of them however he used to hold bulk grains like wheat, rye, and corn that he grew in our fields. He would also collect metal drums, some of which he would turn into smokers and BBQ grills to sell, but others he used to make things to outfit the cave like a rustic cabin.

Dad also had a thing for alternate energy. He'd gotten bit by the bug after one summer storm where they lost the power lines to the house and subsequently lost everything in one of the freezer that was kept on the back porch when Momma couldn't get everything canned or salted in time to save it.

Dad didn't like generators. They were too noisy and temperamental and they used fuel that he worried he wouldn't have enough of. Generators also drew people. And if he'd needed any other reason, the noise generators made was one of the few things that really set my brother off into the stratosphere.

Instead we went solar for most everything and wind for things like the cattle watering trough. There was an externally vented room down in the basement that was used to hold a whole bank of batteries for the lights in the barn and house and the surge capacity when the electric lines went down completely, a frequent occurrence in the country. Even the cave got solar power though nothing as nice as the house. The house PV panels were on the back of the roof and most people thought they just helped with the hot water bill. The PV panels for the cave were disguised so that even the few stray forestry personnel that occasionally wandered across the BLM boundary didn't realize they weren't government property or some sort of testing station.

The September after I turned thirteen, right as school was starting, Dad set my brother and I down and explained that our cousin Jeff was coming to live with us. He was the only child of Dad's brother who had been killed when the designated driver turned out to be as high as his friends were drunk. I'd grown up hearing how wild my uncle was which didn't leave me too confident of the sudden change but Jeff turned out to be very cool.

Jeff was seventeen and only waiting until he could get his highschool diploma to join the military. He was a big help to my dad and even made my own school life easier once the bullies found out I had someone on my side that wasn't shy about knocking the heads of guys that picked on girls and little kids (my brother). I enjoyed having a "big brother" instead of having to be the oldest one for a change.

Jeff melded into our family surprisingly well all things considered. He filled a spot in my life I hadn't even realized existed. Even though things were getting more difficult economically it felt that our family life was actually getting better.

Thanksgiving and Christmas came and went. They were a slim celebration if judged by the amount of money spent but in other aspects they were rich beyond measure. We celebrated bumper harvests in the field crops – potato, corn, tomatoes, soybeans, and the winter wheat was looking really good. Daddy had planted enough tobacco to sell for "medicinal" purposes without getting into trouble and he socked it all into stuff for the cave. He had planned to use it to top off our supply of junk silver but the government had changed their rules yet again to make it so that ANY precious metal purchase , not just so much for the year, had to be reported to the IRS.

That forced a change in my Dad's financial prepping. So did the fact that Momma had to close her roadside fruit and vegetable stand when the government stopped issuing seasonal licensing for that type of small business. We weren't the only ones hurting from the new rules. A lot of people were calling it a disaster, even more was saying that the worst hadn't even started happening yet.

I remember Dad and some of his friends sitting around discussing whether the disaster they saw coming would happen slowly or quickly and without warning. One man was thoroughly convinced that it would be both; that we had already experienced the slow build and set up for the inevitable, that it was only a matter of time before the tipping point was reached. Things would go into free fall with little to no warning at that point, the pot would boil over, and all of the rules of modern civilization that we lived by would get chucked out the window like the proverbial baby with the bath water.

For whatever reason Dad held firm to his belief in the continuing slow build scenario, that our family would meet the challenges as they presented themselves and that no matter how bad things got hard work, perseverance, and faith would get us through. And it might have if we had been left alone.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The agricultural permit, necessary by Congressional mandate, became even more onerous than it had been. The single inspector going address to address to check for compliance became a full-blown inspection team. The extension office employee took samples in the field, orchard, and kitchen garden. There were the surveyors that double checked field size against harvest claims. There was the specialist who dictated – it was no longer simply a recommendation - what crops could be grown where and by what method using which seed stock. There was the Assessor making sure that all was in compliance and that no potential income was being hidden from the taxing authorities. There was the clerk sent to document every inspection through photographs and endless paperwork. For some reason there was even a social worker who wanted to know all the stuff that wasn't the government's business about our family so that they could "help citizens through these tough times." Overseeing all of the other personnel was the lead federal agent who made sure all of the i's were dotted and the t's were crossed. The last members of the group were the armed guards that protected the poor ol' civil servants who were just doing their jobs.

The first time they switched from a single inspector to the team approach my dad's blood pressure when sky high. They were nosing into things they had no business nosing into, especially the social worker who demanded to inspect our house even though she had no legal right to do so. They backed down from that one but not until Dad called a buddy from highschool that worked at the local radio station as a news anchor. They did however promise to get a court order and do a pop inspection at their leisure and timing.

Dad took their "pop inspection" threat seriously and by the time they got back around to him we were ready with all of our account books in order – the "other set" - and most everything of real value hidden in the cave. Since they'd never made it into the house they didn't know what had been there and what hadn't. They also didn't know that dad had built a henhouse on one of the ledges down in the sink and had trained some of the chickens to consider it home. When one of the inspectors remarked that there were fewer chickens Dad just said, "Times are tough as you know. We don't have the crops to feed the animals so we fed the animals to ourselves. Same with the hogs you said are missing."

In reality the hogs weren't missing, the hams and shoulders were curing in the cave and the rest of the parts had either been rendered into lard or canned for later use. In a sense it was the truth, we didn't have the feed to really take care of the animals we had. Dad had butchered two of our three cows before the first team inspection and didn't that burn the biscuits of the tax man when he couldn't prove that we had sold any of the meat.

Of course the inspectors didn't like feeling that someone had pulled a fast one. Dad said at the dinner table that night he didn't care what they liked or didn't, he was tired of feeling like a powerless serf to our Chinese overlords. Turns out he really wasn't that far off the mark.

Because too many people were "gaming the system" even more draconian rules were put into effect. If it was found you had more than your "fair share" or that you were "hording" any given resource (using their definition which fell far from the mark of commonsense) you were re-inspected and your parameters and allowances were changed; said resources could also be seized in lieu of a fine if they so chose. This created a lot of chaos and confusion, especially as people were trying to plan the spring planting season and survive the ever increasing costs at the grocery store.

Additionally, large fines could be levied if they found you hadn't bought the right kind of permit or had claimed to have harvested one variety when in reality it was something else, even if it was from accidental cross pollination with a neighboring farm. You couldn't get permits for varieties that weren't GMO'd against Heart Rot, which was what the mainstream media had started calling the plant disease.

All of the upheaval of the chaos and confusion inevitably led to what you would expect. Rather than creating a strong and bio-diverse agricultural environment that could withstand the disease's encroachment, it led to a weak environment ripe for severe contamination.

The first cases of Heart Rot in the US appeared in the citrus crops of Florida and California right after Christmas. At first people thought it was a citrus canker causing the fruit to fall and rot before it was ready for harvest. That was the official party line for a while anyway. Then came the destruction of the strawberry crops in and around Plant City, FL where the fruit appeared to rot overnight en masse. The blooms that remained turned out to be sterile.

As soon as Dad heard about the citrus blight he ramrodded us all into helping finish the grow rooms he was building in the deepest recesses of the cave. This necessitated increasing the solar capacity over there but the only way to do that was to take it away from the house and barn. The light came from grow lights he'd "confiscated" from some rental houses that he'd helped to rehab.

He and Momma had been making their own compost for years so the "dirt" they used to put into the grow rooms was sterile and ready. The water for the grow rooms' drip irrigation system came from the spring. Dad had hidden the spring with natural stone and then piped some of the water so that it went through several filters (again scavenged and rehabbed from abandoned houses) before it was allowed to enter the cave or the animal enclosure as an automatic watering trough. The remainder of the run off was rerouted so that it flowed into an existing stream that disappeared into the BLM acreage.

It was a sweet set up once you got passed the fact that it was what amounted to a hole in the ground. It wasn't perfect, no natural lighting for one. There were lots of LED solar lights and "torches" that could be used but the conduit that the wiring ran through wasn't real attractive. Also to help with the lighting problems Dad used Momma's idea of placing mirrors in certain locations in each room so that what light there was magnified by reflection.

The floor was uneven in places and we had to build platforms for some of the furniture to sit on or it would rock if not outright fall over at the least provocation. The further back in the cave you went you ran into some really cold spots where the temperature hovered in the low 40s. This also made it so that the grow rooms' temperature had to be monitored. Some of the really warm weather crops had to have off and on year around heating but it was great for cold weather crops like some leafy greens.

Back near the grow rooms there was a little bit of trouble with trapped moisture but Dad fixed that using dehumidifiers and fans and a couple of weather-proof doors to close off the grow rooms from the rest of the cave system. He also built an entry room where people could clean up before entering the cave. This was originally to create security for the cave and to keep the weather out, but it was also useful for keeping any contamination out so that we could make the best effort to make sure our seed stock of heirloom varieties remained safe and so that we could have some fresh food to go with all of the dried and canned food that was stored in bulk for our family's use.

Then the winter wheat crop totally failed to make seed heads, not just ours but everywhere in this country, and the panic that the rest of the world was experiencing was finally felt in our own living rooms.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The next day Dad moved our beehives out near the sink where it was warmest despite it being the wrong time of year to do it. When I asked him why he said, "It is important for the bees to survive Dacey. We don't know how long Heart Rot is going to be a problem. So far it hasn't stopped pollen from being produced, it has just caused the plants that are producing the pollen to be sterile or for any resulting fruit from non-sterile pollen to rot and before it is edible by humans."

"Then why be worried for the bees? It sounds like they'll have enough to eat even if we don't," I asked still not quite understanding.

Dad for all his gruffness and high stress levels always was pretty patient with Daniel and I, even when the questions might have seemed senseless to him. "Dacey, you see that people are burning any plant or tree they consider to be contaminated as they try and stop the spread of Heart Rot. And they aren't going to go to the effort of planting flowering crops if they aren't going to produce anything for humans to eat. If all the plants and trees are destroyed or disappear then the bees won't have any pollen to collect and eat. They'll starve even quicker than humans will. People will also destroy beehives trying to get to food once they become desperate if not before. I've seeded over this area in wild, hardy grasses trying to hide our tracks and the BLM acreage with all of its diversity will hopefully give our bees a chance. I also wish I could find a way to bring a hive in and out of the cave to use in the grow rooms to help pollinate the plants in there but I don't know if it is worth the risk; they might just as easily bring Heart Rot in with them."

I must have still looked confused because Dad added, "Look at it this way Dacey, it is just another piece of just-in-case planning for the future. We need the bees for the future if and when Heart Rot goes away. Just like the seeds we are using in the grow rooms, if we don't take care of them now we won't have them for later. To be honest I don't know for sure if what I'm doing is going to help but it can't hurt; and it is free and easy enough for me to do and as a personal bonus in my opinion it will irritate those feds to no end and get a little of our own back."

I wasn't stupid but I was only thirteen and the reasoning skills my father used were those of a mature and thoughtful adult; I was still just a kid. Only a few days later the final nail in the coffin of my childhood would be pounded in with a vengeance.

Dad said he had an itchy feeling in his bones so we spent the next two days moving the remainder of almost everything we owned to the cave; only a few bare necessities remained in the house . Momma thought he was over reacting but she was never one to argue or get in his way when he was in a certain kind of mood. He'd heard from one of his friends in another state that there was a rumor that Peacekeeping Troops from the UN had been deployed on US soil and were coming into conflict with the Chinese troops already here with regard to the existing food supplies. The rumor had it that the resulting conflicts were being suppressed in the media because some US citizens had been killed when they got caught in the middle.

We were sitting down to breakfast the next day, my brother and I barely awake even though we were late getting ready for school, when suddenly the kitchen door was kicked in.

"Down! Everyone down on the ground!"

"What the Sam Hill?! Clyde what is going on?!" Dad yelled at the town deputy that we all recognized from church.

"You have to listen to me John. Get down and do what you're told. This isn't our call. I can't stop this … already tried. The only thing we've managed to do was for them to let us go in first to try and avoid any more trouble than what is already coming." Deputy Clyde Baker was clearly upset though trying not to show it. This man coached my softball team. I went to school with his daughter. All I could do was look at him but he turned away refusing to meet my eyes.

We were then ordered out of the house and told to sit down under the tree. Dad and Jeff sat on either end of the family with me beside Jeff, Momma beside Dad and Daniel between us. Daniel was very agitated. The sudden intrusion into our normal morning routine and all the noise had him visibly upset bordering on out of control. Momma had her arm around him on her side and I was holding his hand on mine, trying to help him the only way possible.

Men in fatigues with blue berets and blue ascots were in our barn and kicking in doors all over the house even though there was no reason for them to; nothing was locked. We could hear crashes and bangs from inside both buildings. I looked over to my Dad who looked ready to blow. I went to move in his direction but was stopped when Jeff leaned against me forcing me back against the hickory tree we were sitting under. When I looked at him he had a forbidding look on his face that said, "Mind your p's and q's and don't move."

I went back to watching these people, both men and women, do their best to try and destroy our neat little house. Suddenly a window broke upstairs. It was my brother's bedroom window and that set Daniel rocking back and forth real fast. This was the sign we had all come to know and dread as it was usually the last stage before he completely lost it.

Looking back I know it happened in seconds but even now looking back on it everything appeared to be happen in slow motion so that every action was starkly outlined. My brother stopped rocking and got all stiff; then he catapulted to his feet as if he could no longer contain the anxious energy that had piled up inside him. He wrenched away from both Momma and I in the process. On sensing the commotion behind him, one of the men in the blue berets turned around and brutally swung the butt of his rifle and hit Daniel with it sending him to his knees. Momma screamed and stood up to go to Daniel as he toppled over but another one of the blue berets, not seeing my brother on the ground, thought she was going after his comrade. He raised his rifle, aimed, and shot her. My Dad had come up at the same time. I can still see the shock on his face as he looked at Momma and then the madness that entered his eyes as he turned on the shooter only to be shot by the first blue beret who recognized the deadly threat my father, even unarmed, posed.

The local law enforcement officers ran to try and control the situation but it was too late. Jeff was just able to grabbed Daniel's foot and drag him back while at the same time throwing himself over the top of both of us, putting himself between us and the resulting gun fire.

When all the noise stopped, Deputy Baker had been shot in the arm and another deputy I didn't know was dead of a gunshot wound to the chest. Daniel's face was a bloody mess but he was alive, just unconscious. Jeff had a burn across his back from a stray bullet. And both my parents were dead.

The only clear and certain memory I have of the next couple of hours was after they loaded us into the back of a van. I looked at all the locals that had gathered and said, "You remember this. You remember it real good. And you remember who the traitors are too. Because next time it just might be your family." I would have said more but Jeff pushed me into the van and sat me beside Daniel who was in a catatonic state of shock.

After they closed the doors and walked away Jeff sat down beside me and said, "Dacey … I'm sorry. But don't go making things worse right now. Not until we know for sure what is going on and who is in charge."

We weren't in the van long before it started up. The van's driver turned out to be my old bus driver before he retired. "I don't want to hear a thing from you three kids. You've already caused enough trouble for everyone. It's your own fault things turned out the way they did."

Jeff looked like he was thinking about going through the wire mesh that separated the cargo area from the front of the van until a ferrety looking guy climbed into the passenger side got in and said, "Shut up Farrell. The girl has it right. You could be next, any of us could. This situation is FUBAR in the extreme. What the ! #$ are we doing anyway?!"

Mr. Farrell said, "I'll tell you what we are doing. We are doing just like we are told. We take these kids to the drop off point. It will be an example to everyone else and the situation will calm down and blow over then things can get back to normal."

The ferrety guy just looked at Mr. Farrell hard and then said, "You can't be that dumb. This isn't blowing over any time soon. Matter of fact this is just the first of many raids if what I saw on that Fed's clip board is true. And just in case you start wondering … yeah, you and your brother's name is on that list. Looks like your farm is about to be taken over."

"No. You're mistaken. They said so long as we cooperated we'd be safe."

Ferrety guy just shook his head before saying, "Maybe you are that stupid. People lie … these type of people lie even more. All they want is for you to stay calm until they get around to gutting you like everyone else."

"Shut up! You're the one who is stupid and lying."

The Ferrety guy just laughed, but not in a funny ha-ha kind of way. Jeff and I were taking care of Daniel but we were also looking at each other silently wondering just what the adults were talking about. We found out twenty minutes later what the drop off point was.

A bus was waiting that was half full of other kids who looked just as shell shocked as we did.

Mr. Ferrell looked at the ferrety-guy and said, "See, they are sending these children to school where they belong and where they'll get help."

Just then a soldier in a blue helmet stepped from behind the bus and said in a foreign accent. "No. These are children destined for the re-education camps. Their parents have lost custody due to being militant protectionists and refusing to comply with UN resolution Feed the World.

"But … but … that's …"

"I would be very careful of your words sir. Your President will be explaining everything tonight in a televised broadcast with the help of the new UN Advisor that has been assigned to the US."

The ferrety guy asked, "Assigned? By who?"

"The UN of course which in essence means the rest of the world. The US cannot be allowed to continue down its current path. It is unfair to everyone else. The US has always been too rich and too powerful. Now it is not being charitable enough. The rest of the world has empowered the UN to correct the situation. To be fair everyone must be equal in this battle for our lives."

We didn't hear anything else as we were forced onto the bus but the two men from the van looked like they were so scared they were about to puke their breakfast. Then the guy in the blue helmet got on the unnaturally quiet bus with us and said, "I have already explained this several times but for your new ones I will do so again. You are being taken to a facility where you will be taken care of so there is no reason to be worried or afraid. We will not hurt you … not if you follow the rules. You may speak quietly amongst yourselves. However if you become … annoying … the rules will change and punishment will be swift and harsh as an example to the others."

Jeff helped me to position Daniel in a seat so that he wouldn't fall out and while Jeff lay his jacket across Daniel to keep him from getting chilled, I stuck my jacket by his head like a pillow to keep him from banging into the bus window.

"You OK for now?" Jeff asked in a whisper. At my silent question to his question he said, "I know some of those guys over there from school. I'm going to try and find out what is going on."

I nodded my head.

"Dacey …" Jeff started.

"Go. I'll watch Daniel. Just … just come back when you find out anything."

Jeff paused again and then nodded and slowly and carefully made his way over to where a few older kids were sitting together. I was wiping some more blood off of my brother's face when I felt a tape on my shoulder.

When I turned I saw a woman with a blue ascot around her neck and a symbol on her pocket that stood for the International Red Cross.

"Sprechen Sie Deutsches?" I shook my head no.

"Vous parlez français?" I shook my head no.

"Parlate italiano?" I gave her a confused look.

Then she asked, "Você fala o português? O habla español?"

My eyebrows went up as I figured out what she was trying to do. "That last one. I speak a little Spanish. Uh, Hablo un poco español," I said as I see-sawed my flat hand from side to side in the international hand signal for "sorta kinda." I know I still sounded like a gringa because my Foreign Language teacher used to laugh and say, "They can take the girl out of the country but we've yet to figure out how to get the country out of the girl." I don't think she meant to be mean because she was laughing and trying to be kind and make me comfortable instead of fearful of my oral language exam but it still hurt my feelings a little bit. I knew all of the vocabulary, it just didn't sound like I did when I strung them together in a sentence.

But even if I had slaughtered the pronunciation the woman seemed very pleased and signaled for another woman to come over. They spoke together so fast I didn't figure out what language it was in but it wasn't the German, French or Italian they'd asked me if I spoke. I glanced over at Jeff and he gave me a quick nod and a wink to show he was watching and to go ahead.

It seemed to take forever but basically the two women wanted to know who Daniel was and what had happened to him. I explained and their face got … got blank. That is the only way I can explain it. I couldn't tell if they approved of what happened, disapproved, thought it was my fault or just what. All I know is that they stopped being a real kind of nice and changed to being fake nice, gave me what I needed to clean Daniel up and do a little bit of patching up and then got good and away from me and the other kids.

I turned back and did what I could for Daniel and then smiled to myself as I heard the bus driver curse … or at least it sounded like a curse since whatever he said wasn't in English. He was obviously lost as we'd stopped at a dead end. I knew where we were. It was an old forestry road that dead ended at a spring that the locals called Nature's Classroom because an old one-room schoolhouse used to be located nearby.

The adults apparently weren't prepared to ask any of us local kids for help and stepped outside to argue with themselves and to use a funny looking field radio. Then they argued some more giving me time to remember exactly why I was in the bus to begin with. I looked over at Jeff who then made a move like he was going to come back over to us only his friend put his hand on his shoulder and nodded toward an armed soldier that had gotten on the bus with his rifle out.

After the soldier walked back off of the bus I turned to Daniel only to feel another tap. I thought those Red Cross women had come back but when I turned it was an older girl. "Jeff said to try and not think about it right now."

I looked at her and then remembered, "You're … you're Charlene's sister."

"Half sister. My name's Monica. It would be my luck they would hit Dad's place on my week with him."

"Are your parents dead too? What about Charlene? And your brothers?"

"No," she said quietly. "No but Dad did get beat up pretty bad and he and my stepmom were sitting in handcuffs last time I saw them. I don't know where Jackson is, he left to go back to our mom's when Dad wouldn't co-sign his student loan papers. Duncan is in the back of the bus with Charlene trying to keep her from having a fit of the vapors and causing everyone trouble."

I couldn't help it. Something my Dad used to say came tumbling out of my mouth. "Good luck with that. Better sign him up for hazardous duty pay."

Monica put her mouth on the forearm she had across the back of the seat between us. I thought I'd hurt her feelings until I saw her eyes. She was trying not to laugh. "Jeff has you pegged all right," was all she said for awhile while we both looked out the window at the arguing soldiers while we tried not to look like we were looking out the window.

Then she asked, "What did those women want anyway?"

"I think they are from the Red Cross, at least I think that is what that red cross and red crescent stand for on their badges."

Monica got real serious, "You said there was a red cross and a red crescent on their badge?"

"Yeah, like a red crescent moon beside the red cross you see on those trucks that go to disaster areas. Why?"

"The Red Crescent doesn't have any business being around here. The American Red Cross should be fulfilling those duties."

I looked at the girl who suddenly sounded a whole lot like a teacher. She blushed a little. "Sorry, don't mind me. When I get nervous I start using long words. It's just my Mom is a Red Cross volunteer, there is no reason for the Red Crescent to be in this country."

I just shrugged my shoulders and said, "Well, that's what I saw."

"Huh? Oh … I believe you it's just that it's weird. Look, I'm going to get back over there and tell the guys what you said. OK?"

I shrugged my shoulders again. It wasn't until Jeff came to live with us that I'd ever had much to do with the older kids and even then I still didn't have much to do with them. They were at the highschool and I was at the middle school; it was like some unwritten rule that we didn't speak to each other anymore than necessary.

Daniel was in rough shape. It always took a while for him to come around after he'd had one of his outbursts, it like used up a lot of his energy or something, but the way he was acting was something different than I'd ever seen. He was "gone away" much further than I could ever remember seeing him. The fact that he didn't even notice that his hands were covered up seemed to put an exclamation point on it.

Eventually the soldiers and driver returned to the bus looking like they hadn't just been about to kill each other, got us turned around, and eventually picked up the highway and headed the long way around town to what turned out to be the old fairgrounds before they built the new ones where they could have drag race and tractor pull. In place of the overgrown grass and broken concrete that used to be all that marked the area, there were tall fences and large portable buildings arranged beyond the old parking lot.

The soldier with the funny accent addressed us again. "You will stand up. You will file off of this bus. You will stand where you are told to stand. You will do so quickly and quietly." The silent "or else" hung in the air like the threat it was.

It didn't take long for us to get off, the bus had only been half full. They started by separating us into two groups; male and female. I momentarily panicked until Jeff looked at me sharply and took Daniel with him. He mouthed only one word … "behave" … before giving me a brief wink and thumbs up.

My panic returned when I found myself in a large tent where we were further separated into age groups. The woman from the bus came over and looked at with a brief smile … a real one this time and not the fake one she had used on the bus … and said, "No se preocupe. Tomarán su hermano cuidado de. Prometo."

Yeah, right. She could say that Daniel would be taken care of, she could even promise, but the fact that she told me not to worry actually caused me to worry even more.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The remainder of that day was used for "processing." We were checked from stem to stern like we were animals being prepared for a 4H show and auction. It was worse than the sports physical I had been forced to get the previous season so that I could play softball.

At first all of us girls kind of went along with it because it was all women doing the inspecting; at least until we saw some of the older girls crying as they came out of another building down the line. Some of those girls looked mad at the same time. When that happened the rumors started flying and everyone got scared and some of the younger girls started crying.

I thought no way are they going to touch me if that was what they planned on doing. I was young and dumb but not that young and not that dumb. I was also a product of the public school system so by the time Momma got around to giving me "the talk" I knew a lot she didn't realize I did. She sat me down and explained things back when I had started my monthlies and started developing but it was kind of like shutting the barn door after the cows got out. I thought it was sweet and didn't have the heart to tell her that I knew most of what she was telling me already. And let's face it, I was raised on a farm too so it isn't exactly like I was blind to how things worked and what went on. Momma … and Dad … just wanted to make sure that what I knew was real and true and that I didn't abuse the knowledge by acting stupid like some guys and girls tended to once they got to a certain age. No problem with that, I'd seen too many kids – and a few at our church – get stupid and I didn't plan on it … ever.

Thinking of Momma and Dad made me angry. I don't know what I would have done if I had been forced to go into that building that some of the other girls my age had already been in but it never came to that. The whole process got shut down as more and more girls started crying and getting hysterical. It drove the staff crazy and I loved it.

Oh, not that I enjoyed seeing the other kids cry and get upset. No, I didn't like that at all. That part just made me want to make more chaos. It was that something in me got a taste for causing the staff of the "re-education camp" heart burn just for the sake of messing with them. For the next two weeks I did everything I could to teach these interlopers that they were badly underestimating kids in general and me in particular. I was going to make sure that their belief that all American kids were just whimpy and frail couch potatoes really came back and bit them on the rear bumper. It wasn't always a big problem I caused, or a wide spread one, and it wasn't every day, but I did manage to get a few pretty good licks in without getting caught.

Aside from the small things such as slowing down the lines or making the staff think I was about half-baked and stupid which made them have to work harder, I did some real humdingers after dark. I snuck out the floor panel in the old portable I was assigned to sleep in and clogged up the main sewer line that was used by the staff commandant so that it backed up and created a huge stink … figuratively and literally. Since "campers" weren't allowed in the staff area guess who had to clean it up? And none of them seemed real happy about it.

I put clay dirt in the gas tanks of several of the camp vehicles and all of the buses that continued to bring new kids into the camp for processing. The dry, almost powdery, clay completely gunked up the inner workings of the engines and fuel injectors. There weren't enough mechanics or parts to fix the vehicles so they sat idle except for the one or two that I hadn't been able to get to.

The food that they fed us kids was mostly just rice or grains with a little flavoring mixed in. The camp staff was fed from a completely different storage locker. Whoever these people were, they weren't used to the abundant animal life you find in the backcountry. It was way too easy to create places that wild critters could climb in through. Between the mice, rats, raccoons, possums and assorted other varmints the staff food supply really fell in quality and quantity … something that really chapped the hindquarters of the commandant who got all over the adults that were supposed to keep a watch over such things.

I followed that nifty trick by stealing a small piece of raw meat from the kitchen and keeping it in a piece of plastic I found. The next time I was on kitchen duty – a couple of days later – I dumped it into the staff cooking pot … after everything had been cooked. So many of the camp staff got sick that they locked us all in our portables for two days because there weren't enough adults left to control us. Lucky for me they put it down to contamination by the animals in the other incident.

Every day I bided my time looking for the next opportunity. I never lost my zest for it either because of what they were forcing on us. When we weren't being worked like dogs digging holes only to fill them back in, moving stacks of cut wood back and forth to different piles, and that sort of idiotically mean make-work they were trying to indoctrinate us. We had to watch all of these DVDs over and over and over again – and take tests on them – showing how great the UN was, how bad the US government was, how selfish we were while so many other people around the world were suffering and dying, how it was our country's fault that the world's environment was in the shape it was in.

Obviously some of that stuff was true for some people but the way they told it was way turned inside out. I was only thirteen and even I understood what they were trying to do to us, but a lot of the younger kids and even some of the kids my own age seemed to be falling for it hook, line, and sinker. And the staff didn't seem to think they'd had a successful session with us unless at least a few kids had started crying; they really liked it when there were nightmares at night. They also woke us up early, kept us up late, kept us on short rations and in general did things that tried to cut us off from our previous lives and strip our relationships from us. What a bunch of sickos. I learned what hate really was in that camp.

I have to admit though, after two weeks of this even I wondered if I couldn't give in just a little to get some real food for a change. I know that if they had offered me a chance to see Daniel or Jeff I might have fallen for the temptation, but they never did. I almost asked why they didn't. We all saw that they did that for some of the kids as rewards for "good behavior." I should have asked. I might have at least been prepared for what happened.

It had been almost a week since my last "terrorist act." Someone was getting smart and the opportunities to bedevil the staff had completely dried up. I was getting desperate to burn off some of my anger by taking action and had planned to just sneak out just for the sake of being rebellious and if an opportunity presented itself then so be it. However I never got the chance.

The portable buildings didn't exactly have thick walls. You could hear everything that went on at night. I didn't really pay attention to the sounds of trucks at first because it wasn't the first time I'd heard them though it had been a few days … since I'd doctored their fuel tanks to be precise. But the sound of arguing that followed sure caught my attention. The staff always tried to show a wall of solidarity against us kids, it was one of the ways they controlled us; what I was hearing was on the opposite end from that.

I crept over to the clouded over Plexiglas window accidentally stepping on and waking up some of the other girls in my "cabin." It was so crowded in there that they had taken away our bed frames and we simply slept on wall-to-wall twin mattresses. It worked out to two or three girls per mattress if you did the math. I figured next they would have double deckered the room and we would have really been like sardines.

Our "cabin" was one of the closest to the staff area. I should have been able to understand what was going on … should have since we were that close, but I couldn't. Those of us who were interested listened at the window. It sounded like a bunch of hens going at it as they reworked who was at the bottom of the pecking order. It made no sense. It was like the staffers couldn't understand what the new group was saying to them and were fighting with them over something. Then there were loud pops, some screams and a bunch more noise.

Then there was another loud pop and the Plexiglas shattered right beside me and the girl that had been standing there suddenly had no face. Five seconds. It was like the air had escaped the room and you could have heard a pin drop … and then the screaming started; first in our cabin then in other ones as the pops were understood to be gun fire and panic set in.

I don't know who was the first one to leave our cabin since it wasn't me, but I wasn't the last one to get out of there. My only thought was that this was my chance to find Daniel and Jeff and I was going to take it. Adrenaline kept me moving even though I'd lost several pounds over the last couple of weeks between the change in diet and the extra work. I knew I wasn't the only one but when everyone looks like a scarecrow you don't really feel too bad about it; or maybe that was just me.

I got to the fence that enclosed the girls' compound. I had to get over the fence, through the staff area, and then over the fence into the boys' area before I could even start looking for my brother and cousin. I was at the fence and half way up it when I was joined by Monica, the girl I'd met on the bus.

"Good idea. Charlene and some of the other girls are hauling butt for Nature's Classroom. I'm going to make sure the guys know where to hook up at. You in?"

"As long as it gets me to Daniel and Jeff," I said back. Neither one of us quit climbing.

I started to go through the staff area but Monica pulled me back. "Not through, around. No sense in taking chances we don't need to."

We headed around at a run, keeping to the shadows as much as possible. I would have continued but Monica had to stop and catch her breath. "Look …," she stopped and coughed. "Look over there. There's a break in the boys' fence. Bet some of them are already out and on the run."

"So? I have to know for sure. I have to …"

An explosion lit the night and I was thrown to the ground as something charged into me.

As fire danced off to the left, I got a good shaking. "Dacey don't you ever stay in one spot?!" It was Jeff.

After giving him a brief, hard hug I demanded, "Where's Daniel?"

"Over in the bushes. You are going to have to help me with him. He's in bad shape."

Monica interrupted. "We are supposed to hook up at Nature's Classroom."

Jeff glared at her. "Are you crazy?! Right out in the open like that?! As soon as whatever this is settles down they'll be all over this place with their vehicles …." He stopped when I started I coughed to cover an hysterical laugh. "What? Oh no. Dacey … what did you do?" he asked extremely irritated.

I shook my head. "You don't want to know. Just trust me, there is a good reason none of the buses and few of the other vehicles have been moving very much," I added passed more inappropriate giggles that wanted to escape.

Jeff rolled his eyes and then pulled me as we ran to where Daniel was hidden. When Jeff pulled back the branches that he'd used to hide Daniel I was shocked, scared, and then furious. "What did they do to him?!"

"I'll explain everything when it's safe and we have a place to hole up."

Monica said, "We do have a place to go. I told you …"

"And I told you. If you want to go then go. They brought Jackson in. We were in the same tent. He'll probably …"

"Hey Dude, pick someone else's name to take in vain." A skinny blonde guy a little older than Jeff stumbled up.

"Jackson!" Monica gave him a duplicate of the quick, hard hug I had give to Jeff.

Jackson and Jeff looked at each other. It was like looking at a couple of dogs trying to decide if they were going to be friends or not. Geez, boys, you know? "Will you two stop being such guys?! Jeff, are we going to the spring or not?"

"Not," he replied to my question while he moved in front of me. Turning to Jackson he said, "You do watcha gotta for your family. I wouldn't hang at the spring for long though, not any longer than it takes you to get them all together and keep moving."

Thinking for a second I said, "Jeff …"

"Enough Dacey." His mouth was saying one thing but his eyes were adding a whole bunch to it that only I could read.

"Sure. Whatever," I answered understanding that he didn't want me saying anything else.

As the gunfire and shouting spread through the whole camp Jackson and Monica went their way and Jeff and I took Daniel and headed another.

"Jeff, why did you …"

"Later Dacey. Save your breath. Daniel is only nine but he is still going to get heavy before we get where we are far enough away that we can take a rest."

He was right. We had to keep stopping every so often so that we could get our bearings. Finally, as the sky lightened Jeff took us deep into the woods off the county road we were following, and under a big cedar tree whose limbs folded down to the ground. We crawled under the branches and pushed the leaves around so that we could sit without worrying too much about getting chiggers on our backsides. It was then that I got my first good look at Daniel.

"Jeff," I said softly as I tried to comb Daniel's matted hair down without pulling at the tangles. "What happened? What did they do to him?"

Jeff had just come back with a handful of fresh morels. "Here, just eat them slow. We can't be too far from water – smell it? But I can't risk hunting it down yet. And if those rain clouds do what I think they are going to do I might not need to. Try and keep Daniel as dry as you can."

"Jeff …," I said, repeating myself.

Jeff looked at me real sad and then straightened his back and put his "adult" face on. "They didn't really do anything to him Dacey … they just didn't do anything for him either."

It took me a second to process what he was saying. "They weren't mean to him? Are you sure? Look at him. He's bruised, dirty and he's even skinnier than we are."

"Dacey, you and I both know that Daniel has … issues. He had melt down after melt down. You didn't see him. I tried to tell them to go get you and he'd behave better but …" he shrugged. "I wound up in solitary for three days when I wouldn't let up. When I got out they'd just left him to wander around. Some of the other guys tried to take care of him but you know how he is. He wouldn't eat right. He wouldn't wash. The staff tried to put shoes and socks on him and keep him dressed against the cold and damp but he'd take everything back off and walk around without a shirt on or shoes and socks. The one concession they did make was that they let him come with me because his melt downs would scare the other little boys his age and disrupt things too much."

I just looked at my brother. "Oh Daniel." He didn't even react. "Jeff, if we can get to the cave …"

"Not if … when. We'll make it. We're more than half way there distance wise but from here on it gets rough because we have to cut across rather than go by the roads … too much chance of being seen otherwise. The cave is on the other side of the woodlot so I don't think theise foreigners would have bothered going back that far, they'd just assume it was only more forest back there. Besides they had enough to keep them busy at the house." He saw me wince and hunch my shoulders. "I'm sorry Dacey. But we have to be … realistic."

I nodded. "I know. I'm not a baby … or stupid." After a pause I asked, "What … what do you think … you know … what did they do with Dad and Momma?"

This time Jeff was the one that shrugged. "I don't know. I'm sure they did something. I don't think the locals that were with them would just … I'll look around once I make sure you and Daniel are safe."

"Wha …"

Jeff could see that I was about to ask more questions but he said, "Let's get some rest. I expect there is a real hornet's nest over all the kids who escaped. I'm must not sure how much effort they'll put into catching us all."

"What was all the squawking about anyway?" I asked as I tried to break one of the morels into small pieces and feed them to Daniel. He loved hunting the wild mushrooms with Momma in the spring; they were like treasure to him and were one of the few things he would eat without any reservation at all. I figured that was one of the reasons that Jeff had picked them.

"Didn't you see?"

I looked at him and said, "Would I have asked if I had?"

Jeff thumped me with his hat like the older cousin he was. "Smart aleck. Some Asian looking dudes … I think they were Chinese … showed up and got in the face of the blue hats who I think are UN Peacekeepers. They rumbled over whose turf it was."

"Rumbled? Seriously?! Who do they think they are? The Bloods and the Crips?"

Getting serious Jeff said, "Things are going to get even crazier Dacey. I need to get you and Daniel to the cave so that I can …" He looked at me, suddenly uncomfortable.

"So that you can what?" I asked already knowing the answer. It was only his obsession and only reason for staying in school.

"Dacey, I can't just sit back and do nothing. You know I was only waiting until I got my highschool diploma."

"Yeah, and you still don't have it."

"And probably won't ever get it the way things look."

"Jeff …"

"Dacey …"

Daniel whimpered and we both stopped and looked down at him. Jeff said, "I'll get you two settled. I'll … I'll hang around long enough to make sure that you two can make it OK at the cave. Then …"

"What if it is everywhere Jeff? What if it is everyone, including the military? What are you going to join up with then?"

He looked straight at me and said, "There will be groups that fight both the Chinese and the UN. This is the USA, that's what we do, we fight the bad guys."

"It looks to me like everyone is turning into the bad guys. Our family was betrayed Jeff. I know that sounds made up but it is the truth. You saw it, you were there. I've known Deputy Baker and his family like forever … or at least I thought I did. Look what he did. And my old bus driver. Sure he used to be cranky all the time but I never thought he'd do what he did. How many other people are going to be like that?"

"I don't know Dacey. But not everyone will."

"How can you know that for sure? And how are you going to find these people, the ones that aren't traitors?"

"I don't know." He lay down on one side of Daniel and pointed to me to lay down on the other. "I don't have all the answers. I just know that I can't sit around and do nothing."

"Daniel and I aren't nothing," I said in a small voice.

"I know that Dacey. But … look let's just get some rest OK? Nothing is going to get figured out right this second and we've still got some miles to go to get to the cave."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Somehow or other we did manage to sleep, at least until the rain started which was after what should have been lunch time. When we woke up Jeff and I did our business and then I tried to get Daniel cleaned up without letting him get too chilled from the rain. He was already sounding congested and I knew that wasn't a good sign. He'd done the same thing a couple of times before because he wouldn't keep his coat or shoes on. We all watched him as much as we could but sometimes he would sneak out in the middle of the night and sit on the porch roof. That's when Dad nailed his bedroom window shut even though it was a fire hazard.

"Jeff, how long do you think it is going to take us to get home?"

He was trying to help me get some water down Daniel. Daniel wasn't fighting us but he wasn't helping either. I could tell my brother was in there somewhere but he had buried himself deep and didn't seem interested in coming out any time soon.

"I think we can make it tonight, before morning anyway. If it was just you and me I know we could with no problems but with Daniel …," he trailed off. "Dacey, has he ever been this … this bad?"

"No. Not ever. And I think he is getting sick … I mean like sick sick, not sick in the head sick. Hear the pops and wheezes when he breathes in and out?"

"Yeah, I do. And that's not good Dacey. If … look, I'd find us a place out of the rain but I don't think that is such a good idea. We need to get some decent food into Daniel, some soup or something like that. I ain't kidding when I say I could use some better food than I've been eating too. You aren't much better off no matter that you haven't complained. We also need to find some place to keep Daniel so that he feels safe and will come out of … of whatever this is. The only place of I know to do that is the cave and … I just want us to find our hole and crawl in for a while, give me time to think. It is just a matter of time before they send trucks out into the woods."

Jeff was older than me but he wasn't an adult any more than I was. I knew he was doing the best he could but he seemed so sad and even a little scared underneath the guy stuff he had going on. I thought to maybe lighten his load a little. "If we can get to the cave we'll be good and hid for a while. Dad set it up for the end of the world and this is doggone close to it I guess. I haven't even really thought about … you know … missing them and stuff yet. But I wouldn't worry too much about them sending their trucks after us."

Jeff started eating another morel and nodded. "Yeah, probably … actually might depend on who won last night. The Blue Hats had superior numbers at the camp and decent firepower, but a lot of their people seemed to be civilians. Those Chinese dudes … they didn't have as many as far as I could tell, but they had the same firepower. The big thing is they looked to be a trained force and if they came from the southern border they would have also had battle experience. Some of those UN people seemed like they were scared of the woods … they acted like they'd gotten some kind of terrible disease just 'cause they got a few little chiggers."

"I don't mean that … though now that you mention it some of them women on our side were nothing but big scaredy cats and jumped at nothing all the time. What I meant was that we don't have to worry about their trucks or the buses."

Jeff stopped chewing in mid-bite and gave me a look. "This wouldn't happen to be about what you didn't tell me last night would it?"

I shrugged, "Yeah, sorta."

"Sorta?" he asked suspicious.

Then I did a little song and dance trying to keep from getting the lecture I knew was coming. "Well, like you say you're feeling … I couldn't just sit around doing nothing. I read about stuff like this in social studies and saw it on the History Channel. They were trying to indoctornate us. It was like a cult or something. So, to keep from being brain washed I decided to fight back. One night I snuck out and put a lot of clay and gravel in all of the fuel tanks out in the parking area. I killed the engines so they had to stop bringing more kids."

Jeff's jaw got real stiff and he squished the mushroom he was holding in his fist. His eyes kinda got buggy too. After he managed to swallow what was left in his mouth without breaking his teeth he looked at me and said real careful, "One, it's 'indoctrinate' not 'indoctornate' and you know it so don't pull that little girl crap with me. Use that dumb girl act on someone stupid enough to fall for it. Two, you better be glad Daniel is right here or I swear I'd blister your backside better than Uncle John ever did. Three, a little bit of dirt and rock in the fuel tank ain't gonna ruin no engine."

Getting mad because he wasn't recognizing just how good a thing I did I told him, "One, I'll call it anything I want to. Two, you and what army? And three, it wasn't just a little bit of dirt and gravel, it was a lot of it."

He started breathing through his nose like Mr. Norris' cranky bull. It took him three tries before he could say anything back and he was still chewing on the words as they left his mouth. "Dacey … you … you … Now you listen here girl. Uncle John would want me to look after you and I'll do it but you are going to by God have to listen to me 'cause … 'cause I don't … I ain't never …" He stopped again. "Look here, you can't go around taking chances like that. Not ever again."

I threw my chin out still mad at him. "Don't try and tell me what to do. You're the one that wants to run off."

"We aren't going that direction. You'll just get me all turned around and inside out trying to throw me off the scent. We're talking about the chance you took. I'm not saying … well, OK … I'll admit that I might have done something like that when I was your age but you didn't kill the engines Dacey. Anybody with a little bit of sense could drop the fuel tank and dump out the dirt and gravel. You probably ruined the fuel filter and might have even gummed up the injectors. Might have tore up a few of the diesels maybe … but only maybe … assuming anything made it passed the filter. It would knock and ping and cut out since the filter was clogged but that's about it unless something happened to mess with the fuel pump too."

Not ready to believe I wasn't the heroine I thought I was I asked, "It works in the movies and stuff. If I had sugar or salt I would have used that."

He just rolled his eyes. "Didn't Uncle John tell you to stop watching them wild movies you like so much? You can't honestly think everything you see is real. Remember what he told you: Believe none of what you hear and only half of what you see."

"Ok Mr. Know-it-all then why did the cars and buses stay parked? Why did they stop bringing kids in?"

"No more room at the inn."

"Huh?"

"We were all full up. There wasn't room for any more kids, at least on our side of camp, I don't know about yours. The little boys were stacked like cord wood. Jackson … one of his grandmother's was Turkish so he's heard it since he was little … said he overheard a couple of guards saying that they were waiting on another fuel delivery, or maybe running low on fuel, something like that."

Severely disappointed I said, "Oh." But then I brightened and said, "But the other stuff worked."

Jeff started choking on the next mushroom he'd started eating. "What other stuff?!"

"Oh relax, it was a lot easier than spending all that time messing around in the parking lot."

"Dacey …!"

"Oh for criminey sake … I stuffed up the plumbing to the commandant's quarters , let some animals do their business in the staff food lockers, and then another time I poisoned a bunch of people."

None of it went over very well and by the time Jeff was done he'd ripped a pretty good strip of flesh off my pride. I wanted to bash him a good one and was as mad as he was … only he had to stop because he couldn't keep a straight face.

"You really put rotten meat in the staff's food?"

"Yeah," I said angry that he was treating me like a little kid. "I told you I did. The only bad part was when we all got locked in our cabins."

"That was you?"

"I told you …," but then I had to stop because he fell over sideways trying not to make any noise while he laughed.

"All … all the … all the guards had … had the trots for … two days. And that's when they weren't puking so hard it was … it was coming out their noses!" He was nearly eating his hat trying not to howl.

Guys, I swear, they find the weirdest things funny. Either way we were back to square with each other. I still got the "Dacey, don't do stuff like that anymore" talk but that I could live with.

"Jeff?"

"What now?"

Afraid to ask but knowing I had to, "What happened to all the little kids? I didn't even think about them 'til just now when you said something."

"Some of the kids from the highschool were rounding them up."

"How do you know?" I asked, worried he was telling me a story just to make me feel better.

"Most of the little kids had older brothers or sisters. I'd run over to find you and saw the little girls being hustled into the woods. I know the same thing is bound to have happened to the little boys as a couple of my bunkmates said that's what they planned to do if they got the chance."

"You aren't just making it up?" I asked still worried that he was.

He looked at me real close, "I make it a policy not to lie anymore than I can help it Dacey. It is too easy to get caught out. My dad taught me that at least." When I just kept looking at him he said, "I'm telling you what I'm pretty sure happened beyond that I don't know. I hope no one hung around Nature's Classroom too long. If I was out looking for kids in this area that's one of the first places I would go. Now stop teasing yourself over it. It is what it is. I can't look after everyone else. I've got enough on my plate doing for you two."

Talk died down after that and we just sat trying to dodge most of the rain by staying under the tree. The bugs were starting to bite and the sun was going down before Jeff said it was time to get going. "Dacey, does Daniel sound any better to you?"

"He doesn't sound any worse."

"You think we'll get very far with him like this?"

I looked at Daniel. He was walking on his own … mostly … it just didn't look like anyone was home behind his eyes.

"I don't know Jeff. I've never seen him like this. I won't leave him behind if that's what you're wondering."

He got an awful look on his face. "Do you honestly think I'd do that to the kid?"

I felt bad as soon as I saw how hurt he was. "No. I'm sorry. It's just …"

He shrugged me off but I could tell he was still a little bent despite his words. "Don't worry about it. I shouldn't have lit into you like that. I'll carry him if I have to but I'd rather not. The scabs aren't healed up all the way on my back."

Then I felt really bad. I hadn't thought a thing about him getting hurt back when they raided the farm. He must have seen my face. "Like I said Dacey, don't worry about it. I'll carry him if I have to, I'd just rather not. It will slow us down even more."

We started walking. Uphill. Downhill. Through mud and forest muck. Over and through streams that wet us up to our knees when we couldn't find a better way to cross. I started out holding Daniel's hand and then had to grab him around the waist. I was scared he was going to wander away from us in the dark and we'd never find him. Finally Jeff said, "It's no use Dacey, I'm going to have to carry him. He's falling down tired."

We tried getting Daniel to hold on but he was limp as a wet noodle so Jeff wound up having to carry him just about like a sack of potatoes. That really slowed us down. We had to stop about every fifteen minutes. Jeff's face was getting grayer and grayer and I didn't think it was a reflection of the moonlight.

We finally came to the barbwire fence that marked the edge of the BLM land. I tore my pants helping to get Daniel over but right as the sky was turning pinkish we got to the edge of the clearing where the sink was.

"You stay here with Daniel. I'll make sure nothing has been touched."

Jeff finally came back but not before I just about didn't throw up from being so scared. "Looks OK but it's going to be worse getting him down into the cave than it was getting over that fence."

"I know but I think if you go down first and I slide him down to you …"

"No. That'll leave you out in the open."

"Jeff, if Daniel falls I won't be able to catch him before he rolls down to the bottom. The ledge isn't very big. I might go over with him."

"Fine." But I could tell Jeff wasn't happy. "If you hear anything you lay flat and still and try and hide in the tall grass."

It actually wasn't as bad as we worried it was going to be. Daniel must have been awake enough to recognize where we were at and he actually skinnied down the handholds nearly on his own. But that's the last thing he did on his own.

I nearly came out of my skin as I was going down and came face to face with one of the hens from the coop. She wasn't impressed with me at all and nearly pooped on my hand and would have if I hadn't read the signs.

Jeff who'd seen me jump pulled me down onto the ledge and asked, "What's wrong? Did you hear something?"

"No. Just a crazy biddy startled me is all. I don't know if the hens have started laying yet, the ones at the house hadn't. Let's get Daniel inside and if you clean him up I'll see what Momma has …," I stopped, suddenly upset and wanting to cry.

"Dacey, don't … not yet. Can you hold off for a little longer?"

I nodded and wiped my eyes on a clean patch on my sleeve. Jeff worked the combination on the door and we both grabbed Daniel and got him inside. It was dark as the inside of a pig's belly and I heard Jeff grunt as he ran into something before he found the switch that turned the lights on.

Only a few of them came on and they were dim. I tried to see what was wrong but Jeff said, "I only turned on the one set and have them on dim; hopefully that will save batteries. Let's take care of Daniel …"

"You take care of Daniel. I'll start some soup."

"Can you get the stove started by yourself?"

"Are you kidding? You know how many times I had to practice doing that before … before … Dad would let up?"

As Jeff all but carried Daniel to the bathroom I grabbed the rechargeable flashlight and went towards the old wood stove that Dad had brought into the cave one piece at a time. The stove pipe went out a dug tunnel where it came out in the woodlot. There were washable filters in several places that caught most of the soot and smell but we'd still need to be cautious of sparks and things like that.

Once I got a fire going in the grate I put a big pot of water on and then grabbed a quarter of chicken soup from the pantry that I dumped into a big saucepan. I threw in some alphabet shaped noodles because Daniel liked them better than other noodles which he said felt like worms on his tongue.

Jeff propped a much cleaner Daniel in a kitchen chair and sat down beside him. I fed them both as much as they would eat; Daniel not much, Jeff could have eaten everything and then some himself but he stopped short and made me eat some too.

"I'm not really hungry. My appetite kinda died and I haven't felt it for a while."

"Yeah, some of the other kids were like that. You still need to eat so you don't get sick."

"You don't look good. Does your back hurt?"

"Yeah some, he rubbed a couple of the scabs off."

"There ought to be something in the first aid supplies …"

"Found it already. I showered while I was cleaning Daniel up; it was the only way to do it."

We were sitting there half asleep when Daniel slid out of his chair. "Oh Daniel. Jeff, help me get him to the beds. I'll sleep in there and you can have my room."

"Naw, I've been sharing a room with Little Man here so long I wouldn't know what to do with a room to myself. Besides, you're a girl."

"No kidding."

"Dacey …"

"OK, fine. But what about the chickens and … and checking on the house and stuff like that?"

"The chickens have been doing fine on their own for a while. It doesn't look like anything got to them anyway. And I'm not up for … for the other stuff, not yet. Let's just get some sleep first."

"You promise not to go off without me knowing?"

"I promise. Now come on before Daniel hits the floor again."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

As tired as I was I still didn't sleep long. For some reason I kept imagining that I was hearing Daniel up and wandering around … and dreaming that he got into something that hurt him … or Jeff going outside and never coming back. Even at thirteen I knew it was all psychological because I was anxious but no way would those words have left my mouth exactly like that.

It was more tiring jumping up and down than it was just to go ahead and get up. Besides I knew it was time I let it out and cry in private or I was going to wind up doing something embarrassing in front of Jeff and scaring Daniel in the process. I wandered around the cave in my socks and scuffy slippers, noticing all the things that Dad had mentioned doing that he'd never get a chance to and seeing all the things Momma meant to put away and hadn't had time to. I wanted to go into their bedroom but I just couldn't do it; it was hard enough running across the family pictures that Momma had stacked in different places meaning to hang them up just as if we'd simply moved into a new house.

Every once in a while my eyes would get watery but that was about it. I missed them but at the same time it was kind of comforting to know that they were out of all of this and with each other. It felt like they were some place waiting for us and that someday I'd see them again. It was when I looked in on Daniel that I got upset.

I didn't know how I was going to take care of him. I knew it was my place more than it was Jeff's. I also knew that Jeff would leave … maybe not tomorrow but eventually he would leave. I think he needed to as much as I had needed to do those things at the re-education camp. But I was thirteen and Daniel could be a handful for Momma and Dad to manage and they were parents and grown adults. He only minded me when he felt like it. How was I supposed to suddenly become both parents to him when I still needed my parents myself?

Then I just switched it off. I didn't stop thinking about it exactly but it was either box it up and put it on a shelf or lose it and make things even harder. I walked into the kitchen area and before I even realized what I was doing I was making one of Daniel's favorite desserts.

When Daniel was really little they wondered if he was like he was because of allergies and one of the allergies they tested him for was dairy proteins. I remember that and when they tested to see if he was allergic to wheat and corn. It was awful. Momma thought that if Daniel had to suffer through it then the rest of us did too. About the only good thing that came out of those tests was some recipes that Momma kept making. One of them was a cake recipe this real old lady in our church gave us that she said came from back around the Civil War.

You start by putting a cup of brown sugar, a cup of cold water, one and a half cups of raisins, a third cup of shortening, a teaspoon of ground cinnamon, a quarter teaspoon of nutmeg, a half teaspoon of cloves, and a half teaspoon of salt in a big pan and heat it up and then boil it for three minutes solid. At the end of three minutes you take it off the burner and mix in a teaspoon of baking soda that you've dissolved in two tablespoons of water, two cups of flour, and a half teaspoon of baking powder.

Takes a pretty strong elbow to do this but once you've done it, you pour it into a prepared cake pan and bake it thirty-five to forty minutes in a 350 degree F oven … or if you don't know exactly what your temp is like you are cooking in a cranky wood stove or fireplace, it is finished when a toothpick stuck in the middle of the cake comes out clean.

While the cake baked I made easy potato soup. First I brought eight cups of water to a boil and then I dumped in three cups of instant potato flakes, one cup powdered coffee creamer, one package of chicken gravy mix, two tablespoons of dried parsley flakes, a quarter cup of Parmesan cheese from the shaker, two tablespoons of Italian seasoning, one teaspoon of dried minced onion, and half a teaspoon of pepper. I stirred it a minute until it thickened and then took it off the heat.

I turned around and ran smack into Daniel. I don't know how long he'd been standing there but he was soaked through, lucky for me it was just from sweat.

"Jeffy's sleepin'."

"I know, he's tired. He helped us get home."

"This is the cave."

"Uh huh."

"This is the cave. The house is home."

Uh oh. I wasn't ready for this.

"Remember? We brought all our stuff here so this is home now."

"This is the cave."

I wasn't going to argue with him, not when he was finally talking again so I decided just to get him dressed and try and get him to let me do something with his hair. Forget the scissors, as soon as he saw them out of the corner of his eye he jerked away from me.

"Oh all right Daniel but your hair is full of knots. It's going to hurt for me to try and comb them out."

"Daddy went to Heaven."

I couldn't even breathe so I ignored what he said.

"Mommy went to Heaven."

He was waiting for me to say something. Finally I managed, "They're up there together."

"Yep. The man told me."

Suspicious I asked, "What man?"

"The man with the red X on his purse."

I figured he meant one of the red cross workers. Jeff, who'd woken up too stood in the bathroom door and said, "What did the man look like?"

"He had a red x on his purse." I looked at Jeff and he shrugged like it had been worth a shot. Daniel didn't really see people, he saw things and apparently the only thing about this man that he'd noticed was his red cross bag.

"I'm hungry."

I'd done just about all I could with Daniel's hair so I said, "Then come on. Let's eat."

Daniel nearly fell asleep in his plate again so Jeff carried him to bed and once he was down he didn't move.

"Any more soup left?"

"About half a bowl. You want it?"

"You didn't eat did you?" he asked. It was more a statement than a question.

"Almost a whole bowl so don't be an old fuss budget."

"Dacey, if we're going to work together I wish you wouldn't be so … so snarkey."

Knowing he was right and admitting he was right wasn't the same thing but I finally said, "I don't really mean to be Jeff. Things are just … just …"

"God awful. Yeah, I get that. Remember, it wasn't that long ago that my own dad died. I wish I could tell you that it gets easier but it doesn't, it just gets different kinds of hard. But it does stop … stop feeling like your brain is going to explode … eventually anyway. I miss Uncle John real bad too. He did more for me in less than a year than … than my dad did for most of my life. I loved my dad Dacey and Uncle John let me go on loving him even though I got dumped on him with no warning. Your dad was a good man. And your mom was cool too. They were good people and I know they never meant for you … for any of us … to wind up like we have."

I shrugged. "I don't blame them if that's what you think. I blame the blue hats. And I blame our so-called friends that didn't stop the Blue Hats even more. What happened isn't fair but it isn't my parents' fault."

"Ok. I was just wondering. I … well … I blamed my dad for stuff but your folks … you know?"

I shrugged again. I seemed to be doing it a lot. "Yeah, I know."

He finished the soup and I did the dishes again. Momma and I had always done the kitchen clean up. Looks like it was going to be my job alone from here on out.

"Dacey?"

I turned around and looked at Jeff who was standing in front on the pantry. "You still hungry?" I asked.

No … well, yes but that's not what I was asking about. Didn't Uncle John have a big notebook around here with that inventory he kept up?"

"Probably in the file cabinet by his desk. Why?"

"Come on Dacey, you know why."

I did know, I just didn't want to think about it. "You think it is going to get bad here like it is every place else in the world and that we're going to run out of food."

"I don't know about run out of food. Uncle John seemed to have a pretty good plan."

"Over three years."

"What?"

"Momma said that there was enough grain and canned goods to last more than three years plus all that weird stuff Daddy bought online. But that was before y'all slaughtered the cows and pigs and we had to preserve all of that on top of everything else we already had. I heard her and Dad talking about it. Momma thought he was going a little over board and he was telling her … I don't wanna talk about it." I said turning away.

"Dacey, we gotta talk about it. Things have changed; Uncle John isn't here to make the plans anymore. I know I'm the oldest and I'm supposed to do it since he isn't here but I don't think I can, not without … you know … you helping. Your parents raised you to do this stuff, I only know enough to barely get by."

I looked at him and saw how it must have hurt his pride to say it so I figured it must really be true. "I guess neither one of us has a choice."

"Sure we do. We can sit down and feel sorry for ourselves and let the bad stuff win."

I rolled my eyes, "Forget it. You might be able to swing Daniel like that but that hasn't worked on me since I got into middle school. I'm not stupid Jeff."

"I didn't say you was."

"No … but maybe I was acting like it. And maybe you're just trying to work me around so that when you leave you can do it with a clear conscious."

"Hey …"

I walked over and opened the filing cabinet and pulled the big D-ring binder out and then put it on the table before sitting down. "You are going to leave. We both know it. We just don't know when you are going to leave. But maybe before you leave we could figure some stuff out."

He sat down in one of the other chairs. "You're mad."

"I was. But I'm not right now. I might get mad again. Depends. So maybe you need to go. Maybe I need to let you go. Maybe that's just the way things are … people have to leave. Some of them come back, some of them don't. But I'll be like really made if you leave and don't come back sometimes at least."

Jeff sighed and then said, "Dacey I swear you make my head hurt. How about this? I won't leave until I'm sure you and Daniel will be OK, or at least as OK as things can be."

Something made me say, "Don't make promises you can't keep."

"Now what's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know. Sometimes I just … it just seems like after what happened to Dad and Momma … and Daniel … it is bad luck to just make promises like that."

He didn't say anything to that but instead started looking at the binder. "I wasn't here when Uncle John started doing all of this but he showed it to me. I guess he wanted me to know that I was really family."

"Yeah. That's what he told me. He said you were going to be like our big brother and that's the way we should think of you."

Jeff got a funny look on his face, "He said that?"

"Sure. It's not your fault that your dad made choices to … um … be wild and junk."

He didn't have anything to say about that either.

"Dacey, how come you can cook like you do? Monica can't cook worth nothing. Jackson was always ribbing her about it."

"Yeah, well Momma wasn't our housekeeper, she was our Momma. And Momma was real nice about some stuff but you know she could be a real bear about things too. No mud in the house, everybody had to help with laundry, if you put food on your plate you were going to finish it or you wouldn't get anything else until you did, and even Daniel could make his own bed … sorta."

"Your mom was totally nice. I never ever heard her holler about anything."

"Sure she was. But that's because I wasn't stupid enough to go around breaking the rules just because I could. See she …" and with no warning it hit me and I did what I said I wasn't going to do; I started crying. I missed Momma. I missed her bad. I realized that she wouldn't be around to tell me what to do anymore, that I'd have to figure out everything on my own. I'm not a big noisy crier like some girls are, my tears just kind of leak out … but the hurt settles in my chest and makes it hard to breathe.

I think I remember Jeff patting me on the back and telling me to go lay down for a while and that we'd talk later. All I know for sure is that I woke up in my bed with Daniel in there with me and something smelling like it was burning coming from the kitchen.

I jumped and ran down to where the kitchen was. Jeff was trying to cook some eggs and having a hard time of it.

"Stove's too hot," I told him as I took the skillet from him and moved it away from the heat.

"How the heck do you tell?! I only put a little bit of wood in it. There aren't any knobs on this thing," he said in obvious frustration.

"Practice. Lots and lots of practice. Just pretend you are cooking over a campfire and adjust from there. Where'd the eggs come from?" I asked thinking he'd gone out without telling me.

"The cooler. Everything in there looks OK except for a few pieces of sliced cheese that are hard on the corners."

"Did you check to see if the warning light was on … the one Dad set up to come on if there was a power interruption?"

"Yes Granny," he teased, relieved I think to see I was over crying for a while.

The eggs were a little crispy around the edges but they weren't bad. I fried up some canned potatoes and made some pan biscuits to go with the eggs and even Daniel held out his plate for more. It was the first of many good signs. Instead of going back to sleep or acting like a zombie Daniel pulled out his blocks and started playing with them without even being encouraged to do so. He even put on the fleeze scuffy slippers that Momma made him wear around the house when it was cold outside. While he did that Jeff and I went over the cave and everything in it.

When we were through Jeff said, "I'll finish putting the shelves together and nail up all of the molding your dad already cut, but not tonight. I need to check out the house and I think it is better that I do it at night."

"Don't you mean we need to check out the house?"

"Dacey, let me go the first time by myself. I promise that if everything is all right we'll try and all go tomorrow or the next day."

I wanted to argue but maybe I was starting to learn so I didn't. It was real hard to let him do it his way but I did.

"I don't plan on being there long. Figure half hour there and back, plus half hour or so at the house, so call it two hours more or less. You cool with that?" He acted like I was Daniel's age.

"Relax Jeff. Dad made sure I could spend the night in the cave by myself before you came to live with us. That's one of the reasons Momma made him put the door on the cave before he got it all prettied up. When she wasn't around he used to fuss about how much trouble it was getting wide stuff through the doorway."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. Dad is … I … I mean … he … Dad was really cool," I finally managed to stutter out.

Jeff nodded solemnly and said, "Yeah, yeah he was." After sighing sadly he hefted a lightweight backpack he had set aside earlier. He was walking towards the exit door when he did this weird kind of dance that made him look like he was having a seizure. "Rrrrr!" he growled while slamming his fist down on his thigh.

"What?!"

"Dang it. Dang it, dang it, dang it! Stupid. Geez!"

"Yo Jeff! You're kinda freaking me out. Enough being weird already."

He was smushing his hat down over his ears. "The radios."

As soon as he said it I felt pretty stupid too. "Oh."

"Yeah. Oh. Look, while I'm gone put the radios to charge. I'll run the antenna up the trees tomorrow. Maybe we can hear what is going on, get a better idea of how bad things are."

Walking over to the cabinet where the little hand held radios were kept I said, "Uh huh, and find out if we can pick up stuff from the grocery store or if they are closed."

Jeff shook his head. "Dacey I don't think we could get to the grocery store even if it is still open. That would be a good way to get picked up by the Blue Hats all over again."

"I know that, but we still need to find out if there is any food out there. Dad used to talk about that a lot. Remember he said that if the grocery stores closed it would be the straw that broke the camel's back."

"All bets would be off at that point. Yeah, he explained it to me. He said people in general will follow whoever has the food. Control the food, control the people." I handed him a canteen of water and a Clif bar to still in his pack then he left making sure that I locked it behind him.

The situation we found ourselves in started feeling bigger. When it was just my parents it was just my world and I didn't have to share my fear or sadness with anyone, it was mine and I could be selfish with my fear. It was mine and no one else could understand it. If the problem was more than just my parents being gone then I had to accept that other people scared and sad too and that maybe I couldn't control things the way I wanted to.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

It was closer to three than two hours but Jeff did come back. "House is a mess Dacey. They took everything that wasn't nailed down, even out in the barn. The gate has a big padlock on it and there are signs tacked up on the doors and windows that practically dare people to cross their stupid barriers."

"Oh," I said, shocked and upset despite knowing it could be that way. "Everything?"

"Yeah, which says more than it doesn't."

I didn't get what he was saying. Obviously he meant that they were being mean on purpose but he seemed to mean more than that.

"I know it was the Blue Hats that took everything. I had to cut the blue-colored label tape they had sealed the doors with to get into things. If it was only about the food and crops then there wasn't any reason to take everything else. There was no reason to strip everything out of the house. What purpose would that serve except to … to … demoralize … that's a good word for it. What purpose did it serve except to demoralize the enemy and set an example in the community?" Jeff looked pretty pleased that he'd come up with the explanation on his own then he said, "Good thing your folks had us move nearly all the other stuff down here or we'd be in some bad shape."

I wanted to say "yeah, good thing" but I couldn't forget I had still lost several sets of clothes including my best Sunday dress … though I suppose that sounds selfish. It was just that I had made that dress all by myself for a home ec project and it had won a blue ribbon at the fair.

After thinking it over I asked, "Are you saying it isn't worth it for us to go back to the house? You haven't even said anything about … about … whether or not …"

"Uh, not exactly, it is your house and I mean … even if you are just a kid you have rights. And you don't have to imagine the worst. It looks like … look, everything was … was cleaned up. I just think you are going to get your feelings hurt going back to the house and I'm not sure how Daniel is going to react. On the other hand, I know that for me … well … it … Dacey, I don't know how to say this exactly right but going back to the house made me mad enough to know that we are doing the right thing. And it also made me know … know that it is the right thing for me to try and hook up with people that are fighting the Blue Hats … and the Chinese that have no business being here either, no matter that they are supposed to be protecting their financial investments."

I didn't know how Daniel would react either so I asked, "Would you get bent out of shape if I wanted to go back to the house by myself while you watched Daniel for a while? Wait," I said as soon as he got the older cousin face on. "I'd be really careful. I'd have one of the hand helds … they will be charged by then … and besides if you are leaving I'll have to do this sort of stuff by myself anyway." Seeing something , a realization maybe, in his eyes I asked him, "You really didn't think we'd be able to be locked up in the cave for however many weeks, months, or years you'll be gone did you?"

This time it was Jeff who shrugged. "I … I guess you can go look. I won't stop you. Let me get the radio set up first though and see what kind of traffic we can expect to go by the house." We were both tired and it was probably the best compromise I would get so we went to bed.

It took a couple of days to get the radio set up and figure out what was going on. Not all of the broadcasts were in English. We also found out that the satellite link up that we had always had for the internet was down or off or whatever. Dad paid for the service in advance so it shouldn't have been OK but maybe someone had told the company … well, it doesn't matter why, it only matters that the Internet went away as a source of information. No Facebook, no MySpace, no forums, no email, no ICQ, no Skype, no nothing. From what we heard on the radio even the normal telephone service was spotty and undependable if not completely gone.

After we managed to piece a timeline of events together – that was my idea by the way – it looked like maybe in hindsight being in the re-education camp wasn't such a bad thing. It kept us out of those first weeks of chaos and rioting when the people from the cities started rolling into the countryside looking for food. The people were stupid about that because it wasn't even spring planting season and the winter grains didn't make seed heads. The US government, Blue Hats, and Chinese controlled the silos in the area and people that did have food stocked were going to simply let strangers walk into their homes and take their food without a fight of some kind. On the other hand, look at what had happened to my family.

We still weren't sure, even after listening to the radio for hours on end, just how bad things were but after a while "bad" just becomes relative. At the very least Dad had been right; as soon as the groceries stopped magically showing up on the shelves at the store people went crazy … from a little to a lot.

The descriptions we heard made it seem people behaved the same way they did twenty-four hours before a hurricane only it happened all over the country at the same time. People got more vicious though because they knew that there probably wouldn't be any more where that came from … no resupply and even if there was there would be a lot of rationing like there was in other countries. But other countries had been getting their food from us. There wouldn't be anyone for us to get our food from.

On top of local and regional issues, Heart Rot being found in the US set off riots all over the world; lots of death and destruction, too much to really get your head around. How do you really compute millions of people dying every day from violence on top of those dying of starvation? And there we sat, well-fed and sheltered in our hole in the ground.

"Dacey, maybe I'm imagining things but … did it seem to you like some of those broadcasts were coming from awful close? What that one man was describing sure sounded a lot like the backcountry campsites out in the BLM."

"Yeah, especially last night when he was talking about the campground along the three-stream fork. That sounds like the youth camp the churches and scout troops around here use."

"That's what I thought. I've been over that way with Uncle John but never camped there. What's it like?"

"The bathrooms are really gross. There used to be outhouses but a lot of kids got sick a few years ago and they changed the outhouses out for port-o-johns. Those are worse in some ways, especially when they fill up or get clogged up. Thank goodness Dad built that composting toilet here. We'll have to empty it eventually but maybe not for a year or so which totally cool with me," I said nearly sick to my stomach just at the memory of how bad the facilities at the Youth Camp smelled at the end of a week of hard use by over a hundred kids. "The drinking water has to be trucked in but they do have a couple of hand pumps where you can get cleaning water that is OK. I suppose you could use it for drinking if you boiled it but with the bathrooms like they are that is too disgusting to even think about."

Jeff and I both curled our lips at the idea. "The guy said things were real crowded and that they'd already had some Blue Hats come by telling them to evacuate to a refugee camp that was being set up further on down the highway."

"Nine will get you ten that that is just a story to get people to leave. The Blue Hats haven't told the truth yet so I ain't likely to believe anything that comes out of their mouths."

"Girl, you've got a real hard case against the Blue Hats."

"And then some. I don't want to talk about it again … but I doubt I'll ever have anything good to say about any of them."

"OK, it's not like I don't feel the same, but you watch that and don't let it eat you up. You go after revenge you better dig two graves. Any place else sound familiar to you?"

I thought about it, "I … don't know … the rest stops maybe?"

"Maybe. What's worrying me a little is if some people let slip that much, what about the people that are smart and don't let slip anything. Or maybe they are like us and they don't say anything at all, are just listening?"

"So? I'm sure there are some people like that."

"But where are they at? Could they be near here? Maybe watching as we …," Jeff stopped and started thinking. "From here on out we need to be careful; not use the same trail too much so that it beats a bath to the door here. We already know that the adults will take what they want. We also know the Blue Hats … and let's assume the Chinese too … will throw us in one of their "camps." We know that the friends we used to think we have will likely do whatever is in their best interest and not ours. If they see where we are coming from they could just come and take it. I might be able to shoot some people Dacey but … even if you helped … but it really wouldn't take all that many to destroy what we've got here."

"You mean treat everyone like the enemy."

Shocked to hear me say it right out loud like that so quickly he said, "Well … yeah. But you sound awful calm about it."

"Don't expect me to go all girly on you Jeff. Dad raised me for this, almost like a promise that it was bound to happen. It had to be me because … well, because Daniel isn't going to be able to take care of himself any time soon. Momma hated that part of it. She didn't mind doing things to save money which is what a lot of this stuff helped us do. But the violence stuff … she wanted to believe things would get better, not worse, especially because of Daniel."

"But Uncle John didn't?"

"No, Dad wanted things to get better; he just didn't believe people were smart enough to pull it off. I thought he explained all of that to you."

"He did, I just didn't put it together that he raised you your whole life to think like that. I mean, you're a girl and a kid girl at that. I was worried that maybe I was … I don't know … gonna have to make you grow up too fast or something and hurt you … uh … psychologically. It'll make things easier knowing that I don't have to fight with you over it."

"We might get in fights Jeff but not over that. Even if I had still been stupid enough to think that someone else would help, the way our so-called friends did us would have taught me better."

Jeff, concerned said, "Don't get bitter Dacey. You don't really know that they thought it would come to what it did."

"Now who is wearing rose-colored glasses? Mr. Baker is a cop. He came in the house acting like a cop, like he had to protect himself or had something to fear from us … telling us to get on the ground and then letting those people hold us at gun point like we were criminals."

"He did get shot and that other cop was killed."

"Whatever."

"Dacey! A man died."

"Killed by a Blue Hat, not by me. Maybe if the local grownups had stood up to them to begin with instead of clucking like a bunch of old biddy hens none of this had to happen and my parents would still be alive. And … I don't know about you Jeff … but did you see anyone try and come to see us at that camp? Did anyone say to you that they were sorry things happened the way they did? Did you see anyone but the Blue Hats there? It's not like we were very far off the highway."

"You really are mad. You haven't said anything like that 'til now."

"What am I supposed to be?! They killed my parents. If I could do something to hurt them right back I would … I will if I get the chance … but I'm not stupid. I've got Daniel to look after. And, no offense, you can do a lot of stuff but cooking ain't one of 'em. I like eating just as much as the next person but we'd end up starving if I let you take over the kitchen."

For some reason Jeff thought that was hilarious. I wasn't joking. Jeff could fry eggs but that was about it and they still needed doctoring after he was through with them to get rid of the burnt edges.

"Tell you what, I'll take Daniel for a walk in the woodlot this evening and you can go look at the house. It will get Daniel outside and get him some exercise … he's doing that falling out of chairs thing again."

"I've only seen him do that once since he started talking again."

"I've seen him do it three times in the last two days."

"You sure he isn't doing it on purpose? To get attention or a reaction out of you?"

"I don't think so because he was in the middle of playing at his table with his rescue heroes and Thomas the Train toys when it happened and I don't think he noticed that I was watching him."

"Great," I said, now worried about one more thing. "How am I supposed to do this all on my own? I didn't even notice he was falling out of chairs again."

"Relax. It may be a while before I leave … that's assuming I do leave. I'm not walking into town just to get arrested or shot. And I already told you I won't leave unless I think that you and Daniel are going to be OK."

Sure, he said that then, and I think he really meant it at them time too.

-

Late that afternoon all three of us carefully crawled up out of the sink and made a dash for the trees. To keep Daniel from realizing what we were doing we walked in a lot of circles while we foraged. It was too late for me to "save" any of the wild plants by digging them up and replanting them in the grow rooms, Hear Rot had arrived and I didn't want to contaminate stuff. However, Momma had gathered a lot seeds year before last and had canoodled Dad into turning on of the bigger grow rooms into a kind of mini-garden path that had herbs, wild forage, and edible flowers growing from all over the place.

Then I dropped the basket and looked at Jeff. "I can't bring this stuff back. What if it is already contaminated?! I could ruin everything!"

Jeff for his part looked surprised and then understood what I meant, but he had a better idea. "I'll set up one of Uncle John's little outdoor stoves on … let's see … in that little alcove that is down and to the left of the entrance. I think you could cook it there and that would kill any contamination. Remember, if it progresses like it did in other places Heart Rot starts with grains but it won't have affected everything else until next growing season."

"But it could still …"

"Yeah, maybe, and this is why we'll cook stuff outside. Remember, Uncle John said that we needed to take advantage of any and all forage this year so that we could supplement what we have in storage. And since you know all that weird stuff that we can eat that most people just thinks is weeds …"

"It is not weird!"

"Most people think it is … if they think about it at all. I remember telling Monica about some of the stuff we ate and she totally freaked out until her grandmother … the one that is a Turkish immigrant …told her to stop it, that she had eaten stranger things growing up and been very thankful for it."

"Her grandmother sounds cool."

"She is. You can't understand her if she doesn't have her dentures in but sometimes she does that on purpose just to irritate her kids."

"Definitely cool," I said thinking I would have loved to have had a grandmother like that. So I picked the basket up and headed off in the direction of the house stopping every once in a while to pick something to add it to my basket. When I was far enough away that Daniel had lost interest I simply took off walking. I keyed the mic of my radio once and Jeff keyed his twice in response, one short and one long, to let me know he knew that I was on my way without having to explain things to Daniel.

Since we had been circling to bring me closer to the property line it didn't take me long to get there and cut through the area that separated the woodlot from the back fields of our property. I didn't go through the wheat field since that would have been too much like walking out in the open. Instead I cut through the fallow field that had grass and plants in it taller than me with lots of dried out cornstalks to mark where the rows had been. Sometimes Dad would plant the field in sugar beets but not this past year, couldn't get the approval even if we had had the money for the seed.

And then, there I was behind the barn. I didn't remember ever seeing the grass so high in the yard and orchard. I went into the barn as quietly as I could but it was empty. Everything was just gone … the tractor and implements, the wagon and trailer, the animals, the hay and feed. About the only thing left was the old horseshoe that the previous owner had nailed above each stall. The barn felt … sad. I know a barn can't really feel anything but that is how it seemed to me at the time. Next came the house.

I noticed as I crept across the backyard that they'd even cut the swing down. That made me mad, it was such a cruel thing to do. The back door was open just like Jeff had told me. I spent about ten minutes just walking from empty room to empty room. It was like I didn't recognize the house and it didn't recognize me. Something had come along and wiped its memory clean. There was no imprint for either one of us. Whatever my family impression my family had made on the little house was just gone, like it had never existed.

The broken window upstairs hadn't even been boarded over and you could tell from the warped floor boards that the weather had come in more than once. I looked in my room and they'd even torn up the baseboards to find my old treasure hidey hole but I'd emptied before they got to it. My parents' bedroom felt dead except for one last whiff of my mom's perfume. Jeff was right, this didn't help. It only made me mad again. It also made me glad that I hadn't brought Daniel; the place would have just made him freak out.

Just to be thorough I checked the basement and sure enough that had been ransacked as well. They had even taken the rag rugs off of the cracked linoleum floor. I had to get out. I was suffocating from anger … from grief. There wasn't anything left. My old life was gone. And it wasn't ever coming back.

I started to go back when I realized that there was something that they hadn't thought to take. I walked passed nearly twenty cords of wood. Dad sometimes traded firewood for things during winter. People really liked it, especially if the wood was already split. Almost half the cords were Ash. Most of the rest of it was oak and maple. There were some small face cords of fruit woods like apple and cherry and a couple face cords of birch. There were some unstacked cedar pieces but those were seasoning not for fire wood but so that Dad could plane them down for furniture and paneling. Dad had blocks of walnut that he made gunstocks with but those were in the cave room that he had planned to use as his shop.

I thought to myself, "You took all the rest, the leavings, yet you didn't think to take the best. That wood will keep the stove going and the fireplace full for a long, long time. That means you aren't anywhere near as smart as you think you are. This gives us something you tried to take from us … time. And with enough time on our side we'll out live you. You won't win and it will be your own fault."

I keyed the mic to let Jeff know I was on my way back. It was almost dark by the time I saw them. "Good, let's get out of these woods. The skeeters are really bad."

"The first warm spell always makes them bad. Guess what?"

When he asked I told him about the wood. When we got back to the sink, instead of cooking the forage like I had intended I just threw it to the chickens. They had a high old time of it and I had too many other things on my mind.

-

It took us almost two weeks to move the wood by hand. I thought Jeff would get antsy about leaving but he never said anything. I could tell something was up but when he'd get moody he'd go listen to the radio for a while and he'd be OK, or at least that is what I thought. Then as soon as the wood had been moved he said we needed to talk.

"Dacey, listening to the radio is fine and all that but I want to try and get closer to town and … and see for myself what is going on. It seems like the violence and all that has tapered off and that the Blue Hats have been redeployed someplace else to fight the Chinese. I want to go see how things are. I want to try and hook up with some people from school, to see …"

"Monica on that list of people you want to see by any chance?" I asked to needle him.

He looked at me and then was honest when I hadn't expected him to be. "Yeah. I want to see if Monica and Jackson made it back and … and you know why. Her father nixed us dating but we were … more than friends. If nothing else I'd like to know that she is OK, especially after the way I just let her and Jackson …"

"As I recall it there was no 'letting.' Jackson is older than you and is Monica's brother. They also were trying to meet up with their younger half-sister and –brother."

"Dacey …"

"Jeff, I know I'm just a kid but I'm not stupid OK? I figured you'd need to leave someday. This is just to test the waters right? You can't stay around here babysitting us. I'm surprised you've stayed as long as you have. Besides, if it wasn't for Daniel you'd have some company going to town. I'd like to know what is going on too."

"Yeah well you aren't coming with me. It's too dangerous."

"If it is too dangerous why are you going? I thought you said …"

"Dacey …"

"Jeff …"

Frustrated Jeff nearly shouted, "Geez, enough already. Don't give me grief over this. You can't come and that's all there is to it."

"Fine. Whatever." I went to the pantry feeling like all he thought all I was good for was to cook and clean his drawers. I wondered if this was how grown up women felt.

After a minute Jeff followed me, "Aw Dacey, don't be like that. I don't want to fight."

I looked at my cousin and realized he was just a kid like me. Maybe he was older and a little closer to being a real grown up but he was still just a kid. It made me feel bad.

"I'm sorry. I know you are just trying to do what you think is best. I just … things … you know? Nothing is the same way it was and it is never going to be the same. I know that and I guess I've accepted it but it doesn't make it any better. But I don't want to fight either."

"It's OK Dacey. Guess we both have to deal with things being different. I thought I had my whole life planned and now look at this mess I'm in. I need to go Dacey, to check things out but part of me wants to go too. I want to know what has happened to my friends and what is going on out there. Yeah, I know we've got a sweet set up here but what if there is something more, something better?"

I didn't believe there could be anything better; all of the better things stopped when my parents were killed. All I could see was the cave and looking after Daniel, maybe for the rest of my life. It was depressing.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

So he left the next night and we waited … and waited … and waited. After two weeks you kind of have to admit to yourself that someone isn't coming back. If I had been alone I would have tried to find out what happened to Jeff. But I wasn't alone. My little brother needed me. If something happened to me he'd never be able to take care of himself. Every time I thought about going off to look … whether that looking included finding Jeff or just finding out what was going on … all I had to do was look at Daniel and I knew I couldn't do it.

After a month I figured it was just like my parents. Jeff was gone and there was no real reason, it just happened whether I wanted it to or not. So I boxed up his stuff and put it into the back storage area with my parents' clothes. It was hard but it was harder listening to Daniel ask where Jeff was over and over again, like he expected me to suddenly have a different answer to his question. I cried some, sometimes even in front of Daniel, but you can't cry forever. God just didn't put us humans together that way. Eventually even the worst kind of sore heart begins to heal … or at least it begins to callous over enough that you don't feel like you are bleeding to death all the time.

Besides it was spring time and that's went you start working the garden getting it ready to plant. I treated the grow rooms the same way Momma had treated the greenhouse and it was actually easier because there weren't any bugs or animals to eat our growing things. Of course that meant that there weren't any bugs or insects or birds to pollinate the plants so as they grew and bloomed I had to do the work those types of things would have. Sometimes I could just knock the heads together but usually I had to use a little paint brush to take the pollen off of the male flowers and dab it into the female flowers. Even when the flowers were both male and female I still had to make sure and cross pollinate as much as possible.

It was a lot of work and took a lot of patience but I didn't have to do it alone. I was surprised. Daniel turned out to be really good at the close work. It fascinated him. He was so careful he never even bruised a stem or bloom.

We did most of the chores together except for cooking. Having Daniel near the stove nearly gave me a heart attack every time so I just gave up on it. We'd have dinner then I'd pop a bowl of popcorn for dessert if there wasn't any cake or cookies or something like that. But Daniel wouldn't eat plain popcorn, he had to have butter popcorn or sprinkles on it. Sometimes we would have Mexicali butter which was butter with taco seasoning and chives in it. Sometimes we would have Garlic butter which had a whole clove of garlic to three tablespoons of butter. Parmesan cheese butter was another good one as was something my parents called Simon and Garfunkel butter that had rosemary and thyme in it.

While Daniel at the popcorn or some other dessert I would read him stories. His favorite was the Daniel stories of course, especially Daniel in the lions' den. I made sure he didn't forget how to read or how to do his sums. Actually the gardening helped with that more than anything. Daniel's memory had always been good and he was an incredible mimic but all the practice just made his memory that much better.

I taught him the same foraging skills that Momma had taught me and he taught me where Momma had started patches of herbs and let them run wild and where they used to pick mushrooms. While it was spring we foraged for fiddleheads, wild asparagus, burdock, chicory, dandelion, lamb's quarter, all of the mints, mushrooms, wild mustard, poke, plantain leaves, wild ginger, sassafras, sorrel, and lots of other stuff.

To keep from stripping the land around the sink completely we began to wander into the BLM following the little stream that started as the runoff from our spring. There we found cattails and I fixed them in a lot of different ways. When the sprouts were young and tender we ate them in salads and in rice pilaf. When the flower heads were still tight I would boil them and make cat-on-the-cob, something Daniel really liked. I also pickled the tight flower heads and they kept for quite a while. When the pollen began to get fuzzy and shed I would collect it and make biscuits and pancakes by replacing some of the flour with the pollen.

We also gathered small wood branches to bring back to add to our wood pile. We sometimes picked wildflowers and carried them with us as we traipsed all over. When we returned to the sink we would give the flowers and seed heads to the chickens as a treat. Usually while we were out Daniel would take a jar and we'd catch a bunch of bugs or dig up some worms to take back to the chickens too. I would cook the foraged items outside or we'd eat the raw forage outside like we were having a picnic after I had cleaned it with boiled water. Nothing we picked outside ever came inside the cave, we couldn't risk it.

Spring ended and summer began. Daniel turned nine years old and I noticed his pants and shirt sleeves were getting short but there wasn't much I could do about it. Then his shoes got too small and that was worse. I eventually had to cut the toes out of his boots and he thought that was the best thing ever. "My toes can breathe Dacey!" It meant darning his socks over and over as he hung them up on things but I was too scared to let him run barefooted in case he got cut on something. I couldn't remember the last time he'd had a tetanus shot.

I was having the same problem as Daniel. My pants didn't get as short as his but I was still wearing high waters. I just pulled my socks up over my pants legs to keep the ticks out. When my shoes started pinching I started wearing Momma's. I set mine aside thinking that maybe Daniel could grow into them but they were in pretty rough shape. We'd be pretty desperate if all we could come up for him was girl's hiking boots.

During the summer we picked bee balm, blackberry and raspberry, daylilies, ground cherries, huckleberries, may apples, mulberries, wild onions, wild garlic, wild grapes, pawpaws, the berries of spring beauty, wild plums and wild strawberries. As the sounds on the radio lessened and got fewer and farther between I risked returning to the farme orchard and picking what domestic fruit the trees produced. I even braved going near the road to get to the wild rose hips that grew there along the fence.

Every day we brought our bounty back to the sink and cooked it down and bottled it and then sterilized the containers again before taking them into the cave. But we got more wild forage than we did out of the orchard. The trees made less than a quarter of what they had done when my parents tended to them and I don't think it was just because there hadn't been any manure to throw on them. Something was wrong with the trees. I mean they grew and looked healthy, but they didn't put off a lot of blooms and then what fruit there was had a bad habit of falling off and rotting before it was ripe enough to eat. It had to be Heart Rot settling in at the farm just like every place else.

On my birthday I made us a picnic and we went to the old house again, just for the memories though Daniel seemed to be forgetting more and more as the weeks, and then months, went by. He knew Dad and Momma's pictures but it was distant, like they were a dream he was having a hard time remembering.

At the farm the grass grew so tall around the house that you couldn't even see the porch. I had to break a trail with a machete just to keep the Johnson grass from slicing open our faces. We spent the day playing around as if I was still a kid and we both had a ton of fun. It went on for a long time. I wasn't paying the attention I should have and we got caught in a thunderstorm late in the day. We didn't have any choice but to stay in the old house overnight and lightening crashed and the thunder boomed even louder than the fireworks had at my last birthday.

I vowed to never get caught like that again just for lack of using some sense. Daniel was terrified and after months of having the sturdy cave walls between us and everything else the walls of the house felt paper thin and absolutely no protection. The shadows thrown on the walls by the light show kept me awake even more than the noise did. I would have moved us to the basement but it was like a science experiment down there as the hot water tank had rusted out and the damp caused mushrooms and mildew to start growing.

The biggest thing that that night convinced me of was that there was no going back, not even in pretend land. Dad and Momma were really and truly gone. Jeff was gone. It seemed like everyone was going in one way or another except for me and Daniel. It had been a long time since I'd heard a motor of any type and even longer since I'd heard people. I decided it was time for me to start forgetting a bit as well or at least stop picking at the sore so a scab could form even if it left a scar.

Summer turned to autumn and there were so few apples on the trees that after trying to make applesauce from one puny and pithy bushel basket full that took me most of the morning to gather I simply left the rest to Daniel to eat fresh. They didn't even taste that great, more like crab apples than table apples.

We did better with the wild forage but even that was a lot less than it had been the previous year. Amaranth heads were smaller and fewer. Black cherries and black haws were barely big enough to be worth doing anything with. The elderberry heads barely had any berries to get ripe. It was like something was sucking the life out of any fruits or seeds the trees and plants tried to make. The Jerusalem artichokes from the edge of the fallow field were OK but the ones we grew in the grow rooms were much bigger and better. I left the sumac and goldenrod to the birds who were looking hard up; everywhere you turned they were fussing and fighting with each other, like they knew this might be their last meal for a long time. I didn't bother with the wild rice either knowing that the water birds would need everything they could find to make the trip south if they were ever to make it or come back. Hardly any hickory nuts made. I was lucky enough to get to a walnut tree when I did because when I went back the next day it had been stripped clean by all of the wild animals.

Dad had taught me to bow hunt and I took three good sized bucks. I also took two small boars that were tearing up the roots under some of the trees. You could tell they'd been fighting too as they had recent tusk marks along their sides. I figured I was doing a humane act as there sure didn't look like there was going to be enough winter forage for all of the wild critters roaming around. I also snared some rabbits and squirrels.

The hides from all of those I stretched the best way I could, following the directions in some of the books that had belonged to my parents, and set them in the trees. I made the mistake of leaving one hide down on the ground and something found it and savaged it until it was useless, ruining all of the work I had done. I couldn't afford for that to happen twice. Winter was coming and Daniel needed some new shoes and I was the only one around that was going to be able to make him some.

It was about a week after I took the third buck when Daniel started getting bored and teasing me so bad early one morning it was like to drive me crazy. I had a lot of work to do but I couldn't get anything done so I decided to wear him out with a good hike into the BLM to see what we could see. I grabbed our packs and stuffed them with some snacks and drinks and I grabbed my bow just on the off chance I got lucky. I also had Daniel grab a fishing pole as I had in mind to hike all the way to one of the lakes if we could.

I guess all the work and constant hiking hadn't hurt us none. We got all the way to the lake before lunch when before it would have been an all day hike with only enough daylight left to make camp for the night. But we didn't get any fishing done. I hadn't given any thought to the campsites that were up that way. You couldn't drive to them so I didn't figure there would be anyone there.

There wasn't, but there had been. Daniel stiffening up and going all weird on me told me he felt something before I saw it. There were about a dozen tents set up in the process of being retaken by nature. Next to the tents were a few four-wheelers and a couple of trail bikes. No one was home and I wanted to go investigate but Daniel had me in a death grip.

I finally got him to switch his hold from my arm to my belt. Everything was so quiet. I went over to the machines first. I knew immediately something bad must have happened because there were bullet holes in the fuel tanks, seats, lights and wheels. Looking at the trees next to the machines I could see where they had been hit too; old tear drops of tree sap were still visible so it must have happened back in the spring.

Daniel started tugging at me so hard I nearly lost my breath. I turned and his head crashed into my chest to hide his face. I put my arms around him and he was shaking like a leaf. Looking over him I saw a body … or what used to be one from the looks of it. Animals had scattered or carried off parts of it but the rib bones showed through a tattered jacket.

"It's OK, nothing here can hurt you. That's in God's hands now so we are going to not worry about it and leave it to Him." I don't know how much Daniel was listening to me but just saying it made me feel better.

"C'mon, let's go Dacey. Let's go away."

"We will, just let me look around. There might be useful stuff here. Remember what we said? We need to keep our eyes out for useful stuff like Dad used to."

Telling him that we would leave after we looked around let him know that we wouldn't be here long. He wasn't real good at telling time even on his best days but he understood that time passed. All he needed to know was that as soon as some time passed we'd leave and that satisfied him enough that he stopped fighting me so hard.

There'd been more people. I saw signs of at least six or seven, it was hard to tell as the bits and pieces of them were scattered about but none were in the tents. Most things in the tents were ruined by animals chewing in and then on. Down sleeping bag stuffing spread all over was a common sight whenever I opened a tent. The weather had gotten to a lot of other stuff but I went over to the pull behind trailers that had been brought in by the four wheelers, peeled back the rotting tarps, and finally found some things worth bothering about. Right on top I found a couple of those steel folding utility trolleys that hunters use sometimes to cart their game out with. One of the two was rusted at one of the bendy places but I used the oil dipstick from one of the machines to grease up the joint and after I kicked it, it opened right up the way it was supposed to. Since they had solid wheels I didn't have to worry about flats.

It looked like someone had bought out a Campmor store. There were a couple of stoves and some of those little containers of white fuel. There was a lot of bug spray and I squirted Daniel and I down as soon as I found it. I was always careful to check us over for ticks every day but having bug spray with deet in it wasn't going to hurt none at all. There were a couple of wind up and solar radios still in their boxes and quite a few LED flashlights, headlamps, and lanterns too. There were other nifty gadgets like compasses, a GPS (useless to me so I didn't take it), walking sticks, emergency kits, waterproof matches, and just a lot of stuff that looked like someone would buy when they had more money than sense or experience.

I was dividing the stuff out between the two wagons when Daniel tapped my shoulder and pointed up. I'm sure my mouth must have fallen open. Hanging in the tree were two plastic barrels. I followed the ropes off into the bushes and saw that the heavy duty lines were tied off to some hooks driven into the ground. It wasn't easy but we managed to get the two barrels down without dropping them even though the rope was rotted in a couple of spots.

The barrels weren't real big but I recognized them for what they were. They were those fancy-schmancy bear proof containers like we used at summer camp. It took me a while to find something that I could use to open them up with since I didn't have a quarter to fit in the slot of the flat, spring loaded lids. Finally found a flat head screwdriver in the camping junk. I couldn't believe what was in there.

The first one was full of those freeze dried meals from Alpineaire, Mountain House, Natural High and Richmoor. They must have cost a small fortune. Dad had always said that the only reason he would buy stuff like that was if Momma couldn't make something better. Since she could and then dry it so all we had to do was add boiling water at camp he would never give into my pleading to try just one. I did get to taste freeze dried ice cream like the astronauts ate one time when we went to Cape Canaveral on a family vacation but it was an expensive treat. The other container was full of powdered drinks like Gatorade and coffee, energy shots, and trail bars like Clif and Luna bars. I put the heavier of the two containers in the wagon that I was going to pull and the lighter one in the wagon I hoped Daniel would be able to pull.

When I turned back to the tarp covered trailers I realized I had gone through just about everything but one big box. I knew what was in it as soon as I tried to pick it up. It was an ammo box similar to the ones that Dad had stored at the cave. No guns. I assumed that they were buried and scattered in the woods just like the bodies were, it wasn't worth hunting for them as I was sure the weather had ruined them. I would have left the ammo behind because it was so heavy but figured better safe than sorry. Even if I couldn't use all of the types of ammo for Dad's guns I didn't want anyone else to have it either just in case they decided to use it against us. A year ago I wouldn't have had such sophisticated thoughts but I was growing up the hard way and learning to think ahead.

It was dark by the time we made it back to the sink. Daniel was so tired he nearly fell down the steps. I left the wagons where they were, cleaned him up and then carried him to bed even though he was too big for me to be doing that anymore. He was asleep before I could even put him down. He hooted at me a bit which meant he was on the border of losing his speech again so I decided as soon as I got the stuff from the wagons in I'd clean up and just sleep in his room with him rather than worry about him getting up before me and wandering around.

For the next couple of days we were both sore and Daniel was a bit irritable. I fixed him a pineapple bread pudding for dessert and he finally forgave me and got rid of his sour mood.

In a large bowl I beat together one half cup of butter, one cup of sugar and a half teaspoon of cinnamon. Then I added four eggs from our chickens who were still laying and beat it all until it was light and fluffy. Then I folded in a fourteen ounce can of pineapple, two cups of bread cubes, and a quarter cup of chopped walnuts then poured the whole mess into a greased 1 1/2-quart casserole. I bake it in a preheated 350° oven for roughly forty minutes. The recipe doesn't make a huge pudding but it was more than enough for Daniel and I.

About a week after we found the camp we had our first frost. It wasn't a hard frost but the change in the weather was really noticeable. Other people were noticing it as well; they sounded like they were panicking when I listened to them on the radio. Rationing was really bad and people were starving right out in the open, no one tried to hide it anymore. And you could be arrested and all of your property confiscated just on the suspicion of hording. They didn't have to prove anything and there was no appeal process. That really stunk and I was gladder every day that Daniel and I were well out of it.

Sometimes I would stop and wonder what had happened to the people I knew … my youth group at church, my aunts and their families, my friends at school, all of the adults I used to know like my Sunday School teacher who was also my 4H leader … but it was far away and a life time ago and the wondering didn't last long since I usually had a lot to occupy my time. Daniel and I were only two people but it was still a lot of work to keep up with the grow rooms, the chickens, the laundry and cooking, the cleaning and everything else … and then there was trying to keep up with Daniel. He minded me pretty well most of the time but he wasn't a very little boy anymore and sometimes I wondered if I had a hard time with him now how was I supposed to handle things when Daniel got big, maybe even bigger than me. I didn't think about that long either, it was just too much and it hurt my head.

I had enough on my plate. We weren't suffering like a lot of other people sounded like they were suffering but I knew things could get bad quick if I wasn't careful.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

I swear, I don't know how Momma did it without getting cranky. Get up every morning without fail and cook breakfast for our family, fix and pack everyone's lunches, and then decide what dinner would be and do all of the prep for that before starting the rest of her chores for the day. It drove me nuts and that was even before I had to remember all of Daniel's texture issues and his likes and dislikes. If it had been just me I would have only eaten when I felt like it but I knew that Daniel needed a regular schedule he could count on or he got out of sorts. It didn't particularly matter what he ate, he just needed to eat at regular intervals. That meant sometimes we ate leftovers for breakfast and breakfast for supper. Neither one of us cared though; it's not like there was an adult around to tell us we were doing it wrong.

I also didn't have a grocery store to get milk, bread and eggs from. If we wanted bread I had to bake it. If we wanted milk I had to make it using the powdered or canned stuff. If I wanted eggs I had to collect them from the cranky chickens or use the canned powdered stuff.

The bread wasn't that hard. Being the girl I had to help Momma all the time anyway and it was pretty cool that I knew how to do stuff that even my teachers didn't though the glow of that had long disappeared by the time I'd been doing it for a while. I baked once a week – a loaf of bread and a baker's dozen of rolls. Sometimes I'd make cookies, donuts, or pretzels for the week, but not always. If I wanted something fresh I would make cornbread or tortillas. Daniel didn't much care. He ate whatever I put in front of him but sometimes I wished he would at least have said, "Mmm mmm good" or something like that. But he didn't and vain though it might have been I wished someone were around to tell me if I was a good cook or not.

Milk for cooking was no big deal for me either but the only way to get Daniel to drink the powdered milk was to flavor it. Sometimes I would make a creamsicle flavored milk drink that used Tang, powdered milk, and powdered vanilla pudding in a 1:1:2 ratio. When it started getting cooler I made hot chocolate or frothy butterscotch milk as a way to warm up after being outside. The butterscotch had milk, brown sugar and butter-flavored extract in it and marshmallows too before we ran out of them. Sometimes flavoring the milk was as simple as dumping in just a little bit of powdered koolaide and a little bit of sugar to sweeten it up a bit. Daniel thought the colored milk was funny and I didn't mind him laughing at the table so long as he didn't shoot the milk out of his nose.

During the spring and summer those stupid chickens gave us so many eggs we couldn't eat them all, especially after Jeff went away. I put most of them in the cooler but when I got an extra gallon saved up I would pickle them with the leftover juice from the jars of pickled beets Momma had put up. Daniel and I both loved the sweet and sour bite of anything pickled and Momma would indulge us since she was happier about that than if we had been addicted to sugary sweets. Daniel's favorite candy had been these awful super sour gummy worms that were rainbow colored. Dad used to buy them by the case when he would go to the big town for supplies. I looked everywhere for the stash of them my parents used to keep as a surprise … or bribe … for my brother but eventually came to understand that if there had been any left, they had been in the house when it was ransacked by the Blue Hats.

My anger at the Blue Hats never went away. The candy was just one more reason to wish the whole lot of them to Hades even though Momma would have threatened to wash my mouth out with soap had she heard me say it. I'm sure the preacher would have had something to say about my attitude as well but I didn't care. They'd taken so much from us. I felt I wouldn't spit on one of them even if they were on fire.

After a while it got to be there were more cold days than not. Daniel's dislike of socks and mittens sometimes made it hard to let him get out and work off his energy but I never felt comfortable leaving him inside on his own so that I could go out and do my work. I was afraid he would throw the bolt on the exterior door and I wouldn't be able to get back in or that he'd get into something and I wouldn't get back to him in time. Finally I had to sit down and try and make those moccasins for him.

I looked through all of my mother's costume patterns but none of them would work for what I needed because they were all sandal patterns. I was getting frustrated and was just about to see if I could do something with my old boots for him when I noticed a book on our library shelves that had belonged to Dad. It was on weaponry of the Middle Ages. Well, long story short I found a pattern in there for a simple leather boot that laced on the side.

I made the boots out of paper to start with and then made a demo pair out of an old fleece blanket so Daniel would have something to wear in the cave. After I made sure that he liked them well enough to actually wear them I made a pair for him out of leather. I made a mistake and gave him too much growing room so I made him "socks" out of the fleece since he seemed to do ok with that and he would put the fleece "socks" on and then put the leather "boots" on over that and by the time I laced them up on the side they fit pretty well and I didn't have to worry about him so much. When it was really cold I would stuff a piece of rabbit fur down in the bottom with the furry side towards his foot and he was warm so I was happy. Just to be on the safe side we always dried our boots out after we came in so they'd always be ready for the next time we wanted to wear them. Neither of us could afford to get sick.

The one head cold that I got was a nightmare. Daniel tried to help but I think I wore myself out and took longer to get well just from worrying about him.

Thanksgiving came and went with no special celebration. It's not that I didn't feel we had things to be thankful for it was that it was too full of memories that hurt too badly. But after that I felt guilty. I couldn't let the Blue Hats and everyone else take all of the good stuff away from us. I decided I could do it for Daniel if not for myself.

Daniel had never been into Santa Claus. Santa Claus was just a decoration to him; he knew the gifts came from Dad and Momma from the very beginning. It had always made me kind of sad but in the end it made it easier on me as well. After he would go to bed at night I would work on his gifts but I never had to play up the old fat guy in a red suit angle. I used my dad's pedal powered lathe to make new handles for some old garden tools like Dad had always meant to. Then I used a nail I heated on the stove to burn his name into the handles.

It wasn't much but it was all I had time for between planning and cooking our Christmas dinner and keeping up with the wood pile. I used the wood a lot faster than I replaced it and I knew that eventually I was going to be in real trouble if I didn't figure out a better way of doing things.

The dinner was one of our dumbest hens. She'd somehow broken her wing and was at the bottom of the pecking order big time. I decided it was more humane to simply take her out and put her to better use. She wasn't very big but I'd never been fond of butchering chickens so I was glad to have it over with and the carcass cleaned and roasting in the oven. She made two full meals for us and then I used the bones to make chicken broth for another two meals. It wasn't like having turkey leftovers for days on end like we'd had last year but I figured I'd save the hams that were hanging in the cave's smoked meat cellar for when I had nothing else.

The New Year came and went and eventually so did the snow, but spring didn't seem to want to arrive. The weather arrived and the trees eventually did bud out but the flowers I was used to seeing barely stayed long enough for the bees and bugs to get to them. It seemed that the flowers … whether on the orchard trees or on the wild forage plant … only lasted a day or two and then they fell off. Something was wrong with the cycle of the growing things. No flowers meant no pollen and no pollen meant no fruit. No fruit … well, Heart Rot had finally circumnavigated the world and there wasn't a thing we could do about it.

On the first truly snow-free day Daniel and I hiked to the home place, the first time we had been in a long time. The winter had not been kind to the building. Or maybe someone had come along and vandalized the place a little here and a little there; it was too hard to tell. We didn't bother going in, it smelled of damp and rot and of something like ammonia. I expect what we smelled was where bats had gotten in and turned the place into a roost.

For some reason that day I just kept walking. I knew there was another house about a half mile down the road, an older couple that went to a different church than we had. My parents nodded at them when they saw them but I don't think they ever socialized or anything. Dad told me one time that if their grandkids were over there to stay clear of them. Apparently their grandchildren were prone to getting into trouble, some of them with the law.

We used to hear their tractor on the same days that Dad would have his out and running but I hadn't heard any people noise in a long time. I was hungry for people even if it meant running into those grandkids. I loved Daniel but he was a lot of work and he wasn't always that easy to talk to. I could have saved our energy.

We walked down the road staying along the edge where the trees and bushes had grown closer than the county had ever allowed them to before. The ditches were damp so I avoided them but the top of the culverts were fine. The road had never been paved down this far, it was mostly limerock mixed with real gravel where pot holes had been filled in when the county was more flush with tax money. As much as my dad hated the county and state in his business he would have flipped a switch at the way the road looked that day.

The winter hadn't been a friend to the road top anymore than it had been a friend to our old house. You could see where melted snow had puddled and then compacted the dirt in places making it appear like lots of gophers had gone to town leaving their burrow holes behind. In some of these holes grass had grown through, now brown and dead, but small bits of green could be seen where new growth was trying to head up. The edges of the road were badly eroded allowing even more of the wild grasses to grow into the road bed.

I'd taken note of an odd thing last year. Even as Heart Rot had stopped domesticated plants and trees from producing, and to a lesser extent affected the wild forage foods, the grasses didn't seem to be bothered. The chickens loved the grass seed heads. Hay that was grass still made and grew but the wheat and oats had not … not even the wild oats had made seed heads last year. I told myself I would watch more closely to see what made and what didn't because it might tell me when it was safe to plant outside again.

Eventually I screwed up my courage and I pulled Daniel across the open road with me to the road that led to the house. We had to push our way through the matted down rye grass that had grown up in the long drive way back to the house in the trees. When we got back there it was to find that this house had seen even more trouble than our old one had.

Not a window was intact and the front door was half off its hinges. The inside had been ransacked. Every room was the same; even the mirrors and toilets in the bathrooms were broken. It had happened months ago from the look of things. The weather had gotten in all over so much I didn't even like walking too close to the windows, the floorboards were just that warped. Just for the heck of it I checked the attic and found the one space the vandals had forgotten.

There was a couple of old trunks up there with some clothes wrapped with cedar and moth balls and a few other boxes with little odds and ends but most of it was rotted or broken. In a corner I found some boxes of old blue and green jars and a couple of ceramic jugs and crocks. I had Daniel help me move the stuff I found interesting down the attic ladder.

He balked at first. I guess he thought I was stealing stuff but when we found the box of matchbox cars and plastic soldiers it got a lot easier to convince him that it wasn't stealing when it was abandoned property. The trunks were just too heavy so I took out what looked usable and left the rest. I left stuff piled on the porch, mostly to air it out, while Daniel and I finished looking around.

The barn hadn't been as cleaned out as the house but it was full of mice and one for sure whacked out cat that I decided it wasn't worth messing with. Then we moved on to the tool shed which had been passed over. Leaned against the inside wall was a wheelbarrow and that is what we used to take the odds and ends that we had found back to the sink. From that day forward if we didn't have any other chores to do we went exploring.

In the fifth house we found our first body. The house itself wasn't anything special and it had been ransacked like the other houses; it was the body … or the person who used to occupy the body … that was different.

I was raised on a farm where the understanding that death is just part and parcel of life was a lesson reinforced day in and day out through all of the seasons. Dad also wouldn't let Momma "shelter" us from the reality of death and dying either. Not everyone agrees with kids going to funerals and wakes but Dad always wanted us to understand the true condition of the human body. You are born and from that moment forward you are working towards dying; however, it isn't the circumstances of your birth or how well (or not) that you die that you are going to be judged on. It is the choices you make during your life that dictate your hereafter.

Blaming where you come from, who your parents were, or how much you did or didn't have growing up doesn't dictate how you act. Dad said that there were too many people that had proven time and again that the circumstances of your birth could be overcome whether you were born poor, rich, to good parents or bad, and any combination you could come up with. In fact, Dad was always on about the fact that once you were old enough to understand that there was right and there was wrong you became personally accountable for all of your choices.

These things would run through my mind even though I was only fourteen because sometimes doing it all, basically by myself, would get overwhelming. I'd daydream about running away or maybe even just walking away … then I would think of Daniel and know I could never do it no matter what. Sometimes I would get angry, so angry it was hard not to take it out on Daniel and then I'd have to stop and just get away from him and the words of my Dad and Momma would run through my head. Sometimes I would even pick up the Bible and read it even when I wasn't reading a story to Daniel. Sometimes when I was scared, bad scared, that is the only relief I could find.

Life wasn't fair and as I looked at what was left of the man in front of me I had to say death didn't look too fair for some people either. I can't imagine anyone wanting to leave their last impression the way he did. I don't know if he belonged with the house; given that he was just what was left of a skeleton I wouldn't have recognized him one way or the other. And even calling it a "him" was making a wild guess based on that some of his … its … clothes was some once upon a time expensive looking suit and the fact that he/it was pretty tall and had big feet if the boots … purple cowboy boots … were any indication.

The wild colored cowboy boots were only the start of the weirdness. He/it was also wearing some kind of wizard's hat, a pink tutu and was holding some funning looking purse. Daniel had a hard time computing what he was seeing. He looked at me and asked, "Is that real?"

"The person was real but I'm not sure about the costume," was all I could think to tell him.

"Are you sure?" he asked like I was trying to pull his leg.

"Pretty sure, but it does look … kinda strange."

"Yeah," he said and then lost interest.

That wasn't the first body we found but it remained the most unusual for a long, long time. When we'd find a body we'd always compare it to the first one we found. None of them ever quite measured up.

Throughout the spring and into the summer at least a couple times a week we would hunt around for abandoned houses to look through. Most of the time we found nothing but a few times we found useful stuff … wood from an abandoned wood pile (kept me from having to chop wood), cast iron cookware that was too heavy for someone to cart off, wood chips or sawdust for when I cleaned out the chicken coop, curtains that weren't rotted and could be used to sew clothes from, jeans that I could cut down for Daniel or myself to wear.

Sometimes I would do something weird like swipe the windows out of the house. I got pretty fast at it too, especially if they were old wooden ones. I'd bring them back and clean them up real good before letting them come inside the cave and then I'd paint scenes on the glass part and hang them up like pictures. It was my way of trying to bring some of the outdoor scenery inside. I got pretty good at it, good enough that I'd try and paint people way off in the background waving hello.

Sometimes Daniel and I would look at those imaginary people and wonder if they'd ever come any closer.

"Dacey where did all the people go?" Daniel would ask.

"I expect there are some still around, we just haven't seen any live ones. Every once in a while you still hear them on the radio," I'd remind him.

"But when are we going to see some?"

"I don't know. If we do see people you need to remember not to let them see you until I say it is OK."

He'd nod his head and all I could do was pray that he'd mind me about that part. It was passing strange. When things were good … before Dad and Momma were killed … Daniel didn't have a whole lot of use for people in general though he did have his favorites he'd pay attention to. But when things got bad and all the people seemed to go away he'd get on this kick of wanting to see some people … sort of like animals in the zoo I guess, like people would be evidence that all of our life from before wasn't just a fairy story that we'd dreamed up.

God created people so that we needed connections. The healthiest connections are those we have with other people. It even says in the Bible that people were made to be with and work with other people. In Romans 12 it says that people are just like parts of a body, they are individual parts but they all work together like towards some common goal.

Now I loved Daniel. I guess we were as close as a brother and sister could get even with the limitations that Daniel's condition imposed. But there were days when I craved the company of other people. Some of it was my age … I turned fifteen that summer and it had been so long since Jeff left us. Voices on the radio, few of them speaking a word I could understand, didn't fill the gap that was growing in my life. I wanted to talk to someone, be with someone, that wasn't Daniel. I loved Daniel so much it hurt but I needed more than he could ever provide.

That's when I realized that all of that looking through houses we did … that I did … wasn't for stuff, it was for another companion. I'd wanted to see other people so bad that when I did I nearly made a very foolish mistake.

That day we decided to traipse back over to the campground area to see what nature had done to all that we'd seen there since the last time we'd been. Nature could do some interesting things to people stuff. We measured the space of time by how quickly nature was reclaiming where man had left his mark. Sometimes it was grasses and vines that did the damage. Sometimes it was wild animals … curious, hungry, or angry … that got into things.

We'd become like animals ourselves, walking quietly through the woods. For all that there were no people about there were still animals and some of them had become viciously mean as their food sources had become scarcer. Bears and boars were especially bad and I'd had a few frightening run ins with both. The worst though were the dogs that had gone feral. There weren't many of them but a few was all there needed to be.

The dogs that survived the lack of food and the depredation as human food were the strongest and meanest that had been bred. These were the fighting dogs, the alpha dogs that could lead a pack or be a vicious pack member. You treaded carefully out in the woods to prevent becoming a meal for the wild things that still lived.

As quiet as we were, as watchful, I was nearly on top of them before the old woman's voice caught my attention.

"Abel … Abel … what am I going to do with you? The risks you take my boy. Ah well, this will last us many weeks and if you can get me another deer or a boar I'll smoke the meat and we'll double that time."

The old woman was dressed in coveralls and boots and had I not heard her voice I wouldn't have known her to be a female. The "Abel" she talked to was a young man with straight dark hair that was cut so that it hung to his collar all the way around … like someone who didn't know how to cut hair had simply given him a blunt cut to keep him from looking like a girl. His clothes must have been someone's cast offs because they didn't fit very well; the pants and cuffs were both too short.

I never heard Abel speak though he must have as the woman seemed to hear his answers to her questions. I could tell Daniel was curious … for that matter so was I and I was deciding what to do when I heard one of the noises that could still strike fear in my heart. A deep growling came from the other side of their camp. I saw a dog get up from where it had been sitting hidden in the grass and face the woods away from us.

I looked at Daniel and saw his eyes huge and round. Daniel had a sixth sense about certain kinds of danger and all of his alarm bells were going off even though he never made a sound when he was like that. I immediately took my bow … it was the big and powerful compound crossbow that Dad had taught me to target shoot with … and made sure it was ready if I needed it. I normally went out with the regular compound bow but I had burnt the inside of my left arm on a grease splatter and switched to the crossbow until the blister healed more … and I'm glad I did.

I slowly got Daniel and I low to the ground and behind a tree. The dog was so intent, and the wind blowing just right, that it never even knew we were there. The young man looked hard where the dog was staring with its hackles raised for only a moment then he started throwing their camp into a back pack and trying to hurry the old woman up.

"But the meat!" she whispered frantically.

Abel just shook his head and started pulling the old woman away into the woods and calling the dog to their side. I would have followed them but no sooner had they gotten into the tall grass than men burst into the clearing.

It had been so long since I had seen one that the uniforms … as worn and frayed as they were … slammed into my memory like a ten pound hammer. Blue Hats, six of them, all armed to the teeth with scary looking automatic weapons. I didn't understand one word in twenty; they weren't speaking English and they were going too fast for me to even guess. They were swarthy with funny head coverings under their helmets and their scarves were different from the Blue Hat ascots that I had seen when we'd been prisoners.

Those men spit on the boar and started kicking dirt and leaves on it. One of them men, I guess the one in charge, screamed something that sounded like "Montoyo!" out into the forest followed by some gibberish I couldn't even begin to understand.

He made some kind of yodeling sound of triumph and lifted his gun into the sky and then one shot sounded and the man was flat on his back with unseeing eyes and well on his way to meeting his maker. That's when things got a little crazy stupid.

The other five men started spraying the forest with what felt like a million bullets. I was glad that Daniel and I were prone on the ground or we would have been cut off in the middle. Those men were acting so freaked out that they even shot two of their own before they stopped.

They were talking to each other panic-fast and then another shot and they were down to two men. Those two men starting screaming and hollering and shooting some more and while I didn't hear the shot there must have been another one because one of the two remaining Blue Hats fell, rolling over and over before fetching up against the trunk of a big maple.

That was it, the other guy turned tell and started running … straight into the young man called Abel. He had a big knife and they were fighting but you could tell something was off about Abel; then I saw the bloody bandage on his leg. He was almost winning when one of the men that I had thought was dead sat up and grabbed his gun and would have shot the young man in the back.

I didn't think, there wasn't time for it. I aimed and pulled the trigger on the cross bow and the small metal bolt went through the throat of the faker. I had been aiming for his eye but I'd never shot a person before and was scared enough I nearly wet myself. Daniel had wet himself and I knew we had to get out of there fast.

I guess we weren't fast enough. I was running and pulling Daniel with me but Daniel's coordination isn't great even at the best of times and when he is freaking out it gets really bad. We were running over a bad patch when he went down and I wasn't ready for it. A muscle in my thigh went ping and I was nearly doubled in two trying to keep from screeching from the pain.

I finally got ahold of myself and tried to get up. Big mistake. I had to sit down real fast but this time it was in a more controlled sit than an out of control fall. Daniel kept pulling at me until he realized I was hurt then he got even more scared. I was in the process of hugging him, trying to calm him down when the dog slunk out of the trees to my left.

Daniel froze. I froze. The dog just looked at us. I moved to try and get Daniel up a tree but the dog didn't particularly like that idea. I was hoping it would eventually get bored and go away, hunt up its master or something. Only his master came through the trees next.

I got in front of Daniel the best I could. The guy wasn't saying anything just looking at us like he wasn't sure what to make of us.

"Abel, Abel," the old woman whispered. "They're just children, let them go. If we get back to the camp we might be able to save some of it. And you'll be able to trade for a gun that has more ammo for it."

I was kicking myself for not reloading the cross bow and swore then and there never, ever, ever to let myself make that kind of mistake again … assuming we got out of the mess we were in.

"Abel," the old woman put her hand on the guy's shoulder. "Let them go. They need to get back to their family and we need to go. That patrol has to have back up since I didn't hear a vehicle."

I don't know what made me say it, "You can wash that meat off and save it. There's a creek about 100 yards that way." I tossed my chin in the general direction of a fresh spring I knew of. "The spring has good water, just don't foul it up with a lot of blood and junk."

The old woman asked suspiciously, "Why would you tell us that?"

"The Blue Hats are after you. They killed our parents. We've got the same enemy." I shrugged not thinking I needed to give her any other reason. "Be careful, there's a cranky bear around here so guard your meat … smoke it, don't just dry it. The little valley the spring is in should protect you so long as you can … uh … you know … get rid of … the … uh … bodies."

The old woman snorted, "Let the carrion eaters have them."

"No," I said sharply making her and the young man jump. "Dump them down the old outhouse holes. It'll hide everything and hopefully not draw too many animals."

"I'm not worried about animals honey, there's two legged carrion eaters." At my confused look she said, "Ain't you seen them? The crazy ones? The ones that eat …? I thought everyone knew … you must have been living under a rock a long time. Look, take my word on it, you see someone that has sores on them or is acting strange, you get out of there real quick. And don't let them get a bead on your boy there. The younger the better for them."

"You talking about sick people that like little kids instead of people their own age?" I asked thinking I'd finally figured it out.

"No child … well, maybe there's some of them in with those people but I'm talking about … think of them as the boogey men. They gobble up children. Now you understand what …"

All Daniel had heard was boogey men and he'd started to whimper. He was ten years old, nearly eleven, but he was behind for his age and living in a hole in the ground hadn't done a thing to make that any better.

"OK … bad people. Got it," I said doing my best to lend my strength to Daniel. I didn't know which one to be more worried about. The old woman that seemed half crazy herself or the silent young man with her that was undeniably dangerous all on his own.

The old woman had had enough. "Come on Abel, we can't afford to lose that meat. Come on boy, before something or someone else gets it. Didn't you already lose a bit of flesh catching it? Don't you want to keep what is ours?" She was pulling at his arm and he got up, still as silent as ever.

That's when I saw the dog had belly crawled on my blind side up to Daniel. I made Daniel be real still but all the dog seemed interested in was smelling us. In fact she … it turned out to be a girl dog once I calmed down enough to notice … seemed to get a charge out of sticking her wet nose in Daniel's neck and ear and making him squeak. Her stubby tail would have wagged if there had been enough left of it.

The old woman grumped, "That's enough, come on dog. Abel, you too. And don't think I'm going to let you two drag these kids back with us. I'm sure they've got people looking for them and I don't want to stand here and get shot over it."

That really did signal the end of the strange conversation though I had to shake my head to keep Daniel from saying something he shouldn't have. They faded back into the trees but before Abel completely disappeared he tossed something at my feet … my bolt, still sticky and red.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

I never figured out exactly what was out of whack with my thigh, all I know is that it hurt badly and it took four times as long to get back to the sink as it should have. It was over a week before I could move around enough to get out of the cave once I had climbed down into it. I had to leave the eggs because I couldn't even get out well enough to collect them and a couple of the stupid hens went broody.

I figured some of the older hens would need to be culled before the cold weather came back so I let them have what they wanted and eventually we had a bunch of yellow puff balls to look after on top of everything else. That meant more work, primarily in building them their own little run that was predator proof, but I guess it was worth it … especially as I remember the look on Daniel's face as he sat, fascinated by them.

Lucky for me I was finally completely healed and was able to start pulling all of the grass seed heads we could find to add to the chickens' own foraging efforts. Lucky too, in a way, that that summer was also a grasshopper summer. The chickens had all of the protein they could catch and boy, were they funny. Every once in a while more than one chicken would go after the same hopper and the silly things would plow into one another. Once a whole bunch of them spotted the same grasshopper at the same time and when they were finished it looked like a multi-car pileup; they were all squawking and complaining as they got themselves untangled and straightened their feathers out. Both Daniel and I laughed a long time. It felt good.

Daniel and I were very careful after running into the old woman and the rest of those people … although I'll be honest and admit that in hindsight I really never thought of the Blue Hats as "people" but as monsters, monsters that could be done away with without thought or consequences.

After seeing people for the first time in so long, and having it be the kind of encounter that it was, I wondered whether we should go out anymore at all. After thinking it through however I knew that really wasn't feasible. I wasn't going to let one bad experience lock us up in the cave for the rest of our lives. So slowly, as my leg healed and the chicken chores were complete, we ventured out exploring again … but not near that valley that I had told the old woman about and not to the campgrounds. I wasn't going to let the Blue Hats win, but I wasn't going to be foolish either.

A part of me was terribly curious about the old woman and the young man with her. Where did they come from? I didn't recognize them as being from around here. How had they survived? I didn't get the impression that they had a place like we did to hole up in. Why were the Blue Hats after them? It just seemed awful coincidental that they had been found out like they had.

Every once in a while I would find signs that someone had been around deeper in the BLM area. Freshly cut cattail sprouts … one of the forage items that still were making what could be eaten … was the first time I really noticed but once I'd seen that I started looking around more carefully. There were flat prints in dusty spots, similar to Daniel's moccasins but too large to be his and I still had tread prints on my shoes. I'd see string or hair caught on branches and bushes. We found the skeleton of an animal that was too neatly laid out to have been done by another animal predator. And every once in a while I'd get jumpy because I swear it would feel like we were being watched. When I would get that feeling … or Daniel would … we faded into the underbrush as quickly as we could and then took a long and winding path back to the sink and remained there for a couple of days to be on the safe side.

Towards the end of summer I took a good, long look at the food we had remaining in the cave. By my reckoning when we first went into the cave there was food for five people for over three years but we didn't have five people because my parents had been killed and Jeff left shortly after that never to return. That meant that from near the beginning we had nearly eight years of food storage for just Daniel and I. I was thirteen and several months when we went into the cave and I turned fifteen early in July of that summer making it about a year and a half since our world had gone all messed up. I figured between what we grew in the grow rooms and what forage I managed to bring in over the past year we still had around seven years of food.

I could have given up the grow rooms, not bothered with the chickens, and forgotten about foraging and still been able to put a decent meal together for the two of us … for a while. The problem was we just didn't know how long that Heart Rot was going to be around and even after it left – if it left – how long it would take to start producing enough food to feed us again. And a lot of the long term storage stuff that Daddy had squirreled away was powdered, dried, and strictly staple type ingredients. There was a lot of rice, grains, and beans but that doesn't make for very interesting meals if you don't have other stuff to add in or at least to vary the flavor with. So I decided that even if things started looking like they were getting better, and especially if they did not, we would continue the grow rooms and the chickens, but we'd also continue to forage for what we could.

It turned out we were the only ones though. As the summer turned into autumn Daniel and I had a few close encounters. Along the road the home place faced … though it wasn't easy to even see the old road top anymore between the grasses and the tree debris … we saw what looked like a gypsy group. I don't mean they looked like gypsies exactly, they just seemed to live like them.

They had what looked like rickshaws – some pulled by hand and some by pedal powered wheels – that they used as wagons for their personal items. There were more adults than children and none of them looked healthy or happy. If I had to pick an emotion they looked resigned but intent. They didn't make much noise though they made more than Daniel and I did and that is how we avoided running into them as I had been out looking for mints and other greens to bring back to the sink to dry for winter storage.

Much to my personal displeasure they found the walnut tree next to the road that I'd been watching over and they stripped it bare, taking even the greenest nuts not out of their husks. One woman fell down crying and thanking God. I was so angry that I looked up where God is supposed to be and asked why he'd given those walnuts to them when I'd been the one taking care of it since last autumn. It just didn't seem fair. I didn't get an answer but maybe a non-answer was still an answer in a way. Maybe it was just none of my business why He did some of the things He did them. And besides, there were other nut trees in the area, that one had just been fuller of nuts than the others had.

Nuts were an important part of my plan. They provided fats and oils that some of the powdered and dried foods didn't. They also were full of protein and that was important because Daniel and I used our muscles a lot. Most importantly when I couldn't get Daniel to eat anything else I could always get him to eat a nut butter sandwich. There was peanut butter powder in the big cans of storage foods but it wasn't the same as making fresh, creamy nut butter like I could with nuts that we foraged.

I eventually was able to really stock up on nuts by spending a couple of weeks just working Daniel and me to pieces. And it seemed to take twice as long to do it too because the nuts were half the size they normally were.

In my mind we couldn't afford to let anyone else have any more of "our" food. I wouldn't say we covered every acre in the BLM but we covered every one that we could and wound up with bushels and bushels of nuts that I left in the shell and stored in the coldest part of the cave. At night while Daniel played I would spend some time cracking nuts to get at the meats inside before starting work on the bottomless basket of sewing and mending. That basket was the bane of my existence; no sooner would I imagine that I was nearly the end of the pile when I'd find a bunch of new stuff that needed to go into the basket. I began to wonder if I would have enough thread and yarn to keep up with the work that had to be done to keep us in clothes and under things. Thread and yarn wasn't the only things that I started to worry about running out of.

It was a crisp, late October morning and Daniel was so frisky that I completely gave up on the chores I had planned for that day and decided we might as well go on another exploring run. We'd pretty much exhausted the nearest roads and the area immediately surrounding the sink so I decided before it got really cold to go deeper into the BLM than we ever had. I stuffed our packs with lots of in-case stuff and enough rations to last us in case we got caught out overnight for some reason. I didn't like it when that happened any more than Daniel did but it did happen on occasion. I made sure everything was locked up and taken care of and we headed off into the forest.

I was doing my best to make notes on any potentially useful sights when we came across them. I also tried to make note of the landmarks so that we could make it home. I had forced myself to learn to navigate with a compass by reading a book in Dad's library but Daniel either wouldn't or couldn't make heads or tails of it so it was just easier to point out landmarks to him. He had a head for things like that so it worked out to both of our advantage.

Further and further we went into the unexplored territory. This area was very different from the area of the BLM around the sink. The elevation was higher so it was cooler and that also meant that the trees and plants were different too. I found stuff in that area that I hadn't seen since spring time down near the sink. And there were plenty of conifers up there and that meant cones so of course we wound up picking up a back of them.

Daniel didn't enjoy arts and crafts very much but he loved to build things. Even though a lot of people would have thought him too old for it, he still played for hours with blocks, Lincoln Logs, and lego blocks. He also like to play with pine cones and the like. He would build really strange looking structures with them, or imagine them to be things they weren't such as cars, but his favorite thing of all was to turn them into animals like cows, dogs, goats, and chickens by attaching little sticks for legs and leaves for ears. The really small cedar cones he would sometimes create baby chicks out of.

The biggest difference between that area of the BLM and where we normally explored was the general terrain and the lack of real trails. I was breaking a path through some underbrush when my hair snagged on some dry branches. Within a step my bandana had been ripped off and the clip I used to keep my braid up off my neck had opened. As my braid fell out of the clip the twigs of the limb I got hung up in somehow tangled even worse in my rubber band and then pulled it off the end of my hair.

There is very little worse that getting tangled up in the underbrush. It is why I kept my long hair braided and tucked up under a bandana in the first place … not to mention it helped so that I wasn't constantly have to wash dirt and debris out of my hair. Daniel had finally let me keep his hair cut short so long as I was quick and only used scissors and not the clippers that buzzed near his ears.

Losing my patience I yanked the rubber band without thinking about anything except putting it back in my hair before I had to completely re-braid everything. But when I pulled the rubber band popped and broke. I must have stood looking at the now useless piece of elastic for thirty seconds before sitting down and trying not to cry like a baby.

"Aw Dacey, don't cry," Daniel tried to console me. He didn't understand why I was upset but he knew that I was and just wanted to comfort me the way that I would do the same for him.

"I'm not going to cry Daniel but that was my last rubber band. Now how am I supposed to keep my hair from going all over the place?" I looked at Daniel but he wasn't looking at me, but behind me.

Feeling a sudden panic I turned, bringing up the cross bow at the same time. There stood the young man with the straight, dark hair. He stood very still and then slowly raised his hands to show he had no weapon in them. Still moving slowly he reached in his pocket and pulled something out. It wasn't a gun; it was a piece of string that looked a lot like the leather laces out of my father's work boots.

He stretched out his hand and tried to give me the piece of shoe lace. I just looked at it, suspicious that he was trying to make me put the crossbow down.

"Dacey, he wants you to take it."

"I know. I just don't know why."

"Because you were crying about your hair."

"I was not crying."

"Yes you were."

"No I wasn't …," I started to argue and that's when I noticed that the young man, I remembered the old woman had called him Abel, was smiling like something was funny but sad at the same time. I could tell that whatever he was feeling was genuine and despite my own commonsense I lowered the crossbow.

I could tell right away that I'd surprised him from the way he blinked his eyes and raised his eyebrows. I shrugged and said, "I've seen you fight. If you meant us harm I guess you could have snuck up on us and had your way without going to all this trouble and letting me hold a bolt on you."

He slowly lowered his hands and shrugged in response.

"Where's the cranky old lady?" Daniel asked before I could.

"Daniel!"

Abel just shook his head as he grinned. I said, "Please excuse him, uh …" but I wasn't sure how to finish what I'd been trying to say.

Abel wasn't offended, you could tell by the real humor still in his eyes but he didn't say anything either. He did make a chirping noise with his lips and then the dog came out of the bushes. I stiffened up at the sight of her but all Daniel remembered was the wet nose tickles that she had given to him.

"Dog! Look Dacey it's the dog." The dog looked as thrilled to see Daniel as he was to see her. After looking at me to make sure it was OK, Abel made another noise and the dog then went up to Daniel to sniff him again and before long they were both sitting on the ground making a complete mess of themselves. Even with the lack of a tail I could tell that the dog was having a blast; her back end was wiggling ninety to nothing.

Obviously this was going to take some time so Abel swept off a rock and then pointed to me and then to the rock like I was supposed to sit. It was kind of funny but kind of sweet too. No one but my dad had ever pulled out a chair for me to sit on but this felt like the same kind of thing. After I had sat down and Abel had taken the time to look around a bit he sat too on the ground near my feet.

"Your name's Abel, right?" I asked.

He looked up at me and after a brief hesitation nodded. I was going to ask him something else but Daniel piped up, "Dacey, I'm hungry and so is dog. Can we have lunch now?"

My breath caught. Both the dog and the young man were rail thin. I was in the middle of figuring out what to say when Abel pulled a hunk of raw hide out of his pocket and tossed it to the dog who snatched it out of the air and walked off a few feet to start chewing on it.

"Daniel," I told my brother. "The dog is eating so don't bother her. You know how you don't like me messing with your food while you're eating."

Once Daniel had nodded I pulled off my pack and handed him a ham sandwich with sprouts hanging out of the sides. Abel eyes got big as dinner plates. I'd made four sandwiches and I knew it wasn't going to strain us any to share with him.

"Here," I said trying to hand him one.

He backed up like I was trying to feed him poison or something. "Knock it off; it's just a ham sandwich. It's not a snake, it won't bite you."

I could tell he wanted one the way his eyes were glued to my hand and I could also see his mouth was watering so much there was spit in the corner of his lips. But he just shook his head and pointed at the sandwich then at me.

I don't know what it is about Abel. He never said a word yet it was like his thoughts were running in plain English right across his face. He wasn't going to take food away from me.

I don't think there is anything worse than when a boy sets his mind to be stubborn. Abel, now that I'd gotten a good look at him, appeared to be about Jeff's age or maybe a little older. His beard was heavy but the hair was soft and fine like he hadn't been shaving for long before he let it start to grow. It was also a little thin in places like his face wasn't all filled in yet. I figured that was about like it was with my legs. It used to be only the front of my legs really needed to be shaved but I stopped bothering with it because it was such a pain and no one but Daniel to see anyway and now all my legs are just about as hairy as a guys would have been had there been any guys around wearing shorts for me to look at. Most girls shave their legs before guys have to shave their faces. All of that together is what made me think he couldn't have been much past 20 years old.

Figuring that out didn't help me convince him to take the sandwich so I tried to use psychology since it sometimes worked with Daniel.

"I'm not giving you the sandwich. It's a trade. You gave me the string to tie my braid and since I want to keep the string I have to trade you something for it."

That fell as flat as the cake that Daniel slammed the oven door on. The look on his face said that I was cracked if I thought he was going to fall for that one so I upped the ante.

"OK, how about you let my brother play with your dog for a little bit and I keep the string … but you get the sandwich."

It wasn't working and now I was getting hungry. "Don't be a blockhead. Look, I've got a sandwich for me and Daniel is eating just fine. If Daniel wasn't taken care of I wouldn't offer to trade you the sandwich. Take the extra one already before I get cranky."

Abel looked at me like I'd lost my mind but he must have seen something on my face. It was Daniel that sealed the deal however. "Abel, she really can get cranky if you don't mind her. Eat the sandwich and she'll stop growling."

I turned a sharp look on Daniel just about to let him know how much I didn't appreciate his help with a funny sound started coming from Abel. I turned back quick to look at him and saw that he was laughing but only letting little bits of air out at a time.

"Boys," I said in disgust which only seemed to make Abel trying not to laugh even more.

I held out the sandwich to him after proving that I did indeed have one for myself and Abel gingerly reached for it. He looked at it and smelled it and then gently bit into it.

"See, I told you that you bite the sandwich the sandwich doesn't bite you," I told him satisfied that I'd finally gotten my way.

It was nice just sitting there. I was full and Daniel was as well as no amount of begging on my part would get him to eat the last corner of his sandwich so I wrapped it up knowing he'd probably eat it on the way back to the sink. I looked up and saw that we'd have to start heading back if we were to make it home before dark but it was hard to get up the will for what had to be.

All of a sudden the dog stopped playing with Daniel and got real stiff legged looking up the trail from where Abel had come from. Abel too had gone all strange. He turned to look at Daniel and I and then all but picked up Daniel and sent him down the mountain with a push. Me he grabbed and put my pack in my arms and shoved me down towards Daniel more roughly and when I would have opened my mouth he jerked his hand across his throat in an obvious sign for silence.

The pace he was moving wasn't safe but he kept both Daniel and I upright and moving down away from whatever had set the dog off and then suddenly he jerked us off the rudimentary trail and through some boulders and into a depression where he had us lie prone; even the dog was belly down in the concave surface of the ground.

Suddenly Abel had a knife … and doggone big one too … in his hand and was poised to move. Then I heard it too, several people moving down the path muttering quietly in some language I didn't recognize. And then I saw them … more Blue Hats.

I put my crossbow to the ready but a lightweight hand across mine was Abel's way of telling me not to jump the gun. These men were as thin as Abel but not as raggedy. There equipment was used but in good shape, similar to the other group of Blue Hats from months back but that's where the similarities ended. These men didn't have the additional scarves on their heads and they weren't swarthy. In all honesty they reminded me of the big blonde bad guy from the first Indiana Jones movie or the Russian boxer in that Rocky movie series that Dad had enjoyed watching over and over again. The language they spoke, the few words I caught, was different as well. I got the impression that even though the two groups of Blue Hats wore the same uniform they were somehow distinct and not necessarily on the same side.

It was thirty minutes before Abel would allow us to get up and that only after he'd gotten up himself and worked his way out to the goat trail we had been on to make sure the Blue Hats were really gone.

I could tell that Abel was torn. He wanted to get away as soon as possible which meant us going our own ways, but our way home would take us down the same path that the Blue Hats had gone. He opened his mouth a couple of times like he was going to speak and though I was eager to hear a word actually come out of his mouth I was in charge of Daniel and me, not him.

"Give me a sec to think," I told him while looking around and pulling out my compass. "OK, just tell me … the trail Y down below us … does it have a switchback that turns on itself?"

He didn't seem to understand what I was asking so I drew a picture in the dirt. When he understood what I was asking he nodded.

"Which branch of the Y did the Blue Hats take?" He drew his own diagram for me.

"OK, no problem. We won't cross paths with them. Thanks for the hair tie."

I made get up and get Daniel ready for the trail home but as I stood Abel grabbed my upper arm. I jumped and looked at him. He slowly turned loose of me and nodded his head. He had to chirp for the dog twice before it would leave Daniel's side. It somehow made it harder when Daniel said, "Next time we need to bring doggy food Dacey."

We made it home without incident but it did take longer than I had originally planned and Daniel was exhausted. The reason why it took so long is because I took every opportunity to turn anyone following us around.

Over the next several days I couldn't get the whole thing out of my head. Some things just kept jumping out at me. One, I'd never heard Abel's voice yet I had the feeling that he could speak; it felt more like he was choosing not to. Two, where was the old woman that had been with him before? Three, in all the time since Daniel and I had gone into hiding we'd only seen Blue Hats twice and both times were when we had also met seen Abel. Maybe twice was just a coincidence but it seemed a pretty strange one if it was.

November came in with a vengeance. The first week was nothing but cold, hard rain. Dad had dried the bottom of the sink out using a French drain system and by redirecting the spring runoff to a stream but nothing could keep up with the rain we had that week. Everything was soaked and overflowing. When I finally braved the cold to get out for a few moments it was to find that the stream had turned into a river and even backed up in places to create a wide, shallow miniature lake. Investigating to see why the stream was backing up I found a tree had fallen over and created a kind of dam. It was not fun trying to clear the blockage. The water and mud were as cold as ice and I was exhausted by the time I finally sawed and chopped through the tree in two different places so I could take out of chunk for the water to flow through.

And then suddenly it was the middle of November and it warmed up like crazy. And with the warm weather and all of the standing water the mosquitoes tried to hatch enough of themselves to conquer the world. It was absolutely awful. Even the chickens seemed miserable and listless from the attacks of the little bloodsuckers. By the end of November it had turned cold again which was a blessed relief, especially the morning we woke up to a frost which meant the end of this year's crop of flying leeches.

Daniel and I had been cooped up for nearly a month and we were both just itching to get out and about again. We packed up and without even talking about it we both set off for the area we'd met Abel in. But when we started to climb I began to rethink our path. It wasn't just a little cool; even with the sun full on us it was downright cold enough to take your breath away.

In the cold, crisp air sound seemed to carry forever … or it should have. There were no sounds that day. Daniel was the first to notice it. He started crowding me on the trail and I turned to ask him to be careful when I saw his face. I immediately pulled us both off the trail and whispered, "Daniel, what's wrong?"

"Something bad is happening."

Like I said, Daniel has a sixth sense about things to take make up for the senses that were affected by his autism. "Something bad?"

"Nobody is making noise Dacey. They are being quiet and hiding out."

That's when I noticed that the animal sounds had disappeared after we had turned the bend in the trail.

"Is it close?"

"It's up there."

"Up where?"

"Up where we have to go."

"We don't have to go anyplace Daniel. If there is danger we'll go home," I told him.

"No. No we have to go. We have to make sure Abel and Dog are OK."

"Daniel …"

"NO!" Daniel startled me. It was only rarely that he threw a tantrum anymore. "We have to Dacey … we have to." But the way he said it I wasn't too sure he was very happy about saying it.

He would have taken off without me if I hadn't gone along. He was getting too big for me to just pick up and drag him to make him do what I wanted him to do. And his insistence on knowing what was happening had infected me. We continued up the trail but much more cautiously; and a good thing too because as soon as we turned another bend we found Dog lying on the trail.

Daniel tried to run to Dog but I held him back; I wasn't sure how the injured dog would react. I eased up and the dog never moved; she was breathing but unconscious and there was a bloody gash on her head. I picked the animal up and took her off of the trail then looked at Daniel.

"Daniel this is important … very, very important. I want you to stay here and not make any noise. I'll be back as soon as I can."

"We have to take care of Dog."

"We'll do our best but I have to see … see …"

"If Abel is like Dog?"

"Yes. Now what did I tell you?"

"You said to stay here with Dog and not make any noise and that you'd come back for us."

I didn't like leaving Daniel but something pulled me onwards and upwards. I was about twenty yards further up the trail and thinking of turning around when there was a scream, then another, then another all followed by rough male laughter.

After the last encounter with Abel I decided the crossbow wasn't enough. I had gotten out some of the guns that Dad had taught me to shoot with and then cleaned them and practiced dry shooting until I was sure that I knew what I was doing. The rifle I had in my hand was the one that he'd used to kill the hogs and that he'd used for big game hunting.

I eased up the path and then stepped off of it to crawl up to the ridge that gave me a vantage of the incline where I saw them down in a little cul de sac looking spot in the trail. It only took me a moment to figure out what I was seeing but it took longer to let my brain admit it.

A little away from a group of people an old woman was on the ground, dead eyes staring at the gray sky above. I was pretty sure that it was the same old woman but whether it was or wasn't didn't make a hill of beans since she'd already passed. What was important was the man that was tied face forward to a tree and what the other men were doing to him.

Four men were laughing and … and cursing I guess as it was hard to tell since it wasn't in English. They had a small fire and they'd take a stick out of the fire, shake the flames out leaving a red hot tip that they would then press against the man's back. That man was Abel.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

What was I supposed to do? I wanted to take Daniel and run away from what I saw. I wasn't a cop. I wasn't a soldier. I wasn't a grown up of any flavor. I was just fifteen … a kid … a girl on top of that … I wasn't strong enough. What did I know about how to stop the bad guys? I looked heavenward and told God how much I didn't particularly appreciate it that he'd show me something I was so powerless to stop. I was really cranking up to get angry when my head got all quiet and a strange thought entered it like a whisper. "Who said you are powerless? It is written 'all things' and that means ALL things … assuming you are willing to try." Yeah … that's what the Book says – ALL things. So, did I believe It or not?

Then I remembered what I had done at the camp where Daniel, Jeff, and I had been taken. I remembered that I had not just sat down and given up, told myself that I was too young to do anything or waited from someone to rescue me, and I had been even younger then and certainly less experienced looking after myself. I looked around and opened myself up to the possibilities.

There were four men torturing Abel but as I looked more closely I saw two unarmed men standing far back looking more than a little green around the gills. I wasn't sure if it was because of what was happening to Abel or from the smoke that kept blowing their direction. They had on street clothes rather than the Blue Hat uniforms but they were wearing some kind of vest looking thing that reminded me of what the old school crossing guards had worn, only UN blue in color. They were standing by what looked like the packs of the other four.

I made my way down closer to those packs, trying to avoid all of the loose rock on the steep side of the ridge; I didn't want any rattle drawing attention to me. I needn't have bothered as they were both so appalled and fascinated by what they were watching that nothing else seemed to penetrate their senses. That's when I realized I had seen the two unarmed men before. One of them had been a coach at the highschool and the other guy had been a manager at the grocery store where Momma had taken most of her business. I left off thinking about that for the time being as I couldn't let it get in the way.

I had to do something to stop the men from hurting Abel any more than they already had. If I started shooting more than likely they'd start shooting back. I wanted to save Abel but I needed to stay alive to do it. And in all of the ruckus a bullet could hit Abel and any risk I took would be for nothing.

The smoke from the fire as well as the smell from the green wood they were using to make the fire hot kept blowing back at me; it was irritating my eyes and throat. The idiots had thrown some sumac branches on their fire and it smelled nasty. The torturers didn't notice because of the wind direction and because they were having too much fun but the two townies were sure noticing. They must have been scared spitless though of those Blue Hats because they never moved or complained which I found odd. While I was complaining to myself about the commonsense some people seemed to be missing I spotted a butane canister – the kind used for small camp stoves – that had rolled out of one of the packs.

After that things must have happened very fast though it seemed like I was moving through molasses at the time. I reached through the underbrush and snatched up the butane canister holding it like a brick of gold. See, Dad had taught me more than just how to shoot and how to hunt; first he had taught me how to be safe around the farm and in his workshop where he kept his tools, especially the different tanks he used for welding and other sorts of farm work. That butane canister was my ticket to cause trouble by doing the exactly wrong thing with it.

At the base of the shale rock that layered the side of the ridge I built a quick small fire and put the butane canister in it. You ain't seen nothing until you've seen someone trying to hunt a nonexistence hole to avoid the consequences of something they've just done. I'm sure I looked cartoon stupid but I didn't care, I knew what was coming as Daddy had shown me once just for kicks when he had to blow a big stump out of a field he was clearing.

The four men had stepped back to admire their handiwork when one of their packs made a squawking noise that startled me. Dang blasted but they had a radio which meant there were more of them somewhere around. The four men came over to the packs and picked up the radio before quickly retreating as they finally noticed the smoke. The guy with the ratio jabbered into it for a few words and then got a real bent out of shape look on his face. He turned to the two townies and told them in English, "Cut Montoya down. He is to be returned and put on public trial."

The townies hustled over to Abel, avoiding the body of the old woman. They cut the rope loose and Abel just fell over and lay limp though I could just make out the sound of retching that he made from the pain and shock he must have been in. I didn't have time to be confused that they'd called him by a different name; that would come later.

It took longer than I thought it would but the bang of the exploding canister was just awful when it did happen. And so was the damage. Dad had told me that an exploding butane canister reminded him of an exploding claymore. When I asked him how he knew that he got a self-conscious grin on his face and said for me to never mind about how, just that it was. That usually meant that it had something to do with some naughtiness he'd gotten up to as a teenager. I'd overheard stories from some of Dad's old friends that came around once in a while and Dad sounded like the kind of boy he would never have let come near me which was kind of ironic if you think about it.

A lot of the power of the explosion went into the hillside but rather than be a good thing for bystanders it was the exact opposite. Loose shale rock went pelting in every direction like shrapnel from a bomb explosion. The four Blue Hats never stood a chance. They were cut down where they stood and a bloody mess they were too. I didn't dwell on it though as I was too busy trying to survive the rain of rocks and dirt that came down on me. I was lying in a little ditch several yards away but I wasn't able to avoid all of the power of the explosion. My ears were ringing and I had some cuts on me, a particularly bad one on the back of my left wrist where a sharp rock had come down and cut me where I was trying to protect my head. I remembered to keep my mouth open but I was still rattled.

The two townies were down and pretty beat up but not out. I was trying to figure out what to do next when there was another rumble. I jumped back into the trees just in time. Some large boulders from further up started sliding down the incline and the men panicked and started running away, thankful not in the direction where I'd left Daniel.

There wasn't any time left. I ran out of the trees and over to Abel to find that he was still breathing but not real together mentally. Something cracked behind me and I saw a big chunk of rock outcropping give way. I thought we were bug guts for sure but it slid down and blocked the trail behind the townies. It would slow them down if or when they came back but I wasn't counting on it slowing them down too much.

"Abel … Abel … listen, this is going to hurt like the dickens but I've got to get you out of here. If you can help me keep you on your feet I'd appreciate it."

No response but he did seem to be trying to pick his feet up and move them about half the time; the rest I simply dragged him. Abel, though he was skinny as all get out, was no lightweight. His bones must have had a core of lead in them.

"Dacey! There was a big boom and …," Daniel started losing his speech. It got a little worse when he saw Abel's condition.

"Easy Daniel, don't lose it on me, you are going to have to help. I need you to watch him for a sec. I've got to go back for Dad's gun. Give him a little bit of water if he comes to."

I don't know if I was being too hard on my little brother or not, but the truth was it wasn't just Dad's gun that I was going back for. I ran down the trail, picked up the rifle and then went straight to the automatic rifles that the men had dropped during the explosion.

I had to keep myself from looking at the gross mess I'd made. Between the rock shards and their proximity to the explosion … well they were just a grade A mess and there is no need to go over it all again. I would have simply dragged all four packs away with me but they were too heavy. They had to weigh at least forty to fifty pounds each. I ran what I gathered in dashes back to where I'd left Daniel watching over Abel. On my second dash back I found Abel conscious, on his stomach, and pawing at one of the rifles.

"Are you crazy? Look, you aren't in any shape to try and load one of these puppies. Your hands are all icky and sticky and you are shaking like a leaf. I've only got one more run and then we've got to figure out a way to get out of here. Save your energy for that, you're going to need it." I'm not for sure he listened to me but he did stop fidgeting so much and I was able to finish what I had been doing.

I ran back down for the third and last time, threw the remainder of what I'd decided to take in a now empty pack that I'd upended onto the ground and then stood looking around trying to decide how to cover up my crime. If someone came back they would see four dead men whose bodies had been … well, not desecrated exactly but I had forced myself to go through their pockets and swipe some of the stuff they carried. They'd be able to tell that the packs had been dumped on the ground and gone through and that two of the packs were actually missing. They'd also see that four automatic weapons were missing as well as any kind of ammo. I had no idea what story the townies would tell but even if they didn't suspect someone set off the explosion then they'd sure suspect it after they came up here after their dead.

Just then I felt a vibration through my feet and the tree that Abel had been tied to started leaning over and out into nothing. I realized then that the whole clearing was actually nothing more than a large ledge. Oh rubber baby buggy bumpers. I back pedaled and then turned and ran as the ground started to give way. It felt like the falling ground was following me down the trail. I stopped when I got back to where I had left everyone and turned to look. A good chunk of the mountain side had slipped and taken everything with it. Both Daniel and Abel gave me a wide eyed stare.

I tried to shrug nonchalantly. "Ok, so maybe I made an even bigger mess than I expected to."

Abel made a really odd snort, like a piece of a laugh that got pushed out of his nose accidentally, and then sighed as his head kind of lolled to the side; he was out of it again.

We were safe, at least for a while, but that didn't change the fact that I still needed to find a way to get all three of us … make that four as Dog had come to though she was still obviously weak … back to the sink in one piece. We were already going to be pressed for time and I worried that we would have to stay a night out in the woods.

There was no way that Abel was going to be able to walk back home. A picture of an old cowboy movie jumped into my head. These dudes had a friend that had gotten shot but they couldn't stop traveling through the badlands or they'd run out of food and water. They built a travois kind of contraption, something like an old hospital stretcher, and they dragged him. Man it was a good thing that Dad taught my scout troop lashing. That is where you take rope or vines and tied things together to make other things.

I took the cord that I'd swiped from the dead Blue Hats … and their ax too … and cut down two saplings and some branches and then lashed it all together to make something that looked like I remembered from the movie. Abel, when he was conscious, looked like he wanted us to go on without him but I decided to simply ignore him. Just because someone wants to play hero doesn't mean you have to let him.

Rolling Abel onto the travois was not fun for either one of us. First I had to roll him over onto his back which made him nearly break his teeth to keep the scream in and then I had to roll him over again so that he was face down on the branches. We laid Dog beside him and then I tied the two extra packs across Abel's legs to hold him onto the travois and keep him from sliding off.

There had been a tow strap in one of the packs and I used a length of it to tie to the end I was going to lift so that I could carry the weight balanced on my shoulders rather than in my hands. Daniel's job was to follow behind us with a branch destroying the drag marks we would make.

At first I had to stop every five minutes or so to try and rebalance the load but eventually I got into a rhythm. It was dusk before I finally admitted that I wasn't going to make it much further.

"Daniel …"

"No Dacey, I don't wanna sleep outside."

"Daniel, I don't want to either but …"

"It's gonna rain Dacey."

I looked up and sure enough it seemed we were in for more wet stuff. If it had just been rain I was worried about I would have bullied my brother into setting up camp whether he liked it or not but the weather was turning bitter cold and I could feel the sweat on my body drawing what little heat I had away from me. It wasn't rain we were looking at but sleet, or maybe even an early dusting of snow.

"OK, we keep on, but if you fall behind or get out of sight of me I'm going to be totally hacked."

"OK Dacey," he answered, glad just at the idea of not having to stay outdoors.

Three more hours, and in total darkness, we finally got to the sink. I had felt icy drops of wet falling off and on for about twenty minutes but he hadn't really opened up on us yet. Daniel was exhausted beyond speech and he was so cold to my touch that it scared me. I reached down and touched Abel to feel the same thing.

"Daniel … Daniel …," he finally looked at me. "Listen to me buddy, I want you to go down and wait in front of the door. I've got to bring Abel down."

Daniel pointed at Dog and she must have seen him. She got up weakly from the travois and tried to go to him.

"Oh for pity sake. Go Daniel, I'll carry Dog." That's what I did but instead of leaving them there I opened the door and shoved them both inside the little anteroom and then went back up for long, tall, and heavy.

"Hey Abel, you in there anywhere?" I asked trying to see if he'd respond. He opened one eye a crack but it kind of rolled around in the socket like he couldn't focus.

"OK, this is so not going to be fun. First off, I have to trust you not to tell anyone about this. I wouldn't like doing anything bad to you but Daniel is all I have in this world and his safety is more important than my wishing to not have to be bad." I could tell he was hearing me but I wasn't sure he was understanding me at all. "Second, you weigh a ton and I can't carry you down so unless you help me some here I'm going to have to roll you down and with your back being like it is I can pretty much guarantee you won't feel too good afterwards."

He didn't move. I really didn't want to hurt him but I really couldn't carry him down and trying to slide him down on the travois just wasn't going to work. I started untying him and then from someplace he must have found the energy to move but I could tell that he wasn't going to get far.

That was definitely not the most fun thing I've ever done in my life. I basically had to walk backwards holding onto the guardrail while he walked forward leaning on me. We made it into the anteroom but I hadn't thought that Daniel would still be there. I tripped over his feet and we both went down. Abel squashed me flat and drove all the air out of me. In the process he busted his nose against my chin and it started bleeding like a gusher.

I'm not going to bother describing the rest of the comedic routine of digging Daniel's foot out of my back, wiggling out from under Abel and then dragging both him and Daniel to the living area where I lit the fire and hoped they'd thaw out while I finished dealing with things.

Dog came limping cautiously into the room. "I hope 'cause you are a girl it means you've got manners and won't make a mess. I'll bring you a bowl of water in a bit. Do your best to keep them from acting stupid will you?"

It is pretty sad when you are down to talking to a dog like it can understand you all the way like a person could. I left and drug down the packs and left them in the anteroom. I went back up to get the travois and pull it out of sight and got soaked for my trouble. I also had to make sure the chickens were going to be warm enough and did what I had to do for them.

I didn't care about much after that but I still had sense enough to know I couldn't sleep in wet clothes so I changed and then walked out to fall across the sofa. I was asleep before I even got comfortable.

-

The fire was just coals but I could hear scratching around. My eyes cracked open and for a brief moment I was back to when Jeff lived with us. Then I jumped as everything came back into focus. I rolled off the sofa and went over to where Abel was trying to put wood on the fire. Dog was there too and I remembered I hadn't gotten her any water.

"Sorry girl I'll get some in just a minute. Abel, stop fooling with the fire and lay back down, I'll get it. I'll bring back some water … might as well clean your back too."

Abel's eyes were glassy with pain but he knew me and let me take the wood from his hands and push him over to lean on the poofy chair that matched the sofa. I stood up, not too steady on my own legs, and went and got everything I needed. I put a bowl of water down for Dog and she lapped at it eagerly but with dainty manners that I appreciated. At least I didn't have to worry about dog slobber all over the place on top of everything else.

Abel sat on the floor, leaning on the chair. I saw that he'd taken what was left of his shirt off and I felt guilty again. This would have been a lot easier on him if I'd done it as soon as we got in. I sat down to start cleaning his back when with more speed than I'd expected he turned and snatched the wet rag from my hand.

"I so don't think so. I bet you can't even reach most of the dirt on your back much less be easy enough not to open those blisters up. I've given Daniel a bath more than a few times so washing your back isn't going to be that hard … so long as you cooperate."

He kind of drew back from me like I'd hurt his feelings and then looked at me kind of strange, closed his eyes, and shook his head. "I sure hope you aren't shaking your head no because if I can wear Daniel down I can wear anyone down."

A soft snort was the only response until he opened his eyes and handed me the rag before slowly turning his back to me. "Now I'm not saying this isn't going to hurt but I'll be as easy as I can. I'll be as gentle as I would with Daniel." That got me a look out of the corner of his eye, one I didn't understand but I was too tired to go after figuring it out.

It took me nearly an hour to clean him all up proper but after a while he drew the line. I finally agreed it made more sense to show him the bathroom and let him clean the rest of him up.

I knew that his clothes were filthy. They didn't stink, but they were dirty. And though some of Abel reminded me of Jeff it wasn't because they were built the same. Actually Abel reminded me more of pictures of Dad when he was younger. I hadn't looked through Dad's things in a while, only Momma's when I grew out of my tops and such. I opened the chests and slowly pulled out a few things and realized they'd swallow Abel whole. Then I remembered Dad's box of jeans and work shirts that he swore he was going to get back into. I finally found them way in the back of the storage area and at the same time I remembered how Momma would sigh and shake her head every time Dad insisted on putting something into those boxes. "John, just give them to the church closet. You know you're never …"

"Never say never. Do I complain about all them dresses you keep on the off chance they come back into style?"

Mom would humph, "That's different."

The memory made me smile but sad at the same time. I shook my head and said to heck with it and pulled out some of the smallest waisted jeans in the pile and a couple of the shirts and walked back to the door of the bathroom where I knocked.

He jumped and then groaned. "Abel, don't take this the wrong way but those clothes you were wearing need a good wash. I've put some stuff on the doorknob here … uh … you might have to … uh … hold onto your … er … um … your under things but if you don't mind the smell of cedar here are some pants and shirts that might suit you."

No response but I could imagine Jeff would have been outraged enough to give me the silent treatment if I'd said something similar to him. I walked away but as I turned into the kitchen I heard the bathroom door click open and then after a moment click shut. A little while later as I stood at the stove fixing an omelet I turned to find Abel holding himself up by his arm on the wall.

I walked over and took his dirty things from him and saw he was in real pain. He'd left the shirt half unbuttoned and completely untucked. "I hope you don't get cold. It stays cool in the cave all year long." I looked down to see his feet were tucked into moccasins but they weren't laced up. I helped him over to the table and had him sit on the bench since it didn't have a back.

"I don't mind if you want to lay your head down until … hmmm … I think it is close enough to breakfast to call it that. Thirsty?"

A dry click of a swallow and a nod told me yes so I poured him some water and then put some powdered Gatorade in it. "This may taste nasty but burns can knock your electrolytes out of balance."

I got a confused look from him. "You know, your salts. When you lose a lot of fluids."

He shrugged and then winced in pain. I set the drinking cup at his place and then turned to flip the omelet that when it was cooked I would split between us.

He remained silent but gazed longingly at the plate and stood quickly as I went to sit down. "Uh …" I didn't know what to say; he was acting weird. He finally looked over in the direction where Daniel still slept and I said, "I'm going to let him sleep for as long as he wants. He did a big job covering our trail and it was cold."

Abel got all shamefaced and I told him, "You know, just because I said my brother did a big job didn't mean I was complaining or saying something to upset you. It was what it was, that's all. Now please sit down and eat, you make me nervous when you pop up and down like that."

He did sit back down and I was glad to see it. He was getting a little gray around the edges again and I didn't want to have to clean him up off the kitchen floor. He ate the food I put on his plate like it was the best thing he ever put in his mouth; it was kind of embarrassing but at the same time I was getting a charge out of it and when I offered him some cold biscuits we hadn't eaten and some of Momma's preserves to go on them he acted like he'd found the lost Ark or something.

"Look, now you've eaten and while Daniel is asleep I think we should … get a few things straight."

Abel nodded his head cautiously.

"I may be young but I'm not stupid," I said eyeing him. "Since the beginning of this whole mess I've seen Blue Hats three times since they killed my parents and we escaped their re-education camp … and all three of those times have somehow had something to do with you."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

He went real still and got a closed expression on his face.

"I also figure you can talk … or at least some semblance of it. You can holler pretty loud so your vocal chords work just fine. You've acted like you were gonna say something then just stopped like you'd thought better of it. Even yesterday you looked like you were chewing on words you were dying to say but didn't. If you stutter or something like that then don't worry about it, it isn't anything to be ashamed of. Or maybe you have a lisp or something. Just whatever it is give it up already. I'm not going to bite your head off just because you put words together funny."

He looked away and all I could do was shake my head.

"And something else … twice now the Blue Hats have seemed to call you 'Montoya' or something like that … like they knew you."

He paled like he was getting sick.

"So anyway, if we're going to be friends and you hang out here with us I just think it would be mannerly to be honest and upfront about any potential problems we might run into." That got a reaction. His mouth fell open and I got the impression if he hadn't already been sitting down his sitter would have hit the floor.

Then he looked at me, took a deep breath and said, "¡Madre de dios, usted es una muchacha loca! I wonder the men of your family ever let you out on your own."

I wasn't sure what I expected the young man I called Abel to sound like but the deep, chocolaty tones of his Spanish accent sure wasn't it. But if he was Spanish … what the heck … why … then I got an awful feeling … and the Blue Hats seemed to know him so well … and my suspicions must have shown on my face.

"You will hear my story? Wait to decide how much to hate me?"

All I could do was nod while I called myself every type of fool in the book.

"Mi nombre … my name … es Abelardo Montoya. I was born in Madrid. My father was un conductor de camion … what you call a truck driver. He drove a bread truck but he was killed during a labor strike when I and my brother were very little. My mother sent us to live on our grandfather's granja … his farm. It was a good life until the putrefaccion, what you call the Heart Rot, came to our ciudad … our little town. When the farm died so did my Abuelo. Then my uncle came from the city, bringing his family, to take over. I don't know what happened to mi Madre; she just disappeared like so many others in the big cities. My uncle, he said there were too many of us to take care of, some would have to go. He put the girls to work in the soup kitchens … his sons he kept at home … but my brother and I and two other cousins … we were sent to the army for to pay the taxes."

I did not want to feel anything for the person in front of me but I did, against my better judgment.

Abel shrugged, "My brother died. He became so hungry that he ate old leather that had been boiled and it poisoned him. One of my cousins died during entrenamiento … the training, where they teach you to be a soldier. No one cared. Men were dying in the camp every day. It was fewer to feed. Then the UN came with promises of food and fuel for every soldier – that they'd give our honor back to us – if we volunteered to help save the world. We were told our families would also be taken care of if we did this thing. Even though my cousin and I were scared, we volunteered. We were tired of being hungry and knew our Abuelo would have sacrificed everything for his familia, had died for his family, died for us that we might eat."

He sighed again, this time looking ashamed.

"We came to America. It was so different from what we had left. Everyone had so much. We became jealous. We were also too proud, thinking that we were making things fair for everyone by making the America share what she had. We were fools. When the rot came I felt bad. People were very scared and worried and they reminded me much of my family and the place I had left behind. My cousin and I expected to help set up feeding stations and other programs like had been done in other countries. Instead it quickly became every man for himself. Some of us did try and do good but … it was so hard. The officers would punish us and call us soft, or tell us we were being brainwashed by the enemy. I hadn't realized America was the enemy. Then the killing started … and other things you are too young to hear about."

This time it was me who snorted, easily understanding what he was trying not to say. All I had to do was remember the early radio messages and the look I had seen in the eyes of the men who had put the burning sticks to Abel's back.

"We were torn. Many of us kept asking when we would go home. Soon, soon they would say. Then my cousin found out something terrible. They had lied to us … about feeding our families. Word got out and we were angry, so angry. There were riots in the camps. When they found out who had told they shot my cousin dead and told us to get back to work and to shut up, that our families were likely dead so now they were our families and we would do what we were told or die just like my cousin had."

His hands were curled into fists so tight his knuckles were bloodless and white. The look on his face was terrible.

"I made a vow to get the man who had killed my cousin, for all I knew my last family, and to also get revenge on all of those who had lied to us and brought us so far from home for what was nothing but evil deeds." He quieted briefly and then said, "I have done terrible things Day-cee, so terrible I fear the day I will have to confess them. I lived only for revenge for a long time. But then I grew to hate myself, sickened by what I had become so I escaped … ran until I could run no more. I fell in a ditch and would have been happy to have died there and never drawn another breath."

He refused to look at me, I guess not willing to see what he thought he would see on my face.

"Unfortunately, God did have me wake up; I was not to escape myself so easy. When I woke there was the old woman there going through my belongings. She thought I was dead and then cried because I wasn't and thought I was going to kill her or worse. I do not really understand how it came to be but she and I walked into the wilderness here and … and I did my best to atone by taking care of her. She was … loca I think … a little crazy. Sometimes she would talk to people who were not there or wander off and I would have to find her again. That is what happened the second time we met, I found her and had tucked her into a camp to sleep while I hunted something to feed us with. The animals are becoming fewer and harder to catch. I had fed her what little we had; the food you gave me … it was like … like my abuela's. It had been so long since I had bread … and you were very sneaky to hide that other sandwich in my pack. I worried that you gave me too much of your food."

At his hangdog expression I relented enough to say, "You worried for nothing. I'd never let Daniel go hungry. There was enough to share so we did."

"Si … yes, you were very strange to me. A girl and a young boy, wandering around by themselves but the old woman she said you would have familia, that you could not take care of yourselves. I think them careless to let you wander … there are bad men … and women … who would do unspeakable things if they caught you. I tried to find you but could not and soon we were driven deep into the higher parts trying to avoid the … what you call the Blue Hats … that were looking to make me an example. My commander … he is still alive and hates me even more than I hate him I think though why I do not know."

"Well, hopefully they'll think you are dead after that landslide. It pretty much took any evidence of what happened with it."

"Do you think?" At my nod he said, "I am tired of running. I would like to be still just for a while."

I was pulled in two different directions. This person was the same Abel that he had been before I knew his story but at the same time I had Daniel to think about. I didn't know what to do.

Abel must have sensed my problem. "I will leave, but I have one favor. Will you look after the perro … the dog? I am not sure that I can look after her any longer and she seems to like your Daniel. Maybe your men …"

I'd had enough. "OK, here it is and if you take advantage of it I can guarantee I will hurt you." He startled at my angry tone. "There aren't any 'my men folk' or whatever you are trying to say. For that matter there aren't any women folk either. There is only Daniel and me. The Blue Hats killed our parents. We … Daniel, and I and our cousin Jeff who'd be about your age I guess … we were sent to a re-education camp but some Chinese came along and there was a fight and the whole camp pretty much ran for it. My family … the three of us left … came here, to this place my father had built. Then after a while Jeff left to go to town and try and see what was going on … he never came back. I don't know what happened to him but I figure he's never coming back."

The look on Abel's face was priceless. "And you can get that surprised look off of your face. Just because I am a girl doesn't mean I am helpless. I bet your grandmother and mother could have told you a thing or two about that." I calmed down, afraid that if I didn't I'd wake up Daniel and scare him.

I stood up and Abel stood up too. "Oh sit down before you fall down. I think better when I'm moving but don't think I'm going to make it easy on you."

He sat and just stared at me like I was something he'd never seen before. "OK, ground rules. You can't draw them Blue Hats here. I don't know what you were doing before to get them so bent out of shape … probably something I'll wish I had done … but no more. I've dreamed of getting back at the Blue Hats for a long time but I've also had Daniel to look after. Daniel comes first … always … got it?"

At his nod I continued. "And another thing, you have to help share in the work. I don't know what the girls were like where you came from but I'm not about to turn into your maid. I'll keep cooking and stuff like that but I wouldn't mind some help with the laundry, the chickens, and getting the firewood cut up. And you can help clean the bathroom too."

He just continued to stare at me like he was wondering if he was hallucinating.

"And about me being a girl … don't go pulling any tricky stuff … with me or with Daniel." He was confused for a moment then looked like he got a little angry himself.

"I would never do something so dishonorable … so evil …"

"Yeah, yeah … and Benji Clayton the preacher's son didn't try to spy on the girls' shower at Bible camp every chance he got. I don't care who your daddy or … or abuelo … was or how they acted … I'm just worried about how you are going to act. So no … no peaking or anything like that. We only have one bathroom and sometimes Daniel forgets to knock but he gets freaked out if he thinks the door is locked so … so …"

"If the door is closed I will knock, or call out. I had girl cousins that were like sisters to me … they screamed very loudly … and could make life mismo malo if you did not act as you ought," he said so seriously I had to look to see if he was joking. He was not. Good for his girl cousins.

"I'll … I'll probably think of other things later but for now that will do … just so long as we're clear."

He nodded but then said, "Chica, are you sure? You do not know me. I could be a liar."

"If you are, you are a good one … even Dog likes you. Daniel thinks you are OK and he seems to be able to sniff people out that aren't on the up and up."

"About your Daniel …"

I had been waiting for him to say something and was ready to tear into him but what he said surprised me, "I had a cousin, she was like him … different, gentle. Rosa. She hated going to work in the kitchens … all the strangers, they upset her. Autistico, but worse than your Daniel I think."

"Daniel … he's my little brother and I will never let anyone say anything bad about him but I'd be lying if I didn't admit that he has … issues. Yes, he's autistic but we always hoped that one of these days he'd learn to cope with everything and then maybe lead … I don't know, they used to call it a 'normal life' but I don't know if that exists for anybody anymore."

He had a very expressive sigh. "Si … but the rot … it cannot last forever. We just need to outlast it. I still look here at you … at this place … I still do not understand."

I grinned despite myself. "It was my Dad. People used to call him paranoid but he'd say 'Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get me.'"

It took Abel a minute to translate what I'd said in his head then he nodded. "Si … si … there are many bad things in life. We would all have died very quick if Abuelo and Abuelita had not stored much food on the farm for our whole family."

"Exactly. The Blue Hats took everything from our house … everything … furniture, clothes, everything … except for what Dad had told us to move here. We were going to move into the cave within a couple of days but … but …"

I hadn't cried over it in a long time and I wasn't about to cry about it then either but I couldn't talk about it either. Not to him. Not yet.

"S'OK Day-cee. I still … it hurts … to think of my brother … and my cousin … both who died but who did not need to."

"I don't cry much. I had to get over that early on or I would have flooded this cave out completely. Look … this is just … I haven't had anyone but Daniel to talk to in a long time. I'm not sure I should be telling you all this stuff now … but I can't seem … my mouth is getting unhinged at finally …," I stopped and sighed not quite able, nor willing, to put how I was feeling into words.

"We will both have to figure out how to talk again I think."

I asked a question that just occurred to me, "How come you speak English so well? All I hear the Blue Hats … and people on the radio … talking is gibberish."

When he didn't understand what I meant by gibberish I said, "Languages that I can't understand."

"Ah," he said after figuring out what I meant. "I took English in my escuela … in my school. Then I learned more … better … when I came to America and had to talk for my officers to make other people understand what they wanted. I took books and read them when no one was looking. And the old woman … she never seemed to stop talking but it wasn't always to me." He tapped his forehead with his finger.

"I know a little Spanish. I took it as an elective in middle school but everyone always laughed when I tried to speak it."

"Cruelty." I looked again thinking he might be making fun of me but I couldn't tell if he was or not.

"No, I really do sound pretty bad. I never could make my r's trill or use the tilda over the right N."

"Ah," he said again. Then after a moment he asked, "Do you wish to learn?"

"Maybe … probably … but only if you promise not to laugh at how bad I am."

"If you promise not to laugh when I do not understand the words you use. You put them together strangely sometimes."

It was a deal … on everything, not just on the not laughing stuff … but since Daniel chose that moment to walk in we left what we had really been talking about unsaid.

I fixed both Daniel and Dog breakfast and that kept me busy but still listening to Abel answer all the questions that came his way, occasionally translating a phrase or word into something Abel could understand. Daniel was fascinated with Abel and how he suddenly just started talking. "Dacey can make anybody do anything. She just wears you down."

I looked over at them, giving them both the evil eye, but all it did was make them both laugh. Abel wasn't laughing for long however. He'd started hurting so bad he couldn't hide it from me. I brought him a bottle of ibuprofen and asked him if he was allergic to anything.

"No, I'm strong."

"Strong doesn't have anything to do with it."

"Hmm? Ah … no … no mi salud … it is very good. No alergias … none."

"Fine, then take a couple of these and go lay down. Wait … not in … look, if you are going to stay here you can't sleep on the sofa. That's stupid."

I led him back to my room, "You can sleep here. I've been sleeping with Daniel for such a long time it doesn't matter anyway."

"I cannot take your room Day-cee."

"It's a bed and a dresser, no big deal. I just hope your feet don't hang off the end. You're taller than Jeff is … was …," I stopped and just shrugged.

We had a stare down contest which I won … maybe only because he was so tired and hurting.

"Daniel, help me change the sheets real quick and …"

"No … they are fine. I've been sleeping on the ground for so long anything is a pleasure."

I wasn't going to argue with him. I hated changing sheets. It's the only time being short bothered me. "Fine, just don't say I didn't offer. Daniel, leave him to sleep. I expect Dog needs to go out pretty bad but we're going to have to watch her to make sure she doesn't take a liking to the chickens and she'll be wet when she comes back in so you'll have to dry her up. I don't mind Dog staying inside but I'll be doggone if I'm going to live with a wet smelly dog. Got it?"

"Got it Dacey. Come on Dog. Dacey says you can go outside but you can't play with the chickens. That would be bad."

I turned to make sure that Abel didn't mind Daniel taking his dog out but he was already asleep which I figured was the best thing for him. I turned the solar lamp off but left it beside the bed for when he woke up and then followed Daniel outside. It was so cold that none of us wanted to be out for long. I checked on the chickens again and they got insulted so I left them alone.

Daniel was tired again but he was way past being willing to take a nap "like a baby." Instead I told him that Dog looked like she needed a nap but wouldn't if she thought he wanted to play so maybe he could trick her by lying down with her. He was out like a light in less than a minute. I wanted to curl up and go to sleep too but there was no time for it. I had a lot to think about.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

I was in the mood for lemon pie … or something lemony … but since I didn't have lemons I did what Momma had told me her great grandmother had taught her to do when lemons were out of season or too expensive. I made Sheep Sorrel Pie. I had gathered a pretty good bundle of it before we ran into all the trouble and I wanted to use it before it wilted too much more than it already had.

I took Momma's common lemon pie recipe but instead of adding lemons like it called for I added a cup of finely chopped sheep sorrel and continued on from there. It looked a little funny to people who weren't used to eating wild forage but it sure tasted good. When I had the pie in the oven I started on our next meal. The chickens were pretty much finished laying until things warmed back up so I decided I needed to go easy on the fresh eggs. I wasn't sure what Abel had been eating but something told me that he could use some vitamins if he'd been doing nothing but eating meat and maybe a few wild greens. I decided I needed to ask him and compare notes.

I wanted something easy to fix and decided to make wheat burgers. I had cooked a cup of wheat when I fixed "breakfast" and it was finally cool enough for me to fool with. I took the cooked wheat and put it in a big bowl along with a can of cooked kidney beans, a whole egg, and some salt and pepper for taste and a little bit of bouillon and a couple of drops of liquid smoke for good measure. I started with a pastry knife and mixed the whole, ugly mess together. When it was cut up into small enough bits I started mashing it with my hands until I got a lump of stuff that was kind of the consistency of raw hamburger. I thought about dumping in some onion too but wasn't in the mood to watch Daniel pick them out, not with company sitting at the table. I turned the goop in the bowl into hamburger type patties and set them to the side for a moment while I fried up some canned bacon in a skillet.

I set the skillet to the side and then used the bacon grease to fry the patties in. I heard a scuff behind me and turned to find Abel standing there looking a little sick.

"Oh … hey … you don't look so good," I told him, concerned maybe he was coming down with something.

"No … I am … well. The smell … I … it has been so long …"

"Oh!" I should have realized that the smell might get to him if he'd been on short rations for a long time. "Sit down. Let me get you some milk … that should settle your stomach."

"M mm milk? Real milk?"

"Well, it is real dried milk … or real before it was dried or … well … you know what I mean. I keep a pitcher cold for Daniel."

"Then if it is Daniel's …"

"Remember rule number one? I wouldn't offer it to you if it was going to take something away from Daniel so just drink it already. If you don't like it plain I can put a drop of flavoring in it or …"

"No … no this is …," he stopped, worried. "Am I dreaming this? Have I gone mad?"

"If you don't drink this milk and on top of it make me burn the dinner I'm going to be the one that is mad," I told him. Gosh he could be as stubborn as Daniel on a bad day. "Just sip it though, no need to make yourself sick on purpose. And there is more if you want it."

I went back to flip the patties in the pan. "Abel?"

"Hmm?" he answered, really into savoring the milk.

"What did you and the old woman eat? You said you hunted but you couldn't have just been eating wild game surely?"

Abel gave one of his expressive shrugs. "We ate what there was to eat. The old woman … she never would tell me her name so after a while I gave up asking … she seemed to know some of the things we could eat. We were sick a few times and we learned not to eat whatever had made us ill again. But mostly yes, it was the wild … cerdo … you know the …"

"The hogs, yeah. But they are mean. I've only managed to bring down a couple. Daniel and I got treed a couple of times by them too."

"Yes, we as well. I tried not to hunt the ones too close to where people once lived. I saw a few of them … doing what wild things do when they find …" he stuttered to a stop, concerned I guess that he was treating me too much like an adult.

"Abel, don't get upset but … the girls you are used to might be like hot house flowers but I won't break or cry just because you speak the truth. Hogs will eat anything if they get hungry enough. When I was little I saw a big farm hog bite a man's thumb off 'cause he wasn't paying close enough attention. And I grew up on a farm; around animals and real life … you did too. It doesn't make sense to pretend life hasn't been what it is."

He opened his mouth, likely to say something silly like some guys tend to do but then he stopped and just nodded, accepting that straight talk would be better.

"Si … yes … the wild hogs were … being what they were. Those hogs tend to be the meanest of them all … that have tasted what they should not have. There were such people as well that did the same thing. I used to put them out of their misery when I could but … there became too many of them. I learned to watch for their traps. I would spring them, destroy the traps, but the rest I left to God."

"Daniel and I never ran into anyone like that. In fact you and the old woman are the only two people that we have talked to since Jeff went away."

Curious he asked, "You have seen no other people?"

"We've seen a few but none to speak to. And we didn't let them see us." I put the last of the patties on a plate and put them in the warmer while I finished the rice, gravy, and corncakes that would round out our meal.

Daniel walked into the kitchen. "Dacey, Dog wants to go out."

I was momentarily flustered trying to figure out how to finish cooking and take Daniel and the dog out at the same time. Abel said, "I will do it."

"Not in just a shirt! It's cold out. Daniel? Show Abel the storage room; you'll need a lamp back there. Abel, there are three boxes that I left open; I think Dad's old coat is in there and …"

"Your …?" I could tell Abel was concerned and embarrassed at the same time. Daniel must have sensed it to.

"It's all right Abel. Daddy is in Heaven. They don't need coats up there. Come on … I think Dog needs to go bad so we better hurry or Dacey will make us clean up the mess."

Leaving my little brother to manage any of Abel's reluctance I turned back and finished everything up, happier … or at least a whole lot less lonely … than I had been in a long while. I had someone to talk to, someone that seemed interesting … and who was at least trying to be nice and not take advantage. And someone who could help with some of the work that was hardest for me to do. I figured I'd be a fool to ask for any more than that.

I heard them come back in just as I was going out to call them. I was surprised to see that both Daniel and Abel had their arms full of wood and even Dog had a stick in her mouth. The wood was fresh chopped too.

I put my hands on my hips, "You did not just split that wood. In the rain. With your back the way it is. Are you trying to get sick?!"

Not for the last time would I run into Abel's overdeveloped male pride. "If I stay here I share in the work," he replied getting all bowed up.

"Well fine then … make me feel like a monster. It isn't as if someone didn't just try to torture you to death and stuff yesterday."

Daniel saved us from getting in a tiff. "See Abel, I told you. Girls are funny about that kind of thing. She makes me wear socks and mittens. Momma did too."

I humphed and shook my head and told Daniel to go get washed up for dinner. He put his load of wood down in the box near the fire place and I showed Abel where the wood box in the kitchen was.

"You really didn't need to do that Abel. I mean yeah, when your back gets better I'd like the help but … I bet you busted some blisters and that has to sting."

He tried to shrug but it hurt and I wound up helping him to take the coat off. It smelled strongly of cedar and going through the pockets I pulled out a sachet that Momma had made to keep the bugs away. All things considered I could have really ragged on Abel but figured he was going to be hard headed about it no matter what I said so I saved my breath.

When everyone was washed up I had them sit down as I put the food on the table. Abel was shaking his head so I asked him, "Aren't you hungry?"

He swallowed a couple of times and then said, "Chica, you … this … must be a dream."

He would have said more but Daniel interrupted and said, "Hurry and say the blessing Dacey. I'm hungry!"

"Daniel! That's rude," I admonished him. "It's not nice to interrupt."

Abel said, "Nor is it nice of me to keep him from his meal. You speak over your meal?"

I wasn't about to get embarrassed over something I'd been doing my whole life. But I needn't have worried.

"Si, mi Madre … my mother … and then my Abuelo … it was forbidden to eat until we dijo un rezo … said a … um … a blessing … on the food, saying thank you to God since tomorrow more might not come. Yes?"

"We just say a simple one that Daniel has memorized."

"Yes, simple is best … viene del Corazon … from the heart it comes. It has been … a long time for me …" His voice trailed off and his eyes became troubled.

"Daniel," I said quickly. "Say Grace for us?"

He'd barely said the last syllable before he picked up his fork and started shoveling food into his mouth. I was a little embarrassed but Abel didn't notice … he was too busy tasting everything that I put on his plate.

"You still have the cows?"

"Huh? Oh … oh no … those are just …" It took me a minute to try and explain that the patties didn't have any meat in them except for the scrapping from the bottom of the pan that I had fried the bacon in. "Mostly we eat pork. We have some canned beef but I only fix it a couple of times a month so that it'll last. We still have a lot of canned chickens … and I really need to cull some of those biddies now that the weather is cold."

"But this is not meat?"

I laughed at the look on his face. "No it really isn't. But it can pass for it and Daniel will eat it better than he ever would a hamburger so sometimes …" I just shrugged. I knew I tended to spoil my brother by giving him whatever he wanted but I figured one of these days maybe I couldn't so I'd do it now while I could.

I had made a lot expecting Abel to eat as big as Jeff always had but he seemed to be struggling to finish what was on his plate. "Are you sure you feel OK? Or maybe it's my cooking? I didn't even think to ask if you liked …"

"No … no Chica … my mouth, it wants more … my mind, it calls me a fool … but my stomach, it fails me. Um … how do you say … it grew smaller?"

After thinking a moment I said, "Oh, you mean shrunk? Your stomach shrunk? From not having much to eat?"

"Si … I mean yes."

"Oh," I said disappointed. "Then I guess you aren't going to want any pie."

Abel's face nearly made me laugh out loud but I was afraid of hurting his feelings. "Pie? You mean empanada? You fixed … uh … postre?"

"Postre …," I thought trying to remember my vocabulary. "Pastry? No … dessert … postre means dessert … pastels means pastry. Here, let me just show you."

I got up and then brought the pie back to the table. Daniel was happy. He said, "Sheep pie!"

Abel had a funny look on his face as he tried to follow what we were saying. "Look, let me slice you a little piece, to celebrate maybe?"

He didn't say no so I cut him a little piece and put it on his plate. He had to take his teeth and rake the spit back into his mouth. Then he saw the bits of plants in there.

"What … this is … grass pie?"

"No, sorrel pie."

"Sew .. reel."

"Close enough. Take a little taste."

He put a smidge in his mouth and both Daniel and I finally did bust out laughing at the look on his face.

"This … this is lemon! Lemon pasteles!"

"No it's not," I laughed. "I told you, it is Sorrel Pie. It just bites like lemon does."

It wasn't hard to get him to finish his small piece but I could tell he was having to force down the last bite.

"It's all right. I'll put the leftovers in the cooler and we can eat the rest later."

He insisted on helping to clear the table even though I could tell he was still hurting and just a little sick to his stomach on top of it but when he saw the cooler all thought of his discomfort left his mind. And of course the cooler led to the pantry and from the pantry to the big food storage room and from there to the grow rooms. We lost Daniel and Dog somewhere along the way and I heard them playing in the living room. Abel's eyes could barely keep up with everything.

"My head … it spins and spins. Su padre era brillante."

"Yeah, Dad was smart … but commonsense smart, not university smart. He never got a chance to go but if he had I know he would have been great."

"It was the same for my Abuelo. There was little he could not do … but we were forever poor because there were so many of us and because the government took so much. I was supposed to go to university but …" he gave one of his shrugs. "Some day … maybe … if my past does not … I was bad and will have to pay one day before I can go on living."

I didn't like the idea of that. "Soldiers that go to war don't pay for what they have to do to survive. It sounds like war out there to me. But anyway, you are safe here, with Daniel and me."

He got a sad look on his face and something told me he was thinking of the old lady. "What happened? How did they catch you?"

When he answered I knew I had been right. "They found the old woman. I heard her screaming. I was foolish and did not think. There had been a bear … I thought …" another one of those shrugs. "I ran … straight into them. You saw the rest."

"The old woman was not your fault. You must have been taking care of her for a while. I know how hard it can be to take care of Daniel. It would be worse if I had to hunt for all of our food. I don't know if I could do it, not alone. The Blue Hats, the ones that hurt her, they'll have to answer for it. They already have most likely."

He looked at me, "You … you forgive so easily."

"If you mean about you being a Blue Hat? Maybe … maybe not all of the Blue Hats are bad … there was this woman … when Daniel, Jeff, and I were taken … I think she meant well … I don't know, maybe thinking of the Blue Hats like monsters was wrong. They are people, good and bad … but it seems mostly bad … or at least mostly wrong."

"The ones who wanted to help … they did not last long. Accidents they were called. Or … or they changed as force was put on them. I changed. I …" I hadn't ever meant anyone that could put as much meaning or feeling into simple gestures such as a sigh or a shrug as Abel could. He almost didn't need to talk for me to understand what he meant or how he was feeling.

"Abel?"

"Hmm?"

"Why do there seem to be different kinds of Blue Hats?"

"Different … ah, you would not know. As things got bad, the UN … it became every man – or woman – for themselves. During this time the petty things, and the big things, that had made the people fight before becoming part of the UN came back. People looked for others that spoke their language, were from the same country, or the same religion. The UN was made of many parts but the parts no longer chose to work together as before. There was much infighting with the officers and commanders. There were assassinations. A group from Pakistan and Yemen started it and it spread from there."

"None of them seem to like you very well."

"No for I cared not who they were, where they were from, or what god they worshipped. If they were doing bad things, or not stopping their brethren from doing bad things, I did bad things to them. But after days, weeks, months of this … I could not continue. My soul ached. But what I did has followed me. I pray it does not follow me to your door Chica."

"Well … they aren't exactly my favorite people either so if they come to take you we'll fight."

I said it and I found as soon as I had that I really meant it. He may have worn the Blue Hat uniform, but he was never really a Blue Hat in his heart. Or maybe I was just making rationalizations. Either way it didn't matter; even if he had been one of "them" in the past, Abel was now one of "us."


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

The next two weeks it continued cold and to rain off and on … mostly on. Since we were stuck inside I thought it was going to be hard but it was easier than I thought to get used to Abel living with us. I'm sure at least in part because all of us wanted it to work. The new company made things more interesting. It wasn't like having Jeff around – I'd almost forgotten what that was like – but Abel filled a hole that I'd only half way understood was empty. We did have to compromise but the compromising wasn't hard. One of the few things that bothered me was that Abel was trying a little too hard to make it easy and that gave me a few things to think about, like what had his home life been like back in Spain and maybe he'd been just as starved for company as I was and felt like since the cave was "ours" he was the one that would have to do all of the changing to make things work. Some small niggling piece of me also wondered if he had ulterior motives but the longer Abel was around the less and less likely that was. It is hard to explain but a person knows after a while whether another person is really committed to something or whether they are just playacting.

Daniel and Dog were inseparable except for the two times that Abel insisted on hunting. The first time he wouldn't let us go and was so exhausted when he returned with the carcass of a feral pig that I got the butchering and processing nearly completed before he woke up from a "short nap." He tried to be embarrassed by that but I wouldn't let him. More and more I found he had a driving need to be a contributor and not just a beneficiary of our life in the cave. Partly I'm pretty sure that was one of those male pride things but I'm also sure that it had at least as much to do with being a kind of protector personality which was a lot like my dad. Since he wasn't obnoxious about it I didn't tell him to knock it off; it was actually nice to share some of the burden for Daniel with another person. I never resented Daniel, but sometimes I was scared I wasn't going to be able to meet all of his needs.

The next time it was easier to convince Abel that it would be easier all around if all three of us (four if you count Dog) went hunting together. We were blessed on the hunt which made it easier for him to see the wisdom of not trying to do everything himself. We managed to spook two sows and a young boar over a steep embankment killing all three when they landed on the rocks below. Hunting was a challenge because you didn't want to use a gun or you might draw attention to your location. Bow hunting could be challenging and I worried about running out of arrows trying to hunt larger game that way. The way we did it left no trace other than blood on the rocks below which was quickly washed away in a cold rain. It reminded me of history class when we covered ancient tribal people who were hunter-gatherers.

I suppose in a way we were more like a tribe than not. There were lots of similarities but there were some differences as well. Even at my age I knew it was going to be unreasonable to expect a grown guy like Abel to be bossed around by a teenage girl. I know if Abel had come in and simply tried to take over it would have been next to impossible for me to live with. We managed to work our way through that stuff without talking about it too much. Abel pretty much took over bossing about the heavy chores … cutting wood, leading our hunts, the big repairs that I just hadn't managed to figure out how to do in the cave, and things along those lines. I still controlled the kitchen and supply rooms, gathering the wild forage (what was left of it for the season), organizing keeping the cave – and our bodies – clean and clean clothed, and of course anything that had to do with Daniel. There was only one thing that there seemed to be no compromise on for Abel; he was a fiend about security. He never seemed fully at ease unless all three of us were locked in the cave. It didn't matter what I said he was just that serious about it all. He took it into his head to be our protector and guardian. It was kinda sweet yet annoying at the same time. Be careful what you pray for 'cause sometimes you'll get it. I would sometimes get bad scared that I wouldn't be able to do what had to be done to keep Daniel and I safe. I already knew that Abel was capable of it, and being ruthless if necessary, and so now that I had someone that could be that way I had to learn to live with the answered prayer.

Abel was also a really big help with the chickens. It seems that his Abuela ran her own part of the farm and sold eggs and chickens to several restaurants in the nearest towns so that she could buy what was necessary to send all of her grandchildren to school and keep them clothed. The hens rarely gave him the trouble they seemed to enjoy giving me and the roosters never flew at him with their spurs. I was more than happy to have help with the culling of the flock because it was one of the few farms jobs that made me heave.

The weather was so bad that we stayed close to the cave on most days except the two we went hunting. There was an overhang down in the sink and Abel suggested that we use that area to deal with the chickens. It wasn't fun working in the rain but at the same time the rain washed away the smell that I really hated. We culled nearly two dozen hens and two of the nastier roosters. Abel told me that one of the reasons the chickens were so cranky is that I had too many competing for two small an area. He separated the roosters from the hens to give them a break as well. When I asked whether it was the hens or the roosters that were getting the break Abel rolled his eyes and his ears got a little pink. I don't think the girls where he came from were quite as bold as I was, or maybe it was just being raised by his grandparents instead of in the big city by his mother.

Despite it seeming like the culling went on forever it was no where near the number of feather dusters that I had done every year with Momma, but I wasn't going to complain. I hated the smell of culling and butchering chickens, especially removing the feathers, but it was a fact of life. Daniel absolutely refused to have anything to do with it so for the last couple of times I'd been stuck doing it all by myself. Sharing the burden somehow made it easier to take and I only gagged a couple of times. Plus Abel already knew how and was even faster at it than Momma had been. He offered to do it all but then it was my turned to be prideful about something; I wasn't going to let him turn me into a girly-girl at that stage in my life.

It was also great to have someone bigger and stronger that could lift the large pressure canner when it was full. I had only been able to use the smaller one which took more turns of filling and processing and which also meant that I had to use more fuel. This time around even though I was processing much more than what I had done the previous year it took less time.

While we worked I found out that Abel was from a place in Spain called Andalusia. He was really proud of where he came from. He said that many things that people think of as "Spanish" actually originated in his region of the country like flamenco dancing and bullfighting. In addition to the chickens his grandmother kept his grandfather had an olive tree grove, a small vineyard that they made their own family's wine from, a small herd of goats, and a larger herd of black Iberian pigs. Sometimes they had a family cow but most of his dairy came from the goats he and his cousins tended. Beef was a rarity on their table, in fact they ate more seafood than beef as one of his uncles was a fisherman in the Mediterranean.

I told him, "It sounds like you had a huge family. I keep hearing about all of these uncles."

"Si," he sighed. "My grandmother had fifteen children and they all lived to be adults except the one son that wanted most to be a farmer like his padre. The others … the farm was too small for them and too much work. They wanted more than to be a poor farmer or poor farmer's esposo their whole life. As each grew old enough they went to the cities to work and then married there. But several, like my own dear Madre, would send a child or two back to the farm to be raised for whatever reason. Mi Madre was not the only one to lose their spouse too soon. Life is very hard and very uncertain."

I took away from the things I was learning that Abel had been raised to be a fatalist. Dad had said that some people were like that; they only expected life to be hard and they learned to live with it early on and not be surprised by it. On the other hand he said that it could be taken too far. Saying that "life was hard then you die" didn't mean that you shouldn't at least try and affect your own fate. God did create us with free will and gumption and He expected us to use it.

In the evenings after all the day's chores were done I enjoyed having someone to talk to. Daniel would tolerate it for a while but he was younger than me and simply wasn't interested in wondering what was going on out in the rest of the world; his world was enough for him and the idea of anything else was beyond what he was able to think about in any kind of abstract way. Daniel's world was a narrow one and he was happiest with it being that way.

I on the other hand needed to know what was going on and I wasn't afraid to quiz Abel to find my answers.

"What are the cities and towns like now? I haven't heard anything on the radio in forever."

"Like?" Abel stopped and tried to translate his thoughts into English. "Different places are different. For a time they were all Infierno; all of them. It mattered not whether large or small. That was the burning time when fear and anger ruled and no one could stop it. There was no place to hide and believe me we all tried as we just tried to survive the multitudes who sought to take their miedo … their fear … out on those they thought responsible. Eventual the worst was over because many of the weak died or were rounded up and put under control. The Peacekeepers … the Blue Hats as you call them … and the American soldiers helped to calm the violence for a time. The ciudads were blockaded – to keep people in, to keep people out – and slowly even the strong became weak and the newly weak began to die just like the others had. This cycle has been repeated many times. Only the strong or the monstrous truly survive in the larger cities. The smaller ones not so extreme but still they can be bad. People hide their children from the canibales. It is horror. I have seen these things. The cities are full of fantasmas … ghosts, though they realize not they are dead."

I told him, "That's … that's horrible. Daniel and I never saw any of that here."

"You were blessed by God Himself. He hid you from the monstruos and canibales. You are a young girl and even now they would take you and do … bad things to you, things that would make you wish yourself dead. And Daniel would have been the subject of a hunt and you would have died trying to save him. The … the … retardado were some of the first to become victims."

Angrily I told him, "Daniel isn't retarded or anything like that and that isn't a nice word to use anyway!"

"Si Chica. I know. I know. You know. Even Daniel seems to know what he can do and not worry too much for what he cannot do. But bad people are muy mal and they care not about what we care for. They only live to make others miserable to make themselves feel less so."

Slightly mollified I said, "I … I know that. I just hated it when people assumed that because Daniel was different he wouldn't ever amount to anything or wind up as some kind of burden on society. Some of the things supposedly nice people would say was awful and they didn't even seem to realize it."

"You are … how do you say … preaching to the choir. Si? Those of the words?"

I had to laugh. Abel's English was improving but sometimes it sounded funny the way he said things. I suspected sometimes that he even did it on purpose. Him trying to distract me didn't stop me from asking the question I'd been longing to ask him most however.

"What about my town? What it is like out there?"

Abel answered with a question of his own. "Why do you wish to know these sad things? Will they not break your heart?"

"Maybe. But I'd rather know than not. Dad always said that hiding from bad news never stopped the bad news from being true."

Abel nodded. "More and more the words of your padre remind me of mi own abuelo. He too would say denying that bad happens does not stop bad from happening."

He was still trying to distract me and I was having none of it. "You've already told me it's bad out there but what does 'bad' mean? What has happened here?"

Abel looked into the fire but didn't see it. "Before I came here I had already atestiguado … witnessed … so much bad. I was entumecido … what you call numb. But at the same time I was in so much pain … for what I had seen, for what I had done. Even still I could see that the worst had happened around here just as it had in other places and that more continued to happen. The old woman was proof of that." Abel gave another one of his expressive sighs. "How do I tell you? Many are gone. Many houses are empty or destroyed in some way. Dead? Probably. Hiding? Probably. Captured, possibly enslaved? Maybe for such things have happened and happen still if the words of the Blue Hats are to be believed. Will your friends be changed? Definitely." Then he looked at me hard. "Do I know what happened to your primo, your Jeff? No. Too many bads are out there and you must not go looking."

I had already realized that last part a long time ago. "Abel, I'm not talking about seeing for myself. I … I trust you to be honest. Besides I have Daniel to look after, and now you." A laugh got away from me at the look in Abel's face when I said that last bit.

"Ah. A broma … a joke," he said after catching on. "Listen to me Chica. Though you may laugh I still do not understand how I came to be here. The world out there is … is … infierno de la tierra for many souls. Here I am warm, I hunger no more, the bed is soft … all things I … I do not deserve. The things I have done with these two hands, and thought with this mind …" He didn't seem to have the words in English for what he was trying to say.

He made me want to comfort him the same way I tried to comfort Daniel when the world got to be too much for him. "Don't worry at it so much Abel. I was tired of Daniel and I being alone. I prayed about it and you showed up like an answer to that prayer. Can't that be reason enough?"

His face lost that awful blankness that held in so much pain and it felt like maybe he was seeing things for the first time without a veil of guilt and confusion. He looked up and said, "Gracias dios. Y bendiga la inocencia de niños. Ayúdeme a ser lo que debo ser."

It took me a while to translate that and I was a little chagrinned to find that he thought of me like a child but if it helped him to cope then I could live with it.

When the rain ended it seemed to usher in the cold weather for real. It didn't snow, it was a dry cold that seemed to settle inside via your lungs. There was no help for it, Abel had to accept making over Dad's clothes so he'd have something more than rags to wear.

"I don't understand Abel, how did you make it last winter if this is the only thing you had? And the old woman too?"

"I would steal rugs from abandoned houses. When I could find them I would take lengths of carpet and line the inside of shelters for us. We could not stay in one place long so there were many such shelters in many different places. Sometimes we would come back only to find that the shelters had been destroyed or taken over by others. We did whatever we had to without make a notice of ourselves."

Make a notice of ourselves? Oh. He meant without doing anything to get noticed. Sometimes it took me time to understand what Abel was trying to say. "Abel, are you not telling me stuff about the town because you don't think I need to know or are you not telling me because you don't know?"

This time it was his turned to take a moment to understand. "Ah Chica," he shook his head yet again. "You really will not give this up?" At my look he shrugged and said, "So be it."

He was sitting on the floor leaving the sofa to me. I looked up to see that Daniel and Dog had both fallen asleep in dad's recliner. I thought Abel was being foolish but he was just old-fashioned enough that no pushing would get him to sit on the sofa if Daniel wasn't sitting between us.

"Chica, your town … she is a bad place. I tell you this not to make you sad but to cause you understanding. There are many Peacekeeper factions in this area. They are autonomous but have some loyalties to the Blue Hat commander that still controls what food supplies there are. This commander calls himself Al-Mansur Ibn Abi Aamir though I know it is not his name. He was merely Hakim when he was a Peacekeeper. The Al-Mansur name is one he took for himself from history and it is one to cause fear and to let others know what he thinks his destiny. Do they teach of Almanzor here?"

I stood up and went over to a set of books on the shelves in the reading corner and took down volume one of an old encyclopedia set. Almanzor was an Arab that through political manipulation eventually became the military power of the Moors in Iberia which later became Spain before 1000 AD. The encyclopedia didn't say much but it did make the man out to be an enemy to anyone not a Muslim, at least on the surface. He hired Berber mercenaries to do his dirty work so that meant that he was also a hypocrite both religiously and politically.

When I had finished reading the entry and summarized it for Abel he said, "Yes, that is what they taught us in school as well although they are perhaps not as polite about it. Andalusians are independent people and do not like any idea, even if it is just from history, that they were ever captives. But mark the part about Almanzor making war against any that are not Muslim for that is what Hakim is doing. He is consolidating his power over others and using religion as one of his weapons. Sharia law is the supreme law and Hakim adds more as he claims to be divinely led. He is setting himself up as a prophet or as a caliph in the old-style of the muslim world. He has taken many of the young women of the area and put them in his personal harem. He gives them to those in favor and then takes them away again if the men fall out of favor. You … must … not … ever be seen or captured. You cannot even trust your own people for they would give you to Hakim to curry favor."

I snorted, "I learned the day my parents were killed that I could trust a townie. They stood by and let it happen." Then I sighed, "I suppose that if Jeff had seen any of this happening he wouldn't have been able to just stand by; his sense of honor or whatever you guys call it wouldn't have let him … and it probably got him killed quick and hard. I hope he didn't suffer."

The look on Abel's face told me I was probably dreaming a fantasy. If that Hakim man was as bad and brutal as Abel made him out to be Jeff probably died hard but maybe not quickly, something I didn't want to think about.

I was glad that Daniel didn't over hear us talking about it but I was sad and had stopped asking questions.

"I should not have told you."

I wouldn't let Abel feel bad for being honest. "I asked. You answered. We both know … or you'll learn anyway … that I can be … er … obstinado."

At the look on Abel's face I had to smile. "I told you I understood Spanish, just didn't sound very good when I spoke it."

"Er … no … no Chica that is not what … ah, well, si … you do sound very … er … American. And you should not worry, that is as it should be for that is what you are. But I thank you for trying. But … I am in America now so I should speak ingles … English. Si … yes … and that is as it should be as well. And perhaps we should both do as Daniel and get to sleep. I wish to fill that room with as much wood as I can now that the rain has stopped."

It was the nicest way anyone has ever told me that I stunk at speaking Spanish so I let him boss me around about it being bedtime. Besides he wasn't the only one that had a ton of work ahead of them; it was getting close to Christmas and I finally felt like celebrating again.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

Winter that year was both harder and easier than any since my parents died. Abel made it easier on me in lots of ways but after a while I realized that having a guy around creating problems for me too. Well, maybe problems is the wrong word; it was really more like complications.

I've already mentioned he could be silly about how protective he tried to be. I finally wore him down on that but it doesn't mean he still didn't try every so often to treat me that way again. I finally had to sit him down and really explain things.

"Abel, don't take this the wrong way but you gotta stop treating me like a little kid … or worse, like a helpless girl."

"Day-cee, there is no way I can treat you …" He stopped and I could see him trying to put things into English. He changed directions and said, "Day-cee, you are a girl, I can treat you no other way."

I could see this was going to be harder than it had to be. Doggone he was as stubborn as Daniel was. "OK, maybe I'm not saying this right. I know I'm a girl. You know I'm a girl. Even Daniel understands the difference between boys and girls … but you treat me like … like … like I'm weak or something. I'm not. It doesn't really matter why I'm not, I'm just not. It'll be easier on all of us if you would just get that through your head."

He got a mulish look on his face then a thoughtful one. "I do not mean to make you feel … weak … or … or menos … less than I."

I shook my head and said, "I know you don't … and you don't, not really. That's not what I mean." I was getting as frustrated as him at the language and cultural barriers. "Look, it's kinda tempting to let you be all … all manly and stuff all the time. It would be real easy to just let you do all those things you try and do. I like having you around, it's nice. You like my cooking and you talk to me and stuff like that … the kind of stuff that Daniel doesn't … can't really … do. But … but if I let you do that stuff all the time then … then what happens if … when … you leave?"

He opened his mouth to say something but then closed it slowly. I think I was finally getting through to him. "I know you won't just leave Daniel and me high and dry on purpose. I can tell you aren't that kind of person. But Jeff wasn't that kind of person either and he just walked away one day and never came back. Sometimes things just … they just happen is what I'm trying to say. And if … if I give into letting you do all of those things for me all of the time … well, I'm not weak now but maybe I will be if I … if I let you do all the stuff you want to do for me all the time." Not sure I'd said it right I asked, "Does that make any sense to you at all? Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"

He looked at me consideringly. "I understand Day-cee. I do not like it but I understand. You are afraid."

I sighed, "Maybe that is your word for it … and maybe that is part of it. But mostly I'm just trying to think ahead. One of these days … well … you're going to want to find out what happened to the rest of your family … the ones back in Spain. Or … or maybe you'll … you know … need to do what Jeff felt he had to do … go in search of something for … for some reason or other. When you leave, it's going to be back to just me and Daniel and I have to be able to take care of us after you leave. That's why Dad raised me the way he did. I'm going to be responsible for Daniel in some way, shape, or fashion the rest of our lives and I've got to be up for the job. I can't let your kindness cripple me from being able to do what's always been my job and what must continue to be my job from here on out."

That made him sigh again and shut him up for a good long time. "Day-cee you make me feel …" He stopped again. At the best of times Abel had to stop and think about what he was saying but strong emotions made him take even longer to find the right words to express what he meant. Eventually he simply shook his head and said, "You are not like other girls."

I shrugged. "I'm not like other girls because I'm not any other girl. I'm me, not them. I've got my own work and responsibilities and they have theirs. If it makes me different then it makes me different."

Abel nodded and said, "Si … it does. I was raised around many girls and none, not even my abuela were like you. I worked with girls when I came to this country and none were like you. You are … different." I wasn't sure whether my feelings should be hurt by that but in the end I decided it was foolish to get my feelings hurt over a truth I'd been the one trying to explain.

We went about our work for the rest of the day and I put it from my mind. I saw that he was at least trying to not treat me like I would break but eventually he grew visibly frustrated. "This is ridiculo … absurdo. You are a girl and I will treat you like one."

He'd startled me and I tried to saome something but he cut me off. "Abel …"

"No Day-cee. I understand what you mean and I will not … not perjudiqúele … will not handicap you but this … this watching you do things that … that … no. No. There is no good sense in it. I will cut and carry the wood like I have been doing. Daniel can help. Si … we will still go hunting together but … but I will not stand there if a cerdo or oso is coming at you. There is no reason that you have to carry things too heavy for you when I am here. I cannot watch you do these things and be a man."

I tried again. "Abel …"

But Abel was just as adamant. "No. There is nothing wrong with being … different. And I will not stop you from … from … what you think you need to do to take care of Daniel. I will not leave until you have someone else to help you do these things. "

I just looked at him and said, "Don't make promises you can't keep."

Then it was Abel's turn to get interrupted. "I … I …"

Abel was very frustrated and upset. He was older than me and a guy so it was just natural for him to think he knew best but I knew that I had to take a stand. "It's OK Abel. You're you … a guy … and older than me. That's what you are and there are some things you just can't or won't change because of that. My dad could be the same way. I'm not asking you to change that. And you feel … I don't know … responsible or something because of that and because of the other stuff you've gone through it makes you even more … um … sensitive I guess on how you … well how you look at what you do. I'm not asking you to change that either. It's just that I'm me … a different kind of girl , not that there's anything wrong with that. I see things a certain way too because I've got my own … uh … life experiences I guess you'd call it just like you do. Look, I don't want to hurt your feelings anymore than I think you want to hurt mine. Maybe we can compromise or something. I understand it is important that you be a guy and I understand it is important that I be a girl. But like you said I'm a different kind of girl and I have to be true to that part of myself that is different."

He ran his hands through his hair and made this really weird sound in his throat then after kicking at a pile of leaves he said, "Me frustran! I am frustrated!"

I looked around to make sure that Daniel and Dog were within sight but not within earshot. I put down the handle of the wagon that I had been pulling. We were bringing back wood to refill the stacks down in the sink. "Now you know how I feel. It's been a long time since there's been anyone to help me with Daniel and everything else. I like it. I don't want … look, I don't want you to think I'm taking advantage of you being nice to me or making you work more for your share than you should. I like you being here and … and taking on some of the hard stuff. It was piling higher and deeper and … and I just can't do everything myself all the time, the work falls behind. But when you go …"

"Day-cee, you keep saying I am going. I will not leave you and Daniel without someone to protect you."

I shook my head and again said, "Don't make those kinds of promises Abel. Everybody leaves eventually." Admitting my biggest fear I said, "The only thing in this world that I'm really, really scared of is that I'll leave before there is someone to take care of Daniel and he'll be left all alone. I know it might happen and that is why I've tried to teach him things and not do everything for him. He's stayed with me and we've done everything together and now he can do a lot of stuff without me having to tell him how, he'll even do some things without me with him standing over the top of him. I still have to remind him sometimes but most of it is just part of his routine so that if something does happen and I leave … die … whatever … he'll at least have something – some skills – to survive with. But for me to take care of Daniel for as long as I can I have to be able to … to …" Now it was my turn to kick some leaves.

"I don't know how to say this so you'll understand. I know you'll stay as long as you can Abel. When you say it, it sounds like a promise and you seem like the kind of guy that would rather cut off his right arm than break a promise. Dad and Jeff were the same way. But life still happens and maybe you can't keep your promise, not because you don't want to but because something happens. If I get too used to you doing everything for me - the big, hard stuff – it is going to put Daniel in danger and me too. I want to give in and let you do everything you want to but I can't. I just can't. Not even if it hurts your feelings."

I walked away thinking that maybe he would just leave sooner rather than later. Neither one of us said anything for a while but before I could start pulling the wagon again he hesitantly put his hand on my shoulder. "Abuelo would say that you have too many years for your age. I'm sorry for that. It should have been like it was for my cousins; fun and dresses and parties and your father chasing all your novios off because they were no good enough for you."

I must have made a face at the picture because he finally laughed. "Perhaps not exactly that but still …" He got serious again. "It should not be this."

I shrugged. "But it is."

He sighed. "Si … it is." Another sigh – Abel's sighs were as good as a whole string of words – and then he said, "I will try Day-cee. You will need to remind me but I will try. But … but do not ask me not to be a man. For too long I wasn't one and … and it was muy mal … very bad. I don't want to be that person again. Do you understand what I'm trying to … to …?"

His hand had fallen away from my arm and I don't know what possessed me but I gave him a quick, hard hug. "Thanks for trying to understand. I can't ask more than that. I just have to do what I have to do … for Daniel's sake."

He had a very strange look on his face and his arms were held out from his body all unnatural. I laughed a little self consciously. "Sorry. I guess I forgot that guys don't do the hugging thing so much."

"I … er … about the hugging … uh … thing. I …"

I shrugged and said, "It's OK. I didn't mean to … um … embarrass you and stuff."

His face was kind of red so I turned to get the wagon so I wouldn't embarrass him anymore. Instead he stopped me again and after looking around for Daniel he said, "The hugging thing … it wasn't bad. I just … uh … don't want you to think que voy a aprovecharme de usted … that I would ever take … advantage . Do you understand what I am saying Day-cee? It is a thing you worried about when I came here."

After figuring out what he meant I blushed a little too. "Oh … well that … uh … see, I know you aren't that kind of guy. I kinda knew it then but … you know … rules and stuff and ..." I closed my eyes and then just decided to heck with it. I shrugged, "I like hugging. We did it a lot in our family. You see how Daniel is. I know not everyone is like that. I didn't mean to … um … I won't bother you again."

He shook his head. "Day-cee it is not that. My family was the same way. But … I don't … that is … I am not your brother … your cousin … no male relative of any kind. It is not … not …"

Oh, I thought, so that's what the problem was. "Abel, it's OK. I'm not like going to jump on you or anything. For one thing I don't have the foggiest idea how and for another … well … I want you to stay because you want to, not because I'm doing the girl blackmailing the guy thing. I've got more self respect than that. Besides, you may not be a blood relative but Daniel and I kinda voted you in when we asked you to stay … you're one of us now, not one of them."

It would have been funny if I wasn't still embarrassed; he had this look like he'd been dropped on his head or something. I shrugged again and figured he'd either be ok with it or not but that I definitely didn't feel like talking about it anymore. "Daniel!" I called. I picked up the wagon and we headed back to the sink. Abel eventually shook himself and caught up with us.

From that point forward Abel began to unbend more and more. Oh, he still did the guy thing about being bossy in the areas we had an unspoken agreement about and let me be bossy in the other areas. But, instead of standing in my way about things he started showing me how to do things. I was a good hunter, Dad had made certain of that, but I wasn't as good as Abel and he started teaching me things that made hunting easier and less dangerous.

"The cerdo … the pigs … they are smarter than people give them credit for. The oso as well. But the pigs … they are as smart as some trained dogs. Never forget that. And they can be just as vicious, as you know."

I thought I knew how to track prey but Abel was very, very good at it. I praised him for it but didn't get the reaction I expected. "I had good teachers," he said in a voice that didn't invite me to ask questions.

I figured it was something he'd learned first as a Blue Hat but then I told him, "You might not like how you learned it Abel, but I'm glad you did. You had to learn it even better when you were out in them woods taking care of you and the old woman. It kept you alive so that you could come live with us."

I'd say stuff like that sometimes to make him feel less hard on himself and he'd get this funny look on his face. I wasn't lying. I knew he would eventually understand that maybe some man taught him those skills but that it was God that ultimately helped him decide how he was going to use them. I figured it was just easier if I pointed it out to him before he beat up on himself too much.

Christmas was fun. Daniel had me tell all the old family stories and he acted like it was the first time he'd ever heard some of them although I know he'd heard them a hundred times or more. He loved it and got so excited and happy he lost his words a couple of times. Abel told his own family stories. It didn't take long that night for Daniel to crash and burn so I got him to bed but when I came back out I didn't really feel like sleeping.

The fire was still burning pretty good in the fireplace and I needed to put Daniel's presents under the tree. I pulled them out of the cabinet – I had finally finished making over an old coat to fit him and a new pair of moccasins – and put them under the little Charlie Brown tree we'd brought in to decorate.

From the darkened corner of the room Abel said, "Thank you Day-cee."

I looked at him but couldn't really see his face. The days were pretty short and we had to save the batteries for running the lamps in the rooms we needed them most in like the kitchen and for the water pumps and fans. "For what?"

"For this." He came to sit beside me in front of the hearth and I was able to see him better. "It has been a long time … too long … since I remembered these things and why we celebrate them. I'd forgotten about … about forgiveness and peace until …"

"Until?"

He said quietly, "Until you reminded me. "

"Oh. That's a … uh … good thing?"

He smiled and said, "Yes, a good thing." Then he frowned and said, "I did not think to make presents for you or Daniel."

Now it was my turn to smile. "Don't sweat it. I only do presents for Daniel for his sake … and a little bit for mine too I guess. I couldn't let the Blue Hats take everything away." I saw him get a sad look on his face so I bumped him with my shoulder. "Not you, so don't start getting all silly and stuff. I mean the ones … the real people … that did what they did the shooting. Then the ones at the camp."

"We all started out … well most of us did … with good intentions in our hearts."

"Dad used to say that the road to hell was paved with good intentions."

Abel nodded. "You father was a smart man. I walked that road to hell for a long time and not only because I had good intentions."

He was pensive and I hated to see the hurt in his eyes. "You know how you talked about remembering about forgiveness?" At his nod I said, "Maybe you should think about forgiving yourself. War is awful and Heart Rot is like nature's war on the whole human race. War means pain for both the maker and defender. You just got caught up in it … I guess I did too."

"I … I have heard you … dreaming. Is it … muy mal? Very bad?"

I was embarrassed that he'd heard me but then again I'd heard him have a few nightmares of his own. I shrugged, "It is what it is. Part of me feels bad about killing those men and part of me … doesn't. Dad said sometimes you just have to kick stuff up to the man upstairs or it will drive you crazy. That's what I try and do most of the time but it still … well … sticks around and tries to haunt me sometimes."

"The … er … man upstairs?" When I pointed upward he nodded in understanding. "Abuelo would say much the same thing … or he would send us to Confession if he thought it would ease our minds. Abuelo was a good man but … but did not think that a priest could absolve men of their sins, only help them to seek the One that could."

I smiled. "I think I would have liked your Abuelo. He sounds interesting."

Abel finally gave a smile that showed his teeth and said, "I know Abuelo would have approved of you. Perhaps you are not like other girls I knew but you have sensatez … good sense."

We said goodnight and we both went off to bed. Christmas Day was good as were the days between that and New Years Eve. They were crisp and cold but at the same time they were the kind of winter days that you can get a lot of work done in. We moved the last of the wood from the old home place and gathered a great deal of fallen branches – what Daniel called "tree trash" – from deep in the BLM. We left most of the litter around the sink so that it wouldn't look too tidy or lived in.

But come New Years Day the weather took a bad turn … a really bad turn. It got so cold that we worried that the chickens wouldn't make it. We stacked wood around their coop and brought in fresh grass to create more insulation. We did leave ventilation but when we would check on them they would get very upset that we were letting the cold air in so we did it as little as possible. The snow fell so thick that I was worried that the cables that crisscrossed the sink wouldn't hold but all the vines that had grown across for so long acted as another layer of strength. It held up so well that we had to dig our way out every time we needed to go to ground level.

Eventually the snow did stop falling but it stayed so cold that the snow didn't melt. That's when Abel brought up a project he thought might be useful; an ice room.

"It seems to make no sense right now but in the summer it will be good to have ice and in the autumn there will be a place to store the meat that we cannot dry or can."

Really impressed I kinda went all girl and gushed, "That's a brilliant idea!"

I hugged him enthusiastically and he inhaled sharply like I had hurt him. I backed off and asked, "I didn't squeeze that hard. Did I step on your foot or something?"

Abel's head drooped for a moment but when he looked back up he was grinning. "No Day-cee."

"Then what?" I asked both confused and a little irritated that he still jumped every time I gave him a hug.

"Come here."

I did because I thought he was going to show me what I had done but instead we sat down in the storage room where I had found him measuring things. "My aunts and cousins would throw me in the sea for the monstruos de projundo – the sea monsters – to eat if they knew I was about to be disrespectful."

"Huh?"

He leaned over and very gently kissed me. On the lips. And suddenly my brain felt like it had been taken out and then put back in backwards. "Day-cee. When you do this hugging you do, I forget to be careful. I forget that I am … I am supposed to protect you, not … not …"

Interrupting him I said, "Wow."

He shook his head. "You should not say 'wow.' You should berate me and tell me I am taking advantage. That I have no business thinking the things I think."

"Oh." Curious despite being embarrassed at having the semi-obvious pointed out to me I asked, "Does it make you feel mad or sick to your stomach when I hug you? I mean … when you … uh … think … that stuff I think you mean you are thinking."

It took him a moment to untangle my words and translate what I was asking. He smiled, "No. That is the problem Day-cee."

"Oh." Now I began to worry. "Does that mean that … that we can't be friends? Or … I'm not even sure what … I mean …"

He grew thoughtful and said, "I will not hurt you."

I rolled my eyes at the obvious. "I know that." The look on his face was pretty funny but I didn't laugh as it was serious stuff we were talking about. "I know … well … what I'm asking is … is it just the … the hugging that you like or is … is it me too … maybe some, or at least a little?"

I felt really stupid. I hadn't admitted to myself that I liked Abel. I'd never had a boyfriend because I'd been so young when Heart Rot started to destroy my world but I'd done a lot of growing up since then. Maybe too much growing up in some ways. In other ways my experience didn't match the pace my body had been maturing. But when he brought it up I wasn't the type that could just let sleeping dogs lie.


	17. Chapter 17

Harvest Chapter 17

Abel got real quiet and then said, "No Day-cee, it is not just the hugging that I like. But you are … too young. I'm twenty. You are …"

I realized he hadn't a clue how old I really was. I rolled my eyes again and told him, "Fifteen, and since now you know you can't keep acting like I'm a baby."

"So old," he mocked but not unkindly. More seriously he said, "I have more experience in life than you. Not all of it good. There are days I feel as old as my Abuelo."

He looked sad but resigned … a fatalist again … and I hated it when he got that look in his eyes, like there was no hope for some things. I reached over and put my hand on his. He looked down at where it lay and then covered it with his other one. "Day-cee, what I … feel … isn't something that … uh …" He sighed and shook his head. "What I need to say will make you angry but it needs to be said. What I feel … what I want is something you are not ready for. I worry about making you pretend you feel this way too because you are scared I will leave if you do not. You are too young, too … too inocente. One day you could regret it. I'd rather you be angry about something I didn't do than something that I did that can't be taken back. Do you understand?"

Thinking about it I told him. "You know, I'm not stupid." He started to say something but I shook my head and then he sat there like a dog waiting to be kicked. I nearly kicked him for that … but not for the other. "Abel, I know I'm … uh … not experienced and I don't know if I'm ready for the whole ball of wax. Not to mention that it could just as easily be the other way around you know."

At his confused look I explained, "What if … you know … we do some of that stuff you say you are thinking about and you decide you've made a mistake or something? By doing that stuff with me I mean. What if I can't hold your interest because I don't know that much about that stuff and then you feel bad because you don't know how to tell me that you don't think about wanting to do that stuff with me anymore?"

From the look on Abel's face he hadn't thought about the flip side. "Day-cee … I … I don't know the words to say it."

I wasn't sure what "it" was but there just wasn't any sense in letting him do something that was going to make him feel bad because then I would feel bad. "I do like you Abel … maybe I like you a lot. But I'm not stupid."

Irritated he said, "You keep saying that. I do not like it."

Shrugging I said, "What I mean is that I'm not a complete know-nothing. I know what you're talking about even if I'm not coming right out and using certain words. The thing is, it's too big a deal for me to just … play house … only to find out one or the other of us gets sorry for it. First off I have Daniel to think of. I don't want to upset or confuse him. I don't want him to feel left out somehow. I know he's my brother and not my kid and stuff but in some ways he might as well be and I have to think of him like he is that important, put him first over things that I want. Second, I don't think I'm ready for going all the way. That stuff is a lot of responsibility and my parents raised me to expect certain things from the person I eventually chose to give my … er … be with that way before … you know, it happens. Mom told me it isn't just all fun and games, especially for girls … and most especially the part about making babies. I saw the girls I went to school with that played fast and loose because they thought they were in love or wouldn't get caught. Even the ones that didn't get caught with a baby weren't exactly happy." Abel blanched but I just plowed on through. I didn't know how to do it any other way. "And third, what happens if we do and you're sorry after? I mean, it's not like you would go into it meaning to be sorry afterwards but you could be; you seem to be that kind of guy. Will that make you want to run off? Or are you going to stick around no matter how miserable it makes you? Worse, what happens if a girl your age comes along and you find that all of a sudden it's more interesting being with her than me? And …"

He put his hand over my mouth. "Enough Day-cee. I have the understanding. You make my head hurt with all the things I haven't been thinking of."

I pulled his hand away, "Are you sure? 'Cause I do like you Abel and I don't want to lose that. I know you'll leave one day but when you do … I have a feeling my heart will break. But I don't want it to be completely smashed to smithereens."

There was that funny look again. "Smashed to smitheroons is bad, yes?"

I sighed. "Smashed to smithereens not smitheroons … and yes, that's bad."

Then he said, "Well, we shall have to make sure that it doesn't happen." Then he kissed me again and I couldn't figure out if he'd heard a word I'd said.

A little out of patience I said, "Abel …"

He smiled a little and said, "Yes Day-cee, I know. We will … uh … huelga intermitente … go slow. I will act like we have a cortejo and I will be entendere'."

Those were words I wasn't real sure I understood. "What did that last bit mean? I think … entendere means understanding but what is … cor … cortejo?"

Explaining he said, "It is what men do in our town when they are … uh … interested in a certain type of girl. Not a girl of the city who is … uh … I don't know the polite word for it but who doesn't act like a good girl. A good girl is treated with respect and … uh … her family expects … uh … hmmm … this is hard to explain without knowing the words."

"Hang on." I got up and went to the area we called the library and took down the Spanish to English dictionary and looked the word up. It made me squeak.

"Abel! This says that word means courtship."

He took the dictionary from me and flipped through a couple of different words then grinned and said, "Si … that is it. The word is courtship. You understand this … yes?"

My blush was all he needed to make him smile smugly. "Si … you understand."

"Of course I know what that is but I never … I mean … Weren't you listening to me at all? What happens when you get bored or … or need to go off looking for … for more … or just leave because you … you have to for other reasons?"

Looking around to see if Daniel was paying any attention … of course he wasn't since he and Dog were busy building something … Abel pulled me to the kitchen to sit at the table. "Day-cee. I know you are young for this and have no protectors for me to prove myself to but in my town it was not strange for young men to … to court girls your age so long as their families did not object. Usually it was for the families a good thing. I think it will be Ok if we go slow. I will prove to you it is not just for a place to rest my head or food for my belly that I come to you. Will you let me show you this?"

Upset I told him, "I never thought you were after me for … I mean … well gosh!" That was about as close to a swear word as I could get because Daniel could be an awful mimic and repeat things he shouldn't so I just never got into the habit like some kids at school had. "Did I ever make you feel like … I mean … just gosh!"

"So you don't have the worry that I am after you for your cave?" he said smiling.

"Of course not you … you nut! You are … are … loco … muy muy muy loco!"

He smiled even bigger at me telling him just how crazy he was for thinking that I might. "This is a good thing. But still, we will do this right and one day … one day we will figure the rest of it out. Si?"

Knowing no other way but to be blunt I asked, "What does 'doing this right' mean?"

He picked his words carefully but I could see he had a blush of his own as it turned his ears and cheeks lightly pink. "It means that hugging is ok and that sometimes I will be wanting to kiss you too much to not do it but that the … the other … things I think of in my head can wait until we are sure and … it is my problemo, not yours that I think these things … and when the time arrives we will figure out how to make it right. We will behave good so that Daniel is OK and does not get hurt … and so that you don't get hurt. Si? Did I say it so that you understand?"

I wasn't real sure I did understand to be honest but I said yes because it seemed like the thing I was supposed to say. After that things settled down again. We weren't exactly playing house but it was more than whatever we had been doing before. It was nice but at the same time it made me feel itchy like I was walking a tightrope sometimes.

But honestly there wasn't a whole lot of time for the cortejo … the courtship. While we were together all the time we were always busy too. And tired, very tired so that sometimes I could barely cook and it took both of us to put Daniel to bed when he nearly fell asleep at the table or in front of the fireplace curled up next to Dog.

The need for wood took precedent to most other chores. The cave stayed a constant temperature but the stove still needed wood and we kept the fireplace going as well so that Daniel would have a warm place to play or just hang out. He wasn't quite as ornery about wearing socks now that he had moccasins to wear that fit like a second skin but he was still susceptible to colds. There was no way we could keep him inside all of the time as it made him jittery. Dog helped some with that but that poor animal needed a break sometimes just like we did.

When the temperature dropped too much we also had to keep a small stove going that would send at least a little heat to the chickens. Abel figured out how to get the heat in there without suffocating the birds. I'm glad he did because I would probably have ended up roasting them alive.

Abel tried to do all of the firewood chopping but in the end he had to let Daniel and I help. There was simply too much for one person; he would have been chopping wood all day long every day. He split the wood and then chopped into manageable pieces. I would then take some of the wood and chop it down into pieces that would work for the kitchen stove. Daniel and I also gathered kindling and tinder on the BLM land while Abel kept guard for animals … both the four legged and two legged kind.

It was winter so animals were scarce. Those that we did see were thin and skittish. Abel said, "We must hope that this area does not become … too hunted. Yes?"

"Over hunted," I answered, giving him the words he was looking for. "Yeah, it used to be but then for a while it looked like the animals were going to come back. Now I guess if they are having as much trouble finding food as we are …"

"Only those that got used to living on human food I think. The oso … bear … it might have trouble with no autumn berries to fatten up on but there are other foods like acorns, grubs, and the carcasses of other fallen animals. I think some of oso like fish too."

I nodded, "Dad said bears will eat anything as long as it doesn't move too fast. They hunt on their own and they are also scavengers of other animals' kills if it isn't protected by something big enough or mean enough to drive them off … and not too many of those around here that could stop a bear from getting what it wants."

Abel said, "A hungry or angry bear is a thing of bad dreams. A hungry and angry bear is a thing that fills a man's grave." Abel might have said things in a strange way but sometimes that only made what he said more powerful.

Sometimes it was simply too cold to risk going outdoors for more than a moment or two. On those days we would stay inside and listen to the radio for a while though most of the time it only made us depressed or edgy. The clear, cold air made it easier to find radio signals. What I could understand of the voices we heard – or those that Abel could translate – made it sound like the world was truly coming to an end.

People were starving worse than ever. Fewer people meant there was more of what little there was to go around … including fuel and electricity to operate radios with, and medical treatment for those that weren't triaged or marked to be euthanized. There was a whole movement to get rid of "useless" eaters, people that some considered a waste of resources … career criminals, the old and frail, the mentally ill, the people who were "different." People on the radio told of others being shot because they tried to hide their frail family members from the death squads. I realized more than ever that Daniel would be in danger it we didn't stay hidden.

Society seemed to be going through some awful changes, tortured into new shapes and ways of doing things that I couldn't or wouldn't understand. Some people chose not to take it anymore and committed suicide by cold; or, they imagined that they were sacrificing themselves so that there would be more for those that they left behind. One man went on and on about how it was so easy to just walk out into the winter air and then peacefully freeze to death. Many claimed that it was a kinder fate and faster end than by starvation would give.

There were still places with food but they were tightly controlled. They were like Egypt during the seven lean years only there was no just man like a Joseph to oversee the selling of the grain. People did all sorts of crazy things to get food for themselves and their families including becoming willing slaves or selling family members into slavery. Oh they didn't call it slavery – they didn't even call it being indentured – but that's what it amounted to. And from what I could tell not even people were highly valued so the price of a slave, since there was so many willing, didn't bring much food.

Money was next to useless; money of any kind. Even gold and silver were useless. If you couldn't eat it or burn it for fuel then it held no intrinsic value as a trade good. Even the "rich" from before were at the mercy of those who held food. Cash, whether it was paper or metal, meant very little to anyone these days. And when that stage was reached in a community things turned dark and terrible.

There were rumors that we weren't the only ones that had secret grow rooms. There were fantastic, near unbelievable, stories of whole cities built underground that had acres and acres of greenhouses that had escaped Heart Rot. There were also rumors that scientists were working on Heart Rot resistant plants and that they were keeping it all secret for the rich and powerful to have first dibs on. A mere rumor could send people into a frenzy of destruction seeking access to what might never have existed to being with.

Then there were rumors of terrifying places, even whole cities, where cannibalism was commonplace and out in the open. The problem was Abel said these weren't just rumors but were true, that there were several enclaves of such people in this area though not near our location. Those on the radio tried to make such people out to be boogie men or mutants but they were just people; people making horrible choices but still just people.

I asked Abel to explain it to me since he seemed to know what they were talking about but he said, "I don't know all the words to explain it Day-cee and do not wish to even if I had the words. It is a dark deed and God smites those that do it one way or another."

I comprehended that he was just being protective and that it wasn't a nice thing to talk about but I still wanted to understand since it seemed to be so commonplace even if it still wasn't socially acceptable by most sane people's standards. "What do you mean God smites them?"

He looked at me long and hard and then said slowly, "I will tell you these things but only so you know there is no saving these people, that you must stay away from them at all costs." At my hesitant nod he explained, "The doctors explained things before I ran away from the Blue Hats. There are sicknesses that come when man eats man. They affect the … the cerebro … the brain and make it like an esponja where the sickness eats holes in the … the tissues in the head. When the man eaters get sick there is no saving them for there is no cure for it. They are dangerous in their hunger and become more loco … crazy … as the clock runs."

Absolutely grossed out I said, "All of them have the disease?"

He sighed and shrugged. "It doesn't matter. Even if their brain does not become full of holes, their souls do. This is why they are so dangerous; it is like a demon rides them. They are desperate to survive but desperate to escape their guilt at how they survive. They may have shame in the beginning but they are soon corrupted; by a sick brain or a sick soul. They will stop at nothing. I have seen such people set traps for the unwary like a hunter would for animals. Some I have seen so out of control they fall on their victim before they are even … Day-cee listen to me, these things happen … it is even in the Biblia … do not think they are just stories to scare children into behaving. Man can be a foul creature … the priests tell us this, God has told us this. I do not understand all of what the words I heard from the priests and other Godly men say. I don't know if God cursed the man eaters or if the curse was that they became man eaters or if it was a bit of both; it confused me greatly and still does." Shaking his head he reached out and took me by the shoulders and looked me hard in the face. "If you see such people, or suspect what they may be, run Day-cee. Do not try and defend yourself or deliver justice, just run. They are evil … or evil rides them … and are too dangerous for one person to face alone. This you must do."

I was extremely grossed out after his explanation but I suppose I was the one that asked for it. He made me promise and I gave him that promise … but I didn't tell him that if Daniel or he were in trouble from people like that, the only place I would be running to is for my bow or gun. No way would I sit around and let someone … well I just wasn't going to let it happen; I couldn't live with myself if I did.

As a general habit I didn't always believe people when they said something was in the Bible. People kinda have a habit of believing what they want to believe and using some deity or other to support those beliefs whether they are true or not. But when I looked it up for myself I was surprised how many times people eating people was mentioned in the Bible; Leviticus, Deuteronomy, Isaiah, Jeremiah, Micah, Ezekiel, first and second Kings, Lamentations. I was shocked; they don't exactly teach you this stuff in Sunday School. But I guess that if the Bible reports as much as it exhorts and all that then I guess that there might be lots of things in there that tells of all the horrible stuff man can do, especially to other each other. It made me thankful that the few people Daniel and I had seen in the beginning hadn't been a problem for us and that God ssent someone like Abel instead of letting some of the other types find us.

Having Abel around took the edge off of wanting to find other people anyway. Even Daniel had stopped asking where all the people had gone. Abel plugged that hole for him. If it wasn't for the voices on the radio sometimes I could believe the three of us were the last humans left. That winter we never saw signs of people in the forest; not a track, sound, or sign of any type. That didn't stop Abel from acting like they were just over the hill or around the next tree, lying in wait for us; no people in sight didn't stop Abel from acting like he was our last line of defense against those that might be out of our sight.

January turned into February and February into March. The first day of Spring came and went but the season never really sprung until it was the end of April. I was so happy to see the snow finally melting for good and that the chickens were laying again that I decided to make a special dessert.

I lined the bottom of a baking dish with four slices of buttered bread and then I covered them will apple sauce. Then I put another four slices of buttered bread on top of that and covered them with applesauce as well. Then I whisked together two eggs, a pint of milk, a half cup of sugar, and a half teaspoon of salt and then poured that over the bread and applesauce layers. I baked it in a medium oven for about twenty five minutes or until it was set. It was the yummiest bread pudding and even Daniel would eat it, so long as it was in a bowl by itself with nothing else touching it.

Within a week all of the snow was gone and it looked like the land was trying to make up for lost time. There were green shoots all over the place and we were excited, maybe Heart Rot had been beaten by the cold winter. But I quickly realized it wasn't so.

The wild asparagus fooled me. I was so excited to find it that I forgot it was the kind of wild plant that Heart Rot didn't make much of an impression on. I just happened to find an exceptionally good bed of it. There were a lot of wild greens but then I noticed that everything that was coming up was basically a perennial rather than an annual that must reseed and be planted each year.

There was rye grass aplenty but it was only the perennial kind, not the annual kind that people reseeded each year. I saw the perennial herbs making an appearance but no annuals like chickweed or winter cress. I never saw the first sign of arugula or dill weed. The redbud trees never budded and very few of the spring flowers showed up. The fruit trees put off leaves but no flower buds ever appeared.

I became more and more depressed and even Daniel sensed it. He became withdrawn. That only made me feel worse and I finally just had to escape. The problem was I couldn't get away. Daniel was my responsibility and I couldn't just walk away and I couldn't just ask Abel to watch him because he would want to know why and either way he wouldn't like me walking in the woods by myself. I crawled to the back of the furthest storage area and sat down and had a fine old pity party of one.

I hadn't realized how long I had been there but Abel must have known where I was all along. He was always watchful like that. "Day-cee?"

I sighed, a little irritated that I had to pull myself together before I felt like it. "Yeah, give me a sec and I'll …"

"No. I'll come to you. Daniel is napping with Dog so we can talk."

By "talk" I thought he meant other stuff and I wasn't feeling in the mood but I didn't want him to know that and be upset with me too. But he surprised me, he really did mean talk. As he sat down beside me on the floor he asked, "So now will you tell me why you are triste … so sad?"

I thought I'd had it all under control, that only Daniel had sensed it. I leaned forward and put my head on my knees. "I don't know how to explain it."

"Try? For me?"

Abel had a way of making me want to do things I hadn't wanted to do a few minutes before. I'm not sure if that was a good thing or not. If he hadn't been so determined to do things the "right way" I expect he could have led me into a lot of trouble. "I'm tired Abel. Tired of all of it. I thought that things would start to get better one day but now I'm not sure. I … I think … I think that maybe this is the end of the world, just like those people on the radio think."

"Pobre Querida. Here, lean on me." I didn't cry, I was beyond being able to cry, but it felt so good just to have someone there to share it with. "The world is not ending Querida, just … just changing. I once felt as you did, that all hope was false. But then I met the Old Woman and I had a reason to keep going. And then came Dog … and then you and Daniel. Even after the Old Woman was killed, after the way she was killed, there was still something to live for." Quietly he asked, "Is … is Daniel … and me … no longer enough?"

I shook my head trying to explain. "It's because of Daniel and you that I'm so upset. The forage is so much harder to find this season. What should be there isn't. What is there is … it isn't fresh like spring is supposed to be. It comes up out of the ground thin and straggly and goes woody so fast. I'm worried that the soil in the grow rooms is going to get tired and we won't be able to get anything from it the way we should. We've still got a full pantry but it isn't as full as it used to be. If I can't forage and can't make the grow rooms work the storage food will go all the faster. And what if we can't hunt anymore? What if there comes a time that the only thing we have left to eat is what remains in the pantry? What then? Will it last long enough for us to outlive Heart Rot? I'm not even sure Heart Rot will ever go away."

Abel was nothing if not honest. "It may happen that way. But then again, Querida, it may not. We have to accept it either way. But before we know for sure, would it not be better to live with … with hope? We do not need to give ourselves more misery with the worry over things we cannot change."

Fatalism stank in my book but Abel's form of it was irritating too. He didn't act like a cow being led to slaughter but he accepted that one day he might be the cow; and, while he would avoid that fate if possible he didn't think it was worth fussing about if he couldn't avoid the fate.

I complained, "How can you be so calm about this?! This is eating me alive … I feel like I have Heart Rot. I'm supposed to take care of Daniel and I'm … I don't know. I feel like every direction I turn doors are slamming shut in my face. Every little bit of hope is being taken away, dying off just like the plants have."

"Shhh Querida. Your voice will carry and when you are upset Daniel becomes worse upset."

He was right but it only made me feel trapped I wanted to run away but there wasn't any direction to run to. I needed … wanted … comfort and to forget for a while. But when I tried to make Abel make me forget he drew back and said, "No Querida. It is … dangerous … to make me feel this way. Let us get up and …"

"Why?! Why is it dangerous? Don't you want to?"

I could tell he was fighting to stay calm. "Yes. Yes I want to. And yes I … I … I would do anything you wanted me to … anything you let me do … but I'm supposed to be the man, the protector and for now, you are not thinking clear. You are triste … sad … confused. It is up to me this time to say no and that is what it will be. Now come, sitting in the dark does neither of us good and is too much like temptation. We will go sit and watch Daniel sleep. We will calm down."

He was right but I didn't like him being right, at least not then. But I was thankful for it later and told him so. His chest puffed up and he said, "See? Now you will listen to me." Then he got a peculiar look on his face like he did sometimes. "But Day-cee … don't … don't do that often. It was very hard to turn your sweetness away. Si? You will do this? For me?"

I realized what he was saying and felt badly and didn't know whether to hug him or not but in the end he hugged me. It wasn't fair to him for me to use him like that anymore than if he had used me in that way. In the days that followed work and new circumstances took our energy away for any other "tempting" of each other.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

"Abel, if I'm going to forage for our food we are going to have to go farther away. I'm going to take too much if I only harvest from near the sink and then there won't be anything for next year for sure. And stuff is getting trampled along the old roads."

Abel sighed. "Si, it is the same way with the hunting. I think the animals, they stay on the higher ground. I think they sense the people."

Just the week before we'd discovered that people were so desperate they were moving out of the cities and suburbs on foot and into the public lands and forests, into the old farmlands, looking for whatever scrap of food they could come by. I watched as women cut grass and gave it to their children to eat. It wasn't for nutrition but to keep them from crying. Their stomachs were full but it was obvious they were still starving to death.

There were no large groups banding together. The largest group we saw was one of that had eight people, only two of them children younger than Daniel's age. The rest looked to be in their teens to maybe their 40s; it was hard to tell as it was obvious their life was hard and it had aged them. We saw no very young children or elderly people.

Able and I talked about it and he suggested, "The very young and the very old have died or been picked off by predators. Or perhaps anyone that still has such people in their family are not strong enough to strike out and live here in the wilderness what is likely a wilderness to them."

"Abel, I'm worried about Daniel. If anyone sees him …"

He nodded. "Si, we need to be very careful and explain to him the dangers. I do not think he will run to these interlopers – he seems to fear them – but it is perhaps best if we … if we make him even more afraid of them."

I shook my head hating the idea but knowing that it might be the only way. "This is so awful. Why is it that we finally see that there are people around only to have to make sure we hide from them."

It was a rhetorical question. After what we had heard on the radio over the winter and what we had witnessed firsthand after observing the groups from hidden spots we really didn't have a choice. And if any of them had known about the sink, what it held, it would have been war with us the losers. As it was we decided to move the chickens deeper into the sink. We'd have to be careful that water didn't back up too high at the bottom but it was at least in a spot they could still get some natural sun.

No matter where we moved them though they still cackled and clucked and crowed. We then decided to move them into the cave. It was work cleaning out a storage room and then running more lighting into the space. It was more work trying to get the stupid birds used to their new home and to keep it clean. The worst though was the smell. After only a couple of days it was enough to make even Abel gag.

"Abel, this isn't working," I mumbled through the rag tied around my nose and mouth.

Coughing as we cleaned the room yet again he said, "Si, I noticed. But I think I know a way. I don't know all the words to explain it but I will draw you a picture."

We had to create a ventilation system just for the chickens. We would still have to clean the room at least once a week but the fan and duct work would carry the foul air and smells out to the sink where they would disperse into the wind.

Daniel and Dog were fascinated by the project and Daniel at least enjoyed building something for real instead of just with his blocks and pine cones. He was surprisingly adept with the tools and Abel seemed to have even more patience with him than Dad would have under the same circumstances. The only time Abel would take a tool away from Daniel is if he was not paying attention to the safety rules and Daniel soon learned to follow the rules or he couldn't have fun. Since he wanted to have fun he followed the rules.

It was good that Daniel was learning a new skill. He would need a trade or something when he grew up. We used to think it would be with computers and electronic gizmos but I wasn't sure what the world was going to look like when and if Heart Rot ever went away. There might not be any computers but there would always be a need to build and fix things and Abel was a good teacher.

Moving the chickens only solved one of the more immediate problems with the people that now wandered in and out of the area. More people in the area meant more competition for the already decreasing food supply. I did notice that most people didn't seem to really know what they were doing. They would pick grass to eat but overlook the common and much more easily digested dollar weed. They would peel bark off of a wild cherry tree to suck the sap put never even look at the cattails growing in the ditches. They couldn't even tell the difference between an edible mushroom and a poisonous one and stuffed there face with both as if they didn't care one way or the other. The first of the dead ones we ran across were from a small group that died an agonizing death after eating the wrong kind.

None of the groups had yet strayed too far off of the road but it was only a matter of time. As the days passed it looked like locusts were picking the byways completely clean; bark was stripped from trees as were the new, tender twigs. The old yards were becoming bald as the grass was pulled to eat, blades to roots. Even thorny vines were pulled off of old fences and consumed. The ones that had died from eating mushrooms weren't the only ones that we found dead; some plants weren't meant to be eaten.

One day after being forced to hide yet again I told Abel, "I feel so bad for them but I wish they would go away."

"Bad enough to bring them here to the cave?"

I immediately leapt to say no but then I realized how that made me sound. Feeling guilty I muttered, "This is awful."

Trying to comfort me he said, "Querida … you cannot save the world."

Sighing I told him, "I know that. But I brought you here."

"Are there others that you would bring here?"

Really giving his question some thought I finally answered, "I do not think I could watch a little kid, or someone like Daniel, wander around alone and helpless. Probably not someone like the Old Woman either."

"Mi Querido con el corazon blando."

Knowing I might not like the answer I still asked, "What does that mean?"

Smiling gently he said, "It means that you are my one with the tender heart. I worry for you. You are strong yes, but you have not had to face what is in the world as I have. I pray you never do." Getting serious he said, "If you help one by showing them what they can eat and what to stay away from then you will have to help them all. None will leave you alone. Eventually there will be so many they will strip the land and we will all starve."

Wanting to deny it I said, "Maybe not."

Strangely enough he agreed. "You are right, perhaps not. But are you willing to take that chance? Are you willing to risk Daniel over it?"

I admitted that I was not and we left it at that. But it didn't change that if I was going to forage for some of our food to make what we had stored last longer we would need to move farther afield. We both worried about leaving the sink unguarded but we had no choice. I think we both also worried about whether if the other people were moving through the area would the Blue Hats be on the move as well. This could spell disaster if they were.

As with nearly everything else Abel and I discussed what we would do if we did see any Blue Hats. "You will run and hide is what you will do," he said adamantly.

Not ready to just cower in fear I told him, "We need to know what they are doing. Would they still be looking for you? Are they looking for food like we are? Are the Blue Hats even still organized? And you can just get that thought right out of your head Abel, I'm not leaving you behind or letting you leave us. No matter what we are a team."

"You do not make this easy Day-cee. I will not bring danger on you and Daniel."

Oh honestly, even at my age I had already learned that guys could be so hard headed. "We are in danger one way or the other. We'll be in more danger if you strike out on your own. I would prefer for us to stay together in the cave but if you think that isn't a good idea then I guess we follow where ever you decide to go."

Ooooo, did he give me a look for that. "That is how do you say … extortion."

"I don't know if it is extortion or not but it is most definitely blackmail. Now if you … if you feel like you don't want to be with us anymore that's different but …"

Never got to finish what I was saying because we ended up in a small fight. We only stopped when we saw how upset Daniel was getting. Abel through up his hands and complained, "Day-cee … you make my head hurt trying to find all the right words to say to make you understand."

"So? It's payback for making my heart hurt thinking of you leaving."

He followed me into the kitchen and just sort of plunked down on the bench while I finished dinner. Earlier in the day he had brought me the roast from a small doe that he had trapped – she had no fawn and had an injured leg and would not survive a predator's hunt so I didn't feel bad. I had cooked it with eastern pine tips. Dad taught me you can also eat spruce tips and fir tips but all I had were the pine tips that day.

When the roast was almost finished I made what Momma had called Mock Bread by taking one cup of fine walnut meal and mixing in a little salt and a whole egg. You make patties out of the sticky dough and cook them on both sides the way you do homemade tortillas.

Abel still finds what I do fascinating and got over his upset with me fast enough as I plated up his and Daniel's dinner. Blowing on a forkful of hot food and taking a bite he said, "Not even Abuela did things like this. Strange things go into you pot but it always good when it comes out."

I shrugged, pleased at the implied compliment. "Your grandmother knew her land and I know mine." After a minute I asked, "Do you miss it? Where you came from?"

After another thoughtful bite he said, "When I first came here all I did was wish to go back. But now … now I am not so sure. Abuelo and Abuela are both gone. I think most of my cousins must be gone as well. The farm though, she never would have been mine; I was just the son of a younger daughter in a family with many sons who had sons of their own." Shaking his head he said, "I would like to know who is still alive and mourn though those that are gone, but I do not think living there is good for me. Besides, I would not ask you and Daniel to leave your home."

He said it so matter of factly that it just about took my breath away. More and more often he said things that had me believing that maybe he would stay … not just for a while but perhaps forever. I wanted to believe it but at the same time I was afraid to believe it.

The next day we spent making sure that we had left no sign for other to find their way to the sink and then into the cave. The grass around the hole was carefully stood back up. We had always tried not to leave obvious paths through the tall grass that grew all around and hid the sink. Over the winter the outflow from the spring had changed paths a bit and a small marshy area had grown between the tree line that separated the back fields from the land surrounding the sink. It was not much of an additional barrier but perhaps the mosquitoes that had started to breed in that area would drive people away; they certainly drove us nuts now that it was warm enough for the eggs to hatch. If not for the bats that flew from dusk until dawn every night the blood suckers would have drained us dry several times over.

We also checked the automatic feeder and watering can in the chicken room, made sure the timer was set to give them enough light, and then I packed each of us a bag of just-in-case stuff. Daniel was not as frightened of staying out overnight as he once was but it was best to be prepared so I tucked in a few of his favorite treats in case I needed to bribe him. We were going to be out at least one night, maybe two. I also packed the old fold up hunting wagon to help bring down any forage or game that we might find if we could not carry it in our packs.

Daniel received another reminding of what to do if we met people but he gave us both a look as if to say, "Give me some credit, I'm not stupid." I think Dad would have been proud to see the changes in him. He hadn't had a meltdown in months, he still had his texture issues but not to the extreme that he used to, and his memory that had always been sharp now was put to constructive projects and not just random things that meant nothing to him.

We left before the sky lightened, carefully traveling into the BLM land using the setting moon's light. It had been months since we had gone as high up and as far away as we intended to that day. We passed the old beehives, now rotting where they stood. The bees had long since escaped into the wild. Every so often I would find a bee tree but the honey was very dark and sometimes almost too strong where the only thing the bees had to eat was tree and grass pollens. It was not the light and golden honey from when they dined on the nectar of pretty flowers. Honey was something we still had in abundance so I tried to leave the hives alone for the most part. I never knew from year to year if they would have any food for themselves the so I chose not to steal what they had.

Higher we climbed and it was tough going. Often we would find a trail had been washed out or that we had to break one that had simply grown over so much that it was like travelling through a jungle. The higher we went I noticed that many new trees were coming up, like someone had planted them.

"No Querida, it was the squirrels and other burrowing creatures. The acorns and pine cones must have been great in number and they buried them for their winter forage."

"I wonder why it isn't the same down below?"

He shrugged, "Perhaps there is not as many squirrels below. You do keep them few in number with your bow."

I acknowledged that maybe that was true. "Old habit that I should break I suppose. Momma didn't like squirrels much. They got into her garden and sometimes would try and nest in the attic. To her they weren't anything but rats with fluffy tails and since Dad was partial to squirrel stew …"

I could hear Abel smile even if I couldn't see it. "I am … as you say … partial to squirrel stew as well."

Daniel chimed in, "Me too. Yum."

We were all in a good mood. It was good to stretch our legs and get away from the cave for a while. The wind was fresh and blew the remainder of the long winter's cobwebs out from between our ears. We became even happier to find a cache of acorns that were still good. I gathered a goodly number and put them in a mesh bag to stick in the stream we planned to camp near. The water would wash away the tannin and I would make acorn pancakes that we could smear with wild honey for our breakfast. Dog was as happy as we were but had more sense about it.

We were all amazed that the plants looked so much healthier at the higher altitude. "Why is there so much difference?" I wondered aloud.

Thinking while we all stopped to take a break for a sip of water and a strip of dried meat Abel answered, "Perhaps the super cold weather did kill off the Heart Rot … or at least weakened its hold on the land up here. Or perhaps it is that the plants that live at these altitudes are already more resistant. I am remembering with my eyes and I think it looks much the same as last I was up here, it just looks so much more because of the way down below looks."

"Maybe a little of both?" I suggested.

He agreed, "Perhaps." Putting his pack back on he said, "We should keep going. We need to be at the lake before mediodia … before noon."

I don't think we had gone a hundred yards more when I saw a good sized clump of oyster mushrooms growing on the side of a tree. I skipped up to Abel and started to point to them when it felt like I'd been kicked in the leg by a mule.


	19. Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19

Right after the "kicked" feeling my leg went numb and then out from under me. I went down grabbing onto Abel in the process and partially taking him down with me. We made no noise. Neither Abel or I yelled. Dog didn't bark. And Daniel just stood there staring at me and pointing. For some reason I felt woozy and then things got confusing.

I can't tell you the exact order that things happened over the next few minutes as even now it feels disjointed, like I'm looking at a bunch of pictures all scrambled together like one of those puzzles where you move the little squares around to try and put the pieces in the right order. There was the sensation of being lifted up and carried off the trail and into the underbrush. I remember worrying about Daniel but then he was right there with me. Dog was licking my face and whining and Abel was frantic, trying to do a million things at once. Slowly the buzzing sound left my head and I realized my leg was bleeding.

"Abel, don't cut my pants!" I cried as I realized what he was about to do.

In a voice I had never heard him use before he said, "Hush Querida. I can only guess where the shot came from and we cannot give our position away."

Shot. That's what had happened. I'd been shot. Sitting up – which caused no small amount of dizziness – I pushed his hands away. It made me nauseous to look but I was relieved as well to see that the bullet sat just under my skin. In an unnaturally calm voice I said, "Get it out Abel."

Now it was his turn to look nauseous but before he could say or do anything a woman came out of the surrounding cover and said, "Wait, our medic is on his way."

Abel immediately got between Daniel and I and the newcomer. She backed up a bit at the look on his face and said, "Easy there. Just take it easy. Hey, Dacey … don't you recognize me?"

I looked and knew that I had to be missing something and then she smiled and I remembered. "Monica? Monica?! Wait, have you seen Jeff? Do you know …?"

Her smile faltered and I had my answer, or at least part of it. She said, "We can talk about that later, just as soon as they take care of that ambush you practically walked into."

Abel was like a stone wall, refusing to budge even after I explained who Monica was. He wouldn't even move after the medic arrived. I realized I recognized him too as one of the nurses from the office where we took Daniel when he got sick. "Hey Buddy," he said in Daniel's general direction. "Don't worry, I'm not going to get in your space until you say I can." Looking at me he added quietly, "Dacey, can you get your friend here to stand down? The longer that bullet stays in the worse it is going to be and the more likely infection will set in."

Picking my way through the sudden and unexpected situation I muttered quietly back, "I don't make him do anything. And he won't move until he knows you aren't a threat to Daniel and me."

Monica smiled slyly, "That way is it. Well, to be honest we are probably why you got shot. Almanzor got a little testy after our last raid and sent several of his Holy Fighter Squads after us."

I felt Abel stiffen up even more. I wasn't sure why until I remembered that Almanzor was what the Peacekeeper commander that had the axe to grind with Abel called himself. "Oh just great," I snapped. "You just had to lead them this way Monica? Now on top of everything else we are going to have to deal with that dork?"

Abel snapped me a look. "We," he said with emphasis. "Are not dealing with Hakim. I will find a safe place for you and Daniel and I will …"

"In your dreams," I hissed. "You," I said with the same emphasis "Will not leave us and go tearing off on some vendetta or whatever it is you call it. This," I said pointing to my leg that was beginning to really throb. "Is not a big enough deal to suddenly make us go changing all of our plans."

He saw quick enough that trying to force me wasn't going to work. He sighed and signaled that the medic could come near but Abel and Daniel were still at my back. The medic gave him a suspicious look and said to me, "You're a little young."

Unwilling to play stupid I told him, "And you're a little nosy with no right to be. This is our family and no one else's business."

Perversely Abel said, "He is simply trying to protect you Day-cee."

Irritated and in pain where the guy was doing things to my leg I gritted out, "He can spend that kind of energy on someone who needs it. I don't."

Monica chuckled quietly under her breath and said, "Give it up Josef. Dacey's mind is made up and if you remember her at all you'll know it won't do you any good to try and change it for her."

And with that Josef shrugged and just let it go for which I was heartily glad. I was struggling to keep from puking and didn't really want to have to fight at the same time. I heard Abel order, "Do not cause her pain."

"Wouldn't if I didn't have to," Josef told him calmly. "See what you can do with Daniel. He looks like he is about to have a meltdown."

That snapped me back. "Daniel, don't … absolutely do not … have a meltdown. You know that Abel and I won't let anything bad happen to you."

Daniel finally found his voice and said, "And Dog … Dog won't let anything bad happen to me. But you have blood on you."

"Not a problem Daniel. I'll be fine in just a bit. You remember Josef, he helped fix you up that time you fell off the roof."

Daniel gave Josef a close inspection and then decided that perhaps, maybe he was all right but he still stuck like glue to Abel. Then off in the distance we heard something that sounded like weird yodeling. Abel pushed Daniel behind me and faced outwards toward the noise heading our way. Josef looked like he wanted to cursed but didn't and quickly finished knotting the bandaged he'd fixed on my leg after pulling the bullet out with long tweezers. Monica did curse and it was rude and surprisingly graphic.

"Hey!" I muttered, still a little giddy. "You mind? I don't want Daniel repeating that kind of stuff."

Monica huffed and rolled her eyes and then deliberately said another curse word though it wasn't as nasty as the first ones had been. "Grow up Dacey. There's no place in the world for your goodie two-shoes act anymore." I was thinking a particularly nasty word myself but it never left my mouth. She turned and said, "C'mon Josef, there isn't time for anything else. We'll have to run when the others get here."

Abel said in a deadly voice, "There isn't time for running. How many men have you got?"

Josef would have answered but Monica said, "I would tell you but then I'd have to kill you."

It was an old joke but something on Monica's face said that it might not be the joke she was playing it off as. "Shut up Monica. If the goons chasing your people are as wound up as they sound they might not be expecting a turn around." Dad had taught me strategy and Abel had taught me more than a few things as well just listening to the stories of his life on the run. I hadn't really thought I would ever use it but I fell into it like it was an old and well-practiced habit. Abel glanced my way and his grin was predatory.

"Very good Querida."

As I watched him prepare himself I crawled, painful though it was, to add my position to his. "Daniel, Dog … lay flat behind that rock and stay out of the way. Understand?"

The noise was getting closer. "Monica, give the number up already. We need to know how many will pass by before we start shooting."

Monica still refused but Josef came up beside us and said, "We have six out with us today, unless any have been picked off." Monica complained like an irritated cat but Josef ignored her. "They'll be dressed like us … ragtag civilian … Almanzor's men will be mostly in urban camou with those light blue scarves worn like a keffiyah."

"Like a what?"

"Like a man's head scarf."

There was no more time for talking as men started coming down the path. Monica moved to pulled them into our hiding place and a couple of them literally tripped when they spotted us. No time to really comment on that though because their pursuers were now in range. Abel fired first but rather than taking out the man in the lead he took out two men that were towards the back. The ones that I later discovered had the radios. They also turned out to be the ones leading the group and Abel had chosen them instinctually.

There was immediate chaos when the bullets hit the two men. I fired into the cluster of over a dozen remaining but don't know if I hit any of them. The others all followed Abel's lead and it was only a matter of minutes before all of the pursuers were down and on the way to their Maker. It started to hit me what I had been doing and I crawled away to hug Daniel who was in a fetal position with his hands over his ears.

"We need to get out of here," Monica snapped. "The other groups will have heard the noise and be radioing in. When they don't get a positive response they'll be all over this place like ants on … Hey! Where do you think you're going?!"

Her question was addressed to Abel who was making sure that no one was playing 'possum amongst the fallen. He grabbed the radio from one of the men he shot and tossed it at the first man to follow him out. Monica whispered frantically, "Jackson! Did you hear me?"

So she and her brother were still together. I asked her, "Are Charlene and Duncan part of this crowd too?"

She looked at me sharply but didn't answer. She was growing more frustrated as the rest of the men, except for Josef, began to follow Abel's example and stripped the corpses of anything useful including boots. It didn't take long for the men to get what they were after and they blended back into the scenery.

Daniel was beginning to calm but he was still tense from all of the loud noise and the strangers that surrounded us. Josef looked over and said, "That's good."

When I looked at him with the question in my eyes he answered, "That you've been able to handle him … teach him how to control himself better."

I shrugged and didn't say anything else as Abel sat down, intentionally putting himself between Daniel and I and the others. Dog covered out backs.

Josef told Abel, "Her leg is going to hurt worse before it gets better. And it needs to be kept clean or it will get infected."

Abel just nodded and Josef backed off again to check on the minor injuries the other men had brought back with him. As soon as Josef left Jackson took up his spot. "You're Jeff's kid sister."

As Abel's brows drew down I said, "Cousin, not sister."

"And your Dad's name was Jeff too."

Rolling my eyes I told him, "You are too obvious for words Jackson. My dad's name was not Jeff, it was John. What's with the ignorant questions?"

He snorted, "Yeah, you're her all right. Monica said you were but you can't be too careful."

"Duh," I told him rudely. "Besides maybe I should be the one all suspicious and junk. We met maybe one or two times, why would you know all that stuff about me?"

He smiled and said, "Jeff used to tell stories about you."

"Wait, I … I thought …"

Jackson nodded and added gently, "Yeah, Jeff's dead."

Monica pushed her way into the conversation. "We … do … not … have … time … for … this. We need to get out of here!"

Jackson shrugged casually and asked, "And go where? We're out of food. We don't know where their main camp is to raid for more. We'd be out of ammo too if Abel here hadn't started stripping it off the dead. Face it Monica. We knew this could happen. It's been a good run and we'll take as many as we can on the way out … but there isn't any place left to run to."

I really, really don't like the fatalist's approach to life. I looked at Abel and could see the wheels spinning in his head then when he looked at me it was as if we could read each other's mind. No way did we want to lead them back to the cave but we couldn't just leave them blunder around up here waiting to get taken by the Blue Hats either. We also needed the information about what was going on that Monica and Jackson's group obviously had.

Abel asked me quietly, "Can you stand?"

I gave it a try. It hurt. It hurt even worse to put weight on my leg but it didn't kill me. "Stand and maybe get as far as the lake as long as I don't have to run. I might need a hand up the steepest part of the trail but … but I'm pretty sure I can make it to the springs area."

He nodded and then asked Jackson, "Are you in charge?"

He shrugged, "Technically that would be JR over there but … he kinda abdicated the job a couple of days back when he and Monica got into it."

I could see that Abel didn't think much of that. "Then who is planning?"

"Planning what? We did what we set out to do which was to take out at least one of their teams. Only thing left is to get back to …" Monica cleared her throat to stop him from saying what he was going to.

I shook my head and muttered, "Geez."

Abel was getting frustrated and I was just plain getting angry. "Abel, let's go. They obviously don't know what they're doing and we need to get Daniel some place safe for the night."

It was Josef that stepped up and asked Abel, "Do you have a plan?"

Giving Josef another once over he said quickly, "There is a place approximately four kilometers from here, by a lake. There will be water there and hopefully game or fish. The place I am thinking of would be large enough to hide everyone from prying eyes."

Josef asked suspiciously, "What's the catch?"

"None. We'll trade you the location and help to feed us all if nature cooperates and you give us information on what has been happening since the snow started to fall."

One of the men said, "You are outta touch Buddy ain't ya." At Abel's silent stare the man said, "If there's food I'm in. What about the rest of you guys?"

The other men agreed as well. Abel looked back at Josef and he said, "All right, I'm in as well." When Monica objected Josef made a motion with his hand and said, "Enough. If we are going to get out of here and back home we need to regroup and get some rest. If there is food that is even better."

We took the most direct route to an old fish camp known to only a select few of the locals. It took longer than expected because the lake had spilled over its banks in a couple of places and we had to make a couple of rough detours. We were within sight of the rocky overhang when someone ahead of me on the trail led a limb come snapping back and it caught me square on my thigh. It took everything I had not to scream and I wound up rolling around on the floor of the trail trying not to holler or cry.

Abel picked me up and carried me the rest of the way and I didn't care worth a flip. I was in the land of pain. When he laid me down I heard him tell Daniel to stay with me and in a minute he was back with a cold, wet bandana that he put on my forehead. It was so cold that I knew he must have dipped it in one of the springs that gurgled out of the ground near the camp.

Gradually I got myself back under control but it felt like someone had let all the air out of my tires. "I'm OK Daniel. Really, I'm OK."

"Abel said you was to stay right here. He said sit on your if you didn't behave."

I wanted to ask since when had he started to take his orders from Abel but I knew it wasn't nice. Daniel loved Abel and had taken to him immediately. The fact that Abel was also his teacher in ways that I could never be wasn't his fault or anyone else's. I needed to be happy that Daniel had more than just me but I wasn't feeling particularly happy at the moment. Daniel had the stubborn look on his face that said he would do exactly what Abel told him to do if I tried to get up and move.

"Fine. Where is he?" I asked in a tired voice.

"Talking to Josef down by the water. I'm thirsty Dacey … and hungry. Yeah, I'm real hungry."

Knowing that once he set off down that road it was either do something for him or he would pester the living daylights out of me. He was going through a growth spurt and was hungry all day long. Heck, he probably would have just grazed on anything he saw if I'd let him. As it was I saw him hiding a puffball mushroom behind his back.

"OK Daniel, hand it over. And where did you get this?" I asked, looking over the round fungus that was roughly double the size of a softball.

He reluctantly gave me the mushroom and pointed behind me. Sure enough I could see several really large ones partially hidden by the grass back there. In exchange for giving me the mushroom I passed him a strip of dried meat flavored just the way he liked it and he sat down happily to chew on it while Dog chewed on a piece of deer hide I threw to her.

Abel came back and I asked, "Can we have a fire?"

He nodded slowly that squatted down beside me. "Querida?"

"I'm fine. Hurts but as long as nothing hits it again I won't act like such a baby about it."

He gently picked a leaf out of my hair and then before I could object picked me up again and carried me over to a protected place where Monica and the other men were already setting up a camp. He told me, "I'll build you a fire under the overhang."

Daniel was soon fishing – Josef joined him after checking my leg – while the other men cleaned their guns. I cut the puffballs into cubes and when I was brought the first cleaned trout I threaded them onto sticks along with the fish, seasoned everything with fresh parsley, basil, and marjoram and grilled the whole of it over the fire.

There was almost a fight as the first fish came off but I settled it by feeding Daniel before the other men, saying he had caught the first one so he would eat the first one. Some of them didn't like that at all and I noted which ones and told Daniel to stay away from those particular men. Just because we had a common enemy did not necessarily make them our friends. Finally everyone was eating but me, my appetite was just gone and I was done in.

Abel noticed and refused to eat unless I did. He would feed me a bite and then he would eat one or two bites. I tried just so he would eat but after a few bites I just couldn't. Quietly so no one could hear us I told him, "I'm OK Abel … or will be. I think it's just reaction. Like that time you cut your hand real bad when you were butchering that small sow. I'm going to make some tea and try and get Daniel to rest. He's getting over excited and picking up on the men's nervousness around him."

He nodded. I noticed that Abel wasn't talking much but if I asked him about it someone might notice so I let it go. I called Daniel over and asked him if he would help me to rest and that is about the last thing I remember for a while.

I woke up incredibly thirsty. I thought I was in the cave at first but then remembered and then further realized that the sun must have set. That made me jump. A hand on me made me jump even worse until Abel whispered in my ear. "It's OK Querida, I'm right here."

We sat up carefully. Dog, who lay on the other side of Daniel, opened one eye but then closed it again letting me know that she didn't sense any immediate danger around. "How are you feeling? Do you have pain?"

I shrugged, "Stiff, sore, but more thirsty than anything right now."

He handed me one of our canteens. I noticed that he'd stretched mosquito bar between two rocks, keeping the blood suckers off of us. Some of the others had done the same and were sleeping as well. Those that didn't have mosquito bar didn't seem to be bothered by anything so I lost interest. I whispered, "I shouldn't have slept so much."

"Better that you did. You didn't have to listen to the mujer que se queja."

The way he said it let me know he was fighting to stay polite. "What was she complaining about? Monica used to be so easy going?"

Jackson eased up beside us and when I turned sharply in his direction he said, "It's OK. Monica is just … stressed out. She didn't want to come on this raid but Julie – our step mom – was driving her crazy about making a match with some guy that said that if she would live with him he'd keep Julie and the kids in food. Monica … she still isn't over Jeff … told Julie that she wasn't going to be some man's … er … special friend … er …"

Abel tensed up but I said, "Don't choke on it Jackson. I think I've got the picture. I can't believe your step mom would ask her to do something like that. I know Charlene's mom was … was a snob but I didn't figure anything like that."

Jackson shrugged philosophically and said, "Heart Rot has changed more than the land Dacey; it's changed a lot of people too."

Abel put his arm around me protectively although I knew there was a little possessiveness in there too. Either way it gave me the courage to finally ask about Jeff. "Jackson … I need to know. Jeff just walked away one day and never came back but you act like you all spent time together after that … yet you say he is dead now. What happened?"


	20. Chapter 20

CHAPTER 20

I didn't think that Jackson was going to answer me at first. Then he said, "Are you sure you want to know Dacey? I mean really know? Because right now you can imagine it any way you want to. But once you really know, you'll have to live with the way it really happened."

Abel grumbled, "Tell it or don't but do not torment her."

Jackson looked at him and said, "Testy puppy."

I'd forgotten how irritating that Jeff said Jackson could be, how supercilious and irritating that I'd found him the few times I'd met him. Apparently he was also a little slow and stupid because he was baiting the wrong person. "Like he said Jackson, tell it or don't. I'm in no mood for dumb people games."

Jackson looked at me hard and then sadly but I was getting the feeling that a lot of what you saw from Jackson was just for show. "Jeff lasted as long as he could Dacey. It tore him up thinking that you would believe he just walked away and left you and your brother to fend for yourselves. I think that's why he stayed alive as long as he did and never stopped thinking about ways to escape."

Abel sat quietly side me, too quietly. I think he must have known at least some of what was coming. I had heard rumors on the radio but my conscious mind didn't want to make the connections too soon. Jackson had to explain it.

"Monica and I got the juniors home but just barely. Charlene and Duncan were messed up and we practically had to carry them the last mile. Dad … as mayor he was taken into custody and we never found out how he died but a lot of the most influential men in town all went missing at about the same time and most of them have stayed that way. Julie was completely batty by the time we showed up but she pulled herself together as soon as she saw her two kids needed her. I'll give her points for that … Charlene and Duncan mean everything to her and she's pretty ruthless when she has to be." A little admiration crept into his voice which made me uneasy for anyone to have those kinds of feelings for someone that was ruthless. "She and Monica get into it every once in a while but it's never been as bad as it got over the guy she tried to line up to be Monica's … er … keeper."

I just looked at him. I supposed I needed to know how things stood. Understanding the other players in the story lived would give me some insight but I was impatient to hear about Jeff.

"Look, when the Chinese came through the town got caught between the factions that started fighting. It wasn't subtle either. Jeff walked right into the middle of the worst of it. They threw him in with a lot of so-called 'enemy combatants'. Those people got worked long and hard and they were fed them next to nothing to make them weak and keep them that way. They used the same tricks on them that they tried to use on us in the children's camp."

"Did it work?" I asked.

He nodded. "On some of them. It was more the control of food though than the indoctrination. You get to where all you can think about is food and how you can get some and as soon as you've eaten that you think about how to get some more. I'd say that you knew how it was but it doesn't really look like it."

He was looking for answers and I decided to give him lies instead. "People used to feel sorry for Daniel and I. They'd let us stay with them for a little while. Then they'd let us stay in their barn or shed and work for a little food. Then the people started disappearing or dying and we scavenged for a while. Then we were stuck on our own and people wouldn't have anything to do with us. That's when we learned to hide from the people eaters and we stuck to the forest."

"Is that when you hooked up with your friend here?" he asked slyly.

"No, I've known Abel for a long time."

I was either a really good liar or Jackson was as dumb as a stump … or a little of both. I could tell that Jackson assumed that Abel was one of the migrant workers that would occasionally go through the area during apple season and that he thought that my dad had hired him on or something. Wrong, my dad never used migrant workers for several different reasons but mostly because it was an expense he didn't want.

Having pigeon holed Abel and thinking he'd gotten most of my story out of me Jackson continued. "Then the Chinese pulled out and Almanzor's predecessor showed up. The guy – his name was Sevmire – was a wolf in sheep's clothing. He 'recruited' most of the young men – early teens to twenties – to do work so that their families would receive food allotments. Pretty clever really. He started off the nice guy; cleaning up the mess the Chinese left behind, making sure everyone got something to eat, organizing things … he even reopened the school. But it was all done his way and the school was just a propaganda machine, a way to get into people's homes. Every kid was a like a spy because they were encouraged to recount their home life every day to the 'counselors' that were assigned for each grade level. Real sneaky stuff. Too bad we weren't paying more attention to the things he wasn't doing. He didn't give people back their guns. He didn't reinstall the leaders in the community but put his own instead. He didn't open the clinic back up so you had to go to his people for rationed care. Most telling of all was that the enemy combatants continued to be worked like dogs and fed like fleas. Everyone was so busy trying to pretend things were normal that we ignored what was right under our noses."

I heard Monica grumble that not everyone had been a blind idiot but no one came to her defense when Jackson told her to shut up, that if she'd really been as all-knowing as she acted that she was even more guilty for not doing anything about it. That shut her up.

"Then they started treating us recruits the same way they treated their prisoners. For every infraction they would take away from the food our families were supposed to receive. As a group if one person acted out we all suffered the consequences, and eventually so did our families."

He stretched his shoulders and I could tell he was uncomfortable. "It wasn't until they started the beat downs on the recruits that most of us realized what the people like Jeff had really been suffering. Most of us had tried to believe that they must have done something to get where they were and if we could avoid doing whatever that was we'd never be in that position."

I said, "How ignorant. Anyone with sense knows that appeasement never works."

I saw a bitter twist to his lips in the moonlight. "Yeah, that's what a couple of people around town eventually started saying. They lost their tongues for it."

I thought he was talking metaphorically at first but when I turned to look at Abel he only added to the bitterness. "The UN's control broke down quickly. Troop commanders began to do whatever they felt necessary or setting up their own power bases. Men went rogue, only out for their group's survival or they were lone wolves accountable only to themselves. Hakim was always ambitious; the breakdown in order only gave him more scope for his ambition. He started as an underling of Sevmire in the early days. This must have been right before he claimed to have heard God tell him things and changed his name to Almanzor. He decided the old ways were best and that everyone would return to them … whether they desired to or not."

Stopping them both I said, "Wait. Are you telling me that cutting out people's tongues … that was real?"

Jackson said, "It was called making people into Examples."

"But what happened to the cops and … and our military?! You make it sound like they just walked in and took over without no opposition."

Abel tried to comfort me but I didn't want comfort, I wanted answers. For his part Jackson shook his head. "Where have you been this whole time? Under a rock? Come on … the cops are people just like everyone else and are subject to the same threats and fears … and hunger, let's not forget hunger. They'd already started that program of confiscation and redistribution while we were all in that stupid camp and most people were already low on supplies and willing to believe anyone that claimed they were going to help. Besides, most of the cops were taken into 'custody' as soon as they'd helped to round up the kids and were the first to disappear. It took us a while to realize that not all of them had run for the hills … maybe none of them did. As for the US military, a good many of them were co-opted by the UN in the beginning with our government's blessing and when they weren't scurrying for the UN they were being used to battle it out with the Chinese who apparently started making themselves a little too at home if you catch my drift."

I asked, "Where are the Chinese now?"

Jackson shrugged, "Around. We don't see 'em much because of Almanzor's fighters but not all of them were recalled when the Muslims of China decided to try for their own political independence back in their country."

Abel and Jackson started talking about commanders and numbers of men and stuff I had no interest in. I knew it was important but I wanted what I wanted at that moment. I told them both, "I'm glad you two can sit around and exchange stories but would you mind finishing mine first?"

Abel stiffened for a moment and then settled himself a little closer to me. I knew I was being witchy but didn't care. He didn't care I was being witchy either but cared about why I was feeling like I was. Understanding that helped me to calm my own jets. It's nice when you know a person so well you don't have to use a lot of words.

Jackson shook his head and said, "You can be a nasty little piece all right. I'm surprised you're still alive. With that mouth you'll have hacked someone off by now."

"I'll leave you alone as soon as you finish telling me about Jeff," I snapped at him, already forgetting I was supposed to be using my self-control.

"Fine. Don't say I haven't warned you more than once." I glared at him until he continued. "Sevmire and then Almanzor did a pretty good job controlling us. They kept us at each other's throats … jealous, angry, ratting each other out, you name it. They also did the same thing between any allegiance groups that started … one group was favored then another group was favored, one group would get punished for something the other group did, it was a mess and nobody figured we were just being manipulated. The group Jeff was in was always at the bottom of the pecking order so they took the brunt of the worst of it. But after a while we all realized there wasn't really any difference between any of us … we were all prisoners. Then Sevmire goes and gets himself killed … assassinated really … and that's when Almanzor takes over completely. That guy is pure evil. You won't believe the horrible things he does to people. It started out just with the lowliest of the prisoners but it eventually included anyone that disobeyed him or got in his way. The only guy I know that escaped him for long was one of his own men … guy named Montoya … but even he was eventually captured and tortured to death. He has the guy's head nailed to a post outside of his office so no one forgets."

Abel's hand around my waist began to squeeze so tight it was hard to breath. I moved and then acted like I'd bumped my wound and Abel immediately released me. Jackson didn't notice anything and finished his story. "Jeff was always on about what we should do and how if we all just rose up together we could take the enemy out. He refused to see that if we did that half our families would have been killed in retribution. His mouth got him into so much trouble but he didn't seem to care. He used to tell stories to keep our spirits up … a lot of them were about you Dacey, that's how I learned so much about you."

From the dark someone asked, "Did you really put spoiled meat in the pot to make everyone at the children's camp sick?"

I sighed, "That was a long time ago … but yeah; it was only the camp counselors though, not everyone."

Another voice asked, "And you stopped up the sewer lines?"

Uncomfortable and irritated to find out Jeff had let so much of the cat out of the bag I said, "Yeah . What of it? I didn't see any adults coming to the rescue."

I recognized Josef's voice this time. "And you would do anything to protect Daniel."

"Of course, he's my brother and my responsibility to take care of and protect. Geez, what's the big deal? Aren't you guys out here stirring up trouble for the same reason? To protect your families?"

There was uncomfortable rustling around us. Monica said, "No. We're out here making fools of ourselves because they've cut off our food rations and moved the supplies to some secret strong hold. We were looking for it but haven't found it so we decided to whittle down their numbers before we become too weak to do anything but lie down and die … which is just what Jeff did. He finally just laid down and died Dacey. Even he gave up in the end."

Jackson told his sister quietly, "Shut up Monica, that's not true and you know it. You're just angry that he didn't hold on for you. You're just mad because you think that if he had just held on for another week he'd probably be alive today."

Jackson turned to me and finished it. "He just starved to death Dacey. A lot of people did … they're still starving to death. There's not enough food to go around."

"But why does Monica think that … that … well, what she thinks."

He said, "Because a week after Jeff died that Montoya guy somehow snuck into the main base and blew a bunch of crap up and that's how a lot of us escaped. Almanzor was so distracted for a while that he didn't seem to care that a lot of his political prisoners were on the run. Most didn't stick around anyway but a few of us have stayed hidden in and around the old logging and forestry camps. I've told her over and over but she just won't believe me. Even if he was still alive at the break out Jeff wouldn't have made it. He would have died free but he still would have died … he was too far gone by that point. He died thinking you and Daniel must hate him and then they took his body and threw it in a pit and burned it along with all the other prisoners that died that week. There isn't even a grave for you to put flowers on. You happy you know now?"

I saw it clearly that time; that nasty gleam behind the charming boy act. I told him, "Happy? No. Worried that Jeff is still in pain? No. Worried that he doesn't know the truth? That Daniel I ever hated him for leaving? No. Because where Jeff is at he knows all he needs to know and is being fed at a banquet table. So just shut your mouth Jackson, shut it real good. You did your part to tell me the story now do the rest of it and go away."

He smirked in the dark and said, "I told you you wouldn't like it." He did however go away after his parting shot. I could tell that Abel was thinking evil thoughts about maybe making Jackson go away permanently but I didn't want him going back to that life, certainly not for me. I refused to cry or make a fuss, especially not in front of the strangers. I might do it later but not then.

We settled down for the rest of the night. Abel never said a word but he never left my side, at least not until I fell asleep and when I woke up in the morning he wasn't far away from it. He was washing Daniel up and trying to keep him occupied to keep him from waking me up wanting me to cook him breakfast.

I was just about as stiff and sore as I'd ever been except for that time I fell out of a hickory tree I'd climbed on a dare. I remember Dad asking me if I'd be accepting any more dares in the future because if I planned on it he'd go ahead and just order my tombstone for me. Needless to say that while I still got into scrapes on occasion, not one of them was because of a dare.

"It's OK," I croaked.

I was dry as a bone and Abel handed me a canteen and then whispered in my ear. After making sure I was OK and letting Josef look at my wound to make sure it wasn't getting infected he whispered to me, "Be careful. Some of the men want you."

"Want me for what?" I whispered back.

Abel gave me such a look until I finally figured it out. "Nooo way. Except for Jackson they're all old enough to be … well … a lot older than me. That's gross."

"Are you sure they are so much older? Look at them closely Querida."

Rather than stare at a bunch strange guys and giving them ideas I thought about it and I said, "Josef … ok … I know he's in his twenties and sure he looks … well … older than he should. OK, all right. I get it, you're saying these guys are probably not as old as they look."

Looking at me with approval he said, "Yes, you see it."

I tossed my head and would have made more of a spectacle except I did notice that a few of the men had stopped to watch us … me. I whispered so that only Abel could hear me, "Well, I don't care. It is still grossing me out. Just because I don't know much doesn't mean I don't know anything. Why aren't they after Monica the same way?"

He rolled his eyes, "Because she is like a cat … quiet and still when it suits her and clawing and hissing the rest of the time. And because she cannot cook … or find food. That more than the other is why they want you."

I didn't know which offended me more; guys old enough they should have known better thinking about making up to me or no one caring about me one way or the other but only wanting what I could do for them. Of course if I was honest, both sides amounted to the same thing. Shaking my head I asked quietly, "What? Are they blind? All they need to do is look around. They could stuff themselves silly up here."

Whatever Abel was going to say was interrupted by Jackson coming over and asking if I had any ideas for breakfast. "Uh … like fish." I was still not ready to just let the way Jackson had told Jeff's story go.

"Tried that; they're not biting."

"Puffballs?"

"Ate them already. The men want something more."

Disbelieving I said, "No way did you eat all those puffballs during the night."

Jackson smirked, "Must have, they aren't there now."

I got the picture; it made me mad that they'd lie about it but I got the picture. They'd grabbed them and decided not to share. Or maybe take them back to their families. Good luck with that, I thought. In the heat of the lower elevations the mushrooms wouldn't last too long and someone was going to get sick. Then I thought, but maybe that wasn't such a bad thing. I made a big deal of it. "Hey! Those were supposed to be shared rations. I can't believe you guys ate them all. Now what are we supposed to eat? We came up here to get away from having to eat grass and now look what you've done!"

I don't know where it would have gone from there. A lot of things were going through my head at one time. The doofuses would strip every puffball they could find for miles in every direction once word got out that they were edible. Then that sparked the idea that I shouldn't say anything else about the other edibles I knew were underfoot. Which made me think that if they were half as smart as they thought they were they'd soon have the upper elevations completely stripped and the land would never have a chance to come back if that is what it was trying to do. I never got to test Jackson or the other to see if I was right because a sudden explosion threw mast and dirt overall of us. I screamed, "Daniel!"

It was nothing but chaos and confusion after that. One of Hakim/Almanzor's other groups must have tracked us to the lake or maybe they just got lucky and stumbled across us. I learned later that Abel thought it was a third option.

Abel used the confusion to gather Daniel, Dog, and our gear and we separated off from Jackson and his men and went to ground in a small crevice in the ground about a half mile from the mountain lake. Daniel was shaking like a leaf before the noise and ruckus was over with. Several times we had people practically on top of us. Abel stepped out a couple of times to remove a threat and dispose of the body away from our position. It took most of the morning but finally it was all over as they fighters chased Jackson's group back down the mountain. We remained in the crevice for a bit to make sure that no one was lurking about and Daniel and I were stuck there even longer until Abel had scouted around to make double sure.

"No more people," I muttered to myself.

In a rare display of sarcasm Abel asked, "What? Did you not enjoy meeting old friends?"

I turned to look at him and said, "Ha. Ha. Very funny." Then I pulled a face and asked plaintively, "What is wrong with everybody? Wouldn't it be better if we worked together instead of at cross purposes?"

Taking a moment to translate my words he became the gentle Abel I knew him to be most of the time. "Querida … perhaps it is as your Jackson said; Heart Rot has not just changed the land, it has changed the people."

I snapped, "He's not my Jackson thank you very much. And I'm beginning to wonder if it changed the people or if it just revealed who they really were underneath the face they used to show the world."

Abel shook his head, "You are too young to be so cynical."

I threw a handful of dried pine needles at him from where I sat with Daniel leaning against me while he rested. "Stop with the 'you're too young' stuff. You said yourself that some of those guys … uh … wanted me. I get that they wanted my cooking but I betcha that isn't all they'd been thinking about if they were as icky as it felt."

I'd managed to ruffle Abel's feathers. "You are too young," he ground out. "No more such talk. I only told you to warn you not to get too friendly with them. And we will avoid such groups in the future."

Rolling my eyes I told him, "I'm pretty sure it would have been a much nicer if we had avoided this group too but it didn't wind up that way. Daniel and I will be better prepared if it happens again. As it is, now I have to worry that people are going to move into the upper elevations hunting for food and they'll strip it as bare as they've stripped down below."

Abel was silent for a while and I had begun to think he'd dropped the matter but then he said, "I do not think so Day-cee. Hakim will not like the people to spread out too much; it will make them too hard to control. It will give them hiding places to talk and plan from and give them time to stop fearing him. No, he will not risk a rebel group using the area for a base."

"What can he do about it? There are already people crawling around our old farm and all along those old roads. And look at Jackson's group."

Abel snorted. "Yes, let us look at this group that Jackson belongs to. They are old for their age but no wiser for it. They are hungry and coming to you like nestlings yet there is food all around if they would but look. They have no … no … organizacion … it is like a mob that just happens to be working together for one thing at a time. I heard of no long range plan to throw off Hakim and the other oppressors. I heard not one mention trying to work with others outside of the area to cause Hakim indigestion. What leadership they started out with was easy to distract and destroy by petty means and infighting. They seem to have no goals. All this is why Hakim has stayed in power as long as he has; he is no great leader as he believes himself to be, he merely has no one who is really willing to fight him."

A little wickedly I said, "At least not since that Montoya dude. He freaked little Hakim out enough they he had to nail his boogie man's head outside his office to remind himself his greatest enemy is gone."

I thought Abel would laugh since we both know Hakim believed in a lie but he didn't even crack a smile. So I asked, "Do you miss it? The fight and getting the better of Hakim? Being his nightmare?"

Rather than answer me he said, "Let us find another place to hunt and gather and then return to your cave."

Not liking the vibe I was getting from him I told him, "It is your cave too. We've been over this before so you know it is."

He shook his head. "It is your dower, your inheritance from your father."

"Which means that I can do with it what I wish and I'm saying the cave and all in it is yours too so don't start … start … pulling away and making excuses. If you want to go back to fighting then just say it. I'm not a child. I'll understand."

He stopped on the path and turned to look at me. "I am not pulling away and I do not wish to go. I am stating truth. I do not deserve your giving and I have nothing to give in return."

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "We are definitely going to avoid people from here on out if it makes you feel like you used to." It wasn't the answer he'd expected. I stepped close and hugged him and Daniel did as well. "You gave us you Abel. That's better than anything else." Slowly his arms came up and we had a group hug for a moment before heading to another camp for the night. Daniel understood even better why we didn't want to lead strangers to the cave so he didn't put up the slightest fuss.

We camped near a honey locust tree. Abel, finally out of his strange mood asked, "What is a … a locust?"

"It's a type of bug but I'm not sure why they call this tree a honey locust. I can't imagine locusts are all that sweet. Which reminds me … I'm surprised none of those men thought to eat grubs and stuff like that. They'd be protein. Sure beats starving to death by inches like they're apparently doing. People can't be that helpless. Their survival instincts should have kicked in by now."

Abel shrugged, "People are strange Day-cee. Or perhaps this group has simply been helpless for too long. Or maybe they ate all of the bugs long ago and there are none left."

I shook my head. "Maybe in town but up here there would be bugs a plenty yet none of those guys – or Monica – seemed to think to look for some. Now I admit, bugs wouldn't be my first choice either but if it was between eating bugs and starving the bugs would be sautéed, fried, or grilled before the day was out."

He smiled as he hung our mosquito net under a rock outcropping so that we would stay dry during the night when the fog rolled in and the due became so heavy it was like rain. For my part I looked around to get my bearings and think about what we could add to the supplies in our packs to make sure they lasted longer. Soberly Abel added, "That is another reason besides your father's foresight that you have survived, why you and Daniel have survived. You have focus, a goal, and are willing to do the work to reach that goal. Even after your primo Jeff left you did not give up or wait for someone else to do the work for you."

Hearing Jeff's name again reminded me of what I had learned. I wasn't sure I could trust Jackson's version of the story completely, he seemed the type to only tell the part of the story that didn't make him look too bad … and I'd started to wonder if maybe Jackson, as a "recruit," hadn't tolerated the pecking order more than he should have.

I felt Abel's hand on my shoulder, "I am sorry for your loss Day-cee. Is the hurt so old you cannot cry for it? Is that why your eyes look like that?"

I sighed, "I did all my crying for Jeff after he left. I'm not angry at him either if that is what you are wondering. I never was, not even back then. He never lied, never said he wouldn't leave because that is what he wanted to do all along. He wanted to go join up with someone and kick the Blue Hats back where they belong. Guess he didn't get far."

We were both silent with our thoughts and then I shook myself. The past was the past. All Jackson did was confirm that Jeff was dead and I'd already known that in my heart, I just hadn't known how or when. It was time to deal with the present. I looked at Abel and said, "Dad told me another name for the Honey Locust tree was Confederate Pintree."

Falling in with my changing of the subject Abel acted interested enough that I explained that during the American Civil War soldiers from the South were so poor that they would use the thorns off of the tree to pin their uniforms together. Of course then I had to explain to him what the Civil War was and by the time I had finished with that our camp was all set up and it was time to get out of my frump and do what we'd come up to the higher elevations to do in the first place.

Abel helped me to my feet and waited until I was steady before letting go. "Are you certain you are not in too much pain? That man … Josef … he said you need to rest and keep the wound clean."

Shrugging as nonchalantly as I could I said, "I've gotten a little rest, now it is time for a little work."

"But the injury, it is giving you pain. Yes?"

I nodded but refused to let him know how much. "Sure, some. But my pride will hurt worse if we don't get something good accomplished after all of the energy we've spent. Let's not let Jackson, his people, or Hakim's people stop us from doing what we set out to do."


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

"You are obstinado Querida," Abel said. He was smiling but I could tell he was losing patience with me too.

"I might be stubborn but I'm right and you know it. Momma always said make hay while the sun shines."

"Your madre was undoubtedly a wise woman but I have doubt that she meant her words to be used in quite the way you are using them."

I "had doubt" about that as well but I wasn't about to admit that to Abel. My leg was thumping something awful but it wasn't going to stop thumping if I sat down. It was swollen beneath my pants leg and I had claimed modesty to keep Abel from getting a good look at it. Besides, once I did sit I didn't think I'd be getting up until we were ready to go home.

"I want to bring back plenty of this wild ginger. I need it for cooking and if I get it replanted now it might fill in some bare patches that are forming in the shady spots under the trees around the sink. I might even try a few pieces actually planted down in the sink on that place where the grass was washed away from the winter run off. It doesn't need flowers to propagate itself although it can. It's one of those ground covers that doesn't spread too fast so sometimes you need to help it along a little."

Grabbing another clump of things I had gathered I said, "And I want to plant these bracken as well though maybe not in the sink itself. It's too late for many fiddleheads but we'll eat what I've found for dinner; the rest of these are coming with us. They propagate by spreading underground too. No flower or seeds to worry about Heart Rot destroying. They've got these little spore things on them but they usually spread by stems and roots so I hope they are Heart Rot resistant. Even if the spores are sterile the roots should still be OK. I hope."

Abel gave in with more grace than I would have and asked with a grin, "And what of the dan-dee-lee-ons that Daniel has been asking for?"

I laughed as he'd meant me to; sometimes he mispronounced things on purpose. "Dandelions and you know it. You like them too, just maybe not quite as much as Daniel does. We'll have a small salad of them with the fiddleheads, I think I have just enough oil and vinegar to make a dressing and those blackbirds you caught with that fishing net will be our meat. I'll make a meat pasty … a blackbird empanada … fit for a king. Will that be enough for you and Daniel?"

His good humor disappeared. "You have no hunger again?"

I shrugged like it didn't matter. "I just have things on my mind."

"And one of them is your pain." Unexpectedly he said, "Enough of this. It is time for you to sit."

I was crankier than even I expected and snapped, "Who made you the boss of me?" As soon as the words were out of my mouth I caught my breath. "Oh Abel … I … I didn't mean … I'm sorry."

Lucky for me Abel is an understanding sort or maybe it was that his female cousins had been the gargoyles he sometimes made them sound like because he acted like I hadn't said anything unexpected or wrong. "Hush Querida, you are just tired and sore. Come. Sit down. It will soon be time to hide from the pequeños vampiros anyway."

I grabbed my pack and asked Daniel who'd been watching me warily if he could please bring the things I had been putting in it to me so that I could finish. I emphasized the please and while he did it he escaped back over to Abel for what little remained of the afternoon. I had been right about one thing; once I sat I didn't want to get up again.

In addition to the bracken and the wild ginger, I carefully packed in a good sized layer of prickly pear pads that Abel had already removed the thorns from except for the ones that I intended on transplanting to a dry area of the forest. I had no idea if they would survive but I thought it was worth a try.

I had picked a bunch of mushrooms and also bagged up a bunch of rotting mushrooms to bring back for their spores. Heart Rot didn't seem to affect fungus very much, maybe because it was a kind of fungus itself. It wouldn't be very nutritious to live on mushrooms alone but they'd add a lot of variety to people's diets if they could just learn which ones to eat and which ones to steer clear of. I needed to learn to get the mushrooms to grow where I wanted them to. Momma had always just picked wild ones or bought them at the farmer's market.

The only thing that I was really doubtful about was the Japanese knotweed that I was bringing back. Daniel's pack was full of the young shoots and I had no idea how it had gotten where it was growing; maybe a bird dropped it or something. It was an invasive plant species, non-native to the area, and bad for local ecosystems but it was practically indestructible. Most people hated the stuff because it was as bad as bamboo for running all over the place but Momma had taught me that, prepared right, it tastes a bit like rhubarb when you use it in pies and that sort of thing but can also be cooked like a vegetable had a kind of sweet and sour bite to it like pickled beans. It also propagates so easily that just a very small piece of a root or cutting can start a whole new stand. I planned on transplanting some of the knotweed, but it would be well away from the farm. There was a really nasty creek a couple of farms away that had steep banks. I decided that would be the best place for the transplant experiment. The reason why the creek was nasty was because it flowed through an old, ill-kept dairy. It used to make Dad so angry because that creek met up with the one that flowed through one corner of our land.

"You can tell how much manure is in that water by how well the grasses and stuff around there grow. In places that creek is pure manure tea. And if I don't keep the grass from clogging up the creek it backs up onto our land and …"

He'd complain and fuss and then go over and talk to the people on that side of things but no one would really do anything so Dad was stuck doing what he could. He wouldn't let me help keep the grass out because he was afraid of what might be in the water. He said e. coli would have been the least of our worries since he didn't know what kind of stuff they were feeding the cows on that farm. The local vets had tried to have it shut down at least twice that I knew of but without success. All the cows were gone now and the water wasn't as bad as it used to be … but it still wasn't great. I was pretty sure that the knotweed would really take off if it was going to do anything and at least it was edible whereas what was growing there now … mostly Johnson grass and the like … was not.

Dinner was over and Daniel was winding down and three-quarters asleep from having a full belly after a long day. Dog was sniffing around at all the new smells but kept an eye on us. She wasn't exactly jumpy but she'd get all stiff legged for a moment and sniff the air before going back to her investigating. Abel sat with two rifles close at hand … the one I carried which was mainly for long range shooting and the bigger one he carried for power … while he went through all that he'd taken from the Blue Hats the day before. I had my bow close at hand as Dog's behavior gave me the itches between my shoulder blades.

"Abel?"

"Hmm?" he grunted as he checked the edges of several small knives.

"You never really answered me. Do you miss … I don't know … miss the purpose or whatever of what you used to do? Are … are Daniel and I holding you back from doing something you want to do?"

He didn't answer me right away but took out his sharpening stone and started to put a better edge on each of the knives. He said slowly, "I have a different purpose now Day-cee. You and Daniel are my purpose. With this I am satisfied."

"That's only half an answer."

Still drawing the blades smoothly along the stone he said, "Are you still worried that I will leave you, like Jeff?"

"No, not anymore. You aren't Jeff. For one thing you have way more patience than he ever did. Jeff wasn't anything like a hothead but compared to you he was a flaming volcano. You're what Momma used to call the kind of person that measures everything twice before you start cutting. Dad was like that too … cautious, careful. But I didn't ask you what you intended to do. I asked you if you missed the other."

He turned to look at me and I saw the twisted smile that told me my suspicions were correct. "Sometimes you are too smart for a young girl to be. Querida, I will not leave you and Daniel. I will not, not unless Dios Himself calls me for Judgment. But …"

"But?"

"Sometimes I still yearn to make the vengeance on those that do bad things. Not just for the bad things they do now but because I know they bring danger to us if they are not stopped."

Continuing to worry at it I told him, "Dad said if you are seeking revenge you might as well dig two graves … one for your enemy and one for yourself."

Abel nodded. "Si, it is an old saying that my Abuelo knew as well. Not all of the men in my family believed his words. More than a few were buried in the church yard on the hill before I was even born. Fighting is something that runs deep in my family … but winning does not always follow it. You saw me nearly in my grave for seeking my revenge when you rescued me."

I shrugged, dislodging a mosquito that had been trying to dine on me through the worn cotton of one of my mother's old work shirts. "I still say God put me there on purpose. It seems to me that God didn't want you to die right there because He sure did make it easy for me to bring down a mountain."

We both smiled at the memory of the mess I had made. "Si … and I suppose I must believe that. But you asked and I promised you I would not lie. If I knew that I could act against the tyrant Hakim without bringing harm to you and Daniel I would not hesitate. Meeting your Jackson made me itch to fight once again."

"I noticed … and I told you, he's not 'my' Jackson. He was never 'my' anything … certainly never my friend and I don't think he's any closer to being that now, maybe even less." After thinking I asked, "I wasn't paying enough attention, did it look like any of them could track?"

He nodded, "One or two. That is why I disappeared us the way I did."

"And why we went in circles for a while? To throw them off just in case they decided to try and follow us?"

"Si … yes. We must remind Daniel not to drag his feet so much. I had to cover too many places on our trail. It slowed us down and you had to walk more than you should have."

"Next time we'll make him cover his own trail, that'll teach him. Mostly I think he is just tired. We used to get more exercise; we would walk long distances all the time. But not since the snow has completely melted. I don't know about you but I was puffing a little when we first started out too. And he's growing again. I can tell because his pants are getting short."

"Hmmm, I noticed. He will be as tall as you soon."

I gave him a look. "Are you calling me short?"

He put away the sharpening stone and knives and scooted back to where I was sitting and then put his arm around me. "I am calling you just right. If you were an Amazonica on top of everything else I would run away with much fright."

Sometimes Abel could be such fun. "You are being silly on purpose."

"Si. I am."

Then I had a thought. "Are you trying to distract me from asking about …"

He looked me full in the face and admitted, "Si. I am."

"Does it bother you that I want … need … to understand?"

He thought and said, "No, not your need to understand … it is my need for you to understand, that bothers me. That life is behind me. I do not know why I miss it when it nearly killed me, made me feel muy mal."

"Then maybe it isn't the life you miss so much as … as accomplishing something big. Daniel and I … the world we live in … is pretty small compared to what you were involved in."

He shook his head in denial. "You and Daniel are much bigger … more importante … than what I was before. Before all I thought of was serving death … now I think of serving life."

He was serious but he was also being a little silly, treating me like I was fragile and trying to do it so I wouldn't notice. "You're sweet when you go all protective like this but I've learned a few things about guys." When his eyebrows went up into his hairline and then slammed down into a scowl I said, "Not those kinds of things. I mean that guys are different from girls in more than just their bodies. For guys to be truly happy they need to have some kind of mission in their life."

"You and Daniel are my mission."

I patted his cheek like I was someone's Granny and told him, "Like I said, you're sweet. Look, there's nothing wrong with it … maybe it is the only thing a guy can do to be truly happy. I'll use Jeff as an example. He really wasn't happy because the mission he had set for himself stayed just out of reach. Maybe he was fulfilling his place that God had set for him but I don't know if he ever realized it. If what Jackson said was true he didn't worry that he'd really abandoned Daniel and I … but that we would perceive what he did as him abandoning us. He still thought he'd done the right thing by getting involved in this mess the way he was. He continued to try and come up with ways to fight until he didn't have any fight left in him."

Abel was quiet, listening to me … not just my words, which he had to do in order to translate them fast enough to keep up but to how I put the words together and what I was saying with them. "There's different missions for different people. Teachers have a mission. Doctors and nurses have a mission. Preachers have a mission. There are all sorts of missions in life, sometimes we get to pick our missions and sometimes they pick us. Even my Dad had a mission." At Abel's questioning look I explained, "Most people to look at him would never think that Dad was on a mission. He was a homebody; we did everything together as a family. He didn't do a lot of the typical guy things like coach or get gaga over sports or hang out at the bars or anything like that. People considered him real laid back, maybe even gentle because of the way he handled Daniel and his school mates. To Dad, his family was everything to him … on the outside. On the inside too but he also had his mission. What do you think the cave was all about? All those lessons he taught me? All that sneaky stuff he used to do to protect our privacy? Momma used to complain that I was his partner in crime. We weren't doing anything wrong, it was just something Momma couldn't completely wrap her head around. The food yes, the solar energy yes though that was kinda pushing the envelope for her … she didn't know about everything Dad taught me or she would have freaked a little bit. She already complained about me being such a tomboy …"

He interrupted with, "What is this tomboy?"

"I … uh … I wasn't a girly-girl." He was still confused. "I liked to do stuff that most people think only boys do … hunt, fish, camp, throw knives, drive the tractor, help with the hay, that sort of thing. I wasn't really interested in makeup and doing fancy things with my hair, I thought all of that was too silly for words and a big waste of time. My mother's sister used to complain that I was the most irritatingly practical child she had ever met. I knew things like how to change a tire before I could see over the dash board to drive. At eleven I could fix my mother's car well enough to get us home to Dad when most of the adult men at the church just kinda stood around thinking about calling a tow truck."

"This makes no sense. You cook. You sew. You take care of Daniel as if he was your child. That is … er … girl stuff. Why would your parents argue about such a thing?"

I smiled like he'd just made my day. "You're wonderful smart for a guy." He snorted at my own silliness. "And my parents didn't argue exactly. Momma and Dad worked it out so they wouldn't fight about it. She didn't complain about him teaching me things he would have taught Daniel if … if Daniel had been a little different … so long as I also learned to do the things she thought girls should know how to do and did them with a good attitude … including wearing dresses when she said I had to. And Dad wouldn't complain about her keeping Daniel tied to her apron strings so long as he minded and still helped out with the chores around the farm without a fuss."

"And was that your padre's mission?"

I shook my head. "No. I was just part of it. I was soldier to his general. He believed that something would eventually come that would be dangerous to us. His mission was to prepare for that … and he took his mission very seriously. He was only truly happy when he was working on this mission. It wasn't just about our family, he wanted to get other people prepared too … he just never found a way to convince the ones that didn't want to be convinced. He used to help people on the computer all the time though. I'm just sorry he never got to see how well he accomplished it."

"Poor Querida. Your father, he does see. Dios would not set him such a mission and not let him see that he fulfilled it. He watches from Los Cielos above."

I sighed and relaxed. Abel and I fit, or at least he fit me. I wanted to fit him too. "Abel, what is your mission in life? Is there anything I can do to help?"

He sighed deep and long. "I do not know. I used to think I knew exactly what I wanted from life … I was going to university and I was going to learn ways to help my Abuelo and my family make more money from the farm so they wouldn't have to work so hard. Then that was taken from me. Then I thought my mission was to help the world by teaching this America how to share better so that we would all survive the Heart Rot. Then I found that was a false mission, that I was working for El Diablo. Then I thought my mission was to fight and kill as many of El Diablo's minions as I could take with me on the way to my own death. But I no longer wish to die. For now, all I see is you … and Daniel."

"But part of you isn't satisfied with just that anymore is it?"

He gave another expressive sigh. "Part of me does want some of my old life but … but not at the expense of my new one Querida. I will not drag you and Daniel into that world. Hakim, he was not mad when last I saw him but he was on the way. Whether he is mad now I do not know and do not care; he is dangerous, very dangerous, either way. If you do not believe as he does you are worth nothing to him. If you do something to make him notice that you do not believe as he does he … he likes to make Examples of people Day-cee. He enjoys watching the pain; it feeds him even better than food does. His women never lasted very long … they either ran away, or they disappeared. I've seen him cut a man apart and eat his liver."

"He's … he's a … a man-eater? I mean a cannibal? No one said that."

"No … that was in the heat of the moment and was more sym … symbolic is the word. Yes? It was to bring fear more than to give his body food. But … here's a thing I thought but dared not say, even then. Hakim could have destroyed the can-ni-bals. He had the manpower. He could have stopped it early and executed anyone that did such things. He never has."

"Never?"

"Nunca … never. I think he uses the sick ones as a … a … bad dream; as another way to control the people. Do you see it?"

I made a disgusted face. "All too well. That must be why they stay around the town and we haven't seen any out our way."

"Perhaps, perhaps not." Judiciously he said, "I never found real proof for my thoughts. He simply did not do a thing to stop what he could have stopped."

Suddenly I sat up and made my leg pinged badly for a moment. When I had it under control I asked Abel, "With so many people moving through the farm lands, will it bring the sick-o's?"

He nodded, "Si, I have thought just that. But the can-ni-bals, they are not very strong. They truly do become sick after only a short time … a couple of weeks of living off of …" We both chose not to say it aloud. "It is unnatural and our souls know this first, and then our bodies know it. Our minds know this last but by then it is too late, we are too sick to care in body or in spirit."

"Don't say 'we' Abel. That's just nasty. But now I'm worried about Daniel. I've heard what they say on the radio as well as you. And I remember what you told me when you first came. He'd be a prime target."

Darkly Abel said, "You both would for different reasons. As … er … disgusting as you found the idea that those men would want you, they were polite about it compared to what you could face from some other group. You are young, fresh … beautiful. And you have useful talents. The smart ones will think of preserving the talents and not hurting you very much. But there are too many other types in this world. You must promise me that you will not give into temptation to help strangers."

Outraged I asked, "Do I look like a soft touch to you?!"

"You helped me and did not care that I could be a danger to you."

I shook my head. "Says you. If you only knew you might be surprised. Besides there was just something about you that I knew was different. I can't tell you how I knew but I did. It was like recognizing a kindred spirit or something."

That time he kissed me. "You should not say such words. You make me think of things it would be better if I didn't." He sat up straighter and put a little distance back between us and then got serious again. "I have seen them use children, old people, women that look helpless. It is a trap. They leave the crying child alone and then when someone comes to investigate, they ambush them. They trick people Day-cee … do not let them trick you. Always think before you try to help … or set your heart not try to help at all. Do not leave Daniel … or me … alone to face this world without you."

The sun had gone down and the bugs had come out so we crawled into our protected sleeping space. Abel lay down on the other side of Daniel and Dog lay on the other side of me; we were sandwiched between our two Champions.

The nights were still chilly as high us as we were but I was more concerned about the damp. I made sure Daniel wouldn't kick off his covers – at least not too many times – made sure he had his socks on, and then drifted off to sleep.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

I'm not sure what woke me exactly. I don't know if it was the unnaturally quiet night or the fact that Dog was as stiff as a board beside me. I reached across Daniel to nudge Abel but found he was already awake. My hands brushed his and I felt the big rifle he clasped. I was quietly pulling my bow into my own hands when Daniel woke up and clamped onto me like a vise. Unfortunately he also kicked my leg which I had to up to that moment forgotten about.

I nearly broke my teeth trying to hold in the yell that wanted out in the worst way. Peeling Daniel off of me wasn't exactly easy either. Whatever was out there Daniel sensed it and it scared him. Then I heard it; something made a snuffling noise and then it was pushing through the underbrush. Great, just absolutely great, I said after identifying what it was.

I prayed fast and hard that the bear would just go away. I thought it must smell our dinner, but it couldn't have been a very strong smell. Abel had cleaned the blackbirds well away from camp and had buried the few scraps left over in the same location. We had gone well away from camp to take care of our personal business as well and I wasn't on my monthly thank goodness. There was no bug spray, perfumes, or soaps to draw attention to us … not even toothpaste. And our packs were strung up in the trees high over our heads.

The bear never took particular interest in us but it wandered around for several hours before finally lumbering off around three in the morning. I couldn't relax however until the sun was up and we'd broken camp and put our boots to the trail going home and even then I still had both ears cocked for any noise out of the usual.

Both Abel and I were exhausted. Daniel on the other hand was wide awake and wired enough for everyone. He'd gone back to sleep after the bear hadn't taken action after foraging for about thirty minutes and had decided that the incident was just a bad dream. We let him continue to think that since neither one of us had the energy to deal with him if he got it into his head to start running home in fear.

About a mile from our camp Dog caught a scent and went all stiff legged in the middle of the trail. She didn't block Abel's path but wouldn't let Daniel go any further. We set Dog to guard Daniel in the bushes with a piece of jerky to keep him occupied while we eased up around the bend. Abel motioned for me to stay where I was and then turned off the trail. I was beginning to worry but then Abel rushed out and called me to come help.

Scattered in a small clearing were the bodies of a whole group of Blue Hats but there were also several of Jackson's group as well. I saw Josef bending over a bloodied Monica but when I turned I realized Jackson wasn't anywhere to be seen.

"Josef?" I asked hurrying over to him.

"Don't let Daniel see this mess."

"Dog is keeping him safe someplace else. What happened?"

Josef shook his head as he put a splint on Monica's wrist and tied it in place. He laughed a little, obviously in some shock. "What didn't happen? What a fool's play this has turned into."

Abel came back after checking the others over and said, "They're all dead or soon will be. There's nothing you can do for them; the two that still barely live have gut wounds. How long has it been since the bear was here?"

Flabbergasted I asked, "Bear? This was all done by a bear?!"

Monica could finally talk once Josef had stopped moving her bones around. She gasped, "Mother bear and two yearlings … all three of them mean and hungry.

I turned to Abel and said, "That's not the one we saw. It wasn't a yearling but it wasn't big enough to have cubs that old either … at least from what I could tell in the fog."

He nodded in agreement, "Different one." Turning to Josef who had insisted on making another inspection of the bodies he asked, "What drew it? Did you leave food out?"

In an unmistakenly disgusted voice he said, "In a manner of speaking. They left Derek tied up over there once they were through torturing him. And Ray is, or rather way, hung over there. I think the mother bear pulled him down and drug him off.

While Abel and Josef muttered together I turned and helped Monica sit up and tried to see to her other needs. It was obvious her brassiere was in ruins beneath her torn shirt so I brought the pack she identified as hers and asked if she wanted me to help her change. "What? No … no … I …" Then all in a rush she blurted out, "Don't believe everything that Jackson said Dacey. I'm not angry at Jeff … at … at least not anymore. Jeff … Jeff had … had dignity at the end. He just sort of faded away. I think it was the betrayals that finally did him in more than anything else."

"Betrayals?"

She looked tired, like an old woman that had seen too much. "Yeah. I didn't know about it for a long time. He refused to name the person that'd turned him in. They … they made him an Example. When he didn't die from shock they threw him back in the prison pens. I … I took care of him the best I could but … but he was so tired Dacey. He just … just needed … he just needed to rest."

It felt like there was a shaft of ice in my chest. "Who was it?"

"It took me a long time to figure it out. I'm still not absolutely sure. But after what happened …"

"Who?" I asked again.

"Jackson and his buddy Derek. They … they ratted us out. They took the radio from the pack where Ray had stowed it. I guess they must have used it to call this group of goons and … and we walked right into an ambush. It didn't go the way they expected it to though. Apparently this troop commander thought that anyone that would betray his own people wasn't trustworthy." She chuckled bitterly. "Derek was the first guy they tortured. He lasted a nice long time."

In a kind of daze I said, "We didn't hear anything."

"They had us all muzzled. One sound from anyone and they beat us all. One for all and all for one." She laughed bitterly. "They were really wound up, drinking that horrible stuff they drink … that Arak … and were having too much fun to go to sleep. We were all forced to watch what they were doing. If they caught one not watching we all got slapped around. Every once in a while one of them would finally get so drunk he would pass out. But there were a couple of them still up and preparing a new victim when the bears walked into the clearing. We saw them but because we were tied up we couldn't get get away. The guys still not drunk enough to fall down were tying Jackson down for their next round of entertainment when the mother bear came at them from behind. I don't know exactly what happened after that. The bears were in some kind of frenzy. They'd take a bite out of one guy and then just move onto the next one like they were sampling a buffet. Someone passed me trying to get away and one of the yearlings ran after him and knocked me over. I hit my head and that's the last I remember until I heard Josef calling my name. He was half way out of his ropes when your man came onto the scene."

Josef came over to us and asked Monica, "You think you can hike? We'll head for my uncle's place …"

Monica yelped, "Josef, we talked about this. They'll disown you."

"No they won't. I told you we met last month so I could give him some of the books from the town congregation so they wouldn't be desecrated. That's when we talked about whether I could come, and whether I could bring someone with me. We won't go to services but my uncle said he will stand by me if I'll come practice healing in the community and watch my p's and q's. Father and Grandfather will either come around or not but I've known that since I was sixteen and left to go to the school in town and then went and lost my religion in college."

Then a few things clicked into place. Josef had never lifted a gun against the Blue Hats. Further back in my memory I recalled a time when he told Dad that his uncle wanted to know if he would do some old style smithing out on their farm as their community's blacksmith was down sick. That's when Dad explained to me that most of Josef's people were very strict Old Order Mennonites but that Josef's uncle was considered a bit of a radical because he would do business with people outside of the Peace Churches.

"I'm needed there Monica … but I won't go until you are ready to go as my bride."

I looked at Monica and at Josef. Monica looked at me and I could see she felt guilty. I don't know where it came from but I said, "You know Monica, Jeff wouldn't want you to wait around for a ghost. You stood by him the best you could under horrible circumstances. You were just kids in school. But school is out now and Jeff has gone on." I swallowed passed the lump in my throat. "Live. If you can't do it for yourself right now then do it in his memory … and if it means going with Josef then I don't think … no, I know … that Jeff would be happy for you from where he is at now."

Monica blinked back tears then slowly turned to Josef and put her hand in his. "Your grandparents are going to hate me."

Josef said, "I don't think my grandparents know how to hate. They just don't know how to accept things that are different from the ways their grandparents taught them. Maybe we can teach them that different doesn't have to be bad or shameful. I'd like to give it a try anyway."

I could see a thousand questions in Abel's eyes but I also saw urgency. I asked him, "Do you think the bears will be back?"

He nodded, "The bears and maybe more men. The radio I had was damaged in the fighting. I do not know if they were able to get any message out to their commander."

Josef said, "It didn't seem so. Every time one of the men wanted to use the radio to call someone the rest of them would say later – or something to that affect – and go back to their party."

Disgust showed on Abel's face. "Hakim's men are getting over confident and sloppy. They wanted their fun before they had to turn over the prisoners … assuming there were any of you left to turn over."

Monica grimaced. "They were saving me. I'm not sure what they said but I was off limits because I think they planned to give me to Almanzor or something to that effect."

"Be glad they did not," Abel said.

Monica snorted, "Trust me, I would have killed myself first. I've had to clean up after he was done with one of his 'wives.' She died … but it took a while." She turned to look at Josef again and asked, "Are you sure?"

"Yes. If Jackson had not been watching you like a hawk we would have slipped away days ago. I think he suspected something"

Monica shrugged and then gasped in real pain. Josef calmly sat her down and created a sling to hold her arm. "You won't be able to carry a pack so let's put your things in with mine."

Abel had been making two piles but turned when he heard that Monica would not be able to carry a pack. He called Josef over to rearrange things but as Josef tried to take all of the guns out I could see Abel's confusion mounting. I walked over and asked, "Josef, do you hunt?"

He looked at me like he was prepared to defend an old argument. I shook my head. "I didn't ask if you hunted people or hunted for sport, I asked if you hunted."

He got a suspicious look on his face. I don't know why people do that, it's not like I set out to irritate them … well, not most of the time anyway. Finally he answered, "To put food on the table, yes."

"Would you shoot a wild animal to defend Monica?"

Seeing where I was going he said, "Enough already Dacey. I'll take one of the rifles and will take one of the small caliber guns for Monica but I won't be loaded down like I'm following Sherman's army."

Abel asked, "Who is this Sherman and where is his army?"

Josef's lips twitched into a half smile and he explained to Abel while they finished rearranging the piles. I went to check on Daniel and found Dog sitting in his lap. Daniel was ecstatic to see me, he'd grown worried but when Dog guards, she really guards. I brought him a little closer but didn't let him come into the clearing. Not long afterwards Josef and Monica came to say goodbye; they had at least three more days of hiking to get where they were going.

Abel was not happy with the idea of leaving all of the supplies behind that he'd taken off of the bodies and out of their packs. I told him, "We can put them on the little trailer. It will slow us but if we tie everything down …"

I received a hard kiss followed swiftly by a demand for the folding game cart. Even with the game cart our packs were heavily loaded, even Daniel's. As we walked I told him what Monica had said about Jackson and he said that men like Jackson only profited from their wrong doings for a short time. He said none of them could escape Judgment Day forever. I seem to recall my dad saying roughly the same thing and it comforted me and I was able to let go of some of the anger that was eating a hole in my stomach.

It was well into the evening before we reached the sink. Abel went first to make sure there were no surprises then once he was convinced all was clear he took Daniel down. Next came everyone's packs and then he and I slowly maneuvered the game cart down to the ledge and into the cave.

Abel was tired but I was shaking with exhaustion. I also wanted to have a look at my leg in peace because I had a bad feeling. But first we had to check on the chickens … who were not too happy about being awoken before they were ready … and the grow rooms. I saw several things needed to be picked but it would have to wait.

We put Daniel to bed after stripping him and then we went our separate ways to our own rest. Only I wasn't resting, I was waiting until I knew that Abel was asleep. When a long while had passed with no noise I crept to the bathroom, shut the door, stuffed a towel in the crack at the floor and then turned on the light. I peeled down my jeans, not even irritated by the fact that they were barely repairable, and couldn't help but gasp at the mess of my leg.

It was swollen and red and the bandage showed where the puncture had been oozing a lot. I started shaking, almost afraid to take the bandage off, afraid of what I would find beneath it. It took forever but I finally got it off without tearing open the hole in my skin. I leaned my head on the sink and started crying.

The door suddenly jerked open and there stood Abel. "I cannot stand this any longer. I told myself I would not come in unless you fell or called for me but … but I could not. I stood here and stood here but to hear you crying …"

He saw my leg and fell to his knees. "Day-cee …"

I stopped my tears and wiped my face. "It's all right Abel … really. I … I just got a little scared was all. I kept imagining all sorts of things but it's all right. It's red but not infected. There's no puss or angry red lines. I was just so relieved I kind of lost it there for a minute. Now go away … I'm not dressed."

He said something in Spanish that, although I didn't understand what he meant, made me think they weren't the kinds of words you would normally use in polite company. He grabbed a towel from the shelf above the toilet and told me to drape it across my lap. "No more words. No more excuses. I know men who could not have hiked that trail with a wound like this. How could you let me push you so hard?" he growled.

"Stop it," I told him. "You weren't pushing me, I was pushing me. Josef looked at it a few times and didn't make the fuss you are making and he is practically a doctor."

He said something totally uncomplimentary about Josef's parentage and sanity and then pushed my hands away while he started to gently clean all the gunk from around the wound. I was sick to my stomach and threatening to puke on him if he didn't stop by the time he had finished. I then used antibiotic ointment and rebandaged it with real gauze squares from the medicine supply cabinet.

Abel ordered, "Be still, I will carry you to bed."

I snapped, "In your dreams."

When I tried to stand up and hold the towel around me at the same time he said seriously, "Already have done it in my dreams now I am going to do it for real only without the happy ending."

I squeaked when he gently picked me up and started to carry me to Daniel's room where I had slept since before he had come but then he stopped. "You are too old to sleep in Daniel's room with him. He forgets you need the privacy sometimes."

I sighed completely beat. "I know Abel but until I can explain it to Daniel …"

"Explain it to him in the morning when he cannot jump on you to wake you up." I groaned. It was a bad habit that Daniel had gotten into, bouncing on the bed to wake me up. The thought of being woken up that way with my leg like it was made me nauseous all over again. "You should have your own room," he admonished.

I was in no shape to argue and Abel wasn't in the mood for it. He carried me to the door I always kept closed but he let me make the final decision on my own. I turned the knob and Abel carried me into the room that would have been my parents'. I kept the room dusted but that was about it. Momma had never gotten around to decorating it as she thought of it more like a child's play house than as a future home. The furniture was nice but Spartan; however the bed was big … and smelled of cedar from the bags I kept tucked between the sheets and under the feather pillows to keep the silverfish and moths at bay.

I only had a moment to feel strange, like I was trespassing before I was asleep.


	23. Chapter 23

**CHAPTER 23**

I woke up to "thwak … thwak … thwak … thwak." I cracked an eye open and there was Daniel bouncing a ball beside the bed. My first thought was to try and remember the last time he'd played with a ball. But once I started wondering why I was wondering why he was bouncing a ball the rest of my head started waking up and I remembered it all.

I sighed and asked, "What's up Daniel?"

He wasn't exactly pouting but he wasn't happy either. "You didn't go to bed."

"Sure I did. I'm lying in one aren't I?"

He gave me a look that told me that I'd better come up with something better than that and quick … or else. "Look Daniel. I've been putting it off but we need to talk." I was under the covers so I could at least sit up without embarrassing myself. I took a breath and decided to give the story I'd concocted a try. "Daniel, you're twelve years old … too old for me to be treating you like a baby. I need to let you grow up more." I hadn't said what he'd expected me to say and for a moment, wonders of wonders, he looked at my face … really looked … like he was taking notice of something he saw there and trying to understand it.

He mumbled, "I'm not a baby."

"I know, that's what I said. And I shouldn't treat you like one. You're passed old enough to have your own room instead of me sleeping in there with you."

I kept waiting for the tantrum but instead he just said, "OK. I'm hungry. When are you getting up? Abel said I couldn't bounce on the bed to wake you up. I didn't bounce on the bed. Abel can't make biscuits or muffins or …"

Stopping what I knew could turn into a pretty long list if I let him continue I asked, "Where's Abel?" while I tried not to make a big deal of him making the connection between him bouncing on the bed to wake me up and him bouncing a ball to wake me up. It's not the kind of subjective connection that Daniel usually made.

Daniel put the ball in his pocket and told me, "Abel's with the chickens."

An unhappy voice from the doorway said, "Abel is not with the chickens. Daniel I asked you not to wake Day-cee up."

Daniel started to pout and I said, "I need to get up anyway. But Daniel," I waited until he'd looked in my face. "Next time mind Abel. Just like Dad, OK?"

He mumbled a disgruntled OK and then left the room. After Daniel was several feet down the hallway Abel turned to me and said, "I am sorry if I …." He was struggling to translate it exactly as he meant but he didn't need to. I could tell he wasn't really sorry about getting onto Daniel but about it upsetting him.

"Don't feel bad. He needs to learn to listen to you all the time, not just when he feels like it. I expected to start having trouble with him around now anyway."

Abel gently sat on the bed. I brushed his hands away when he tried to pull back the covers to look at the bandaged area on my leg. He didn't exactly give up but he didn't push either. Instead he asked, "Why do you expect to have trouble?"

I shrugged, "Hormones, puberty, whatever you want to call it. Dad used to talk to me about it. He was worried Daniel would get to a point and get too be hard to handle, especially for Momma since she babied him a little … well, a lot. He's scrawny by nature though he comes by it naturally. Dad's side of the family are late bloomers. But he's getting almost as tall as I am and one of these days he's going to fill out and really be bigger than me. If he won't mind me he needs to mind you … um … I'm assuming …."

"Assuming what Querida?"

"That you don't mind being the big brother or father-figure or … or …" I stopped then sighed. "I shoulda asked Abel. I know what you say with your mouth and I believe you, I do. But I shouldn't just assume anything. It's just I … I trust you to do right by Abel more than I've ever trusted anyone else except maybe Jeff and even he didn't treat Daniel the way you do. I know you had a cousin that was like Daniel but still I didn't have any right to just … just … put it on your shoulders like that. It's just things are too dangerous to let him just go his own way all the time to keep him from throwing a tantrum. He has to remember what boundaries are but he needs to learn to be flexible too. I … I don't know if I can do it all when he gets bigger than me. What if … what if he takes it into his head to go off and I'm not strong enough to stop him?"

I was blathering but I couldn't seem to stop myself. Quietly Abel interrupted and told me, "I am honored Querida. I will not let you down." I nearly melted with relief. I'd thought he wouldn't mind but I felt bad for never asking. He looked at me closely and said, "You have given this much thought."

"Yeah. I put off for a long time dealing with it but since you came … I haven't been so scared that I would wind up doing something wrong and losing Daniel or making him worse. I can't explain it exactly." I shook the fog out of from between my ears and added, "But it isn't going to happen overnight and I need to get up … so scoot."

He smiled playfully and asked, "And if I don't?"

It was getting harder to go back and forth between there being something serious between Abel and I and for us to be just friends. I knew we were going to have to face it, decide which direction we were going, but I wasn't ready yet and thankfully Abel understood that … or acted like he did. We were both friends and something more but we kept the two parts separate most of the time so that we would have someplace to retreat to when one role or the other got the better of us. I sighed, "Abel, I need to get up. I need to get some clothes on and then go and wash up and then feed Daniel before he drives us both bonkers. What time is it?"

He figured out real fast I wasn't in the mood to goof around or be tempted. He wasn't upset but he did say, "You should rest the leg Querida. Even that Josef said so. It will do no one good for you to get sick."

"I don't plan on running a marathon but I've got to do something with the forage we brought back and I need to get our things washed." I jumped as a thought struck me. "Oh no! I didn't think to check our gear for ticks … or Dog … or even Daniel. Let me up Abel. I've got to …"

"Slow down Day-cee. I checked everything this morning. No bugs. And the chicken room has been cleaned as well. I did not want you going in there with such a wound as what is on your leg. And Daniel will not starve if you want to sleep for a while longer, I will give him a treat to hold his hunger."

Looking suspiciously at him I asked, "What time did you say it was?"

When I found out it was passed lunch I nearly did kick him off the edge of the bed. I finally convinced him to move … and not to look … as I scrambled to get my clothes from the other room with the towel wrapped around me for modesty.

Trying to put on pants was a misery. I finally managed to get shorts on by rolling up one of the legs so the hem wouldn't irritate my sore skin. After a few minutes that bothered me too; I had to roll the shorts up so high that it felt like I was trying to walk with a small hula hoop on one leg.

I was beginning to get really cranky then I thought about finding something in Mom's old clothes. I limped down to the storage room where I kept the boxes of their things and went digging. I finally found a skirt with a drawstring waist that didn't fall off me. I might have finally reached Momma's height but we weren't built the same at all. Momma had what you would call a womanly figure; me, well if you looked in the right places I was obviously a female but harder and a lot leaner than I remember most girls my age being. Because of what our diet consisted of and the amount of manual labor we did there wasn't a whole lot of extra fat to pad my sharp angles that should have been soft curves.

I'd never really given being a girl much thought. It simply was what I was. I realized though that I didn't necessarily have to just tolerate being a girl and the odd body parts that sometimes got in the way. For the first time when I put that skirt on I really evaluated my looks. Eventually I realized I was primping and started laughing at myself. I felt dorky about the whole thing.

I was still smiling and digging through a box of old clothes when Daniel and Abel found me. Daniel started to say something then just stood there with his mouth open.

Pulling my head out of the deep box I asked, "What are you looking at?"

He made a face. "You won't be able to climb the steps and go for a walk with us."

"Why not?"

He pointed to my legs and said, "You're gonna get chiggers."

That made me laugh again but Daniel didn't get what I found funny so he just ignored it. Then he said, "I'm hungry Dacey. I'm starving."

Obviously my playtime was over with. "Coming Daniel. Just give me a minute and we'll have nut butter and jam on crackers. How does that sound."

"Great!" He went off towards the kitchen and I knew I'd find him sitting there waiting for me now that he had a positive answer.

Abel leaned against the door frame and said, "Daniel is right."

"About?" I said gathering up the armload of things I had decided to make over.

Abel took them from me and carried them to my "new room" as he said, "You cannot go walking in that."

I sighed. "I'll change before we go out. Any particular destination?"

Ignoring my question he posed one of his own. "Why are you wearing a dress?"

I looked up to see that Abel had just as strange a look on his face as Daniel had. "It isn't a dress it is a skirt. I know it looks weird." I glanced down at my hairy legs and blushed. "And I know I don't exactly look like I should be wearing a skirt. But I was trying to give my leg a break. The pants were rubbing and making it sore again."

"Let me see," he said. "I have not looked this morning."

I slapped his free hand away gently. He'd started to bend over and look for himself. "No. Last night was one thing but today is another."

Giving me a stubborn stare as he straightened up he asked, "Why?"

I elbowed him to force him to stop looming and give me some room. "Because today I feel like a girl so I'm not just gonna flop down and hike this skirt up so you can stare at my leg, that's why."

Abel started wheezing and choking like he'd gotten a bug caught in his throat. I rolled my eyes and took the load of clothes from him before he dropped them on the floor. "Knock it off. I'm fine. Stretching my leg will do me some good as long as I don't overdo it. And I'll go back to being plain ol' Sister Dacey before we go for a hike." For some reason that made him wheeze and cough more and then he took one last look and walked away.

The meal of nut butter was enough for both Daniel and Abel who had been snacking off and on when it was apparent I was going to sleep later than usual. While they ate I nibbled, my appetite still in the wind. Abel had taken care of the forage on the ledge outside of the sink and we stored it in a cooler we had concealed for just such a purpose. The spring kept the plastic barrel at such a low temperature that it was like having an outdoor refrigerator.

Although I wasn't hungry I was incredible thirsty. I decided to treat us with Vinegar Lemonade. The first time I had made it for Abel he had fallen in love with it saying it was better even than what his grandmother had sent to the field for them to drink on a hot day. It is very simple to make. For every twelve ounces of water you add one to two tablespoons of cider vinegar and one to two tablespoons of sugar. You adjust the vinegar and sugar to suit your personal tastes. I made it with cold spring water and then put it in individual canteens. Daniel doctored his to make it more sour while Abel preferred his strong but sweet. I liked mine a little watered down but as cold as I could keep it.

I reluctantly changed back into my jeans and forced myself to ignore how the material felt pressed against the bandaged area. Trying to tie my boots was out of the question so I slipped into a pair calf-high moccasins made of deer skin; beat the heck out of mending over trying to tie a bow.

We left the sink cautiously. Anyone in the area at that time would be hunting a spot to camp for the night rather than wandering the fields. But since we didn't want to run into the exception that proved the rule we were very careful. We stuck to the trees and were just going to take a look around to see if there were any people in the area or if any changes had been made.

We'd expected to have to avoid at least one group but there was no one about. It wasn't until we had gone about as far as we meant to that day that we saw anyone. Daniel latched onto me and tried to pull me back. I put my fingers to my lips to shush him and let Abel get close enough to see what was going on. Disaster almost struck when two men came out to the bushes to do their business.

I like to have died of embarrassment and Daniel nearly started laughing. That gave me the giggles and if Abel hadn't come back and given us the evil eye I'm not sure if either one of us could have stopped. They were both complaining of there being too much roughage in their diet which nearly sent me off into the giggles again. But when they started talking about hiding out for a few days to avoid the patrols on the road that zapped every bit of humor out of me.

After the farm was first attacked we'd been left alone … no cops, no inspectors, no soldiers. Now these two guys were saying that there were patrols in the area. They also revealed that Alamanzor had been crazily hacked about something the last couple of days and that anyone with sense was finding a hole and pulling it closed after them. He'd already made an Example of one of his old recruits and that when he'd tried to add that man's family to the Examples at the edge of the town he'd found that they'd already escaped and no one knew where they had gone. Apparently more and more people were escaping the town and Almanzor had decided to put a stop to it.

The two guys finally pulled up their pants and moved on. I noticed that Abel wasn't looking at me and when he accidentally did look my way his lips twitched. So much for his evil eye … he wanted to laugh as much as we did. My leg had started to hurt from crouching in the tall grass and Abel said we might as well head back anyway.

"You are quiet Querida, is the leg giving you pain?"

I nodded and told him, "Some, but not too bad. Mostly I was thinking."

"You are frightening when you do that. Tell me you are not planning mischief for the patrol. We do not know for sure if there will even be one."

I gave him a sneaky look and said, "I hadn't gotten that far yet."


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

Abel groaned like he was sorry he had brought it up then asked, "Then what were you thinking?"

"Just that you can't be a tyrant if you don't have anyone to push around."

Relieved that I wasn't talking about blowing something up or any other kind of mischief Abel thought about that for a moment and then said, "Ah … I understand now. Yes, that is why Hakim is angry, that people are leaving … escaping him. He would rather they starve where they are, fear him, and be subject to his rages than leave so that there would be fewer people to feed and therefore less reason for him to rage."

I was confused though so I asked, "But why do it like this? I mean, if people run from him they'll say how big and bad he is and his reputation will get bigger. Right? Isn't that what he wants? To be all big and bad and have everyone know it?"

Abel shook his head, "No Day-cee. Just because I say that Hakim is not as strong a leader as he thinks he is does not mean he is stupid. He must have some idea of his … his …limitaciones … how far he can stretch his resources. He only has so many men under his command … the original Peacekeepers … and he probably wonders of their loyalty. Of that number he probably only trusts a few, maybe none. I took many of them away from him, some have probably run away, and others have been killed by fighting like we have seen up on the mountain. He probably dreams nightly of being assassinated as he did to Sevmire."

He wasn't bragging about the men he'd killed, just stating a fact. I'm glad that he didn't gloat because I still felt bad about the different men that I'd killed over the months. Even if it was a them-or-me situation I didn't like to think about it too much.

Abel stopped on the path and faced me. "Day-cee, I do not wish to do mischief to Hakim's men."

Rolling my eyes and smiling to try and tease him out of his worry I said, "I didn't say anything. Did I? I don't know why you would even think that."

I got a small smile. "I don't know, you have certainly given me no reason to think such things." A little more seriously he said, "Querida I would not blame you if you did want to do such things. It is not that I do not want to do such as well but it is that it is not a good idea to do it in this area. If Hakim feels threatened he will take greater interest and that we do not need. I do not wish a siege to be laid against us confining us in the cave. It is too dangerous. We have a great many things thanks to your padre but to be trapped … it is a bad thing to have happen."

Not liking that scenario at all I said, "No, we definitely don't want someone to start snooping around here. But we do need to know if Hakim has patrols in this area."

The next week and a half we tried to return to our normal schedule. I was relieved when Daniel was able to settle down a lot; he really doesn't do well when things are all at sixes and sevens. I was able to get caught up on chores like laundry and making over and repairing our clothes. Abel went scouting every day to see whether we had company in the area or not.

He saw people four days running – regular folks and Blue Hats and then things seemed to just dry up. There were no scavenging groups, no single travelers, and none of Hakim's people. We were relieved but it was a mystery too. Some mysteries I could do without as I had enough to figure out on my plate already.

When Abel was away from the cave I would work on a pair of leather knee boots for him. The leather was some buckskin that he had tanned and stretched, but it was from a buck that I had gotten with my bow. His grandfather and uncles had taught him how to do process the leather so that it could be sold at auction to vendors from the city. I knew how to stretch hides with the hair on; Abel could take the hair off without nicking it all to pieces like I did. I decided to make the boots special by dying them forest camouflage using shoe polish that had been thinned with alcohol and they came out pretty well. I planned to surprise him with them when I was completely finished.

One day Abel came home early and caught me at it. They dye smell was strong so I was doing it outside the cave where the breeze could carry most of it away. Abel came down the steps to find me working on the ledge. Being playful he teased, "Querida, tell me that is not dinner."

"Ha … ha … very funny. I wasn't the one that smoked up the living quarters trying to reheat some biscuits."

He had the grace to blush and say, "You know I meant no harm. You are not going to make me cook again?"

I had to laugh at the puppy dog face he made. "No … but only because I'm hungry and don't feel like eating ashes for dinner."

We both laughed and I noticed he was in a good mood for some reason but before I could ask he asked me, "What is that you are doing?"

I shrugged. "You might as well see since you need to try them on tonight before I cut laces for them. Here, sit down and try that other one on; this one is still wet."

Instead of sitting down he just stood there holding the boot. Trying to not let my hurt feelings show I shrugged and said casually, "You know, you don't have to wear them. I just thought that you could use another pair. The boots you came in are falling apart and the ones you took from the Blue Hat aren't much better and …"

He bent down and took my hands. "You made these? For me?"

Caught off guard I stuttered, "Uh … yeah. That's what I said. Your toes are starting to show through and … I don't know … I mean I plan on waterproofing these … but you don't have to wear them if …"

He kissed my hands and I giggled because it tickled where he was growing a mustache. "Abel, don't do that … my hands are dirty."

He was very much in my space when he said, "I wish to do more that than but I will behave with honor." He quickly sat down and soon enough we saw that using his old boots to measure from had been a good idea. There was plenty of room to tuck his pants leg in as well.

"I have never seen boots done like this," he said looking them all over.

"Promise you won't laugh?"

Still smiling he said, "I will not laugh Querida. I know the work of good boots. My grandfather's brother was a Zapatero … one who makes and repairs shoes."

"A cobbler right? That's cool. My mother wasn't a cobbler but she did make a lot of costumes and when I was little the community theater group put on the play 'Robin Hood.' Do you know who I mean?" When he nodded I said, "As you've seen my mother never got rid of anything, especially not if it had to do with sewing. I used a pattern for Locksley Boots but I had to make some adjustments. The boots she made from this pattern were just for show and didn't have very good soles on them. For yours I used some of the heavy leather Dad made belts from and cut it to fit for a sturdier sole."

He was turning the boots this way and that and said, "I am very proud to have these. I am very more proud for you to make them for me. I am thinking they will be very good.

Glad that I was wrong and that he did like them I asked, "You look in a good mood. Did you find some forage?"

He shook his head. "It is still as you say 'picked over' in this area but perhaps there will be time for things to grow back now."

Even after trying to figure out what he was saying in Spanish it made no sense. "Uh, if it is so picked over how will it grow back if there are people all over?"

"That is why I smile. Hakim, whether he knows it or not, has given us a large favor." I let him explain because I still didn't have a clue what he meant. "I have been pensando … thinking. First there are people and patrols and then there were no people and patrols. It must be for reason. I followed the path that most seemed to travel and what did I see?"

"Little Mill Bridge probably. It connects the roads out here to the highway that winds into town."

He smiled, "Ah, and so I should have seen this Little Mill Bridge but I did not. There is just air."

I choked out, "You didn't see … wait … the … the bridge is … is gone?"

"Si Querida. Or should I say not gone just … broken. It ha caido abajo. It is all down."

Not believing what I'd heard and trying to picture it I asked him to confirm it. "The bridge fell down? It just fell?"

"No … not just fell down. It was helped down on one end and then twisted free on the other."

I was shocked. For as long as I could remember that short, metal bridge had served as our one access to town. Every other road out this way simply wandered around in circles between farms and up into the higher elevations where there were hunting cabins and some forestry stations. There was an old wagon road through a mountain pass on the far side of the BLM land but Dad had said it was washed out in places and little more than a goat track. Without that bridge getting to town was going to be a lot more difficult.

Then I realized I had no desire to go to town. And now the town couldn't come to us either. I jumped up and threw my arms around Abel's neck. "They'll leave us alone now. They'll have to."

He smiled broadly. "They will leave us alone for a time yes. We still need to have care. Hungry people will not let a small thing like a broken bridge stop them if they think there is food here."

"Spoil sport." When he didn't understand me I had to explain while I put away my boot project and called Daniel and Dog in.

"Let them play; I will watch them. And I have a treat for you too. He pulled two zipper bags out and there were four cleaned catfish in them."

My mouth was watering big time. I hadn't had catfish in forever, since Dad and I went fishing … before. There aren't any catfish in the higher elevation lakes where Daniel and I would fish every once in a while. "I hope they haven't been out too long. Where did you get them from?"

"A pond. I thought it was a rana or tortuga but it was this fishes."

Smiling I said, "Give them here and I'll take them in and …"

"No," he said. "The Old Woman, she taught me a way to smoke fish. I will do it here since there are no people." Then he pulled the puppy dogs eyes again and asked, "If I smoke these fish will you please make the baked mushrooms and the small roasted potatoes?"

I told him, "You're silly. Just don't burn the fish. I'm starving."

"Ah … maravilloso. I had knowing that if I looked I would find something to tempt your hunger."

I laughed. When Abel got excited and didn't stop to think his grammar was horrible. "The way I feel right now, even if you had brought back frogs or turtles I would have still figured out how to cook them. Frog legs are actually good and turtle isn't bad … better than starving. Which reminds me … if there are fish and frogs and turtles and the other stuff we've been surviving on why are there so many hungry people?"

As he helped me to put the shoe materials back into the basket I was carrying them in Abel said, "I do not know Querida. The only thing I can think on is that people did not want to change what they ate … or … or perhaps it is they forgot how to … to eat different things. The words will not come into my head right now. But now that the town she is picked over completely and Hakim … ah … I am not sure."

Thinking about it I said, "No, I think you're right. Say people ate what they were used to and then ate what the Blue Hats gave them. Maybe they did eat what they could find in town … maybe even dogs and cats by now if the radio is telling the truth. But most people waited too long to leave the cities, or whatever. But it sure must be slim pickings now. That's probably why people were escaping into the countryside again. I wonder what happens now that Hakim has them blocked in … at least on this side."

Some of Abel's good mood evaporated. "In the big cities they burned. Riots and crimes were too great to count. I think it is only going to be in places like this … cut off from most people getting to them … that the wild things still grow, wild animals will still live. We must be very careful not to take too many. You have seen the hunting is not as good as it once was. It must be worse other places. The winter was hard on the big game and will be worse this coming cold season. People will push animals into the high places, they will over graze the land, they will starve just like the people starve."

"At least the animals that have a very narrow diet will. Some, like the bear, may be OK if they can find enough to get fat on before they hibernate. Do you think the deer look scrawnier than last season?"

"Si … and there are signs that the deer are eating things they only eat when they are hungry, like the bark of trees."

I shook my head, "Deer with eat saplings and the tops out of pine trees all the time. It drove Dad crazy when he was trying to thicken the tree line. They'll eat dogwood trees too."

"Si, but those are small trees. I speak of the big trees. I saw one today standing on his hind legs peeling the bark away and stripping the leaves out of the highest branches it could reach. This was in an area that was much trampled and fouled by the ones coming from the town."

It gave me a lot to think about. I carried my stuff back in and then came out with a basket of hickory nuts and the vice I used to crack them. Abel had his project well in hand. I sat beside him and told him, "I think I know why we still have some animals around here to hunt." He raised an eyebrow in question while I got comfortable. "If they confiscated all the guns early, before people were too hungry, then they wouldn't have what most of them were used to hunting with. I'm surprised they didn't do more fishing … and maybe they did, sometimes with fish it is hard to tell … but maybe fishing gear was confiscated too."

Abel shook his head, "I did not hear such a thing. But if movements were controlled or people had too much fear to move about in the open perhaps that is why they did not fish or hunt. When I first met you it was with the bow and arrow that you helped to fight. I have seen no others do this except in the movies or television."

"Bow hunting comes in and out of fashion around here. One year you could walk into the gun shop and buy all the bow strings and arrows you could want and the next you'd have to go to a big town or order it online to get what you wanted. When Dad taught me to hunt with a bow I was one of the youngest that the Fish and Wildlife people had ever heard of. I was pulling a small compound bow by the time I was five. I couldn't hit much but I got better. I prefer bow hunting … guns are loud and sometimes I jump and it makes me miss what I was aiming at. And Daniel, well you know how thrilled he is with lots of loud noise."

"Si … he is as you say … thrilled. Have you tried to teach him to hunt?"

I shook my head. "Not much sense in it because he doesn't have enough focus to clean what he gets. He'll go fishing … he likes the quiet … but you see how he is about taking anything he catches off the hook and I'd be scared to let him near a knife sharp enough to gut and clean a fish."

"Day-cee, he needs to learn something. Dios prohibe, but what if something happens to us? How will he survive?"

"Why do you think I've been so careful? I suppose he could be like John the Baptist and survive on honey and locusts but I don't want it to come to that." Defensively I said, "He does know what forage he can eat and what he can't. He also knows how the grow rooms work … he can follow a calendar by marking off days and he is better about time passing than he used to be."

"Easy Querida, I was not criticizing."

I sighed and tried to relax. "I know. This … this taking care of Daniel … it is what my parents raised me to do. I don't know how to do anything else."

Hesitantly Abel asked, "Have you ever thought that maybe you take care of him too much?"

I looked at him and he must have thought I was angry because he said, "Let me explain Day-cee. There were no special schools or classes for our Rosa. There was no room for her – for people like her – in many places where I lived. She mostly stayed at home with Abuelita and my aunts. She did what they did because to do otherwise would not have been permitted. But there was a Sister at the school that would come to see her like a friend. She always praised her to see that she was doing things for herself. Rosa was … was more autistico than Daniel. She did not talk most of the time and when she did it was not something to always be understood. But she could catch the chicken and kill it and clean it. Rosa love the cabras more than anything. She could take care of them, keep the dogs from them, milk them and help the aunts make cheese. She could help prepare the food we all ate. It is why Uncle was able to send her away; she was a hard worker and could do these things and not complain. Our Daniel needs to learn to do more … he can do more." He drew a breath and then added, "Day-cee, learning these things does not mean he will need you any less."

I didn't know whether to be angry, defensive, or sad … or none of the above. I knew Abel meant well. I knew he even was telling the truth. I just didn't know how to make it happen. "I don't know how to teach him. Believe me, I've tried. But he just won't do it for me. It makes me feel like a failure, like I should know how to fix it but I can't."

He leaned over and patted my shoulder. "He is … different Querida, but he is still a boy. Trust me when I say that most will not do things that they know others will do for them. I had much to learn when I came to Abuelo's farm. I did not know how to do any of the things he expected of me. He called me spoiled and weak for my age, but I was not and it shamed me to have him say those things. Abuelo was always big in my eyes; his lips wrote words on my heart. My cousins would help me many times but … when it was found out Abuelo would undo the work and make me do it myself. He said that I had to learn because there would not always be someone there to do it for me or to help me. It was a hard lesson to learn at first but it made me stronger. It may take Daniel longer to learn, it may give us the indigestion, but he must learn … for his sake … and for ours. Would your padre not want that? For Daniel to learn?"

I didn't answer him for a while. It took me time to wrap my head around the idea that there were things that Daniel could do that I wasn't letting him do … either because it was easier for me to do them or because I just didn't believe he could. I gathered up the pile of nutmeats I had made and before I went inside I looked at Abel and said, "Maybe I'm more like Momma than I thought."

When I got to the kitchen and started fixing dinner I thought about it. They used to think it was neat that Dad could blacksmith and weld metal the old-fashioned way but also I heard a few people say it was a waste of time when you could just go buy a new something. They didn't think there was much sense in it. Everyone had always thought Dad was a little peculiar teaching me the things he did; wondering why he bothered since I was unlikely to really need those skills. I was a girl and lived in a modern world. Maybe I was like those other people, not thinking there was much sense in teaching Abel other ways of doing things. Daniel was smart, I knew that, but maybe I was holding him back from being as smart as he could be. And maybe I was doing it because I was afraid that one day he wouldn't need me anymore and then what would become of my mission in life?

It was a problem and I'd thought about it just as much as my heart could stand for a while so I focused on doing what was needful. Abel had asked for baked mushrooms and that was just too easy for words. He also wanted roasted potatoes which was another plain and easy thing to do. I was in the mood for something a little special though to go with the smoked catfish so I decided to make Hickory Nut Stuffed Eggs.

The chickens were not giving quite as many eggs as they had before. I think they preferred the outdoors and I planned on mentioning to Abel that since it looked like there were going to be fewer travellers through the area that we move them back outside. But because of how many we had they still made more eggs than we could easily use every day. I always had a couple of dozen in reserve. I had some boiled eggs waiting to be pickled so I repurposed six of them by slicing them in half and removing the yellow yolks. I mashed the yolks with two tablespoons of butter from the jars Momma had put up and a little powdered cream. Then I stirred in two tablespoons of table mustard and a little salt and pepper.

I took some of the hickory nuts and chopped them up finely until I had a half cup and then mixed them into the egg yolk concoction. Then when it was as smooth as it was going to get I spooned the filling back into the wells of the egg whites. When I was finished I put them on my mother's antique glass egg platter. From there I thought if I was going to get fancy I might as well do it up right.

I made a quick herb and small greens salad and a vinegar and oil dressing. Out came the nice dishes and silver and glasses and after a quickly dust I set them up on the never used dining room table. I took the fish from Abel when he brought it in and told him and Daniel to get cleaned up … not just wash their hands but change their shirts and brush their hair. That got me a surprised look but they gave in gracefully. I ran and put the drawstring skirt on. Then I had another thought.

I went to one of the storage rooms I rarely opened. I had to use the key that stayed on top of the door frame to get in. Dad had called it the "barter room." There wasn't a lot in it … some five gallon buckets of nails and the like. Dad hadn't had time to fill it with anything of import except for one thing. All along one wall were these racks that held liquor … most of it homemade or the kind of rotgut stuff that Momma used to make her herbal tinctures and the like with. I didn't drink; was no longer even tempted. I'd sampled a bottle once when I wondered what all the fuss was about and if it would truly take my troubles away one day after Daniel had been particularly trying and I missed everyone so bad. I made the mistake of thinking if it was clear that meant it was going to be weak, close to water. Boy was I wrong. One glass of this stuff called Everclear had me puking my guts up for hours … and that was after I was finally able to breathe after the first big gulp.

I didn't really have any desire to drink again but Abel had told stories of his family and one of the things he mentioned was that there was always a bottle of wine to go with just about every meal except breakfast. I hadn't a clue what kind of wine went with smoked fish, or if it even mattered. I refused to worry about it; he'd either drink it or he wouldn't; but at least it would be a reminder of his home from before. I grabbed a bottle of the stuff that Dad had called a rose' and brought it to the table.

Abel and Daniel were in the kitchen and I had to laugh at the look on their faces when I told them where we were eating. Daniel soon lost interest in anything but the fact there would be food but Abel was willing to get into the spirit of things. The table was too big for us to sit on opposite ends but when I told him the head of the table was his, he insisted on pulling out my chair and seating me on his right.

I poured Daniel well-watered down blackberry shrub and then uncovered the bottle of homemade wine for Abel. He was speechless. I told him, "You don't have to drink it. Um, I don't even know if it is any good to be honest. I'm really not sure that I could tell either. But … you know … you said your Abuelo would always have a glass of wine with his dinner … and … and I thought … well … you really don't have to."

The wine was good … or at least it wasn't spoiled. I just couldn't drink it without making a face. Abel laughed and switched glasses with me and watered down what was left in his glass so that I could drink it. That was better but it still made my stomach feel over warm.

After all the food had been eaten Abel leaned back in his chair and said, "Querida this was very wonderful. Was there a special occasion?"

I shrugged, "We're alive, that's reason enough I guess."

He reached over and took my hand and kissed it and said, "Si … it is."


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

All three of us cleaned up the dishes to make it go faster. I enjoyed the fun of having a special dinner but not having all the extra dishes and another room to clean up. I wanted to have more such fun times but not every night. Abel agreed.

Dog didn't seem to mind; the dining room was a new place to explore and she vacuumed up the few crumbs that had made it to the floor. She did get a dust bunny on her rump and Daniel laughed and had to chase her down to get it off because she kept turning in circles, never quite able to reach the foul beastie that had latched onto her bottom.

By the time Abel and I finished the last few things, put them away, and got to the family room the two of them were half asleep in front of the fire. Rather than sit down only to have to get up and carry him to bed Abel and I carted him off and made sure he washed up good and got his PJs on. Since he'd played out in the tall grass I gave him a good going over looking for ticks.

"You must be as sour as those candies you used to like to eat. I never find ticks on you," I grumped at him in fun. He only hooted which told me he really was tired so I told him to crawl into bed.

For some reason when I got back to family room I was close to tears. Abel saw and jumped up, "Querida, is something wrong?"

I flapped my hand at him and told him, "Oh sit down. I don't know what's wrong with me. It's just … he's my little brother only now he's as tall as me and … and he doesn't even ask for stories at bed time anymore. Now you tell me that I'm holding him back only it doesn't seem I can stop him from growing up. Everything is changing so fast. And this is totally stupid and I must be losing my mind because this makes no sense."

I didn't cry, not really. I really didn't know what the problem was. The whole point was to make sure that Daniel survived just like Dad had wanted. I just hadn't understood that succeeding would hurt so much.

Abel said quietly as we sat on the sofa, "I did not mean to make you cry Day-cee."

"I know … and you aren't why I'm being silly. I don't know why I'm feeling so strange. The whole point was to take care of Daniel and finish raising him the way Dad would want. I guess I just never thought about this part of it. I got comfortable with thinking things would always be a version of what they used to be … but I'm beginning to think that isn't true. Daniel needs to grow up; I need to let him grow up. But that's not all of it."

Rubbing my hand Abel seemed to be afraid to make me cry more but he asked, "What is the rest?"

I looked at him and said, "Things can't keep going the same way forever. Daniel isn't the only one that I need to let grow up. I need … to let myself grow up as well. Only I'm not sure I know what that means for me anymore."

I could see Abel didn't know what to say to that. I sighed. I'm not sure what I expected him to say but I thought he'd say something. When things got too quiet between us I told him, "I have a full day tomorrow. 'Nite." He grunted something in return and that was all.

I got up the next morning and things were the same as they always had been but yet not. I fixed breakfast. We laughed. We talked about what we wanted to do that day and then we went off to do them. Yet … it was like something was there between us. I wondered if I was carrying a grudge or something but I tested my feelings and I wasn't. I wondered if maybe I'd said something wrong but I thought it over and I hadn't. I'd been honest and I hadn't taken my feelings out on Abel.

Finally I noticed that work was just piling up while I stood around thinking and decided I'd figure it out later. All I did know for sure was that dealing with Abel was more complicated than dealing with Daniel and if I had trouble figuring how to work with Daniel, figuring out Abel was just way too out there for me.

To get my mind off of it I focused on the most needful things in the grow rooms. First off I had a bushel basket of beets to do something with. After washing them I set aside some beet greens for our meals and the rest went into the compost pile that I was trying to build. It went into a tumbler that was in the warmest of the grow rooms but even then it took a long time to make, a lot longer than if it had the sun to heat it up.

The greens I didn't plan to use fresh I canned up in some pint jars like I would have any greens that came out of the garden. We ate them all; collard, mustard, kale, chard, and more. I even canned dandelion greens last spring before they got so hard to come by.

After the greens I had the red bulbs to deal with. I canned jars of plain beets, some pickled beets, and one of Momma's specialties; beet jelly. I cooked the beets and then mashed them to get six cups of beet juice. I added a half cup of canned lemon juice because I was saving the powdered stuff for when the canned ran out. Then I added two boxes of sure-jel. It made me nervous to wonder what I would do when all the sure-jel ran out but since there wasn't any fruit to can I wasn't in danger of doing that any time soon. Momma bought the stuff by the case for canning season because she used to sell a lot at the farmer's market.

I brought all of the stuff I'd mixed into the beet juice to a boil for one minute and then added eight cups of white sugar and two small boxes of raspberry jell-o and brought it back to a boil and then boiled it for a full five minutes more. Then I poured it into jelly jars and processed them in a boiling water bath.

I didn't bother with lunch because Abel had taken Daniel out and they were going to eat only the forage that Daniel could find. I wasn't worried about that so much since Daniel had been doing that sort of thing with Momma and me since he was born but I did worry that maybe he wouldn't mind Abel. Turns out that was one worry I didn't need to have.

I moved onto the next thing in the grow rooms that needed work and that was the pepper room. That was Daniel's special project; the colors and shapes of the peppers fascinated him but I couldn't let them stay on the plants anymore, some were already too far gone and I would need to use them for next season's seed. Daniel had a way with plants; I think he got that from Momma. I like plants and gardening but it turned out that Daniel had a real talent for it; thank goodness one of us thought of it as more than a chore.

First thing was I took some of each different kind … the sweet and the hot peppers … and put them on the drying trays that Dad built into the kitchen to work off of passive heat form the stove. Next I decided to start some Artillery Jam by using six big red bell peppers. I seeded and chopped them, then ground them up coarsely into a bowl; next I sprinkled them with two tablespoons of salt, covered the bowl and set it aside. I'd finish the jam the next day by draining off half the liquid that formed and putting what was left in the bowl into a heavy saucepan with a cup of cider vinegar and two cups of white sugar. I'd bring the mess to a boil and then turn it down to simmer and stir it off and on for an hour to keep it from scorching. When it had thickened I would take it off the heat and add a drop or two of red food coloring until the mixture was bright, bright red. Then I'd put it in small jelly jars and process like any kind of jam or jelly.

We didn't eat Artillery Jam on toast or biscuits but on crackers with cheese. Momma had said you didn't have to have fruit to have something special and she was right. In fact it was her specialty jams and jellies that she always won ribbons for at the fair. I pulled out her "Blue Ribbon" recipe book and made a list of them that I wanted to make. The secret ingredient that made Carrot Jelly bright orange was a package of orange koolaide. Hot pepper jelly was one of Dad's favorites, especially when she made it with jalapenos. The Garlic Jelly won a blue ribbon so often she stopped entering it in the contests. Horseradish Jelly was really good on sandwiches and is much better than it sounds. Purple Hull Jelly was good to use the leftover cooking water from the peas. I could make Sassafras Jelly using honey; it tasted a little like sarsaparilla soda without the bubbles. Onion Jelly and Zucchini Jam went on the list as well. But there wasn't time to make any because I needed to start dinner.

I'd been cooking all day so I decided just to make acorn muffins and heat soup up. I needn't have bothered with either and could have just make myself some nut butter crackers. When I heard them coming in I stepped into the hallway only to have Daniel barrel into me and grab me in a bear hug.

"Goodness gracious!"

I thought at first he was upset but he was grinning like crazy and said, "Abel said I did real good Dacey … real, real good. We're stuffed! I want pickles for dinner. I'm full and I only want pickles. I want something sour Dacey. I'm dying for something sour. We worked hard!"

I looked over at Abel and it was obvious he was as tired as Daniel was wired. I asked, "But what about what Abel wants?"

"Abel is full too and only wants a shower," he mumbled.

Daniel laughed. "Abel fell in skunk cabbage. He smells Dacey!"

Well that explained a little why he was so standoffish. Trying not to laugh too I said, "I'll … uh … bring you … uh … a towel."

He hunched his shoulders and marched off towards the bathroom. I looked at Daniel and asked him quickly, "Daniel, you didn't push him did you?"

He shook his head and said, "There was a little pig. Abel was trying to catch him and it ran through his legs and when he tried to grab it he fell over." He laughed again. "It sure was funny Dacey. He rolled in the skunk cabbage but didn't know what he was doing. How come he's big and doesn't know about skunk cabbage Dacey?"

Biting the inside of my cheek to stop myself from smiling I told him, "You know, it isn't nice to laugh at people like that Daniel. Did he catch the pig?"

Daniel nodded, "Abel was laughing too until he figured out it wasn't the pig that smelled but him, then he stopped laughing. How come he stopped laughing Dacey? Stinky is stinky."

I nearly strangled trying to explain to Daniel that it was different when it was you that was stinky. Daniel didn't get it but accepted the explanation anyway. I grabbed a basket for Abel's clothes and took some clean towels to him like I said I would.

I knocked on the door and heard him snap, "What?!"

"Uh … I brought you some clean towels … and there's a basket for your clothes."

"Fine," he barked. "Leave them."

Well, if that didn't beat all. I left him to clean up and went to check Daniel for ticks but he told me that Abel had already done it. After making sure he'd washed up I gave him some sour pickles and then watched him wind down like a clock when he sat still long enough for his fatigue to catch up.

It was easy enough to convince Daniel to go to bed. From all I'd pulled out of him it sounded like they had tramped over the whole valley though I knew that couldn't be true. I took Daniel's dirty clothes and watched Dog go to find Abel who hadn't left the clothes outside the bathroom like I'd expected. I looked in the bathroom and they weren't there either and neither was the basket.

I went to his room and knocked on the door. There was no answer. I knocked again and called his name. No answer so I opened the door and walked in. Boy howdy! There was Abel lying across the bed face down with only a towel wrapped around his middle.

I didn't have time to get a good look because he flew up trying to keep the towel in place and yelled, "Out!"

Well, I wasn't going to be yelled at. "I knocked twice and you didn't answer. I thought you went to the kitchen or something."

He strangled another, "Out!" although this time he didn't yelp quite so much.

"I will when you tell me what you did with your dirty clothes basket."

He was muttering in Spanish and then pointed to the floor behind me. I dumped Daniel's dirty clothes into it and then some wild hare bit me and I looked at him as I went out the door and said, "Well, at least your legs are hairier than mine are."

I shut the door on a lot more Spanish and giggled all the way to the wash room. The look on his face had been worth any embarrassment that I had felt when I first went in the room and realized he was in there. I set the clothes to soak and boy was Abel's really rank. I fought more giggles because I didn't want to inhale the skunk cabbage odor any more than I already had.

I was still smiling when I walked into the kitchen and found Abel getting something to drink. A giggle escaped no matter how much I tried to hold it in and he stood up straight and asked, "Have you no shame?!"

Well if that didn't unplug my funny bone nothing was going to. Abel had never really seen the backside of my temper. Not only did I try and behave nicely with him but he'd never done anything to set me off. The few times he's seen a little bit of it all the energy was being directed at someone besides him … like the Blue Hats. I don't think he even realized that most of what I did to them wasn't out of moral outrage but due to plain old anger.

Looking at Abel I felt like I had the time I'd tried to turn one of Dad's bunnies into a pet and after weeks of it being a gentle, fluffy armful it jumped up and bit my nose when I got too close. His next words only fanned the flames. "First last night you try and push me to my limits and make me do something that I have told you time and again that you are too young for and now today you push me again by walking into the room while I was changing."

Ping! I blew just like a steam valve on a pressure canner. "Now you just wait one doggone minute. If you are saying what I think you are saying you better duck because I'm that close to throwing something at you. First off I wasn't trying to get you to do anything; I thought I could talk to you about stuff. If you turned it into something dirty then that was you, not me, 'cause I sure wasn't thinking about what you apparently were. Second, before going into your room I knocked not once but twice and called your name too. You could have said you were in there but you didn't. I did not walk in and make you think anything, again that was you Buster. And you weren't changing, you were half way asleep and I would have left you alone if you hadn't sprung up like someone had pinched your backside."

"See! There you say such things again!"

"Argh! You know, I thought only girls got hormonal once a month … obviously I was wrong. Let me know when you get over it and you decide to act like you've got sense."

He made an outrage squawk when he figured out what I was talking about and opened his mouth like he was going to say something but I threw the dishcloth at his head and stomped out of the kitchen and off to the grow rooms.

Dog found me there a few minutes later and stayed around to commiserate with me. I told her, "You know, I think maybe he must have eaten something bad while he was out with Daniel today. Or maybe he's always just been brain damaged and I'm just getting around to noticing it. I can't believe he would say stuff like that. You are so lucky you don't have to deal with boy dogs and puppies." I knew that Dog was "fixed" from the small scar hidden under the fur on her belly.

A voice from the door made me turn with a jerk. "Am I the dog or the puppy?"

I gave a good imitation of a warning growl and told Abel, "Go away."

He sighed. "Not until I have apologized."

"Fine, consider it done. Now leave me alone."

He turned to leave which was just fine by me then he turned around and came over. "Day-cee, I am sorry. I … I …." His shoulders slumped and he turned to leave again.

I was still hot and stood up and out of the row I was working on because I was still mad enough to stomp something and I wanted it to be Abel and not the plants. "I'm not stupid you know. It's not like I don't wonder about that stuff. But I know the difference between what's safe and what isn't. I never wanted to be one of those girls that made the boys all hot and bothered by acting silly. You were my friend first before all these other things started crowding in. I'm not so dumb as to wreck that up."

He tried to say something but I wasn't in the mood for listening. "And for another thing, I wouldn't bait a bull."

His mouth really did fall open at that. "Oh for pity sake don't look so surprised. I'll be sixteen next month and it wasn't last century when I was born you know. I know about the birds and the bees." At his confused look I rolled my eyes. "Sex. I know about sex. And uncross your eyes, it isn't a dirty word. Just because I haven't done anything with anyone doesn't mean I don't know how it works or the consequences. I wouldn't get into a pen with a bull and tease it and I have more sense than to tease a boy … man … whatever, you know what I mean."

He shook his head. "No Day-cee, I do not know what you mean."

"Oh for crimany … Abel, I know it isn't fair OK. Guys are just … just different. After a certain age the whole species seems to have sex on the brain most of the time and when it isn't sex it is food and if it isn't sex or food it's cars … and when they go on dates with girls it seems to be all three at the same time. Guys show off to make themselves seem a better mate than other guys their age. Guys are always looking at themselves … it may not be in mirrors but they are as bad as girls when it comes to shiny surfaces. I swear Jeff would break his neck trying to get a last look before going in some place where he knew there would be girls around to admire him. Guys are just like farm animals that way; everything seems to be about the act of procreating in some way."

Abel was really starting to wheeze but I didn't care. "You know how many lectures I had to listen to from Momma and Dad?! Every time some girl in town did something stupid I had to hear about it. The worst was when one of the girls in my class got knocked … er … got pregnant. Momma was scandalized and Dad nearly had a fit. What made it worse was that it was one of my friends; I was twelve and she was thirteen. I tried to tell them that Charisse didn't mean to and boy did that set them off and I had to listen to one lecture right after another about how 'meaning to' had nothing to do with it. I finally figured out it wasn't really Charisse they were the worst upset with but her parents and the parents of the boy … the families blew it off like all the kids were doing it and it was just their kids that had the bad luck to get caught." I shook my head remembering. "Charisse explained it all to us and trust me, none of us in my crowd of friends wanted to make the same mistake she did. She explained about the teasing and where it can lead so no way did I mean what you thought I meant and …"

Abel finally broke in saying, "Ok … Day-cee … OK. Do not say anymore. I was wrong." He slunk off but I didn't feel much better. After a while I realized it wasn't so much that I was angry but that my feelings were hurt that he thought I was the kind of girl that would tease boys.

I gave up on the gardening; I was afraid I was going to ruin something. I cleaned up and went to the kitchen to do the dishes but they'd already been done. I didn't think much of it so I went to change the water on the clothes only I found that'd been done too. I shook my head and went looking and found Abel filling the wood box in the family room.

"I was beginning to wonder if there was a brownie in the cave."

Cautiously he asked, "A what?"

"It's a kind of duende that helps around the house only no one can see it."

Not sure what to make of that he said, "Oh."

Finally giving into the urge I sighed and said, "Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled. I just don't know what I've ever done to make you think I was the kind of girl that would be mean to you like that."

He shook his head. "You have not done anything. All of this … sometimes … it is more … harder …." He snapped, "I am so tired of not having all the words I need."

Feeling bad for him I said, "Then don't make it hard, make it simple."

He shook his head. "It is all too simple Day-cee. I want things. I have no … no rights to those things. You are too young. As you say, there are consecuencias."

I flopped down on the sofa, tired of the argument but more upset that he was still feeling bad. "Abel, you are a guy … the way I understand it those things are just what guys your age think about whether they can help it or not."

He sat on the floor and said, "Not … not right or wrong Day-cee … rights." At my confused look he said, "Uh … persmissions … a thing that says that I can do something and it not be wrong … er … uh …."

Getting slightly suspicious I couldn't quite look him in the eye when I asked, "Are we talking about how you used to be so jumpy about there not being any of my family to say it was OK that we … er … hugged and kissed?"

He couldn't quite look me in the eye either but did manage to clear his throat and said, "Si … I mean yes … yes that is what I mean."

Quietly I reminded him, "Abel, there isn't anyone to ask permission from except me and I haven't exactly objected to it."

"Si … yes … I know. I am bad for doing such things. You are too young and have no one to see to your interests."

I threw a small sofa pillow at him and said, "Don't be ridiculous. Last time I checked all you did was 'see to my interests.' We've never done anything really … er … well, I mean we've kissed but not like … er … well, you know what I mean. Kissing is as far as it has gone. And last time I checked hugging isn't against the law or anything."

His lips twisted into a half smile. "In my town hugging the wrong person can get you dead Day-cee. The men there are … er … possessive of what they see as theirs; wives, daughters, it matters not."

"Sounds … charming."

He took one look at the face I was making and slowly broke out into a real smile and scooted over beside me though he still sat on the floor. "Yes … charming. But it was the way it was. Good daughters from good families stayed good until they were granted permission to become good wives."

"Geez that sounds like … I don't know … so Dark Ages. I mean, if my parents were alive I would expect that someone would have asked permission before they asked me out on a date or asked to marry me but it's … well, it is kind of just to be considerate and you know, honor my parents. But I would still be the one making the final choice. If I was eighteen my parents couldn't stop me from getting married even if they did object."

Abel shook his head. "That is not the way it is in Spain. First off there you must show that you are free to marry. It does not matter whether you go to the courthouse in Madrid or go to the priest in a small village; this certificate must be provided. To marry in the church means that your parents must write and sign that you are free or the priest will not marry you. Even to marry in the courthouse you must have witnesses that are close enough that say you are free and each town can say how close the witness must be to you … some say it must be a parent whether you are marrying in the church or not. Then you must … er … post the banns."

"What is that? Like being engaged?"

"Um … no. Engagement as it is here is something that comes before applying for the license for to marry. The banns say you have made the application and that you will marry within the month and gives people time to give reasons why you should not."

Shocked I said, "People can stop you from getting married even if you've got everything else done right? You've got to be kidding!"

"No … and there is more. Before you can even apply for to marry, you must prove that you were born, not everyone has the paper like they do in this country … the birth certificate. Many must go to where they were christened and get a copy of the official church registry or get a paper from the hospital where they were born if the original has been lost or destroyed. And if we wanted to marry in the church … oh Dios … we would have to have permission from the Bishop."

I was wondering how he'd gone from a general discussion to discussing "we" getting married. He mistook my look and said, "Yes, it is very complicated and others can cause you much trouble when you wish to marry. That is why it is important that both families are happy with the match."

All I could say was, "Uh huh."

He was looking all relaxed again. His hands were behind his neck and he was leaning back like he was just explaining the rules to some sports game … like the time he tried to explain to me that football to him meant soccer and what the rules were compared to American football.

"Abel?"

"Hmm?"

"What are the rules when … uh … two people don't have any family?"

He shrugged, "The same … only there is no one to cause trouble so it moves much faster so long as all the papers are in order."

I had a million other questions but was afraid to ask them. He was staring into the fire when I finally got up the nerve to say, "Abel … I don't want to fight so don't think I'm … uh … teasing but … I still don't understand what you mean by you don't have rights."

Pensively he looked into the fire rather than at me and answered, "It means many things. It means that … that … I have not much to offer you like most families would expect for their daughters. It means that you have no family or friends to stand up for you and make me behave with honor. It means that even if all those things were not true there is no man of the church to say words to give me the right to do the things that I think about. But mostly it means you are young and may not be ready for any of those things. This place is different from where I grew up. There is more … more possibilities for women. There was some of that where I came from but mostly girls were still expected to marry young and become wives and mothers. Only the rich families could afford to have their daughters choose a different future for themselves with their parents' blessing."

I was quiet for a while then felt forced to admit, "Abel, this is making me crazy. Are we talking about me, you, or us? Is it … I don't know … hypothetical or is it real? You say such beautiful things but I'm still not sure if you're saying them in general or saying them to me specifically for … you know … a reason."

I know I can be as bold as brass and honest to a fault but even I have my limits. I was not about to ask whether he was talking about marrying me. For one I didn't want to make a fool of myself if I was wrong. And for another I hadn't a clue what I would do if he was asking me to marry him … or thinking about me marrying him … or whatever. I thought I was pretty sure I knew what I wanted but at the same time … whoooo boy, it was a really huge thing that needed a lot of thought. I just didn't have me to think about, I had Daniel too. And it isn't like all was right and bright in the world either. Decisions, no matter how small, could mean life or death for us all and what I was thinking about was not small … not small at all.

Still looking into the fire Abel answered and I could tell he was just as cautious as I was. "I am talking about all of that … you, me, us. If I think about it too much it … it … makes me want things even more Day-cee. I want you to know how I feel but if I think about you knowing how I feel then … then it makes me want you to … to prove you feel the same as I. And if we do that perhaps it is only a few short steps to … to more serious things. Perhaps you are so young you will change your mind or be sorry for the more serious things … and that would … would break me in a way … in a way Hakim never could. Do … do you … understand?"

Quietly I said, "Of course I do. I've lost a lot in this life and none of the losing was nice or easy to take. I don't want to lose you too. Maybe one day I will … you could change your mind too you know. You aren't that much older than I am and I don't guess you've have much chance to get to know girls closer to your age."

He finally turned and looked at me and said, "You will not lose me Querida, not for that reason."

I shook my head. "Don't make promises Abel. Broken promises hurt worse than promises never made."

His soulful, chocolate colored eyes were more than I could handle. "But I wish to make promises to you Querida."

"Right now you do but … but …" I could barely talk around the lump in my throat.

Quietly he said, "Shhhh. Do not get upset. Do not do the tears. Perhaps this is enough for now. Perhaps … perhaps if … if I were to know that you would make promises too if you were free to …"

Suddenly I understood. Abel was older but not that much older. And he'd been through some really horrible things in his life too. He was just as worried about spoiling things as I was and just as unsure that there was anything to spoil in the first place. I told him, "This isn't where you grew up Abel. This is here and I'm free to make any promise I want to and make it stick. And believe me I want to. Did I ever tell you that both of my grandmothers got married when they were sixteen? One stayed with her husband and loved him until she died … the other … my father's mother … her husband turned out not to be so great. He was too young when they got married and got suffocated by all the responsibilities and then made some wrong choices and chose a destructive path that hurt everyone. Do you see? I know I can make promises I'm just scared of the consequences of those promises."

Scrunching up his face he asked, "You think I will … will not stick to a promise? That I will be angry at you for my promise?"

"No … not really although maybe a little of that is in there. I mean I know what the consequences of those promises could be." Quietly I said, "I love Daniel. I'd die for him. But … but I …" I all but whispered the last part, "But I don't know what I'd do if … if I had one just like him. A regular baby seems to be so much work, but what if the baby I had was just like Daniel? Or like your cousin Rosa? I remember how my parents were when they first found out that Daniel would be … different. They loved Daniel, maybe gave him an extra helping of it after that because he needed them in a way I didn't … but part of them was a little sad too that he'd have to struggle in ways most kids didn't."

I saw Abel's adam's apple bob when he swallowed. "You are … are thinking babies."

I wanted to hit him with another sofa pillow. He grew up on a farm, he should know it as well as I. "Babies are usually what happens when you do the things you say you are thinking of doing."

I could see he was fighting to not smile or be embarrassed by the fact that he wanted to smile. "Yes … yes they do."

I don't know where I got the nerve to poke the bear but I told him, "Any man that makes those kinds of promises to me better not plan on being able to stud around. I'm no witless hen to share the rooster with all the other biddies."

He choked on his own spit and said, "Yes, that I suspect that would be … er … as dangerous as if a man in my village were to hug the wrong person."

We looked at each other and then all the tension just evaporated as we fell into a fit of laughter.

He finally climbed up on the sofa beside me and said, "I think this is a promise of sorts … yes?"

I nodded, "Yes. I guess it is sort of a promise that one day will make a promise to each other."

"Si … yes." But then he made a sad face, "I am sorry Querida, but I am just a poor man and I will probably think things that I would be better not thinking for they make me … crazy." When he said crazy I could see plain as day he really meant something else and wasn't particularly sorry about it.

Throwing a curveball at him I said, "News flash Buddy. Girls think about that stuff too."

He acted really silly and ducked and covered his head with his hands. "Ah … no … now I have the idea … it is in my head. Ahhhh." We laughed again, mostly at the fact that the argument was well and truly over with but then he added more seriously. "We are not farm animals. We can have the self-control until we can think of the answers to the things that worry us."

I nodded, "Yeah. For a while anyway. One of these days we are really going to have to figure things out once and for all. I don't know about you but I don't want to have fights like this again. I don't want to think you don't think I'm a good girl."

He sighed and said, "Yes … no more fights … but we probably will … just not on this. We are both too … too aspasionado … passionate, we feel things big. But for Daniel we will behave … for ourselves we will behave." More quietly he added, "And I am sorry that you did not believe I knew you were a good girl. I just … the frustration … I let it make my brain mush and my mouth loose. I will not make that mistake twice."

Smiling to show him no hard feelings I told him, "No, we'll probably make other ones. Hopefully we won't make them too often or too big."

"Let us pray for that Querida. And now … now it is time that we went to our rooms I think. I don't know about you but I am muy cansado … very tired. This foraging for all our food is very hard."

"Yeah, Momma said you spent at least as much energy foraging as the food could provide you." I stood up and we were about to go our separate ways when I jumped. "Oh! I forgot all about it. What did you do with the pig?"

Abel shook his head ruefully. "It got away before I could tie a rope on it. It was muddy and very hard to hold onto. And it was very smart and ran into the bushes where I could not follow."

I had to practically run the last few steps to my room so that he wouldn't see me laughing. I went to bed still smiling for a lot of reasons but the picture of poor Abel … done in by a pig and skunk cabbage … almost had me eating my pillow so he wouldn't hear me howling with glee.


	26. Chapter 26

CHAPTER 26

My sixteenth birthday was to be marked by explosions just like my thirteenth birthday had been, only for completely different reasons.

After Abel and I worked out the "promise that we'd eventually make promises" things calmed back down between us. The needs were still there but we had the wants under control. We didn't exactly keep it a secret from Daniel but I didn't sit him down and try and explain it either. We were satisfied with the way things were for a while and Daniel didn't seem to mind that Abel and I spent time together or sat next to each other either. Besides, there was work to do and that is where most of our energy went.

Summer is when people are supposed to prepare and stock up for winter. The previous winter had been hard but we did OK, a heck of a lot better than many people did if you could believe half of what we heard. But there were no doubts in our minds that this winter would be harder. There were no major storehouses of grains left. There were no major ones left anywhere in the world as far as we could tell from listening to the radio. Not only did this take a significant basic food item away from people but it also took it away from animals. Commercially raised cattle were fed grains to supplement foraging, especially when the weather was cold. It wasn't cold yet but it was going to get that way as sure as God made little green apples.

All of the large herds of animals were confiscated by the Chinese and those that weren't fell to the Blue Hats or the hungry hoards that left the bug cities in search of food. We knew there had to be farm animals out there someplace but I'm sure if people had them they were keeping them well hidden.

Abel caught that pig the same week it had escaped … and shortly after that the rest of its litter mates and its Momma as well. We knew there was a passel of hogs wandering the valley because we'd find evidence of them rooting up things and doing all kinds of damage, but there was no way we could fence them in and take care of all of them. We figured that they'd be the perfect size for slaughter once the weather cooled off enough that we could do it outside.

The pigs were our meat for the coming year and maybe some after that if I used up all of the cured meat first and saved the canned stuff for last. We took a couple of deer but only for immediate use. Those deer were scrawny and lean. We needed fat and I wondered if I would have to start putting lard in everything I cooked.

I missed summer fruit so much that it was almost a physical pain. I would have given just about anything for a mouthful of fresh blackberries or a couple of wild plums. On night I dreamed of strawberries and woke up crying.

I wasn't the only one missing something. Daniel would just go crazy sometimes for something sour. I caught him eating a patch of sheep sorrel just the lemony taste … but he hadn't even washed it. When I told him there could have been bugs on it he said, "Don't care. Abel says that bugs are just protein and I want my sour candy."

Abel too seemed to crave stuff. One day it would be seafood and another day it would be anything salty. Salt I could give him but the ocean was way far away. I felt so bad. He worked even harder than I did. He seemed terribly determined that whatever Hakim was up to would not affect us and that we would outlive Heart Rot. It was Daniel that actually came up with a solution for Abel's cravings.

Sometimes it helped Abel to talk about his life before he joined the Peacekeepers. It was a world away yet at the same time I sensed the same types of rhythm and flow that I had grown up with. The big difference was the stories of his uncle that was fishermen and how they would bring seafood to the farm. Of the fifteen children his grandmother had birthed, only one had turned to the sea to make a living but apparently he had done quite well. One night Abel drew a picture for me describing how his grandmother cooked the seafood because he was so tired he kept sliding into Spanish and using words I didn't know.

Daniel looked at the picture and said, "The little ones like to nibble my toes."

Abel thought Daniel was making up stories but I knew different … you see Daniel doesn't make up stories, his imagination doesn't work that way. He's too literal. When he said the little ones nibbled his toes, that is exactly what he meant. "Daniel, can you remember where they nibbled you?"

"My toes," he answered.

Trying not to grimace at the fact that I'd asked too general a question I changed it to, "The place Daniel. Where did they nibble your toes?"

"Mr. Bo's farm," he told me completely engrossed in building a tower with sticks that he'd collected that day.

I looked at Abel who was trying to figure out where the conversation had gone to. "Do you know what crawdaddies are?"

"Like this," he said pointing to his picture. "Only they are small?" At my nod he said, "Si. We call them cangrejos. Wait … does Daniel say he knows where there are cangrejos?"

I changed my plans from pickling to fishing for the next day. "Do you remember the big red barn we saw that had been struck by lightning?"

"Si. Six kilometers to the south near the big tree that has fallen across the road." Abel was very precise when it came to directions.

I grinned and said, "That's the one. Mr. Bo went to our church and liked to grow his own bait. He loved fishing and supplied most of the fish fries that we had. Those big ponds on the back of his property must be what Daniel is talking about. I know you can eat crawdaddies and I'd be willing to try …"

Enthusiastically Abel nodded and said, "Si! The cangrejos are delicioso. My brother and cousins and I, we hunted them in the rivers. Sometimes we caught many, sometimes none. When we caught many we would boil some for our lunch and take the rest back to Abuela who made them into what you call a stew."

Afraid that maybe I had over promised I said, "I don't know for sure if there are any left but it is worth a try. If nothing else maybe we can get some fish and make some more fish jerky since you seem to like it so well."

And that is exactly what we did … for three days running. I never thought Abel was going to get full of eating crawdaddies but eventually he did. I canned quite a bit of the tail and claw meat – and wasn't that more than a little work to get enough out of something that is barely four inches long – and we also got quite a bit of fish from the three fish ponds on the property; some I canned and some I dried and a little Abel smoked.

Abel continued to take Daniel on outings to make sure he could take care of himself … or at least reinforce the skills he would need to try. They would also bring back the forage he would find. In the beginning I was a little worried about what they were eating during the day but after a while as they brought me samples back I realized my brother was very, very good. I really had been doing too much for him; I was trying too hard to be Momma.

All of their hiking and scouting had one bad side effect; they started losing weight. Well, not weight exactly but I could tell they were getting very lean. That's actually when I started to notice my own problems; my monthlies changed … it wasn't unusual for me to go a couple of extra weeks between but I'd never completely missed one month, much less two.

It scared me at first and I started to lose my appetite again. Abel noticed. Ugh, that was some conversation trying to explain things to him. "Querida, you are losing much weight again. You must eat."

"Abel, you … you don't understand."

"I understand American girls are too skinny. And I understand that you might do such a thing to please me but it does not. I do not mind that there is more to hug and kiss."

I rolled my eyes. "Abel, don't take this the wrong way, but while I would do a lot for you causing … uh …"

He'd caught me. "Causing … uh … what?" he asked mocking me just a bit in frustration.

I sighed. "It is girl stuff. I'm not going to have this conversation with you."

As soon as he figured out what I was referring to he got slightly embarrassed then got a look on his face like he was going into battle and I just knew I was gonna want to throw something at him before it was all done so I removed temptation and headed outside.

"You will have this conversation with me," he said as he followed me out of the cave, up the stairs and out of the sink. "Daniel is resting and we have the privacy."

"You really aren't going to let this go are you?"

Getting a very stubborn look on his face that reminded me of Daniel he said, "No." And boy did it sound final.

Refusing to look at him I said, "I don't know what the problem is. My body is just doing things it isn't supposed to do. So leave off already."

"I will not 'leave off' so stop saying it. It wastes breath. And what exactly is your … er … body doing that it isn't supposed to?" I didn't know how to say it. I mean I did but I was afraid it was going to strangle me to try. "Querida …," he whispered scooting close. "Talk to me."

I was proud of myself for not elbowing him in the stomach … hard … because he was trying to talk me around by being all sweet and stuff. Eventually I managed to squeak out what was happening.

He asked thoughtfully, "And you have no pain?"

"No. And what would you know about it anyway?"

He snorted, "My cousins and aunts. There were times you did not bother them or they would burn you at the stake just by looking at you. Tio Berto, he explained it to us boys. He said … well … never mind. I was young and he made a … how do you say … impression."

"Honestly Abel," I said trying not to smile at the traumatized expression on his face. "You talk like all the women in your family were gargoyles."

"Only sometimes. Most of the time they could be sweet … but you did not cross them and during certain times you did not bother them. That is fact Querida. I notice you are different. Perhaps it is because you do not … er … let your feelings show that you have problems?"

Boy, did he have his facts wrong. "It isn't like that for all females. Some have it worse than others. It's never really bothered me." In for a penny in for a pound I decided to just be like I was with everything else. "I was regular as a clock before Heart Rot."

"You … you were very young. Si? My cousins did not … er … join the club until they were the age you are now."

"Wow," I said trying to imagine it. "Uh … I've been … er … mature since the summer before I started sixth grade. Mom said the women on her side of the family develop early."

He looked a little scandalized at the idea and then skipped passed the whole subject. Then he said something I really wanted to slug him for. "The perhaps it is like the cabras."

"Excuse me? I'm like a goat?!"

He realized he'd put his foot in it and backed up. "No … not like a goat. Like the problem we had with the cabras one summer that it did not rain enough. There was not enough food for the does and they had no desire for the bucks. Abuelo, he call the … the vet? Si? Yes, he called the vet and the man said that just like with the chickens, if they do not get enough to eat then they do not make … er …." He stopped, at a loss for words.

I supposed I could have continued being upset but instead I asked, "You mean because the goats didn't get enough to eat, or get enough of the right stuff, they didn't … uh … cycle?"

"Si … they did not go into heat until after Abuelo changed their diet and added a supplement that the vet gave him a paper for. I remember because it was a bad year for everything and there were too few kids in the spring."

"Maybe. I know girls who ran track at the high school sometimes said the best thing about it was that they didn't have their monthlies."

He gave me a funny look. "You mean that the girls did not like to be women?"

I snorted, "Forget it, guys so don't get it. You aren't saddled with something that wants to take a week away from you every month for most of your life."

He shrugged, "Perhaps not but Uncle Berto said that it was the balance. Women are the ones who give life so part of the time they feel like death. Men, who can't give life, have to work themselves to death so that the women, when they have the bebé they do not have to work so hard."

A little mollified despite being forced to have the conversation in the first place I told him, "You Uncle Berto sounds pretty smart."

"Si. Yes, he was. He was the one that wanted to send me to university. Next to Abuelo, Tio Berto …" When he ended it on a shrug I knew there was something more to it.

"Abel?"

"Uncle Berto died. He had a … a heart condition like Abuelo. He had no children of his own so when the medicine got hard to find he secretly gave Abuelo his. Abuelo didn't know until it was too late. Tio Berto died on a trip to the city to try and find more medicine."

Sometimes saying that you're sorry for something isn't enough. Abel was what Momma would have called hot-blooded but at the same time there were things that were off limits, things he didn't like showing emotion over. I think his Uncle Berto's death was one of them; that the man had meant a lot to him. It seemed strange that we had known each other so long and this was the first time he'd ever mentioned the man by name. It only made it more obvious it was a wound that hadn't healed. I hugged him and after a moment he returned my embrace and we sat that way for a while then he straightened up and said, "I must think on this. I need your padre's books and the diccionario."

Using the medical books Dad had included in the library, Abel laboriously plowed through them, using the dictionary when he didn't know a word and if that didn't work asking me if I knew what it meant. Two nights later he told me that I needed iron, protein, and fat. And he had a plan to make sure that I got them.

He became even more determined that the pigs did well; they would be the protein and fat source. Any other wild meat we could find would also help. Iron would come from spinach, turnip greens, chickpeas, pumpkin, and parsley as well as any bean I could come up with. I was reminded once again about how Momma would talk about it being more important that the food was filling and tasted good, it needed to be good for you as well.

But sometimes you just need something to fill in the corners of your stomach and though nutrition is super important getting enough was important too. It was crazy how much time and energy we spent on food alone. And if the food wasn't for the here-and-now it was being put away for the future, especially the winter. For both us and our animals.

I couldn't dry everything, for one thing that would have taken more time and space than I had to work with since there were only so many trays on the dehydrator. I canned what I could from the grow rooms. I also canned forage that Abel and Daniel brought back – or that I'd found when I went with them – out on the ledge so that I wouldn't accidentally bring Heart Rot into the grow rooms. But canning things plain just was too monotonous. Momma said that a nutritious diet was important but that variety in flavor and texture kept the appetite sharp. One of the ways that she dealt with this was by pickling a lot of stuff.

We had a whole grow room devoted to cucumbers just for Daniel and they included a good variety of pickling cucumbers. And thanks to Daniel's green thumb they produced abundantly. I canned half-sours for Abel and I and full-sour dills by the quart for Daniel. I had three gallons of mustardy dill pickles fermenting before the month was out. Others included spicy crock pickles, bread and butter pickles, sweet pickles, ice water pickles, and that was only the tip of the iceberg.

But cucumbers aren't the only things you can pickle. No siree Bob. I brined snap beans, cabbage to make sauerkraut, green cherry tomatoes, carrots, beets, zucchini … basically if it didn't move I would try pickling it. And I also did some things that Momma had learned from other people at the fairs she entered contests in. Daniel loves the Vietnamese pickled bean sprouts she learned to make and the soured mustard greens from the same country. I liked Persian Sugar-Pickled Garlic.

To make the sugar-pickled garlic you start with four heads of garlic that you've separated into cloves, but not peeled. Then you put two cups of red wine vinegar, two cups of water, one cup of white sugar, six whole cloves, and two tablespoons of black peppercorns into a heavy saucepan. Dump the cloves of garlic into that mess and bring it to a boil for ten minutes and then turn it down and simmer it for another five. Take the pan off the heat and let it cool to room temperature before putting it into a glass jar or ceramic crock and then putting a lid on it and putting it in a cool place for it to "work" for a month. You can eat the cloves right out of the jar at that point and boy are they good.

We were really working hard and getting a lot accomplished but with any good thing there are not so good things that tend to balance it out. First off, it was obvious that the people that had come through in the spring had done a lot of damage to the ecosystem. We had to travel through the whole valley and not just around our place like Daniel and I had the year before, to keep from picking any one place bare. It wasn't something we wanted to do but it looked like we were going to have to make another long trip up into the BLM.

"Querida, we will bring the chickens in and I will secure the cerdos – the pigs – in your padre's old barn. It is far enough from the road and there is much growing in there. The pond will give them water and coolness and the barn will shade them so they will not get sunburnt. I do not wish to ask but I cannot carry enough by myself to make the trip worth it. And if Daniel should become frightened …"

I gave him such a look. "You didn't really think I was going to be left behind did you?"

His frown slowly turned into a big grin. "Let us say I was hoping that you would decide to come along."

"Uh huh … good save there," I told him with a grin of my own.

I couldn't decide whether to bring the crossbow or the compound but in the end decided on the compound in the end because the crossbow made too much noise and we were after stealth just in case there were other people up there as well. I also wanted to bring my recurve bow but decided it was just too much to carry both bows and the arrows for them.

We limited the amount of stuff we were packing in so that we could pack out more. I also planned on foraging for most of our meals. Daniel packed his collecting equipment. Abel went loaded for bear … literally. Neither one of us wanted a repeat of the bear incident. It wasn't a good time to go bear hunting but if one fell in our lap we weren't going to complain about it … or sit around and wait to be made into a some bear's midday snack either.

We started out before first light so that we would get to the steeper elevation as the sun rose. The sun hadn't been up more than a few minutes before we heard the first scream.


	27. Chapter 27

CHAPTER 27

All three of us tensed; all four if you count Dog whose ruff was standing straight up. I saw Abel's brief look of resignation and how it bowed his shoulders with the weight of his feelings. Then he put on that person that he doesn't like being just like he shimmied into clothes that were too tight for comfort.

He looked at me and started to say quietly, "Querida …"

I forestalled what I knew was coming by saying, "Whatever is happening is taking place further up the hill, probably at that clearing we found the mountain laurel in last time. There's some boulders between here and there and we'll tuck Daniel in with Dog to watch him."

He saw I wasn't going to just stand by and let him check things out alone. He'd been alone in the fight too long and I was just the person to fix take and watch his back too. He sighed, "On my orders … Si?"

I agreed to follow his lead. If he wanted to go in first I wasn't going to argue, but I wasn't going to let him do it all alone. Even knowing how things turned out I would still have given a lot not to have seen what I did when we reached the level area.

It was a camp of the wrong kind of people. They had a bunch of kids tied up and one little girl was separated from the rest and they had her tied down. She was unconscious now and I thanked God for it. What I saw turned my stomach. Suddenly that old joke about the farmer and his prize pig being too good to eat more than one ham at a time wasn't funny anymore.

I don't know what I looked like but Abel looked like what I imagined an archangel might as he stepped out and started shooting any adult that wasn't tied up. I followed his lead and when I emptied the magazine in the Beretta M9 that I was carrying I picked up a machete from a woman that I had shot just in time to stop an attack by a man that looked more than half crazed. The guy was inches away from sinking an axe into Abel's back.

I know it didn't take long, barely minutes. The crazies didn't seem to have much strategy beyond mob warfare. That's when I heard, "Dacey! Dacey! Help me with Duncan … please!"

I looked at who was calling my name and had to blink my eyes a couple of times. For a second I thought it was Monica then I realized she was too young. It was snobby Charlene … only she didn't look too proud anymore. Her clothes were ripped, her hair matted, and she was streaked with stuff that I didn't even want to know what it was. I walked over while Abel checked the perimeter of the clearing.

"Charlene?" I asked just to make sure.

"Yeah. Look, we need to get out of here. The guys from town will be here soon."

I called Abel over at a run and asked her to repeat what she'd been trying to say. "I'm not sure where all the kids here are from. Some are from town but a lot of them are from Amish town and then there are some strays."

I looked at Abel and explained, "Amish Town is what everyone called the area where the Amish and Mennonites tend to congregate and have all of their own stores and such." What I didn't need to explain is that it was where Monica and Josef had been heading.

"Yeah. And we've got to get out of here. These Old Order kids won't fight … a lot of them are in no shape to anyway … but we can run and we've got to do it fast."

Abel let me do the talking so his accent didn't bring up questions he'd rather not be asked. "Have the cannibals taken over the town?"

"Kinda yeah, kinda no. This weird guy came along and started this cult thing. Real bizzare-o , repent and you'll be saved by him kind of stuff. A lot of people bought into his act because he fed them. He is Almanzor's enemy so a lot of people swung his way for that reason alone. Mom was like that … only once you're in it is too late. You don't figure out until later that they aren't giving out meat but … well, look around and you'll get the picture. Mom followed this guy into the cult because he said there was all the food we could handle but … anyway they tried to take us from her and segregate us with the other kids. When she fought them over it they killed her." Her voice dripped with contempt when she added, "Most of the people in town play dumb but they all know what's going on. A group is supposed to come up to get the next batch of … supplies." She looked around. "This group had just started putting things together when you guys busted in like the cavalry. We appreciate it and all but look we've gotta get out of here!"

I didn't hear anything but Abel swung around and nearly gunned down the men that came out of the forest until he saw how they were dressed. An older man with a beard stepped forward and said, "We mean you no harm. All we want are our children."

"Josef?" I asked. "Do any of you know Josef? Or Monica?"

Another party of men dressed in a similar fashion rushed into the clearing breathing hard. "Well … Uncle you can tell Grandfather that God answered his prayers."

Abel stepped away as the men gathered up the children from their families. Charlene's eyes had gone hard with suspicion when she'd heard her sister's name. I told her, "Don't blow a gasket Char, this is Josef."

"I know who he is. Jackson said he killed our sister."

Josef looked outraged before shutting down. I looked at her and said, "Jackson is full of pig manure." I turned to Josef, "Will you take these two. I think Duncan is hurt."

Josef shook himself and immediately went into medic-mode. He told us over his shoulder, "Monica is fine. Angry that I insisted on taking some of the young, single men and coming after the others in case …"

The older man walked up and finished his sentence for him. "In case God did not answer our prayers Josef?"

Josef sighed. "No Uncle. In case God wanted to act through us for you and the children." He turned to Charlene and told her, "You are welcome to come. Your sister has been very anxious for you."

Charlene looked at me and asked like she was afraid to believe it, "Is Monica really alive?"

"A heck of a lot more alive than Jackson will be if I ever see that scum dog again. I know he is your half-brother and all but I'm pretty sure he turned traitor and nearly got us killed."

Charlene and Jackson had never been particularly close and it was pretty easy to swing her against him. I heard her whisper to herself, "So Monica was right and Mom was wrong." She nodded like she had answered herself and then looked at Josef. "Do you swear to take us to Monica?"

Josef looked slightly uncomfortable at her words but said, "I don't swear to anything however … I will tell you that I will lay down my life to get you there."

While Josef went around checking other former captives Abel leaned down and asked me to ask something of Charlene. I turned back to her and said, "Charlene, I've got a couple of questions. I know you want to get going as soon as possible … and you will … but we need some answers."

She looked at me suspiciously but sighed and said, "Go ahead."

"How much of the town is involved?"

She shrugged, "You mean with Almanzor or Richard?"

"Who is Richard?"

"The cult guy I told you about. Richard King; I doubt that's his real name. He sure doesn't look like a Richard and he likes to dress up in weird Renaissance clothes and for people to call him Richard the Lionhearted or Richard the Great."

"Oh," I said. There wasn't much more to be said since "Richard" did sound a few French fries short of a Happy Meal. "But how many people are involved either way?"

"Almanzor still controls the biggest section of town but not most of the people. A lot of the people are loyal to Richard because he feeds them. They've been so hungry for so long that they pretend it isn't what it is. It's like they've hypnotized themselves so that they can't see or admit the truth. What Richard's people don't have are the guns – which is what Almanzor does have - so it is kind of at a stalemate and Richard and Almanzor seem to like it that way. I heard these warped freaks," she said kicking one of the corpses. "Say that Almanzor will sometimes give them a prisoner when he wants to get rid of them permanently without actually doing the killing."

Shocked by the answers I was getting I asked, "How many people are left in the town?"

She shrugged like she could care less. "How am I supposed to know? Not near as many as there used to be but probably a lot if you are talking about attacking it. Which would be stupid if you are. Even if you could knock Richard the Nut off his throne you still have Almanzor's group to deal with."

Josef came over to talk with Abel and I ran to check on Daniel who was waiting patiently eating a pickle. I brought him back up with me and went over to the man that Josef had called uncle.

"Excuse me … sir … excuse me."

He turned to look at me and then smiled at Daniel who seemed to recognize him. "Daniel." Daniel gave the man a hug and big smile. He turned to look at me and said somberly, "Your father was a good blacksmith."

That was probably the closest he could come up with for saying that he was sorry my father had been killed. I never have understood all the social rules that the Old Order Amish have and even the Mennonite kids I went to school with didn't always say what you would expect them to say under some circumstances. Their grief is very private and they don't memorialize people in any way … for Josef's uncle to tell me something good about my father as a way of commiserating was pretty liberal in that community.

I answered simply, "Yes sir. And he was a good father. He spoke of the work you did together." The man nodded. "Sir? I … I have a favor to ask. Could Daniel come stay with you for a few days?"

He tried to hide the surprise from his face. I rushed on to explain. "I know it is a lot to ask but … but he's like you and your family. He isn't meant for … for the kind of work that Abel and I are. He's innocent of that stuff. He'll be a good helper, just tell him something specific. He's especially good with plants and foraging."

Abel and Josef noticed my conversation and came over. "Day-cee?" Abel asked.

I looked at him. "You're going to need help and someone to cover your back and these people need to shepherd the children away from all of this."

Abel's face went blank while Josef's eyebrows went up into his hairline. I looked at the other young men who had gathered around whose expressions ran the gamut. Addressing them all I said, "I know. I understand. God sets people missions … jobs for them to do here on Earth. Your mission is what it is and Abel's and mine is what it is. Just don't forget, we're both getting our orders from the same place."

There was a little more back and forth but in the end Abel understood that there was no way I was letting him go off on his own. When Daniel found out that Dog was going with him and that there would be chickens to take care of and things to build he was as easy as a lamb. That as much as anything told me I had done the right thing.

The injured children, and some of them I couldn't look at their injuries without knowing the cause, were carried or helped along by the uninjured ones. The adult men surrounded and acted as guides and helped them down the trail. Josef stopped before he went into the tree line and assured me, "I'll keep an eye on him."

I wanted to curl in on myself for a moment as I watched Daniel wave before going happily off with the rest of the children but I knew that I was doing the right thing. Where Abel and I were going was no place to take him and Dog would have been another burden; better to send her to keep an extra eye on Daniel.

Abel put his hand on my shoulder. "Querida, you do not have to do this."

"Neither do you. But where you go, I go. Your mission is my mission." I looked up into his face and saw a kind of closed expression. "What?"

"You will see me … do things, things I never wanted you to know that I was capable of."

Catching him off guard I hugged him though we were both weighted down with our packs. "Oh Abel … I've known you could be a boogie man from the very beginning. It's the only way you could have survived. I've got a little boogie man in me too." Stepping back I gave him a serious look. "The difference is you only guess at the townies being corrupted and I know they are. I know what and who they used to be. And I believe Charlene about what things are like now, just like I believe you when you tell me what a bad guy that Hakim dude is. What I don't know is what you plan on doing about it."

He sighed and we started up a path that would take us over the shortest peak so that we could go down towards the town. "I need to see for myself that these things we have been told are true. If they are … if they are then we will need to see if we cannot cause some problems for them but it will be hard."

I smiled a little wickedly. "Maybe not as hard as you think. Dad used to say I was as good at making trouble as he was when he was my age."

He turned briefly and nearly stumbled when he got a good look at my face. "Day-cee … this is not a game."

Trying to look less like I was ready to start a war told him, "I know it is serious. Very serious. Did I treat it like a game when I … uh … caused a diversion so that you could escape?"

He snorted, "A diversion? You nearly brought a mountain down on us."

"Oh I did not!" I told him huffily. "It was just a big ledge and it was only because the rock outcropping that was holding it up was looser than I expected it to be."

"Uh huh," he said disbelievingly.

After a mile of hiking I asked him, "Just how big are the problems that you want to cause?"

I didn't think he had heard me but then he said, "I am not sure. It would be good if Hakim and this Richard turned against each other but if they are truly stalemated we will have to see which one to help first. Give the wrong side the push then they will simply take over before the other side can muster enough strength to retaliate."

"Hey, how come you speak more fluently when we are discussing strategy?"

I couldn't see his face when he answered but it sounded like the truth. "Because those are the words I know best. I was an interpreter between units."

Teasing him a bit I said, "Sure. And you never used your helpless routine to get your way with me?"

I could hear the grin in his voice when he said, "Ah, Querida, I never said that I didn't. Abuelo told me that a man must use the tools he has, poor though they may be."

We were both grinning stupidly when we hear movement just up ahead of us. Abel turned and put his finger to his lips to hush me and then we faded off the trail. We watched as six men came over the rise and then stop and rest.

One of the men complained, "Whew. This trail gets worse every time we have to take it. Why does Richard want the pig farm so far from town anyway?"

Another answered him and said, "Because he does; besides it would stink things up and people might take notice and feel like they'd have to do something about it."

The first man said, "Still …"

Another added, "Don't question Richard or you might go one day and never come back."

That shut the complainer up. Two of the men looked like they were in a stupor. Their cheeks were sunken and they walked with a strange gate. Of the six, I never heard those two utter a sound. They sat when the other sat and stood when they stood. They had a vacant look like their mind was on a vacation.

The group of six was obviously the ones from town that Charlene had spoken of. I only recognized one of them, a young man that came to our church with his grandparents when he was on break from his college. He was one of the ones walking in a stupor.

Abel raised his rifle and prepared to shoot. I put my hand on his arm and showed him my bow. I whispered next to his ear. Let me go above a few more yards. I'll pick off the ones in the back, block a retreat, and you'll be able to take the ones in the front without so much worry that they'll be able to get away. He nodded.

I carefully made my way up pushing through the rhododendrons that had just finished blooming. As I watched the men pass I did exactly what I'd told Abel I would do … only not for the reasons I gave him. I wasn't after revenge but there was some vengefulness to my feelings. I'd grown up around the town. Dad always said that you are responsible for something once you claim part ownership of it.

The town was mine even if it was only a small part. If it had become diseased by something it was my responsibility to do something about it. It was my place to open the dance. And I did not want Abel to always think that if he hadn't pulled the first trigger we could avoid what was coming.

The problem that Hakim represented was different. He was something from outside. Something that the grown ups should have dealt with back when he came. But they hadn't. In fact many of the adults seem to have helped the Peacekeepers out by either doing their dirty work for them or by doing nothing. But what Charlene told us was like a cancer inside. The townspeople were the malignant tumor. I didn't know why I had to be the one to play doctor but I wasn't going to turn down the job either.

I'm very good with my bow and at that distance a killing shot was as easy as if a deer had stood there with a target painted on them. I decided to think about the fact that I was shooting men and not deer some other time. I felt what I was doing was a mission … one that wasn't very nice but that was necessary … but I also knew even the best soldier needed to keep the communication lines open between them and God or the harsh things they had to live with would weigh them down and eat them alive.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Fffftt. Fffffftt.

The only fly in the ointment was that since I was shooting from the high ground the ones I hit fell forward knocking a couple of the other ones down.

Fffftt.

I got one more that had started to run but Abel is the one who actually took him out, as well as the other three, all in quick succession. I ran up to look over the rise and make sure there were no stragglers. Nothing as far as the eye could see, and much of the lower trail was visible as the BLM had widened it in anticipation of connecting to another major trail that eventually connected to the Appalachian Trail. I was remembering how Dad had considered it a big waste of money since widening the trail would only create erosion as I made my way back to Abel.

By the time I reached him, Abel had already stripped the men of their gear and was rolling them over a steep incline. "Take the ammo for your Beretta." Upon hearing his voice I looked more closely at him. His tone was gruffer and his face was set in hard lines. I knew better than to distract him. I also decided not to say anything about it because I knew he was going to be troubled enough when it was all over.

We cached most of the gear off of the men off the trail but I split all of the matches and lighters between us making sure that Abel didn't object when I pocketed an honest to goodness Zippo candle lighter and a nearly full can of lighter fluid to go with it. I've always been a bit of a firebug and the flashy lighter had been one of the things I had hoped to get for my thirteenth birthday. I found out later that Momma was the one that put the kibosh on it; Dad had promised I could have his for Christmas if I promised to use it wisely. But the Blue Hats had taken him away and he had been carrying it that day.

A peremptory "Come!" was all I got as a warning before Abel took off down the trail. I knew it would be dark before we got there and that we might meet company. Within a mile of town Abel finally stopped. He looked at me, still that frozen man and then he softened a bit. "Querida … I …"

"We need to find some place and let me fix you something to eat. Might not be a bad idea to purify some water to fill our canteens either. You can tell me more of your plan."

He sighed and ran a dirty knuckle down my cheek. "Si. Do you know the … place where they take the trash?"

Thinking for a second I realized he meant the city dump. "Yeah. I'm surprised they haven't burnt it over."

Not only had they not burnt it over The Dump was roughly five times as big as it had been the last time I saw it. The smell should have been horrendous but it wasn't. I mean it smelled bad but not like rotting food or anything like that. Guess there wasn't any food to rot, or any that had been thrown in the dump had degraded long ago.

Mushrooms grew everywhere but they were the poisonous kind so I didn't go near them; I didn't want to track the spores anywhere else.. There were also several poisonous plants growing throughout the trails through the dump like Black Henbane and Bloodroot. Finally we found a hidden spot out of the worst of the stink but well back from the little foot traffic we could see from our vantage point.

Before our hands got any dirtier we ate some jerky and a few spoonfuls of nut butter. "Sorry. I had hoped to have a better dinner for you and Daniel tonight."

"Hush Querida. I am sorry to drag you into this madness."

I leaned my head on his shoulder for a brief moment and told him, "I didn't recall being dragged any place. As a matter of fact I kinda invited myself along … with an or else attached to it."

He didn't smile but I felt some of the tension leave his shoulders. "True. But still I am sorry for you to see this."

"I can't hide with my head in the sand anymore. Daniel is safe and as soon as we take care of this we'll go get him and go back home."

He looked at me and sighed. "You think it will be so easy."

"Well … maybe not easy, but certainly necessary. Can't you feel it?"

He shifted his shoulders and said, "Si. But that is me."

"So now you know it is me too. Now, that you are here and we both sense that this place is pretty sick, have you got more plan?"

He nodded. "You will not like it."

"But I'll probably like it better than what I'm feeling right now so give already and stop trying to protect me so much."

I got a twisted smile at that and he said, "We know that all of the bridges except for one that connects the town to the corridor that leads to the interstate have been blown. This bit of land is essentially cut off." At my nod he said, "You will think me mad."

"I don't think you're crazy … except for the good kind of crazy."

"Mmm. Thank you Querida … I think." After we both gave a brief smile it was time to get serious. "This cannot be allowed to continue Day-cee. It is an … an aborrecimiento … abomination. I am no priest but surely God did not mean for such things to be under His sun. Soon this Richard, he will have so many people on his side that he will risk pushing Hakim out."

"But Hakim has all of the guns."

"Guns are only good when you have enough trained people to operate them. If enough people leave Hakim for this Richard they will overwhelm the perimeter. They will suffer casualties yes, but in the end they will have people and the guns to use them. Hakim was satisfied to have his little caliph where he could be all powerful. This Richard sounds like he will not … he will branch out and continue to collect followers. Si … that is how I see it."

Thinking about it I said, "OK, if what you think will happen is the most likely scenario what can we do to stop it getting to that point?"

"We must stop it now. I had thought to have a war of … of attrition … between Hakim and the crazy Richard but I do not believe there is time. Look at the people going about. You can tell the difference between the area controlled by Richard and controlled by Hakim … there are no people in most of the town but in the part controlled by the Richard there are many people. They are bold, like they have shaken off their terror of Hakim. This is not good."

"It's not good that people threw off Hakim's reign of terror?"

He shook his head, "Not for these, under the influence of the crazy Richard. If they had thrown off their terror sooner it would be a good thing, but not now."

"Fine. Hakim is now good and Richard is the new bad in town."

He shook his head. "No, Hakim is still bad … as bad as the crazy Richard just in a different way. They both must perish."

I was about to say something else but forgot what when I realized he'd really meant to use the word "perish." "You mean they both must die."

With no hesitation he said, "Si. Yes. But it is more than that. The people here, they … they are …"

Picking up where he had started to stumble I said, "You don't think that the people here in town will go back to some version of normal even if both Hakim and Richard are taken out."

He sighed, "Yes … that is what I think."

We were both silent for a while before I surprised him. "I agree. They might change if they are forced to, but not as long as they stay where they've developed certain … habits. The only way we are going to get the vultures to move their roost is if we get rid of this one."

Giving me a suspicious look as I started gazing into the dump Abel said, "It will take more than burning this place to drive them away."

Casually I said, "Oh, I know. Got a question for you."

Suspicion turned to concern and he said, "Yes?"

"If I figured out a way to build some … stuff … would you be able to get us around town to use it?"


	29. Chapter 29

**_I'd like to remind everyone that this is a work of fiction. I hope the readers of this work are smart enough to think before trying some of the crazy stuff my characters get up to but just in case here is a word to the wise ... while the projects mentioned in the following chapter are real they are not necessarily advisable. You reproduce them then you take full responsibility for the consequences. Mother Hen will now jump off the soap box and proceed to the rest of t he story._**

-

 **Chapter 29**

Concern turned to alarm. "What kind of stuff?"

"Oh … this and that. I'll have to look around but Dad and I used to find the most interesting things in the dump when we went scavenging."

"Day-cee …."

I turned to him and said, "I don't tell you how to do your thing and you don't tell me how to do mine … Querido."

He snapped, "Ah … now you use my own words against me."

I grinned wickedly and said, "Yep."

Still suspicious he said, "Very well. As soon as you how do you say … do your thing … I will tell you how we will use … er … your thing."

There really is a ton of simple household items that can be used to cause all types of mischief. I gathered Styrofoam, glass bottles, what looked like pieces from an old hair weave, some newspaper, rubber bands, a half full bottle of hand sanitizer, some powdered pool chlorine, a small jar of powdered sugar, some Ritz die, some stump remover, and some old broken fireworks. I also found some old fuel in the dump's generator shack and a few other odds and ends that I needed.

Abel asked, "Do I want to know what you are going to do with this … stuff?"

I smiled and said, "Sure. Let's see I'm going to make napalm, smoke bombs, and stink bombs. Will that help you do what you want?"

When he didn't answer me I looked at his face only to find him simply staring at me. "Querida … remind me never, ever underestimate you."

"Well, that's a given," I told him with a grin. "Seriously Abel, will this help? I could probably come up with something else but this is the quickest and easiest."

"If we burn them out … but small fires will be easy to put out."

I got my mischief brain cells going to try and work around the problem. "OK, we start fires in empty buildings first. They won't be noticed until they are too far gone to stop. Second, we don't need to burn every building but maybe every third or fourth building. If we can get a fire going good they'll start the houses beside them on fire anyway. For the occupied buildings we can distract them with the smoke and stink bombs in one place but start the real fire in another area." Thinking for a few minutes I added, "The napalm will be really hard to put out if we spread it around a lot. It can also be used in Molotov cocktail type bombs. The real trick is going to be getting enough fires going at the same time … or make them seem like they start at the same time."

"I will see what I can see. You … er … do whatever it is you do to make … stuff. I need to scout and see what I can find that will help us further."

We went back and forth a little about what I would do if he wasn't back before morning with neither one of us completely satisfied but off he went and I remained to play mad scientist.

First I moved into a protected area, but one that gave me full advantage of the bright moonlight. I started by making the smoke bombs because they took time to set up. The stump remover was primarily made of potassium nitrate. I measured out some into a container that I had placed over an open flame. I added in nearly an equal measure of sugar that I had in my pack. I slowly "cooked" the two dry ingredients until the sugar started to carmelize and continued stirring until I got what looked like peanut butter. Removing it from the flame I added a small measure of baking soda to slow the combustion. Once that was mixed in I added a box of Ritz dye and mixed that together. I spooned the colored goop into a paper tub and then stuck a small stick into the middle to create a well.

Each smoke bomb would have to cure for one hour. At the end of the hour I took the stick out and then stuck in a piece of fuse from the old fireworks and held it in place with a little stuffing I ripped out of an old sofa pillow. Then came the hard part; I had to sacrifice my roll of duct tape. I wrapped each tube completely making sure I left a hole for the smoke to escape from around where the fuse was.

I also made napalm using the gas and the Styrofoam. I put some gas in several glass jars I found. Into the gas I started putting the Styrofoam. The gas melted the Styrofoam and you just kept feeding it more and more Styrofoam until there was no gas left in the jar and everything was this sticky jellied mess. This was dangerous stuff because once it started burning it was hard to put out. It burned so hot that it would catch just about anything on fire … including your hands if you were so careless to get it on you. And the burn from it was horrific. To impress on me how serious I was to take it Dad made me watch documentaries about napalm from the Vietnam era.

The powdered chlorine was really bad stuff as well. First off I had to crushed the granules into a fine powder, then I added some of the powdered sugar that I had found. I was a little regretful of using it the way I was but decided it wasn't worth the risk of contamination to use it for any other purpose. The powder that was made by mixing the crushed chlorine with the powdered sugar would burn and make a terrible, lung burning odor. But there was another product that it made. Once the powdered had been burned it made a kind of puffy mess that when it was lighted would burn like plain potassium nitrate would … fast and super hot.

The stink bombs were the easiest to make. I placed some of the hair from the hair weaves in the middle of a piece of newspaper. I added a couple of old rubber bands and then loosely folded the paper into a packet that I think tied with some old string I had found. When the packed was lit the paper would burn and then catch the hair and rubber on fire. The stench was very, very powerful.

I would have liked to have dozed a bit but I heard rats in the dump and had no desire to wake up and find myself as a meal for the beasties. It was a good thing I didn't sleep or I might have missed the argument over on what I had come to think of as the Richard side of town. Some folks did sound too happy about having to miss a meal.

Richard managed to get his people under control but it looked like a close thing but it was a little hard to tell in the dark. Perhaps Richard didn't have it as together as we worried. Or maybe people had just come to expect too much from him. I expect the Peter Principle was just as true during the apocalypse as it was before, perhaps even more.

Around midnight Abel came back to me. He was exhausted so I gave him some trail mix I had fixed for those in between times in case the forage was slim. After he had the chance to catch his breath he told me, "It is both worse and better than I had hoped."

I tried to wait patiently for him to explain. "The food warehouse is nearly empty. Hakim starves his prisoners and has his men on short rations. They are not at their best. But they are desperate and jump at shadows. From what I can tell from watching them there are factions within Hakim's men and if we do not succeed my guess is he will be assassinated soon."

He handed me a belt. When I found out they were grenades I nearly dropped them. "Ah but Day-cee, I thought you liked things that went boom."

I wanted to slug him. He could tell and smiled predatorily. "They guard the food with more zeal than they guard their munitions. I removed a good sum and cached it for us to get to in case we need it and in case the rest is destroyed during our offensive."

"Is that what we are doing then?"

"Si Querida … we are … uh … hmm … bringing it to them for a change. Yes?"

Oh yeah, and I was ready too. We decided to begin lying our traps. On the Hakim side of town there were a great many empty buildings for us to choose from to sabotage, almost too many buildings. It was sad low the tyrant had fallen. On the Richard side of town the area was small but there was more people. But, a lot of the buildings like store fronts in disrepair or damaged and weren't being used. We put napalm trails through a great many of those buildings and utilized anything that might be extra flammable like drapes, piles of old clothes, papers, anything really.

I picked up a few more odds and ends along the way as well … a container of air soft pellets, a jar of change, some tape, some paper caps for a toy gun, balloons, and real pay dirt when I found a stash of illegal fireworks including two whole bricks of black cats. Wahoo was I gonna have some fun.

I was coping by using my weird sense of humor but there was an underlayment of sobriety too. If we didn't pull it off the ground work for someone else's battle had been laid. But we knew that if we did manage to pull it off we would be creating a huge mess but I sure as heck had no intention of helping them to clean it up. There was evidence all over the place of the life people had been living with the biggest one being the fact that there were very few children of any age around.

With the materials laid and our reserves cached in various areas we had to decide which side to light up first. We had more ground to cover in the area that Hakim theoretically controlled but were likely to run into less interference if Abel's experience continued to be the norm. On the Richard side we had less ground to cover but the likelihood of interference due to the large number of people was greater. Either way we had run out of darkness and had to hide and rest for the next big push that we planned on starting around midnight of the following night.


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

Abel and I took turns sleeping. It wasn't the most restful way to do things but it was the safest; one of us would be awake should anything start to pop before we were ready for it. We decided to stay in one of the abandoned buildings on the Richard side of town rather than try and sleep in the neutral territory of the dump. It wasn't just the rats that concerned us but how open it was; not to mention that once the heat of the day increased so did the smell. Gag worthy or not I was concerned that some enterprising person would come digging through the mess and find us.

The house we picked honestly wasn't much better; the smell was still extraordinarily bad but it saved us from prying eyes. No air conditioning and very much cleaning had led to mold and mildew. There were types of mushrooms growing in the basement that not even I had ever seen. We found a room without carpet upstairs and it was the least odiferous in the place. There were also mice in the walls … a lot of them from the sound of things. I guess that is what happens though when your primary predators – cats – are taken out while there is an overabundance of food … over population.

Just sitting around while Abel slept did not appeal to me at all. I had an excess of nervous energy and no real way to burn it off. Moving around the house too much was not an option. I didn't want to draw unwanted attention. That left putting the energy into making my mischief materials. My little projects kept my hands and mind busy and as a consequence my nerves calm, or at least calmer.

Despite my bravado to the contrary, I was scared. I prayed what we were doing was right and that it wouldn't get out of hand; but I wasn't so naive as to think no one was going to get hurt. Despite my horror, disgust, and anger at what the towns people on Richard's side were doing they were still people I grew up around. I didn't really want to see them dead with no chance to redeem themselves. I certainly didn't enjoy the idea that I was going to kill some of them though I knew it was a possibility. However I knew I was far down a path that soon there would be no turning from.

I was less ambivalent about Hakim's side but even there I didn't want to see people dead if it wasn't necessary. I knew there was a penalty or weight to my soul for each death I caused. I had already dealt with it with the other men that I had killed thus far. But killing in self-defense was different from what I was about to do. I could view myself as some kind of exterminator but it didn't quite alleviate the niggling guilt that tried to disquiet my mind. I was worried that I would eventually be so calloused to killing I would lose something that made me who I was.

Ironically these thoughts occupied my mind while I enjoyed building more toys of destruction. The first thing I put together was the easiest. Dad hadn't been the one to teach me this particular little goody. The boys from school who played games like "war" and "man hunt" in the woods and parks made several variations of what I was making but since my options were limited I made them all one way.

Airsoft grenades don't really do much damage although a nicely packed one will sting if it hits in the right spot. And I suppose even a plastic pellet can take out an eye but that is why our church youth group always had to wear helmets, gloves, and protective goggles when we played at the local paintball arena. No one would be wearing protective gear so I planned on some damage being done. I went further and helped it a long using some prohibited materials.

I mixed the airsoft plastic pellets with some real steel BBs and some lead pellets and then filled a standard water balloon with them. Next I shoved a black cat fire work down in there with the fuse sticking out. I put tape around the neck of the balloon to keep the BBs and the firework inside it but made sure the tape would interfere with the fuse. They really did look like old-timey hand grenades if you could get around the circus colors.

It took me a couple of sleep/watch periods to use up all of the balloons I'd found and I still managed to have BBs and fireworks left over much to my pleasure. Eventually even Abel got restless and antsy and went nosing around the piles of stuff I was working on. When he woke me for the next watch his face was something to behold. "I have never met a girl like you."

I grinned and told him, "Be you're sure glad of that."

His answering grin was a bit silly when he told me, "On my honor Querida, I consider it a privilege to be with you."

That had my mind going in directions that were way too on the distracting side and I was relieved when Abel lay down to take his turn at a couple of hours of sleep. I finally turned my attention to my other project.

A penny bomb is one of the more tedious prank bombs you can make but also one of the easiest and cheapest to make, and when you are a kid easy and cheap is more important than how much work it takes. I used about fifteen of the plastic cap rings per "bomb." You take the protective ring off and then run each ring apart so you wind up with all of these tiny cups filled with miniscule amounts of gunpowder.

I cut the little rings apart and then put them onto a piece of plastic wrap that was about 4-inches by 4-inches. I slid one penny under the bottom of the pile of caps (between the caps and the plastic wrap) and put one penny on top of the pile and then took the corners of the plastic wrap and wound it up into a compressed package. Next I took twenty-four inches of painter's tape and wrap the package of caps tightly. The whole point was to keep everything really, really compressed tightly.

Next I tore off a four or five inch wide strip of aluminum foil and wrapped it around the taped ball of caps. This further compressed the caps and pennies. To finish it off I took about another yard of tape and covered the aluminum foil ball completely, making sure nothing but tape showed.. This adds another layer of compression. To set these bad boys off you have to get them to hit hard but with a little height they don't do too bad if you have them packed just right.

By the time it grew too dark for me to see to work I had a few dozen of each type of "bomb" and split them into two piles; one for Abel and one for me. I also finished up the napalm Molotov cocktails. Good thing I still have a few things to keep my hands busy or I was considering doing some damage to Abel.

"Day-cee, repeat the plan one more time."

A little frustrated I told him, "You've already had me repeat it five times. I won't forget it. I know what the plan is for pity sake."

"And you will repeat it again to prove it."

I mentally rolled my eyes. "I'm on the Richard side. You're on the Hakim side. At exactly 23:30 … that's plain ol' eleven thirty PM for us civilians … we both start lighting fires so that by midnight as many buildings as we can are beyond being brought under control. From that point forward we use our best judgment to instigate a fight between the two sides. The primary goal is to destroy the leadership and infrastructure of both as well as their resources. The ultimate goal is to leave the town itself uninhabitable thereby forcing the remnants of whoever is left over to leave the area completely."

"And?" he asked.

"And the rendezvous point is the cached weapons location before first light. If for some reason any part of the plan fails or is compromised and rendezvous is not possible, we head up to Little Mirror Lake and wait there. If one or the other of us don't show up at the lake within twenty-four hours, they pick up Daniel and resume life as best they can. The End."

He nodded and finally letting my anger get the better of me I threw a wad of aluminum foil at him.

"Day-cee!"

If it had been light he could have seen the steam coming out of my ears. "I know you are going after Hakim. You're just getting me out of the way. If you can't get him in town you'll track him as long as it takes."

He considered all of three seconds of whether to lie to me or not. I know because I counted them. Then he sighed. "Querida, those like Hakim and the crazy Richard will simply move and … and … set up shop in a new place. Si? You must see that it cannot be allowed to happen."

I surprised him by agreeing completely. "You're right. I just don't like your lone wolf plan."

Shaking his head he told me, "Don't be upset Day-cee but I can move faster alone and will not be distracted for your safety." Undoubtedly true it may have been, but I still didn't like it and he couldn't make me. I decided there and then if I had the opportunity then I would take Hakim and/or Richard out myself rather than see him go off on some crusade.

At 10:30 pm we separated to being making our way to our first chosen targets.


	31. Chapter 31

CHAPTER 31

It didn't take me an hour to get where I was going and I was itching to get started. However, for our plan to work the way we wanted it to I had to allow time for Abel to get into his position. At exactly 11:30 pm, as planned, I started lighting things up.

It bothered me at first that it was so easy but I quickly decided to not look a gift horse in the mouth. Open a window and climb in here. Crawl under a building there. Wiggle through some bushes and skinny up an old trellis to get to a loose attic vent. Jam a doorstop under a door so it couldn't be pushed open from inside. My strategy was to do what I could to funnel people into the road that led out of town rather than have them running into the woods in the opposite direction. My goal? Controlled chaos.

I came close to being seen a couple of times but was protected by the fact that nearly everyone acted half awake, like they had no energy and less concentration. My best guess, it was due to a lack of a meal for two days running after an already restricted diet. I wasn't going to complain about their missed meals all things considered but it still went to show how debilitated people were becoming; they were literally starving to death one missed meal at a time.

It had taken a long time for the town to get to that point because of the reserves that the Blue Hats had stored and used to control the people but time had finally run out; the same way it was running out for everyone. People will do crazy things for food when they are truly hungry, including the most debauched imaginable. Food was the new drug and everyone was an addict. I kept reminding myself of that anytime I started to feel the least bit guilty about what I was doing.

It didn't hurt my escapades that I blended in with the townspeople. Abel would have stood out a mile, not so much because of his coloring - though his swarthiness did set him apart - but because of the way he carried himself and the fact, that though lean, he was obviously healthy. I was lean as well and I was healthy too, but you could see it only if you got beneath the layer of dirty I was wearing. I looked rode hard and hung up wet. I hadn't bathed or brushed my hair for a couple of days and I'd been mucking around in a dump; that alone was worth a couple of inches of filth. And my clothes were ill-fitting, stained, and mismatched. I don't know if my own parents would have recognized me at a first, or even second, glance.

As midnight came and went, even as the first alarm were raised, I continued to light fires. I began to hear hysterical calls from the townspeople for Richard to help them as they realized the scope of what was occurring. A couple of the houses that we'd planted napalm in were discovered … but you can't really scrape off napalm, it leaves a residue that was just as easy to light. And their scraping had actually spread it around even more than what I had already accomplished.

As the cries for "Richard the Lionhearted" increased I saw a crowd being to build around a clump of buildings I hadn't been able to sabotage because of how many people were in them. That told me where the crazy Richard most likely was hold up. The door on the two-story house was blocked by several guards holding the cult followers off. I heard the guards yell that Richard was in consultation with god … little "g" … and deliverance would soon be at hand.

Yeah right. I bet the kook was in there preparing for ye ol' getaway and would only come out when he could make the biggest impact. I decided to give him a reason to come out on my time and not his.

Using the crowd as cover I made my way over to the building nearest to the crazy Richard and went inside it. While everyone was running outside to see what was going on I snuck inside and then ran up the stairs and then into a converted attic space. Lucky for me it was a historic building and it still had a roof access up there to clean the chimneys. I used the access to climb onto the roof. Once up there, and settled as safely as I could manage, I lobbed a stink bomb threw an open upstairs window of the other building. The first was followed by a couple of smoke bombs of a particularly putrid green that was wasted on the crowd below because of the dark night. All they could really tell was that there was smoke pouring from several of the upstairs windows.

The smell inside was pretty bad if the gagging of the people coming out was any indication. Even the large crowd backed away from the place with several people covering their nose and mouth or rubbing their eyes. Once people started rushing out of the building I threw in a Molotov cocktail through the same open window. Now that stirred things up. At that same moment the first gunfire could be hear coming from Hakim's side of town.

Briefly my chest tightened as I worried for Abel but I knew we both had a job to do and I had to have confidence in his skills and in my own. I got my first chance to instigate real trouble between the two groups when someone in the crowd below me cried, "Almanzor! It's Almanzor! He's attacking!"

Boy, and I had kicked the ant hill with the fires. I took a penny bomb and simply tossed it over the side near a knot of people. The subsequent bang had people screaming and carrying on like you wouldn't believe. One guy even swore up and down, "I've been shot! Halp! I'm hit!"

Then there was a nearby whoosh as an older, one-story, frame house kind of exploded as something still flammable caught. Yowzer. I could feel the heat from where I was on the roof several houses away; I couldn't imagine what the people closer to the house must have felt; several had been knocked down by the percussion. As burning debris rained down around me I realized I wasn't in such a good place.

There was another crescendo of noise as someone yelled, "There he is! There's Richard!"

I couldn't tell if it was adulation or anger that made the crowd rush off after a man I barely got a glimpse of before he was swept up by his followers. I used the chaos to get off the roof, which wasn't nearly as easy as it had been to get onto; the access door had shut and latched at some point. As I exited the building I decided to go ahead and start another fire. I squirted a blob of hand sanitizer where some floor length drapes hung, and then lit the alcohol based gloop and left at a run. I couldn't stay around to watch but I hoped the sanitizer would stay lit long enough to catch the drapes which were made out of this gauzy nylon stuff that was sure to go up like dry tender and drip fire on the carpet beneath and maybe even catch the papered walls.

I had to jump into a small room that wound up being a bathroom as people started stampeding in the building apparently gathering belongings just in case the fire spread. I felt like saying, "day late and a dollar short" but I was too busy hiding. To my chagrin someone did find the fire upstairs so I was stuck escaping from the bathroom window and nearly breaking my neck and losing an eye by falling into the dead rose bushes below. Lucky for me the scratch at the corner of my eye wasn't bad but it stung like a son of a gun but the gouges in my buttocks hurt worse after I removed several thick thorns.

I got to a better vantage point and saw that the crazy Richard must have been more charismatic than I thought. He'd started to organize his followers to take the fight to Hakim … I heard something about food and guns and realized that he was really getting them wound up. But all they did was talk, not at all what I wanted them to do. I decided it was time I gave them a little more reason to move rather than sermonize by throwing another penny bomb following by a BB grenade. The penny bomb just made people jump and holler but the BB grenade made a few of them scream in real pain.

The sky was taking on an orange hue as the fires I had started consumed anything they came in contact with. Heat was building. Smoke drifted all over the place and I was beginning to have a hard time breathing without coughing. As I tried to visualize an escape route so I wouldn't get roasted alive a real enemy for the Richard to take on entered the game. That weird yodeling sound preceded even more real automatic gunfire. People in the crowd around Richard screamed, developed red blossoms on their clothing, and fell.

It was soon apparent that I hadn't really had a clue what hand to hand combat would mean for me. I was stuck on the far side of the rendezvous point with both Richard's group and Hakim's men between me and it … between me and presumably where Abel was waiting. I noticed that too many people were running the wrong direction from where I wanted them to go so I took out one of the real grenades that Abel had confiscated. I shifted my position and then lobbed it at the back of a crowd that had been running for the trail area.

Unfortunately I made an oops and the grenade also took out most of the footbridge that went across the most narrow point of the river that surrounded the town. Abel and I were going to have fun getting back home but I tried not to let that freak me out too much. There were other places to cross if you knew them; we'd just need to build some kind of skiff and a pole to push across using the underwater boulders.

I couldn't stay in one spot too long and I must have had some bad luck because everywhere I moved to try and get through the battles all around me things would shift and I would get blocked from going the direction I wanted to go. I finally resorted to going around but because of the fires and the spread out nature of the fighting it was more than a short hike. The route took me in the same general direction that some people had started to go … across the only remaining exit from town that a vehicle could have cross.

Instead of crossing the bridge I passed through the thin ranks of people and across towards the Hakim side of things. I'd done just about as much damage as I could on the Richard side and wanted to see if Abel needed some help. The first thing I noticed was that while there were some fires there weren't near as many as I knew we had planned on.

Sliding into one of these unlit buildings I found that someone had tried to remove the napalm. I left quietly and then went to a similar building and found the same thing. I wasn't sure what it meant but I knew it couldn't be good. I wondered where Abel was. Because I was worried that maybe he was tied up in one of the booby trapped buildings I had to search each one before lighting it up using a Molotov cocktail and the slimy remnants of the napalm that had been removed.

It wasn't too long before I realized that someone had gotten sloppy and simply dumped most of the napalm over the porch rails at each building or beside a set of outside stairs. Well I wasn't wasting good supplies and smeared it where ever it lay, doing my best to have the fire disappear under a building so that the new mischief wouldn't be noticed immediately. Hakim or one of his men would know one person had been out and about, but hopefully they wouldn't think there could be two of them.

I carefully made my way closer and closer to the obvious center of Hakim's camp. Still no Abel. Still no new fires except the ones that I was lighting. Then I saw them … the prisoners. They were lined up along the fence facing one direction and my heart sank.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

I belly crawled towards the fence. Only a few guards were around and they were as fascinated as the prisoners by whatever spectacle they were watching. I had no idea what was going on but knew I needed to find out. I was slithering around the fence edge when a voice hissed at me from inside it, "I should spank you!"

I nearly yelped with joy. "Abel! I was so worried!"

He was very angry but still trying to be as quiet as possible."Silenciele mujer loca! This was not the plan."

I whispered back, "Neither was you getting caught so stop complaining."

"Shhh. You will attract the guards. Now listen to me carefully. This fence is electrificado. It is very strong and will do more than sting should you touch it."

Thinking that over I asked, "What's everyone staring at?"

Obviously frustrated Abel answered, "Hakim and another man are fighting. Hakim is winning so …"

"Uh … maybe I can do something about that. I still have some of those grenades left."

I could just make out Abel's face and he looked like he was having a heart attack. "When I get out of here I swear I will spank you."

"Not in this lifetime you won't Mr. Macho, not if you want to keep your skin intact. Besides I oughta spank you for getting into trouble like this. Look at you, you're all beat up and stuff."

If Abel could have pulled his hair out he would have. His frustration reached a peak and then something strange happened; his head fell forward and his shoulders started to shake. I asked, "What's wrong?"

He answered, "Usted me ha conducido obviamente insano. I cannot believe I am agreeing to this."

"I didn't drive you insane, you were already crazy. And what are you agreeing to?"

A deep southern drawl came from behind Abel and I jumped though Abel's reaction told me he'd known the guy was there. "I hope thith fella here ith agreeing to let you do thomething that ith gonna get uth outta here."

The voice was deeper than I remember it being but the speech impediment that came with the words was the same as it had always been. "Benji?"

Another boy told Abel, "Told you she'd remember us."

"Us" turned out to be a few of the boys I had gone to school with. Abel said, "Shhh. Now is not the time for the reunion like old friends. Day-cee, how many grenades do you have left?"

I told him, "Half dozen of the real ones and nearly two dozen of my other goodies. I've got some napalm left as well." Before Abel could say something I added, "But whatever it is we better get a move on because, well, like I went and started a … um … few fires and the wind kinda seems to be blowing this way."

Benji muttered, "Daffy Dathey."

I growled, "Call me that again Benji and I'll leave you here."

Abel broke in and said, "Day-cee, I will happily die a crazy man if you can blow up the shed that houses the generator."

"Sure, where's it at?"

Another voice muttered, "Oh sure … she'll just go blow it up. No big deal. There's only like several men with machine guns guarding it."

I didn't recognize the voice but I wasn't worried about it. I guess their voices had changed since I'd seen them last but they were still the same boys and still more than a little ornery. That told me they probably hadn't been Hakim's prisoners for too awful long. In the general direction of the boys I said, "Shut up and leave the mayhem to me." I took some of the matches and extra lighters I had and shoved them into the crocker sack with the BB grenades. "Heads up," I told them right before I tossed the bag over the fence.

Abel caught it and I caught it from him. "Are you trying to get yourself killed?!"

I ignored his overprotective streak and whispered, "Stay low to the ground because if one or those real grenades will put you on your hind end, then the two I plan on tossing at the same time will do it even quicker I guess. Share those things out with the boys; they'll know what to do with them." Whispering to Benji I told him, "Them are some non-standard toys right there; not just plastic BBs but some metal ones in there too. Be careful none of you take out your own eyes."

I was about to crawl away when Abel said, "Querida … be careful. I could not live with myself if you were hurt because of me."

"And I couldn't live without you period so plan on escaping and following the rest of our plan … K? Daniel and I both need you." I crawled away to the sound of gagging which was just plain typical of boys of a certain age which is why I'd never been partial to them in the first place as anything other than friends.

I was getting tired of slithering along the ground like a snake but since it was the safest place to be I kept any complaints to myself. I wasn't real sure how far away I should be when the two grenades went boom but I knew I needed to find some place where I could avoid as much flying debris as I could. It didn't take me long to find what I was looking for.

The guards on the generator shake weren't nearly as oblivious as the prison guards had been. They were nervous and as a result their eyes seemed to be going everywhere at the same time. And the shack or shed wasn't really either one of those things, but more a small concrete building. I realized it was actually the old bathrooms for the city park. I was almost exactly at the spot I had been three years ago … and that is what reminded me it was my birthday.

That thought cleared my head. Too many things had changed forever since that night and this wasn't a game. Abel and I were fighting for our lives. My focus sharpened and then I felt a shark grin grow on my face. I took out one of the penny bombs I hadn't given to the boys and I lobbed it on the other side of the guards' positions.

BANG!

Sure enough it startled the guards enough that they all ducked and then turned in that direction looking for the enemy. I stepped from around the corner of a concrete memorial plaque and rolled one grenade like I was bowling all the way into the generator shack and then the other so it fetched up at the door frame.

I ducked just in time. Two short explosions followed one on top of the other. The first grenade pulverized everything inside the shack and most of the roof. The grenade at the door destroyed most of the front wall and the guards standing directly in front of it. The pressure and debris took out the other guards but I wasn't sure if they were dead or not, but they sure as heck were down for a while. The huge sound of a transformer blowing followed the two grenades and what lights had been lit around the camp immediately went out plunging everything into pitch darkness. It was only that dark for a moment however because the glow of the structural fires quickly replaced the artificial light.

I was dazed and banged up. The memorial plaque hadn't been all that great as a place to hide. My ears were still ringing when my brain finally got the signal through to my legs that they needed to move.

And move is definitely what I needed to do. I could hear all sorts of people hollering, I just couldn't make out what they were saying. I think it was partly due to my clogged up ears but some of it was because not all of the people were speaking English. I slowly made my way back to the fence section to find Abel and the boys trying to help the weakest prisoners over it.

I reached into my pack and threw a multi-tool at Benji who went to town on the fence, clipping out just enough wires so that people could go through rather than over. Abel took the tool from Benji, obviously not inclined to trust him any more than necessary. I grabbed Benji as he ran by and told him to take people towards Amish Town. "They aren't going to just going to give charity away – you can't expect them to put their families in danger – but those that need it can get patched up."

"Don't tell me how to thuck eggth Dathey. We were living in them construction portableth at the new thchool thite before we got taken for getting into a fight with thome of Almanzor'th people that came to take what thupplies we had thtashed. We'd left town when Richard King thowed up and my dad figured out what hith game wath. My mom and dad thould thtill be out that way if they're alive and I plan on finding out. We'll take thethe other guyth with uth and bury the oneth that don't make it. You'd better run and find a hole too."

So saying he grabbed the arm of the guy nearst him and hauled him down a path that lead in the general direction of Amish Town. I almost called to him to tell him about the foot bridge but it would have been a waste of my breath, Benji was even worse about mischief making than I was. If he couldn't get where he was going one way he'd get there another. I wasn't the only one that had reason to know where you could cross the river without using the bridges.

Abel picked me up and started walking at a fast but limping clip away from the prison yard. "Hey, I can walk."

He stopped and put me on my feet behind another building. "Are you sure Querida? You … you do not look so good."

"Yeah, well you don't look like you've had a walk in the park either."

He shook his head, "No." Looking into my face to see if I was fibbing about being OK he said, "We need to get to the warehouse. My gear is there and there are other things that are … useful."

"Fine," I mumbled.

Concerned he asked, "What is wrong?"

I told him, "This isn't going the way I expected it to. I don't know if people are going to the interstate or if they're going into the woods. I don't know if we've done any good at all. I lost crazy Richard in the crowd and now we don't know where Hakim is at."

We began limping towards the warehouse in question when Abel said, "Battles never go exactly as planned. And this one is not over yet so do not give up."

I tried to remember that as we got near our destination. Men were running every which direction and in and out of the warehouse too. I sighed, "Looks like we've started a war for real."

After a moment Abel said, "No. Look. Men go in but they come out with only what they can carry and then run off. I think we've done it Querida. Hakim's men are deserting him and taking what they can before they flee."

That is when several men ran up and started shooting and punishing those that had been taking stuff out of the warehouse. I heard Abel give a sharp, indrawn breath. I knew one of them must be Hakim but I didn't know which one. Abel was cursing the lack of a gun. I knew what I had to do. I took my compound bow off my pack and took out three broadhead tipped arrows.

In a calm voice I said, "Tell me which one he is Abel."

"What? Day-ce …"

I shook my head. "We're wasting time. This way we'll know for sure and won't have to hunt him down again."

Abel closed his eyes briefly then nodded once. He pointed out a man that looked just a little younger than my father had been. I had expected someone imposing looking but he just looked … ordinary. He was short, maybe five foot seven. His skin looked like old leather and his hair, or at least his beard, was streaked with gray. He was dressed in faded military fatigues but he also wore one of those strange scarves on his head. He was just a no-body that had gone and tried to be a somebody for a while. Well his time was up.

The glow from all of the fires gave me enough light to shoot by but the shadows were bad. The first arrow took him in the leg, well below what I was aiming at, spinning him away into a crouch. The second arrow caught him in the back and he stood back up, arching, and spun to face me again. He was reaching for the arrow in his back when the third arrow sunk deep into his heart. He jumped like someone had goosed him and then fell forward burying the shaft even deeper into his chest.

The men all around him had finally noticed his death dance and there was silence for a moment and then they grabbed what they could and ran just like the others before them.


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

Abel and I looked at the fallen man and then shook ourselves, realizing that if we were going to get his gear and get gone we better do it quickly or there wouldn't be anything left for us to get.

We ran for the warehouse but I stopped to get my arrows. Two of them were salvageable but the shaft on the third was bent. I ripped it out of the corpse anyway so that I could have the fletching and the broadhead tip. I put the gore covered arrows in my quiver and followed Abel into the warehouse.

The only light in the cave-like interior came from the orange glow of the fires that illuminated the doorway and came in through the ventilation windows set high in the walls. Not much light but enough for Abel to find his pack and rifle that had been thrown into the corner. You could tell it had been gone through but nothing of import except the food I had packed for him was missing.

"Day-cee we have a little time I think. I have cached a good bit in the woods but what would be your wish if you could have anything?"

I said the first things that sprang to my mind. "Powder and primers, shotgun shells of any caliber, .22lr and 9mm ammo, lead ingots, spare firing pins, spare magazines for the guns we already have, gun oil, any spare brass for our handguns and rifles … and … some web belting, and new holster for you … and … and …." I stopped, shrugging. "This is ridiculous. Anything Abel … whatever we get will be more than we had before."

"Si Querida. As always you are wise. But I wish for to show you something I did not have time to take before I was captured. I hid it back here." He handed me a gun and I knew it was a Springfield 1911.

I said a bit puzzled, "I didn't know they came so small."

"Si. It is .45 caliber but is named a micro-compact." I could tell he was repeating what he had read because he was enunciating the words slowly and precisely. "So … it will fit in your hand. Yes?"

I'd never had a .45 of my own so it felt a little strange but if Abel thought it would be good to have then I thought so be it. Couldn't imagine I'd take the thing hunting any time but it looked like it would pack a wallop against a person if I needed it to.

We didn't take too many guns; mostly what we were after was ammo and reload components for those we already had. The few new guns that Abel had wanted were already in the cache. I thought of something. "Abel, do you think they've cleared out the food yet?"

Abel nodded, "Si. It was probably the first thing everyone ran for. But … yes, I think there is time."

I looked at him and asked, "Time for what?"

"If I know Hakim he will have a cache of his own some place near. He would make sure that he had an … an escape route. Si?" As I hefted the really heavy pack onto my sore back he asked me, "Too heavy?"

"Yeah, but I can go a couple of miles with it if you don't expect me to go too fast. This stupid thing probably weighs close to seventy pounds. I've never carried much more than fifty. I'm not complaining though because I know yours is heavier and you're banged up more than I am."

He put his hand on my shoulder and said, "I will be an old man before you truly let me hear you complain without reason. But you are right, these packs … they are too heavy. Let us get to the cache and lighten our load. Then we will go looking for Hakim's treasure."

We had to wait out three more groups of men coming in to grab all they could carry and then run away. Finally we couldn't wait any longer; the fire was so near that we could feel the heat from hit when we stepped out into the night. It was aggravating to leave so much behind but we didn't have any choice. We couldn't carry any more and the few operational vehicles were already long gone; they wouldn't get far due to lack of fuel. As it was I was struggling before we'd gone half a mile.

By the time we reached the cache both Abel and I were shaking. We hadn't eaten real regular the last couple of days and the adrenaline and stress had left us with very little reserves.

Huffing, trying to catch my breath I said, "Abel, give me a minute."

Regretfully he said, "We do not have a few minutes Querida. We must needs go find Hakim's …"

"… treasure. I know. But I'm not asking for a rest I'm asking for you to give me a sec so I can make us something we can eat while we are walking back. I don't know about you but I'm toast."

"Toast?"

"I mean I'm beat, running low on energy, getting to the point I'm not going to be able to go any more."

He sighed. "Si Querida. I am this toast as well."

In spite of how I felt I had to smile at his upside down grammar but that didn't stop me from popping open two zip bags, throwing in some rolled oats, and then squeezing in some nut butter. I zipped the bag shut and squished the oats and nut butter together. "Just rip open the corner of the baggie and squeeze the stuff into your mouth a little at a time. It will destroy the bag and the oats are going to be chewy but at least it will give us some energy."

True enough as far as things go but we were both still hungry by the time we got close to Hakim's living quarters. Peeking in we could see that the place had already been ransacked. I told Abel, "If there was something here before it's gone now."

"No," he told me. "He would not keep supplies here because of this very thing. He would want to be able to get away quickly and arrive at his cache to resupply before …"

Something occurred to me. "Wait … I know where we are at."

"Si … we are at Hakim's quarters."

I shook my head. "No … not that. What I mean is this used to be the ranger's house … the guy who took care of the park. Him and his son took turns operating the fee gate. Let me think."

I turned this way and that trying to picture everything in my head from what I remembered. Abel asked me, "Querida, what is it you do?"

I was frustrated trying to remember exactly and then put it in terms of what was here now. "It's a story that Dad and one of his friends told me one time. Hang on … he said it was behind the house about five hundred yards."

Abel left me to think while he went over what little was left in the house. He came out carrying … I had to look again to believe what I was seeing. "Abel! What is that?!"

He grinned hugely and said, "It is the sword and dagger that Hakim used for show. It is now mine."

I looked at it. Dad had a thing for well-crafted knives and I could tell the ones that Abel held were the real deal. "That's not a ceremonial sword, that's a real one … and not cheap either."

"It is … hmm … Turkey Sword … a scimitar. The dagger is match, yes?" The blade of the scimitar was thirty-two inches long but the scimitar's full length was forty-eight inches. The hilt was made of wood and steel and was beautiful in its simplicity. The dagger was its match only smaller.

"Yeah. You can probably find something similar to them in one of Dad's knife and sword books in the library."

He nodded while he put the sheathed sharps into his pack. Once done he said, "Now, what is this that had you twisting and turning to remember?"

"Like I said, it was a story from when my dad was a kid. If you think I can get up to stuff the stories from when Dad was a boy would make your hair fall out. He didn't have much adult supervision until his step dad came along but that didn't last because the man died. Dad would sometimes stay out all night and … wait … now I know. Follow me."

We went into the tree line … trees that hadn't been there when my dad was a kid … and eventually came to the foundation and chimney of a very old house. I said, "OK, we need to be careful, there is an old cistern here someplace."

Less than a minute later I heard a crack and then a mild curse before an eerily hollow voice called, "I have found it."

I fumbled my way over in the dark in time to see a dark outline of Abel push away the covered top of a hole. I bent down beside him but before I could look at what he had found I was on my back and looking skyward being thoroughly kissed.

"Uh … Abel …?" I gulped when I caught my breath.

"Look in the hole Day-cee."

I took the small penlight from him and looked down to see several small metal barrels. Disgusted I sat up. "It's just beer kegs."

I could hear the smile in his voice. "Kegs yes, but not of beer. When we first came to this country we found that vermin were very strong and wicked and would chew through all paper and plastico. The orders came and many of these kegs were … were … adaptado … to hold grains and liquids not beer or wine. See?"

I looked where he was pointing with the penlight and could see that where a tap should have been there was a kind of cap. There were five of them down in the hole. The kegs weren't very big but for a single man and the right ingredients, and supplemented with hunting and fishing, it could have gotten him through a normal winter.

Abel reached down into the hole and brought out one of the kegs with some difficulty. He said, "Twenty-five kilograms, perhaps a little less."

Being in the habit of converting his metric measurements to American measurements I said, "Fifty pounds or thereabouts … but of what."

He rocked the keg back and forth and you could hear rattling but not loud. "Some kind of grain … but not corn I think. Probably wheat."

He pulled out another and rocked it back and forth. It sounded like small marbles. Abel said, "Chickpeas."

He went to grab the third one and nearly fell in. "Are you OK?" I asked him concerned at how he rubbed his shoulder after he sat back up.

"Si, just a strain. It is much more than 25 kilograms. I think easily three times that." Looking at me he asked, "Are you too tired to take this back to our cache? I would like to take this away from here in case the fire spreads before we can return for them."

And that's what we did. It took us four trips and by the time we were finished we were falling down exhausted. The first trip we carried the first two kegs that did indeed have wheat and chickpeas in them. The second trip was a keg of something that Abel told me was dried fava beans; and wonder of wonders a keg full of green coffee beans. I shuddered at the smell but Abel acted like he was gonna get high on the odor alone. The third trip was the hardest.

We were already tired and the last keg was the heavy one. We finally rigged a pole and sling and carried it on our shoulders; Abel in front and me in the back. I was ready to drop it over the edge but in the end it was worth it because the keg contained honey.

We had thought there were only the five kegs but when we got them out of the hole we found there were a few metal ammo boxes below the kegs, a metal box containing what turned out to be spices, a small metal tub of pistachios, and a small metal trunk of stuff I couldn't even read the labels on. All of the last bits went into our packs or the sling for our last trip.

When we got back to the cache site I could tell that Abel needed to sleep. I wanted to sleep as well but I had enough to do to satisfy my curiosity and keep me awake for a couple of hours. The sun would soon be up so I told him, "No sense in trying to go anywhere right now. Let me take the first watch and …"

Right at that moment the sky light up like the Fourth of July. After we'd gotten over being startled out of a year's growth Abel said dryly, "The munitions dump went boom."

I couldn't help it. I started laughing … and laughing and laughing to the point of tears. "Shhhhh," he said as he rocked me. "It is time for the resting. It is all over for now. We are safe. You will lay down …"

I pushed off of his chest and wiped my eyes. "No … really I'm fine. It just all kind of struck me. It reminded me so much of my other birthday and I just … just … lost it for a bit."

"You're other …? Es su cumpleanos? Why did you not tell me Querida?"

I shrugged. "It's no big deal. No really, it's not," I told him when he tried to object. "Daniel never cared about birthdays … that time thing he has … and I don't know … it just didn't matter much after a while when it was just him and me. Besides you didn't make a big deal out of your birthday."

It was his turn to shrug, "I told you, there were so many of us that our cumpleanos was never … well … Abuelo … the cost you see."

"No, I get it. My folks didn't break the bank either. We always tried to do something together as a family and then … well, they're gone now."

I tried to shrug it off but he whispered, "But I am here now. And you are diez y seis … sixteen. Yes? I have heard that it is important for girls."

"You mean like a Sweet Sixteen and all that?"

He nodded. "Si … like a Quinceanera at fifteen for my cousins."

"Sure, sixteen is a … kind of a benchmark age I guess you could say for kids in this country but not everyone has a big party for it. Let's just let it go. Besides, I think I've had plenty of excitement to mark the day, don't you?"

At my hug he said, "Si, we both have. But now I will remember the day and next year we will do something … as a family. You and me and Daniel. Si?"

I grinned and after a bit of dickering he agreed that I could take the first watch while he rested.


	34. Chapter 34

CHAPTER 34

The one admonition from Abel besides promising to wake him up at the end of the agreed upon watch length was to be aware that people could be moving through the area to escape what was going on in the town. I also knew it would be important to watch for fire jumping the river. I didn't think it would happen but if a spark drifted just right anything was possible.

The smoke was pretty thick in places but we were over on the other side of the river – and yes, getting across had been in the not fun category of life – and up a fairly steep incline. That gave us some altitude to view any incoming intruders and it also helped with the smoke. We still smelled it but the worst of it stayed low in the geologic bowl that contained the town because there was barely a breeze to rustle a leaf.

There used to be vacation cabins around but the years of economic downturn had seen most of them foreclosed on and fall into disrepair … some even being burnt down by their owners to spite the banks. I thought that people might try to head for this building, dilapidated though they might be. But since we were near the top of the most accessible trail into the area I'd have nearly a bird's eye view of anyone trying. I also turned my eye to what was going on in the town.

The fire damage was even more impressive than the light of the flames had revealed during the night. Whole sections of town were just shell after shell of what once had been houses and businesses. Many still burned but most were just embers. I could see a few people wandering about but not many. There was no way to recognize any of them from the distance I was but even had I been closer I doubt I could have told a townsperson from one of Hakim's people because of the soot that covered everything and everyone.

I suddenly realized I had started to nod off as I watched the remaining flames eating what was left of the town so I shook myself and started going through the boxes of things we had taken from Hakim's cache. The box of spices and seasonings was good though the selection isn't what I would have picked if I'd been given the choice. Then again I hadn't a clue about where the man had really come from or what he had eaten prior to coming to this country. Allspice, anise, basil, borage, cardamom, cayenne, chamomile, cinnamon, citric acid, cloves, cumin, curry powder, fennel, fenugreek, garlic, ginger, marjoram, mint leaves, nutmeg, orange peel, oregano, paprika, rosemary, sage, sumac powder, tarragon, turmeric, valerian root, and whole black peppercorns was the inventory of the spice box.

The other box contained couscous, dried figs, green tea bags, fennel tea, something called halva that looked like a candy, hazelnut cream, rosehip tea, dried hummus mix, dried leeks, pickled mango, spicy walnut cream, orange blossom jam, bottles of orange blossom water and syrup, pomegranate dressing, red wine vinegar, dried shallots, sour grape juice, roasted squash seeds, tahini, apricot paste, grape leaves in a jar, almond powder drink, lemon syrup, melon syrup, rose syrup, mint syrup, and vanilla syrup.

I hadn't a clue what to do with over half of the stuff I found. I mean, I've always been adventuresome when it came to food but I was not even sure I wanted to taste pickled mango and I thought valerian root was used as a sedative, not as a seasoning. I was wondering if Abel knew what it was all used for when I saw movement on the path well below our position.

I nudged Abel. He took a second to wake but then he jump to where he saw me crouching and looking below. He put a hand on my shoulder to let me know he was there and then watched as several people tried to make their way through the heavy brush and steep incline of loose soil and gravel. I was setting an arrow on my bow when I saw the one in the lead take a tumble. Rolling down the trail he knocked the legs out from under the two people with him.

I could just make out the voice of a woman as she complained bitterly, "This is ridiculous. There's nothing over here. We'll starve, die of exposure, or get eaten by something or someone. Let's go back and try the other end of town. Maybe we can make it over to New Vale before it gets dark."

They scrambled down faster than they had been coming up and we lost them as they reached the river's edge. Abel whispered, "What is this New Vale?"

"Nearest town along the interstate. But that lady is crazy if she thinks they'll make it before dark without a ride of some kind."

"She is crazy for more than that. If it is the town I think of, months ago it was emptied of people by the gut disease. The water, it went all bad."

It had been a while since I'd thought about any place beyond the town. My world had shrunk. Yes Abel did make it bigger but the day-to-day struggle kept both my hands and mind too busy to constantly worry at problems someone else might be having.

For the rest of the day Abel and I took turns but we only saw four more people; one during my watches and three during Abel's turns. By the time that late afternoon arrived, it had been several hours since the last person had shown themselves. The fires had also moved to block that route though they stayed on the town side of the river.

Abel and I decided to begin moving the cache. The wind had changed and the smoke was getting pretty bad at that location anyway. It took eight trips to move the entire cache to the new location up over the top of the ridge; eight exhausting trips of up and down and up and down and up and down. I felt like a mountain goat. But the air on the other side was easier to breathe and didn't smell quite so bad.

It was near midnight by the time we finished moving everything. The trail had turned treacherous or we might have continued as we'd caught our second wind … or the fourth or fifth one, I lost count. We were anxious to get everything closer to home so that we could go check on Daniel. We both admitted it wasn't happening that night and snuggled up under a small overhang to do our best to escape the damp fog that rolled in.

Condensation woke me when it dripped into my ear. If Abel hadn't wrapped me so tight with his arms I would have sat up straight into a rock that would have probably knocked me right back out again. "Good morning Querida."

"Morning," I grumbled as I tried to wipe the cold wetness out of my ear canal. "What time is it?"

"Too early."

I stopped what I was doing and rolled over in his embrace. I said, "Hi."

He said, "Hello."

We both realized we weren't thinking about moving much so that's what we forced ourselves to do. I knew we had been running low on rations so the previous evening I had picked out a few things around our camp that were edible and as daylight came I put together a reasonable facsimile of something that looked like food.

"Let us move this cache within sight of the meadow and then go get Daniel. We need to rest and then get back to preparing for winter."

I was in one hundred percent agreement but no matter how hard we worked there was no way we were going to meet that goal. Oh, we managed to move the cache. And thought it was approaching evening, we even managed to hike to within sight of Amish Town. But what we saw when we got within sight made both us both boil over with fury.


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

As I looked down from the trail we had been following we could see an oblong table had been set up with something dark leaking off of it. It was beside a half of a metal barrel that was over an open fire. I didn't know it then but I was to learn that the barrel was full of boiling water. There were a lot of people standing around, some looked like they were in charge and some looked plenty cowed by the men with the big knives. It didn't take long to put two and two together when we saw a kid tied up on the table. Even from that distance I could see it was my Daniel.

Something popped inside my head. I vaguely remember Abel yelling for me to stop but I just had to get to my brother whether it made good sense or not. I ran full tilt down the trail, shucking off my pack and anything else weighing me down as I went. I heard a couple of shot and vaguely remembering a few people going down but by that point I was in the midst of the crowd. I barreled into the men around the table knocking most of them over. I punched, kicked, bit but it wasn't enough. Eventually they got me and held me but I made sure it wasn't easy on them.

When they got me they put a knife to my throat and that stopped Abel. "We'll kill her. See if we don't."

I could see Abel hesitate and I yelled, "They'll kill me one way or the other and you know it! Keep fighting!"

I was proud of him because that is exactly what he did and soon there was a lot of wrestling going on as Richard's followers were taken down by unarmed men and women who decided that a knife wound was preferable to what was about to happen. Richard, ever the lunatic showman, jumped up on the table and was trying to blather on about how it was ordained and all sorts of nonsense while flapping around in this cosmic colored cape he was wearing.

I kept moving like a greased pig and finally wiggled and twisted enough that the guy holding one of my arms let go. I immediately jammed the heel of my hand up into the nose of the guy with the knife. He let out a howl and backed into the table nearly knocking Richard off. It gave me an idea and with the idea came renewed strength from some place.

I yelled at Daniel, "Roll off!"

Even though he was all tied up Daniel did roll and fell to the ground all in a lump. I finally got away from the guys trying to hold me though they ripped most of my shirt off in the effort and then grabbed the end of the table and heaved it upwards. Then time seemed to slow down. I felt something hard hit the back of my head and I started to go down. But I wasn't the only one going down.

As I had lifted the table upwards, Richard's legs had gone from in under him. As I continued to lift the table, he slid down the slick top. As I managed to turn the table completely vertical he slid right into the waiting barrel of boiling water.

My ears were ringing and the dark was closing in from the sides but not before I heard him scream … and scream and scream and scream. Even after he was dragged out of the boiling water he kept screaming but I didn't hear him after that. I don't remember it but I'd crawled to Daniel and had basically collapsed on top of him.

*****

I came to in a bed that was softer than any I had ever slept in. The sheets were white, crisp, and clean and smelled of cedar wood. For some reason I sensed that I was clean as well. My head was throbbing and when I lifted my arm to touch it I felt lots of little pulls and twinges, starting with the stiches I saw running down the inside of my arm.

The memories slammed down and I sat up with a scream. "Daniel! Abel!"

I was flailing around and falling out of the bed, trying to find them when several people rushed in and gathered me up and hushed me and told me everything was all right.

"Don't tell me everything is all right. Where's my brother? Where's Abel? Where's …?"

Someone shooed the women out of the way and put me back in bed much more firmly. "Hush Querida. Daniel is fine and sleeping after drinking some tea that Josef gave him. You will see him in the morning. And I am right here. I have not left you. So let this kind women make sure you have not torn open the … the threads on your arms. Look at me Day-cee. The bad man is gone. Si? I promise."

My breathing slowly returned to normal and my heart stopped banging around in my chest like a ten-pound hammer. "Is … is Daniel … OK?"

Understanding my question he said, "Si. But he is shaken. He rocked and rocked and I worried he would hurt himself so Josef gave him a tea and now he finally sleeps. He is downstairs with the other boys. I stayed with him until I knew that he would not wake up afraid. In the morning he will probably pound up the stairs in search of you so you must be rested and ready for him."

"I'm … I'm fine. I need … absolutely need … to see him Abel. Please," I begged.

Abel looked over at an older woman who smiled kindly and said, "For a moment only. And please don't wake the other children. They've been through so much already."

I tried to get up and walk but Abel picked me up, quilt and all, and carried me down the stairs. I didn't make a sound after Abel put me down just long enough for me to walk over to a bed. I knew it was Daniel's bed because Dog was guarding it. She lifted her head and blinked and then laid her head back down.

When I walked back out of the room I had to sit in a chair by the door. I was shaking. "What happened to Dog? Why is she all bandaged up?"

"She fought the men that took Daniel." The person who answered me was Monica. When I turned to her she said, "Josef is going to have a fit when he hears you've been out of bed."

I said quietly, "I'm fine."

She ignored me and turned to Abel. "You can get her back to bed? That's where you should be too."

I looked at Abel who suddenly looked far too innocent. I asked Monica, "Why does he need to be in bed?"

"Because he's been worked over pretty hard … twice from what I heard."

I didn't see any new bruises but that doesn't mean there weren't some under his clothing. I refused to let him carry me back up the stairs so we hobbled together. The older women wouldn't let him come in the bedroom and I was just about to get miffed when he shut me down. "They are right. I have no business being in there. Now get some rest and we will talk in the morning. Si?"

I don't' know how but I fell asleep as soon as I laid my head down. The next morning something woke me up, probably Dog's breath. I opened my eyes and both Daniel and Dog were peeking over the edge of the mattress.

The first thing out of Daniel's mouth was, "We didn't make any noise. We were just waiting for you to wake up."

I was so happy I cried which worried Daniel more than most anything else could have. Finally I got him to understand it was because I missed him and was so glad to see him. He grinned and said, "I'm hungry Dacey. Let's go home." Now that was a plan I could get behind.


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

I gingerly sat up and then had to wait for the blood to stop draining from my head. "What time is it Daniel?"

"Time to say good bye and go home."

I know his reply sounded funny, like he was making a joke, but that was literally how Daniel saw time. It was measured by events, chores, the things in nature. It was my own fault for not being more specific.

"Daniel, what dime is it on the clock?"

Looking out in the hallway where I remember a grandfather clocking stood, he told me, "The big hand is on the five and the little hand is on the eleven."

Immediately upset that I had slept so much longer than I had meant to I spit out, "Oh gollywobbers! Daniel, where are my clothes?"

"Hangin' on the clothes line."

I wanted to say something worse than "gollywobbers" but didn't dare. I was saved by Monica who came in carrying some clothes – not mine – and shooed Daniel downstairs. "Grandfather Isaac is looking for you. His arthritis is acting up and I bet he would like you to help catch the rest of the chickens that got loose."

Daniel started to run but looked at poor Dog and slowed down so she could keep up. Monica watched him go and then said, "He's better than he used to be. Josef expected him to be a complete mess after yesterday. Even some of our kids are traumatized and uncommunicative this morning."

Curious I asked, "Your kids?"

"Josef and I, we take care of kids that haven't found a place in the community yet or who are too injured or … or out of it to be able to cope yet."

Finally getting myself untangled from the covers and voluminous night gown that had my legs trapped I said, "So this place is in Amish Town."

"Uh huh," she confirmed. "Look, are you really ready to get up? If you are maybe you should go see Abel. He's getting a little frazzled around the edges."

That had me hitting the floor. Bad idea. Moving too quickly made the room spin and one of my legs buckle.

Monica grabbed my arm to keep me upright but luckily had the presence of mind for it not to be the arm with the stiches in it. "Whoa. I said frazzled, not dying."

She put the clothes in my hands and then pointed me towards a screen in the corner of the room. I walked behind it, forcing the kinks out of my body as I went. I noted the details of the modest, no-fills nightgown I was wearing; so different from the large shirts I normally wore. Then I looked at the serviceable, dark blue dress in my arms."

"Monica? Am I taking someone's stuff?"

"No. It is from the church clothes closet. Brother Clayton takes care that … um … that …"

Understanding her hesitancy I asked, "Am I being shunned?"

Her immediate response reassured me that she was telling the truth. "Oh no, not at all. It's just Grandfather Isaac is in town and he's a bit of a stickler. We're all trying real hard to get along and work together so we just do what we can to keep things comfortable for everyone."

I snorted and asked, "How's that workin' for ya?"

A small chuckle preceded, "Better on some days than on others."

I stepped from behind the screen so I could sit on the bed and pull up the black knee socks she had given me and put my boots back on. Monica couldn't resist saying, "That's a new look for you. With your hair braided like that you could pass for one of the Old Order kids."

I sighed and tried to picture of myself since there were no mirrors around I told her dryly, "No kidding." Then I asked, "Besides the obvious, why is Abel frazzled?"

She got a concerned look on her face and asked, "Do you really know he is a UN Peacekeeper?"

"Was. Was a UN Peacekeeper. He turned in his membership card when Hakim – that guy you called Almanzor – killed his cousin for spreading the truth that the UN wasn't delivering on their promise to take care of the families of people that signed up."

Still unsure she said, "So you know he's really Abelardo Montoya."

I shrugged. "Yeah, that's he's given name but Abel is shorter and easier to say."

As we left the room and walked down the stairs she said in something like fear, "He's The Montoya."

Wondering at her tone I said, "No, he's Abel Montoya. My friend. Daniel's teacher. Our … protector I guess you'd say. Well, at least when I need the help with protecting Daniel anyway. Mostly we lived and work together and help each other because we want to."

A man's voice from the front of the house asked, "And nothing more?"

Ignoring the invasion of personal business of the question I smiled and responded, "Brother Clayton! Wait, did Benji and the boys make it back OK?"

I heard from outside, "We're men now Dathey, not boyth."

As I pushed open the screen door to step outside I said, "Benji, just because ya'll have the wherewithal to grow fur on your face these days doesn't make you a man. And if you don't stop glaring at Abel like he's some kind of pervert I'm gonna do something that makes it take that much longer for you to earn your man-status."

Monica hissed, "Dacey! Totally inappropriate!"

I rolled my eyes and said, "Sorry Granny." I knew for a fact she was being a hypocrite because I remember some of the stories that Jeff used to tell.

I could see Abel wanted to be shocked at my behavior but his lips twitched proving the other side of him was winning. "How are you feeling?"

He shook his head. "Should that not be my question?"

"Fine, and thank you for asking. Now are you gonna tell me what's hurting you or not?"

All the while I had been talking I'd been trying to get close to him but he'd sidestepped and backed up anytime I came close enough to touch. Frustrated I told him, "You aren't really going to make me chase you around this yard are you? All I want is …"

Abel interrupted me and tried to get all proper. "Day-cee, these are the men of your community. They have every right to try and protect you."

"Uh actually, no they don't."

"Yes they do."

"No they don't."

"Si."

"No."

Daniel chose that moment to stroll over. "She'll wear you down Abel. You know she will."

I looked at Abel with a smug smile. Abel blathered a string of Spanish so fast I couldn't even catch one word. Then in English he said, "Fine. If you will not let them protect you then I must. I give them the right to say whether I am good enough."

Upset I said, "Oh no you don't. You're not getting out of this that easy. Now I want to know where you're hurt, how bad, and then I want to know what all I missed. Then we're going home. Where we belong."

Abel said in a growl that had a bit of desperation in it, "Day-cee …"

"What?"

Abel pinched the bridge of his bruised nose like he had a headache coming on. "I am fine Day-cee. My ribs are bruised and that is the worst."

Trying to be helpful Daniel added, "Better tell her about the cuts. You know she's gonna find out soon enough and then she'll get mad and make you do extra chores."

I saw Abel's lips twitch despite the situation but all I heard was "cuts." "What cuts? Where? How bad?"

I came at him again intending to look for myself but he evaded me by stepping behind a couple of austere looking older women. "I am find Day-cee. Josef, he has made them better."

Frustrated I looked around for Josef to ask him myself and saw him over in a knot of kids younger than Daniel, several of whom were disfigured in some way. I knew I couldn't confront him right that moment. Then Benji's expression caught my eye. "Leave your mouth hanging open like that and something nasty is gonna fly in."

Benji shut his mouth with a snap but it was his father who spoke. "My child, I believe most of us share my son's feelings. It is very difficult to reconcile the stories of The Montoya with the young man you are … are … er … handling so … er … deftly."

Trying to remember my manners I said, "Please don't take this the wrong way Brother Clayton but I'm no child. That was over the day the people of the town didn't step up and stop my parents from getting killed. That was over when the grownups didn't stop the kids from being rounded up and put in a reeducation camp. As for the rest of it I don't know what stories you are talking about but more than likely that is all most of it is … stories. Just like that Hakim fella had to make himself out to be bigger than he was by calling himself that stupid name Almanzor, he made Abel out to be an even bigger baddie so he wouldn't have to admit what a scaredy cat he really was. Abel has done some things that aren't very nice but I reckon plenty of us have by now, I know I have. But the bad stuff that happened isn't what defines who he is."

Abel finally stepped over and said, "I told you Querida there would come a day when I would have to pay for what I have done."

I said, "You already have. And God has forgiven you. You're the one that has the problem and won't forgive yourself."

Abel got a pained look on his face and shut his eyes briefly. "I hear your words but … it is not so easy as you say."

I shook my head, "I never said it was easy. We've both done things that are going to be with us for the rest of our lives. Sometimes you have to accept the consequences for doing what you know to be right. I don't claim to know everything. But what I do know is that I prayed for some help and God practically had you fall in my lap. Nothing that you have said or done has changed my belief that you're my answered prayer. Now let's get our stuff and go home."

He shook his head. "As you say, it is not so easy. Before there was no one to object to me staying with you and Daniel but now it is not right." He looked at me and said quietly, "You are not a child anymore and I cannot pretend to just be a big brother to you."

Daniel joined the conversation and said anxiously, sensing that we were losing Abel, "Grandfather Isaac knows all the Bible words to say."

Caught off guard I asked Daniel, "What?"

"Abel keeps telling you he wants to say words in a church with you and you say Bible words in a church. Grandfather Isaac knows lots of Bible words. And there's a church," he added pointed to a small chapel down the road.

I don't know who turned redder me or Abel. I mumbled to Abel, "Sorry, I didn't think he'd been listening."

Still red but smiling, "Si, Daniel is very smart. I would like very much to … uh … have Bible words in a church with you."

A sober looking old man limped forward. "The chapel is unfit for anything for now. The roof leaked and the floor is unsafe. But … if you are sincere and wish to join together I am sure that Brother Clayton and I can do it properly as it was done for my grandson."

He had been speaking directly to Abel when he said it. I didn't want to flub anything so for once I kept my mouth shut. Abel looked at me to make sure it was really what I wanted and I nodded. I wasn't worried about who said what so much or where it took place or even if there was a ceremony but I knew that Abel did and sometimes compromise can be a good thing.

Josef's grandfather and Brother Clayton led Abel over to a building across the road and I was left to stand there. Daniel had gone over to an older woman and from there followed her over to a table filled with greenery. I joined them and saw that it was forage. As I went to warn the woman about one of the plants that was mixed up in a small pile Daniel beat me to it.

I left my brother to do what he was good at and felt all at loose ends. Monica and Josef were shepherding the knot of children over to some benches and I knew I'd be intruding there. I looked over and saw a group of people I used to go to school with so I walked over but several of them left when I got there.

"Geez, do I smell or something?"

"Thomething," Benji admitted.

"Fine. Whatever."

"Ith Montoya really not … not …"

Sighing, "Look, stop trying to turn it into something it isn't. I don't know what Hakim – Almanzor – said about Abel but he had to come up with some excuse as to why he was so afraid of him. Abel isn't a saint but he's no demon either. I'm sure you guys did a few things to get back at that guy Sevmire and Hakim."

Benji shrugged. "Thure¸but that's different."

"Why? How? Hakim killed his cousin."

Benji shrugged again. "OK, tho maybe it ithn't different. Thome people are thtill thcared of him though."

"Hopefully they'll only be that stupid for a little while." Sighing I asked, "Anyway, what happened. Things have been moving so fast that I can't find the time to catch up."


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37

Benji looked at me and said, "Athk Frankie. I've got to see a man about a horthe."

Irritated I asked towards his back as he walked away, "What in the heck is that supposed to mean? And who's Frankie?"

A voice from behind me said, "That would be me. And make it Frank please. I left Frankie behind when I went off to college."

I turned and saw a guy with barely-there hair so blonde it was almost white. He was pretty scrawny which told me that he'd been held longer than Benji had been, but he was definitely a prisoner if I didn't miss my guess. "Ok. Frank. What gives?"

"I'm a cop … was a cop. A city cop I mean. I'd just gotten hired when things fell apart. I'm pretty sure I met your father a couple of times before but I don't think we ever met. I would have sure remembered you if we had."

"Oh please," I said rolling my eyes.

He gave a tired grin. "Seriously. I've got a sister just like you … did have a sister … do, I think … step sister … our parents divorced so technically we aren't brother and sister anymore … uh … I'm … I'm rambling."

He said the last with confused embarrassment. I could tell he had issues; not like Daniel had issues but more like one of the guys that Dad knew. Mr. Matthews had been in the military and Dad said he had something called PTSD. That meant he went off sometimes or would get rattled. People who had experienced extreme physical or mental trauma could get this PTSD.

I decided to handle him about like I would Daniel and just take it all in stride. "Rambling is not a problem. You're still rattled and getting used to your freedom probably. Give your brain time to believe you can do what you want when you want – barring normal, civil behavior of course – and you'll get used to things again and your brain won't stutter on you so much. So anyway, can you tell me what's been going on?"

He just looked at me for a second then started laughing. "Definitely like Leann."

A young woman about Monica's age walked up at that point and said, "Who's taking my name in vain?"

Frank turned to me and said, "Dacey this is my sister Leann … Leann Higginbottom. Leann this is Dacey … Jeff's cousin."

"Got it," she said with a smile in my direction. She turned back to Frank and said, "Dad's looking for you. Wants to get your opinion on whether a lawn mower engine is salvageable or not."

Frank's eyes cleared a little and became a little more focused. He said, "I can do that. But …" He stopped and looked at me.

Trying not to let my frustration show I said, "Don't worry about it. I'll ask someone else."

He said, "Ask Leann. She can tell you and she'll give it to you straight."

Leann looked at me and asked quietly, "Ask me what?"

"Benji left me to ask Frank what's been going on. Frank …" I stopped then decided just to be completely honest. "I can see that Frank has been through a lot and maybe Benji needs a good kick for dumping me on him. But if you've got a minute I'd really like to know what's been going on. It's eating me up."

She nodded but smiled and said, "It'll take more than a minute but I've got it to give you. And the only reason I don't want to kick Benji is because he got Frank home to us otherwise I'd help you put the boot to him and good. Why is it that Benji can be so nice one second and then a real jerk the next?"

I smiled and explained, "Because he tries a little too hard to live down the infamy of being a preacher's kid. When he isn't thinking about it he can be pretty OK … at least as far as it goes. I wouldn't want him under foot all the time if you catch my meaning."

She laughed, "She, I think I do. Besides I hear that you've already got somebody underfoot."

I'm not much of a blusher but sharing Abel with other people was a lot harder than I'd ever thought about it being. I shrugged, a little pink around the ears, and told her, "He's different."

"Yeah, I expect so all things considered. Let's go sit over on that porch. The house is empty and hopefully we'll get through it without interruptions."

"That bad?" I asked.

As we sat she told me, "Hard is a better word for it. It could have been real bad but you and Montoya came barreling in like no body's business. I don't know what my face looked like but everyone else was just plain shocked I can tell you that."

Still a little angry I asked, "What in the heck was everyone doing standing around? There were more of y'all than of the crazy Richard's people."

She shook her head, "They had all the kids in that store down there." She pointed to an old glass store front at the end of the street we were on. "Here, let me just tell it in order."

At my nod she started. "I don't know how much you've heard but what all the early stuff boils down to is the town eventually got split between Almanzor and that guy Richard King. Almanzor had most of the town but Richard had most of the people. What kept the people from rising up against Almanzor is that even before he took over from Sevmire all of the guns and stuff like that had been confiscated by the Peacekeepers. But there was always this small group of people that didn't want anything to do with either Richard or Almanzor. With Almanzor the reasons are obvious but it took too long for some of us to catch onto what Richard was doing, and by then it was too late. There were too few of us that managed to keep our souls so we came out to Amish Town and the people out here, while they didn't exactly give us a parade to welcome us, made room for us and we've learned to help each other. Most of us have some ties to the Mennonite community already or have done business with them in some way. It wasn't all that hard to get along."

I can't believe that Hakim – that's the real name of that guy y'all call Almanzor – left Amish Town alone."

"Ask most people and they'll tell you that God had put up a hedge of protection around here. But ask some and they'll tell you that Almanzor was just too busy and hadn't gotten around to it yet."

I nodded. "But I take it from what little I heard Benji say he eventually did get around to it."

"Yeah. Well, kinda anyway. By that time he didn't have that many men to spare on raids and such; didn't want to risk leaving his stuff unattended for Richard to take it over. He made two raids. The first one he killed the family and took all the animals. The second one was where most of the guys got taken because they fought him off some Amish guy's farm. People around here call him Grandfather Isaac."

Surprised I said, "That would be Josef's grandfather … I mean his real grandfather, not just … you know what I mean."

"Yeah, and yeah that's him. You're from around here so you know how it is. The closer a family is to being Old Order Amish the more pacifist they are. Well, that's fine, and I guess there is a place for people like that, but a lot of us think that it's our place to protect them if they won't protect themselves. I mean we need to be able to remember what life could be like if we all tried to act like Jesus; I may not understand all of the why's of their choices myself but I can see their point and their right to make those choices. And they're our friends, we've all learned a lot about how to do things without electricity and stuff."

I told her, "Hey, you don't have to justify it to me."

She grinned sadly, "I guess not but it isn't always easy to understand why things are like they are." She sighed and said, "Anyway, everyone was overjoyed to find out Benji and the other guys were still alive cause we had kind of started to doubt it. And the fact that they brought out some of the guys like … like Frank. They've been like POWs for almost the whole time. Frank, he'll get better with time I hope … no I know he will … but a couple of those guys might not. Josef thinks some of them have been starved so long their brain was affected and two of them were beat on so much that they are crippled. Josef amputated the foot of one guy and said he'd be better off and able to get around better without the constant pain it obviously caused him." She took a deep breath and then blew it out. "We were so busy being happy that our people had come home that we didn't think about what would happen if they were followed. And they were."

This had been a big concern for Abel and I. What would happen if people from the town escaped out into the woods and beyond rather than follow the one remaining bridge out of town on their way to someplace new to occupy.

"They hit during the night and rounded up all the little kids. I know it seems stupid to you but … it just seemed to happen so fast."

I shook my head. "I didn't say it was stupid. How do you fight someone that has your son or daughter hostage?"

"You didn't let that stop you. We all heard you yelling at Montoya to keep fighting, that they'd kill you one way or the other if you didn't keep trying."

I shrugged. "That's me. Besides, I was hot as a steel aggie that's been sitting on a stove top. Likely that means I wasn't thinking too straight at the time. I don't know what I would have done if I had known they were holding a bunch of little kids like that; all I saw was Daniel."

"No, it's OK. I get it. It was weird. As soon as you said that and then Montoya kept fighting something happened in the crowd. You know even some of the Mennonites will fight, they just don't fight to kill … but they will wrestle someone to the ground to prevent them from doing harm. My dad grabbed a hold of this guy and suddenly, I don't know, our whole family was just piling on this guy. All the families seemed to single out someone and work together to take that person down."

"Well," I said. "I reckon that is one way for families to work together. Was anyone hurt? I mean besides Richard. I remember … him screaming. But … but that table already had blood on it."

She looked at my face for a second then got an understanding look. "Hey, it's OK. That was from a horse. A family donated it hoping that if Richard's people were fed they'd let the kids go. We promised them whatever they wanted if they would just let all the kids go."

I shook my. "Appeasement never works."

"No kidding, but when you are in the middle of it you think you've got the control to just make them go away if you find what they want." She shook her head then said, "Montoya went berserk when he saw you and Daniel all crumpled up. He wouldn't let anyone near you until Josef got through to him. He carried Daniel while you were carried on a stretcher. That's the last I saw of you until just now."

The picture that raised in my mind was disturbing so I asked, "What about Richard and his followers?"

Richard died of shock an hour after you boiled him." I grimaced at more unpleasant mental pictures. "The rest that lived were marched out of town."

Shocked I asked, "They weren't just let go?!"

She had a funny look on her face, "Not … exactly. They were going to be to be but …"

"But?"

"There were military troops as the bridge. The military took custody of them."

"Military," I gasped. "Real US military?"

"Yeah. Seems they're rounding up all of the so-called rogue agents here in the country. But that's all they're focused on right now. They made some people mad at first but now that it's been discussed around maybe it isn't so bad."

"Taking the cult members?"

"No, that part was a relief. It was that the military said that their only job was to focus on battling the people that are trying to compromise our sovereignty. They don't plan to offer any help as far as food, water, or anything else."

"Well, everything else isn't their job. The US military is only supposed to protect our family. They aren't supposed to operate on our soil anyway but I guess this is war."

She asked, "You know a lot about this stuff?"

"My dad kinda had a thing for it. But back to what has been happening." I didn't want to get into that part of it, drawn into a discussion before I talked to Abel to compare what she was saying versus what he saw.

"That's it. Basically we've been in clean up mode since then."

Leann was called away and I went back to where Daniel was. I left him be because he was happy and the old lady he was helping seemed happy to have him helping. That's when I saw Abel coming back with Brother Clayton.


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38

Abel's face was … passive. Yeah, that's the best word for it. Like someone who was trying not to be upset because to be upset might cause problems best avoided. It immediately made me put my guard up.

Now don't get me wrong, I always respected Brother Clayton. He'd proved himself trustworthy and a real Biblical man, or so said Dad … but that was before everything had fallen apart and I was carrying some baggage I suppose. What he said next didn't exactly make me any more inclined to relax. "Dacey, I'd like to speak with you."

I looked at Abel which only caused Brother Clayton to say, "Alone."

I looked a question at Abel and he nodded so I decided it couldn't hurt to hear what Brother Clayton had to say. I told Abel, "Daniel is over helping with the garden. Would you mind keeping an eye on him please? And thanks … I heard you carried him in yourself."

I got the first real smile out of him when he said, "Daniel was very upset. I would not let anything upset him more."

I smiled and told him, "I know." Glancing at the man beside me I told Abel, "I won't be long. We need to figure out our plans and get some things settled."

He went serious again and said, "Si, we do."

I looked at Brother Clayton who nodded for us to take a walk down the road a bit. When we'd gone a little ways he said, "Dacey, I'll admit, I'm not convinced this is the best thing for you. I'm not sure how your father would react to all of this."

Trying not to let my irritation show I told him, "Dad's not here … and mostly because no one from the town stood up before good people died. My Dad and Mom were only the first but there shouldn't have been any."

He looked sad. "I realize that is how you see it."

"Brother Clayton, I not only see it but saw it … I was there. I spent too long in that re-education camp and saw it there too. Where were all of the adults then? Why didn't anyone step up? Not just for me but for the other kids. You knew Dad … there's no way he would just set back and done nothing. You know they shot Momma first? For just trying to protect Daniel. Dad went kinda crazy. If it hadn't been for Jeff protecting us, putting himself between us and the guns we coulda easily died too."

Uncomfortably he asked, "And your point is?"

"That Daniel and I needed someone. First it was Dad but he died. Then it was Jeff and he left and then died. Frankly I needed someone; I knew I couldn't take care of everything all by myself for much longer … not because I couldn't do it, but because I could do it all at the same time all the time. I was alone taking care of Daniel. I was alone trying to feed us and I'm sure you know what that's like. I was just plain alone. I prayed about it Brother Clayton, really prayed about it. And I really believe my prayers were answered. God might have sent someone from town but no one answered that call if it was made. So He sent Abel. And right from the get go Abel has been everything we needed him to be and then some."

"Dacey, do you know …"

I interrupted him which might not have shown good matters but I was gonna cut to the quick of it. "That he is supposed to be some kinda boogie man, a former Peacekeeper? Yeah. I knew it from the beginning … but I also knew the hurt man that refused to take charity, that refused to take advantage, that has a cousin … or had … just like Daniel. Her name is Rosa and she's autistic too. Have you seen him with Daniel? I can't believe some of the things he's been able to help him to learn; stuff that will help him survive in case something happens to us. And yes, I know that Abel's done some things that aren't very nice, but so have I. Things I'm not inclined to talk about … but Abel understands. I think Abel is more broke up about the stuff he's done in his past than I am about the things I've done. I don't know what that is, I just know that it is."

With a sigh he said, "I see I can't persuade you to be worried about this man's past but you can't have known him for very long. And you're … what … barely sixteen?"

"I've known him for a year, or close enough that it doesn't make much difference. We ran into each other a couple of times before we got to know each other well. And yes sir, I'm sixteen but I'm an old sixteen. Probably most of us from my group – the ones that have lived this long – are old in spirit if not in body."

"But why child? Why are you agreeing to marry Montoya?"

I could tell he didn't understand though in all fairness he seemed to be leaving room for me to persuade him. "Brother Clayton, I'm not just agreeing to it … I want it. We already do things together that most married people do … I mean except sleeping together. And in the interest of complete honesty, it's been Abel that's been a lot more stuck on the idea of putting that part of it off than me. We don't share a bed or bedroom or even anything close to it." I could see him wince. I guess he hadn't expected me to be quite so bold about it all. "But everything else we do share. Taking care of Daniel, the chores, protecting each other … you name it."

"If it is only loneliness or help with Daniel you are concerned with you are more than welcome to move to Amish Town."

Oh I'd been afraid that was coming. "No thank you. It's not that I don't appreciate the offer but we've already got our set up and Daniel is used to it. He's been all right here – barring the situation yesterday – but he's asking to go home and that's exactly where I aim to take him."

We finally took a seat up on the porch of another empty building. "I'll admit, Montoya … well he isn't exactly as I pictured him. He's rather … earnest."

"Yeah, he is that for sure. Look Brother Clayton, if Abel thinks that the grown men around here have good reasons to object to him being with me he's gonna bow up and refuse to come home with us. You might think he's just playing that up but I can promise you he isn't. We've worked things out between us up to this point but you could come in and just mess it all up. I don't know how I'm gonna work him around if he doesn't think he can get some kind of wedding. He can be so stubborn about things that don't make a hill of beans to me."

He sat back, "Dacey, I'm surprised at you! Marriage is the foundation of much that we hold dear in this life. One of the building blocks that …"

"I said wedding not marriage. I know being married to someone you want to give yourself to is important but like I said, I'm being honest here, a wedding isn't all that big of a deal to me. I'd be just as happy if we said our words between us and God with only Daniel as a witness. Just Abel seems all set to have someone say words over us. I'd just as soon not and save the trouble but … well, I care about his sensibilities enough that if a wedding is what he wants then I guess that's what we'll do. He seems to believe it's important that other people hear him say his promise to me; it's that honor thing he has. He can be such a guy about things; just as bad as Dad was in that respect."

Brother Clayton sat looking at me and then thinking a bit before saying, "I find myself in agreement with Montoya on this subject. A wedding could very well be important for a number of reasons Dacey. Perhaps some that might not mean anything to you right now but they could down the road. A marriage is a contract between a bride, and groom, and God. It is always important to have witnesses for a contract because often that contract is the foundation for how the relationship – whether business or personal – will operate and function. It is also often used for purposes of inheritance, to determine the proper heirs and who receives part of a estate and how large a part."

I said, "You're talking about trust."

"And respect," he said adding another trait. "A contract sets a precedent, one that both spouses should consider a good one. And with God as the third party involved in the contract, there are certain expectations there as well."

I told him, "I do understand what you're saying sir, but I don't necessarily agree that the contract has to be a piece of paper that gets signed off on by someone."

He kinda bobbed his head and said, "I respect your opinion even if I don't share it; it's one held by a great many people that do not like the government being involved in what should be a personal issue. However, we are back to the fact that with things in such upheaval that having a piece of paper as a form of continuity may very well be important down the road for multiple reasons."

Thinking about what he'd said I admitted, "OK, I can see that part of it, but that's not why Abel wants a wedding."

He sighed and gave a small smile. "Hmmm, I did rather get that impression as well. As I said, Montoya is rather more earnest and … and ,,,:

"Stubbornly determined?" I finished for him.

He tried to cover his laugh with a cough. "Ah … um … yes. Yes that does rather describe him doesn't it?" Then he sighed. "Are you sure Dacey? Marriage is a very serious matter with or without a wedding. You're so young … and you've essentially been alone for almost three years."

"Less than that because I've had Daniel and … and Abel too for the last year. And as for being young … like Dad always said, time will take care of that." Looking at him I said, "Brother Clayton, I want to go home. It's where Daniel needs to go too. And our place is a home, in part, because Abel is there and shares it with us. If you get in the way, I'm worried that I won't be able to talk him around to coming back with us. Please don't put some kind of bee in his bonnet like you object. I don't expect people to understand though it would be nice if they'd give us the benefit of the doubt but Abel and I … well … we fit. We know what each other are thinking a lot of the time. I trust Abel to do the right thing whatever comes up. And I know for a fact he'd do whatever it took to protect Daniel – and me – from anything and everything. Do I know what I'm getting myself into? I think so. Momma explained a lot of things to me when I started … er … maturing. She and Dad both did; they didn't want me to make some of the mistakes other girls my age were making. And one of the biggest things that tells me Abel is the one is that he's never been jealous of Daniel, of the place Daniel has in my life and probably to some extent will always have to have in my life. He's not gonna run off, I'm actually more worried about him running himself into the ground this winter … it's gonna be a bad one I think."

If possible his face got more serious. "Some of the elders are saying the same thing. Is it fear that's driving you to this marriage?"

Thinking he was being silly I told him, "No, not hardly. But I do need him. He fits a spot that was empty before he came … in my life and in Daniel's." Feeling a little silly I added, "I guess I'm just not romantic but I think it is much cooler for a guy to be able to bring down a boar and clean it and all that stuff than one that talks a pretty line or has a pretty lineage … that stuff is for breeding dogs and horses, not building a marriage on."

I got another cough-covered laugh. "Yes … well … uh hmm. I can see that you are set on this so … while I might have reservations I … I withdraw my objections."

I wasn't ready to do the happy dance yet. "What about Grandfather Isaac. From what I gather he's got some say around here."

Brother Clayton nodded. "Yes he does, but since we are 'Englishman' – not Amish or Mennonite – he has left the ultimate decision up to me; however, he seemed rather more inclined from the very beginning to allow it."

I had to bite my tongue over the idea that anyone was going to allow me or not allow me to do anything. Instead I said, "Guess that just leaves Abel to deal with. And I guess figuring out how and when we are going to get this all done. I'll be truthful, I'm not waiting a week or anything like that."

Rather dryly he said, "So I have sensed. Tomorrow is a rest day for the whole community and there are two other couples that will be married in the morning. If you don't object to sharing, I believe they would have no objects to adding another couple to the mix."

"Let me talk to Abel about it but I certainly don't mind. Doesn't look like we are going to get far today anyway."

*****

Nope, talking Abel around wasn't easy. It was what Dad would have called an exercise in patience. But good sense finally won out.

"Querida, are you sure?"

"Sure I'm sure, that's what I've been saying haven't I? Is it because you don't want to share the day or something?"

He shook his head, "No, it is not that. I simply do not want you looking back and regretting … " He chewed his lip a moment. "I do not wish for you to have sorry that we did things like this."

I rolled my eyes and sighed. "I swear Abel, if anyone is gonna be sorry it might be you. I'm not sure I have a romantic bone in my body; and I'm not much of a girly girl. I don't care about all of that other stuff – the wedding and all that. All I care about is you. I want you to feel like we are good and married so that I don't have to worry about you feeling like you have to leave or something like that."

"I will not leave or something like that." After a moment where we relaxed and enjoyed the fact that the decision had been made he asked, "Do you wish me to speak with Daniel?"

I'd been thinking about that very thing but told him, "Let me talk to him first. As his sister I owe him that. I want him to really believe that all this means is that you'll be staying with us forever now."

"Si … forever."


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 39

"Daniel?"

"Yeah?"

"You know how Abel lives with us and stuff?"

"Yeah."

"I want him to live with us forever and ever."

"Yeah, me too."

"So, if …"

He interrupted me but stayed focused on the mushrooms he was separating into piles. "Are you and Abel gonna have Grandfather Isaac or Brother Clayton say Bible words on you and get married?"

Carefully I answered him, "Uh … yeah. I want to."

He nodded his head and started pulling the caps off of the mushroom stems in one of the piles. "I think you should. This way when you look at each other it won't look stupid."

That blew me away sine it was so un-Daniel-like. "Wait. You notice how we look at each other?"

"Yeah. Your face looks pretty stupid … like Dog when she wants a bone but can't have one."

Whether I looked stupid or not Daniel's words made me feel stupid. "O … K …. So, you don't have a problem with me and Abel getting married?"

"No." After a moment he asked, "Will you give me a little brother or sister so I won't be the baby anymore?"

Well that was just going way further than I had been thinking about and told me that Daniel's thought process was a lot more mature and complicated than I'd been giving him credit for. "If Abel and I have any kids they'd be your niece or nephew."

He persisted, "But I wouldn't be the baby anymore, right?"

"That's right."

"OK, that's good. Abel and I will teach it what they can eat and what they can't and we'll teach it how to hunt and track and stuff like that."

Trying to go with the flow of the conversation I told him, "Sounds like a plan. But … babies are … uh … kinda a ways off."

He asked, "So you don't have a baby in your belly?"

Outraged I said, "No! What gave you that idea?!"

"I heard some people talking," he replied like it was no big deal.

"Well, isn't that just nice," I snarled. Then I told him, "Next time you wonder about stuff like that you come ask me or Abel. I swear, people don't know half what they're talking about. Abel and I will tell you the truth so you don't have to wonder about it."

"Figured that. 'Sides, you and Abel haven't done the chicken dance, you know when the rooster and chicken …"

"Ack! I know what you call it and no we haven't and you just watch your p's and q's buster. I swear the sooner we get you out of here the better, you're picking up all kinds of talk that is just plain rude."

I marched off to find Abel and when I did I let my feelings show. "I don't know what you're planning but I want it done so we can get out of here. I swear, Daniel asked if I had … I mean he'd heard people say … I mean … doggone it. There's people that think we're getting married because we have to. And wipe that look off your face, it isn't funny."

He was manfully trying not to smile but all he did was make me feel like I was ready for the top of my head to explode. "Querida, I tried to tell you people would talk."

"I don't care about people talking. I care that my innocent brother is picking that sort of nonsense up. At least he had the sense to know we hadn't done the chicken dance yet."

Abel was in the middle of taking a drink of water from his canteen and the water must have gone down the wrong way because he was spitting and wheezing and coughing all of a sudden. "He … he said that?"

Wiping some of the spit off the front of the dress I was wearing I gave him the evil eye. "Yes, he said that. In fact he's already got it all planned out. We're going to give him a baby brother or sister so he won't be the youngest anymore and then you and him are going to teach it all sorts of stuff."

"I swear Querida, I didn't mention any such thing to him."

I relaxed, "OK, just making sure. But seriously Abel, I want us to go home."

He sighed. "You really do not want this wedding do you?"

"I'm doing it because it is the only way I can have you Abel but to be honest … no, I don't want to turn this into some big production that gets all confusing."

"You are a very different girl Querida. Even the two brides for in the morning are sad because they cannot have a special white dress and the party and gifts and a cake."

"Well if they think that's what a wedding is then they better rethink getting married. A wedding is just supposed to be an outward sign that you've made inward changes to your life. One of my aunts had two big, fancy weddings with all the trimmings and neither one stuck. My Dad and Momma had a small, simple ceremony and they stuck through thick and thin. It isn't the showy stuff that tells the tale in the long run, or at least that is what Momma always said when we'd get invited to a wedding. I don't even know how many wedding dresses and such she sewed over the years. She used to say it didn't matter what kind of dress you were wearing because everyone had on skin underneath."

It took Abel a moment to catch up but he finally smiled and said, "I will be very glad to go home with you and Daniel tomorrow. But I am also very glad to have words said over us. As you say, it is not the show that is importante … but my … my skin wants a man of God to bear witness … Si … that is the words. I want a man of God to bear witness to my promise to you. It makes me feel better about not having the other to give you."

I understood what he was saying but I still didn't agree. On the other hand it wasn't gonna hurt anything to go along with it and I thought that maybe someday I might care. I already like that Abel wanted to marry me the old-fashioned way; I just saw wanting and need as two different things. If nothing else I was happy that Abel was happy and that had to count for something.

The rest of the day was spent in clean up and community service type projects. There was a lot of work to do before winter. I stayed in town to help people living there and Abel went with Grandfather Isaac to help him move some his things to be closer to Josef and Monica. Apparently Josef's grandmother was getting frail and if winter was going to be as hard as some thought, his grandfather had unbent enough to recognize that having Josef there to take care of her could be the difference between her making it through the winter or not.

Josef nixed me doing much of anything that required lifting or getting dirty because of the stitches in my arms. I didn't want to complain but I was grateful because my arms had been hurting. They really stung after he cleaned them again. I decided to help Daniel – and didn't that tickle my funny bone – and let him lead what we did.

I'm glad I showed up when I did because he was getting bored and restless, losing interest in the task before him. He and I went to look for some forage in the area and though I was hampered by the dress I was wearing if felt good to get away from all the people for a bit.

"When are we going home Dacey?"

"Tomorrow, right after the wedding. We won't stay for the dinner or celebration. We'll have our own when we get home."

"Good."

"You miss your stuff?"

"Uh huh." After a moment he added, "It's hard not to talk about the grow rooms and our food. They don't have that kind of stuff here."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Good job Daniel. Abel and I knew we could trust you."

That made him smile real big and Dog seemed to sense it and wagged her tail. "I didn't tell no one nothing. But I'm hungry Dacey, can we eat when we get home?"

"Sure thing, it might just be a snack until we can get settled but I'll find you something. Abel is probably hungry too."

Daniel nodded, "He sure is, I heard his stomach growl."

It was nice to be with my brother again. He was such a huge part of my life that the few days we'd been apart had seemed a lot longer than they really were. It also reassured me that Daniel really was OK after his ordeal. I wasn't going to raise it if he'd decided to put it behind him or decided to treat it as a bad dream. I think in this instance, his strange way of looking at time was a blessing. In his mind it was over so it happened a long time ago and wasn't something he needed to carry around in his short term memory.

"Daniel, what kind of stuff have you been eating? I really haven't had anything but two cups of broth."

"Yeah … that. Soup and greens, greens and soup. I'm hungry Dacey. Let's go home real quick."

I reminded him that we'd go tomorrow. We gathered a few things here and there trying to not take too much. Sustainable foraging is a lot of work, as we had already found out. I wasn't sure how a whole community was going to be able to pull it off and chose not to think about the consequences if they couldn't. I had enough taking care of my own responsibilities.

I did notice that evening that the small meal everyone had included a lot of herbs that I knew to have appetite suppression as one of their traits. Chickweed, Evening Primrose, and Cayenne certainly was in there. Mushrooms filled space without really adding too many calories. The protein came from a stew made of whatever wild meat could be found such as rabbit, squirrel, quail, and pork. And everyone ate from a communal cooking area to get rid of waste and to make sure everyone got something.

I didn't get to see much of Abel, being unmarried we were pretty well segregated from one another. Add to that the men seemed to be picking his brain as much as he was picking theirs and there simply wasn't time or opportunity for a talk to compare notes.

It was a weird feeling being thought of as "just as girl" again. Being on my own had been hard and sometimes scary but I realized it had also been empowering. In Amish Town people tried to put me in the box they last had me in but I'd outgrown that box a long time ago. It didn't stop them from trying to put me back in it though and wanting me to stay there. When I acted different from what they expected it made them uncomfortable.

Bed time was early and I was ready to go. I was frustrated at the limitations people wanted to put on me and I was also just plain tired and sore. I slept well enough all things considered but morning still came early. I was trying to enjoy myself but the nerves of the girls all around me – I'd been given a bed in a communal girls' dorm since I no longer needed the "hospital" – was driving me a little crazy.

"My family would absolutely never approve of me marrying someone like The Montoya."

I wanted to say it wasn't something she'd ever needed to worry about because she didn't seem the kind of girl Abel would be interested in but I kept my mouth shut. For one I really didn't know if it was true and two, last thing I needed to do was act like a donkey's back end on my wedding day.

More comments like that one floated around and then they talked about who they were interested in and what their families would have or will think of it. Blah, blah, blah. Oh, they were nice enough but I was just ready to get the show on the road. I was honestly getting kind of anxious about it all. Turns out I was getting a case of the wedding jitters after all.

Monica came over and asked me to come over to her house until the ceremony. "Dacey, I heard the other two are going to have wedding dresses. I don't have a lot but you're welcome to …"

I smiled, gratified that someone at least seemed to really have my interests at heart. "No, really, it's OK Monica. He's seen me covered in muck from head to toe and in raggedy and mismatched clothes. Anything is bound to be better than that. Besides, this is a nice dress all though it isn't exactly what you might expect to stand up in for a wedding."

"Are you sure?"

"Totally. I wanted to ask but … I mean … are you and Josef doing OK?"

She thought for a minute. "Josef's good to me and for me. He's … he's not my first love and he knows it but … he said he refuses to be jealous of a dead man." She clapped her hand over her mouth. "Oh Dacey, I'm sorry … I didn't mean …"

"Relax Monica. Jeff wasn't the kind of guy that would have wanted you to pine after him your whole life. Just imagine how well off he is right now up in Heaven. He wouldn't want you to put off finding some goodness here on earth."

She did relax and then smiled. "Josef is … is calm. I need that. Sometimes I tend to spin and get upset over things that don't make any sense in the scheme of things. He may not be some wild-eyed romantic like like Jeff was but I know where I stand in importance to him and I need to that." Then she grinned subconsciously. "I never would have guessed how much I enjoy taking care of the kids and that was his idea. I never could understand Jeff's devotion to Daniel, or yours either for that matter, but I think … I think I understand it now. Some of these kids, they'll be with us for a long time. I'd give anything to save them. And it helps him to see me a part of what he's trying to build here."

A knock told us it was time to go to the commons – the green space in the center of Amish Town – and wait for the ceremony to begin. It was short and sweet. It was a combination of the words from "English" weddings and some were words from the traditional Amish wedding season. We were each asked if we did took such and so and if we promised to stay married "til death do us part." We were asked if we would be loyal and care for each other during adversity, affliction, sickness, and weakness. Then Brother Clayton took our hands in his, gave us a blessing, and said, "Go forth in the Lord's name. You are now man and wife." There was no public kiss for which I was eternally grateful. I'd been getting enough stares to last me a lifetime, I didn't want to give them one more reason to be a bunch of lookie-loos.

There was going to be a stone soup celebration afterwards but Abel and I gathered up Daniel and said some quiet good byes. Surprisingly Grandfather Isaac stopped us before we left and said, "You are welcome to come back. We will all need to work together, especially come spring."

That was a good note to take our departure on. Abel had gathered our gear and hidden it some ways up the trail. As soon as we got to it I dashed into the bushes and took the dress off and got into some comfortable hiking clothes … but I folded the dress and tried to protect it from the other stuff in my pack thinking that maybe I was getting silly and sentimental.

It was Daniel that got me moving again when he said, "Are you ready yet Dacey? I'm starving. Let's go home."


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 40

Did a wedding and marriage change things? Yes and no. For the most part when we returned to the cave we picked up the lives we had been living. On the other hand getting used to that level of intimacy took time. I mean I enjoyed it, and Abel did too, but at the same time there were moments when it was almost overwhelming. And Abel and I had to get used to our new roles.

I had to decided not only was I never going to be my mother, I had to accept that I didn't want to be her either. I loved Momma but our personalities were dissimilar and I just was not the kind of person that could pour myself into the mold her absence left behind. I was me and in the end pretty satisfied with that.

Abel had to learn that he didn't suddenly need to be super man and do everything for me and be everything for me. After one particularly frustrating afternoon that carried over into the night I finally told him I needed him to be Abel, not a father to me. There was more to it than that of course but that's between the two of us and private.

For Daniel there were new rules of privacy but beyond that and a few embarrassing questions he persisted in asking despite our attempts to redirect him onto another subject, his world was as secure as it had been before and he thrived on Abel's attention and the new skills he was learning at a much faster rate than I had expected him to.

The barrels and boxes from Hakim's cache helped our deplenishing stores. They added a couple of months that we had used up, a very good thing. Daniel mentioned that the dirt "was getting tired" in the grow rooms. I was composting things as fast as I could but since we operated with very little waste and because I was too afraid to bring in plant matter from outside the caves, the compost pile simply could not keep up with out use of it.

A project that Daniel and Abel built in some of the smaller storage nooks that Dad hadn't considered worth doing anything with gave me back some of my calm. Each of the little nooks were for a different type of edible mushroom. I'm not quite sure why my parents hadn't thought of it or whether they'd simply run out of time or money. Either way, with fungus being one of the few types of "plants" unaffected by Heart Rot we couldn't afford not to give it a try. In a room close to the entrance of the cave I tried the same thing with baskets of ferns using some of the houseplants that Momma had put into the herbal grow rooms. While it was a risk moving them to a new environment, it was less of a risk than bringing in exposed plants from outside the sink. The ferns in the sink were thriving, almost to the point of clogging the water run off so I transplanted many ferns into the surrounding woodlands.

The other project was to create a pool room. I know that sounds bizarre but that's exactly what we did. We found some concrete mix that was still good and we dug out the sand in one of the unused "rooms" in the an unused wing of the cave. That wing wasn't used because it got wet from seepage and hadn't been worth the trouble of figuring out a solution around it. We used that area to build a "pool" and imported some small fish and crayfish and water plants to have a source of crawdaddies for protein over the winter … assuming the project worked. We threw some small cat fish in there as well.

Hauling the water for the "pool" was not fun. We made it a mixture of spring water and water from the pond we took them from. Before pouring the crawdaddies and fish into their new home we left them in a five gallon bucket set in the pond so that the water temperature could equalize and the fish wouldn't dish of shock. We lost a few at first and we were ready to call the whole experiment a failure but a turning point was reached and after a week had passed and no more had died we became cautiously optimistic and concentrated on other things, security being one of them.

We had not managed to drive everyone from the town. There were several small groups that wandered the forests and BLM land. If they continued to follow the practices they had under Richard I couldn't say but they were so jumpy and afraid of other people that they would run at the first sign of anyone not in their immediate group. Abel, Josef, and some of the other men from Amish Town hypothesized that they'd either eventually move on or that many of them would die during the coming winter.

Once a month Abel, Daniel, and I would make the trip to Amish Town to trade news. The radio spoke of some serious battles between the US military and the Chinese. It also revealed that Peacekeepers were being deported for the most minor infraction, infuriating a certain faction in the government. Apparently the deportation was being done by the military rather than the civil court system under the guise that with war on American soil, the military justice system trumped any previous civil agreement with the UN.

In August we shared with Grandfather Isaac and Brother Clayton the list of plants that we had been gathering that was either resistant to Heart Rot or that seemed to be unaffected by it all together. Plants that were annuals or plants that were perennials that were propagated by seed alone were the worst. Plants that were perennials that propagated by cutting, runners, or roots were resistant to the disease; some more resistant than others. Any fungus, edible or not, was unaffected.

I had hesitated sharing this hard won knowledge but if the people there like Josef and Monica starved to death I refused for it to be because I didn't do what I felt in my bones was right. They had a whole valley to search and forage on, many of the acres formerly productive farm land. The peaks on the BLM separated our mountain cove from them and few to none of them were in any shape to climb up and over to come in search of us. I had to believe that enough of the old ways still survived that they would know not to over pick any given area so that it would survive for them to harvest again at a later date.

During our September trip to Amish Town we learned that the only remaining bridge out of town had been destroyed but no one knew by which side. It was much too large and modern a structure for it to be done by a few fireworks or a storm the likes of which we see in this area. Not only had the bridge been blown on both ends, it looked like it had been destroyed even further once it fell so that it wouldn't block the river it fell into. That is a lot of C4 or whatever it was they used. All that meant as that we were even more cut off than we had been.

"I would not worry on it so Querida, whoever did it made a good strategy."

I asked Abel, "Why?"

"Because it prevents an enemy from re-occupying the town. For a civilian population it is a no good place but for a military group it is fine because they come with tents and other things to live in. The mountains, they offer protection from those that snick up from behind. The only worry would be the planes in the sky but I have seen few of those in the last months."

He had a good argument, I just hated not knowing. I guess I was like a cat in that respect.

We almost didn't go to Amish Town in October because the weather was so foul but there came a week when the sky turn cerulean blue and the air was crisp and clean. We spent a day there, traded news while Abel helped weatherize some of the buildings in town, then headed home. Our plan had been to camp at Mirror lake and do a little fishing and then come home later that day. We were stuck there for three days as the rain pelted down and our supplies dwindled to nothing. Never again did I want to have to take such risk. By the time we got back to the cave Daniel was sick and Abel and I agreed that our trips to Amish Town were over until the Spring.


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter 41

October turned into November and I was ready several times to run for Josef no matter how it might compromise our secret. But each time I was nearly ready to tell Abel "now" Daniel's fever would break and his chest would clear quite a bit.

Abel and I slaughtered the pigs and while Abel took charge of the hams and larger pieces of meat as well as the pig skin, I spent hours upon hours upon hours rending lard, straining off the cracklings and canning them, cooking sausages and preserving them, cleaning intestines to use as sausage casings, filling sausage casings for smoking, and doing my best to make sure that not one single useful thing escaped our notice.

We did the same thing with the venison that Abel brought in. If I hadn't known how important it was I would have run screaming into the woods at the idea of making more jerky. The chickens also had to be culled before the painfully cold weather arrived.

I canned broth, soups, stews, wild greens, and mushrooms. I gathered acorns like a crazy woman, always making sure that I left enough for the wild animals, but with the whole valley and much of the BLM land at our disposal finding acorns wasn't the problem. The acorns were particularly bitter, more bitter than I ever remember them being. It took forever to soak it all out.

There wasn't a moment that went by that my hands weren't doing something. Even if I was sitting with Daniel during his feverish times I had a bowl of acorns in my lap removing them from their shells. The acorns weren't just bitter they were smaller than normal as well which made shelling them a frustrating challenge. Once I did get a pan full it was time to leach the tannin out.

I placed whole, chopped, or coarsely ground nutmeats in a - the best I had for this purpose was from old t-shirts - and tied the bundle closed with string. In the past I would have hung this bundle in the spring and let the run off leach it for me but animals had gotten too aggressive; I lost to bundles of acorns this way before I gave it up. Instead I would place the cloth of acorns in boiling water until the water turned brown, then drain it, add more boiling water and repeat as many times as it needed until water remained clear.

After the nuts were completely leached of I spread them in a pan and dried them in the dehydrator trays in the kitchen. I would have dried them in the sun as but I had the same problem of animal predation.

With the acorns I was able to keep bread on the table. One of the breads I made was Acorn Honey Bread. Even a whole cup of acorns I still had to use four cups of flour. To the flour I added two teaspoons of baking powder, two teaspoons of powdered ginger, two teaspoons of baking soda, two teaspoons of salt, and a teaspoon of ground cinnamon. In another bowl I mixed together two beaten eggs, one cup of honey, two cups of milk made from the powdered stuff we still had thanks to Dad's foresight. Then I added the wet ingredients to the dry a bit at a time and then I folded in a cup of chopped acorns.

I poured the batter into two greased loaf pans and baked at 350 for 45 minutes or until golden colored. If bread is done, it will come out of the pans easily when the pan is turned over and tapped gently. If not all you have to do is bake for another 10-15 minutes and that should fix that problem. When you take the pans out of the oven you want to remove bread from their pans immediately and put the bread on a cooling rack. The spicy bread was always better the second day after its flavors had a chance to mellow and blend.

Between every chore I had to take care of I had to take care of Daniel's needs. Up and down and up and down and up and down. He would get very sick then he would almost get well before beginning to fall ill again. I don't think he ever had pneumonia but it was close. Croup and bronchitis though, yeah that he definitely had. And fever, sore throat, congested sinuses, swollen glands, fatigue … the list seemed endless.

I gave him coltsfoot tea when his congestion was at its worst but only then. The fever I treated by keeping him hydrated and part of the hydration was from teas like the ones I made with Echinacea. I bathed him as well and powdered him with cornstarch to prevent his skin from getting heat rash which is a miserable condition I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Well, maybe the crazy Richard and Hakim but they're both gone and no longer count.

is pulled out my mother's books and tried everything I had supplies for. Tea with honey. Chicken soup. Tea with ginger for when he stomach became upset. I used barely warmed olive oil to soothe his ears that were sore from coughing. The cankers that developed in his mouth from having an acidic stomach I treated with powdered alum. A tea made of turmeric powder helped with joint pain from being confined to his bed. Mustard oil helped with blocked nostrils.

On and on went the home remedies. Then one morning Daniel simply woke up and told me, "Dacey, I'm hungry!"

I would have danced for joy, shouted at the top of my lungs in celebration … but I couldn't celebrate just yet. Abel had fallen ill with the exact same set of symptoms that Daniel had. The difference between caring for Daniel and caring for Abel however was that Daniel was cranky but willing to be comforted. Abel was just horrible and nothing I did seemed to take away his mullygrubs.

Abel kept trying to get up and "help" – at least until he completely lost all of his strength and could only lay there. He was also stronger and heavier than Abel so when he would get delirious from fever or when I needed to turn him over to change the sheets – never my favorite chore in the first place – it was a struggle for me. I'd had Abel to help me care for Daniel for almost the entire time he had been ill, with Abel sick there was only me to depend on. Daniel was still too weak to do more than sit around and recover. I sure wasn't having him go outside in the cold and sporadic snow to help with chores.

"Dacey, I'm hungry."  
"Querida, I have such thirst."  
"Dacey, Dog needs to go out."  
"Querida, I must get up … I … I need to go to the bano."  
"Dacey, I'm hungry."  
"Querida, the room, it is so hot."  
"Dacey, Dog had an accident!"  
"Querida, my love, I must get up … I must help … argh!"  
"Dacey, when's Abel gonna get well?"  
"Querida, the room, it is so cold."  
"Dacey …" "Querida …" "Dacey …" "Querida …"

I was going mad trying to keep up with everything. The wood pile was the worst of the most important stuff. We'd used all of the wood that had been cut and stacked from before; now we were down to chopping, splitting, and stacking everything ourselves. A fallen tree was a blessing. A fallen tree that was dry enough that I could simply chop the branches off of it to use was a miracle.

To take care of Daniels suddenly crazy hunger I had to get creative to make some munchies that would tie him over between regular meals. To this end I experimented and figured out how to make Honeyed Acorns.

I dipped the acorn meats that I had leached the tannin out of into boiling syrup or a 2:1 sugar to water solution. For variety, in addition to the honey I used regular sugar and all the different flavored syrups we had in storage. After each nutmeat was dipped – I usually tried to do a slotted spoonful at a time – I took them out and thoroughly dry them on a greased pan. They weren't a perfect solution but they were the best I could come up with considering the limited time I had.

It wasn't just the wood pile that needed my attention. The grow rooms had to be tended. I was using all of the greens, garlic, and a lot of the herbs for remedies to deal with Daniel and Abel's needs. If I didn't replace them we would be in serious trouble. I hadn't really taken into account how much Daniel had helped with that. I mean I knew but I didn't know, know … if that makes sense.

Laundry was never ending. It took forever for anything to dry because it was so cold and damp outside. I hung what I could in the cave or near the stove but that created a worse mess of drips that were too easy to slip and fall in. How do I know? I took a few headers before it sunk in; the bruises gave my backside a sunrise kind of look. The sheets were too bulky to hang inside but the blankets and quilts were a nightmare to try and wash by myself. Then they had to be wrung out and hung to dry along with everything else. And when Daniel or Abel missed the buckets I had by their beds I had to wash the rugs as well. I stopped using laundry detergent and simply boiled them; everything got a gray, dingy caste to it but that couldn't be helped.

Dog and I could only hunt when we were out gathering wood. I didn't force her to come – sometimes she refused to leave Daniel's side except to run out and do her business – but I worried that she too would get sick if she didn't get out in the sun and run like a dog is supposed to. But chopping wood didn't give us much of an opportunity because all of the noise of hatchet and axe drove everything off.

Finally towards the middle of December Abel started to shake off the sickness. I wanted to be happy but all I seemed to do was cry. I was so tired. This was one of my nightmares come true … working and working and working and never a dent being made in the list of things I had to do so that we could survive.

There was no one to ask for help. Even if I had needed it snow was blocking the trails that we normally took over the mountains and no way I could have broken them on my own in the condition I was in.

With Daniel and Abel not eating regularly I had fallen out of the habit for myself. I was in sad shape, expended far more calories than I was taking in. It was a week after Abel had broken his last fever that he was feeling up to … well, marital relations I guess you would call it. He may have been interested but I was not but didn't know how to tell him. When he didn't get the response he'd imagined I tried to play it off and fake it. He saw through the act and was hurt at first which only upset me and I burst into tears.

"Dacey! You cry? Please Querida, what is wrong?"

I don't think I said a dang thing that made any sense at all and when Abel started comforting me he finally noticed how much weight I had lost. I really don't remember much of what came from that but I didn't wake until lunch the next day. I should have been rested but I wasn't.

I got up, even more upset than I had been the night before. I dragged my clothes on and grabbed my list of things to do. I went to check on Daniel but he wasn't in his room. I found both he and Abel in the kitchen. Abel was far from being in tip top condition but he was on his way. After I fussed at him for trying to do too much too soon he told me gruffly, "I am not the good cook but I can open the jar. Sit down and eat. I did not think straight. You have grown thin and it snows. The wood pile is low. And …"

I wanted to slam my head into the wall. "I know!" I had startled both of them … and myself too for that matter. I pulled myself together and said, "Sorry. I'm just out of sorts from sleeping so long. I'll get the wood in a minute. I just want a cup of tea with honey in it."

"You will have the bowl of soup and you will not get the wood, I will."

I shook my head. "You will not get the wood unless you want to put me into an early grave. You are just now getting well. Do you want to relapse by going out into the cold and damp too soon?! Just … just feed Daniel."

We went through another week like this … Abel taking on what inside chores he could so that I could do the outside chores. It wasn't role reversal, it was survival. Then he slowly started going back outside although he didn't swing an axe right away.

And as both Daniel and Abel improved I began to feel weaker and weaker until one day I simply tried to get out of bed and couldn't.


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter 42

It feels like I slept for weeks but I didn't. I came close to hibernating but it wasn't that either. I remember waking up, eating a little, going to the bathroom, but my feet didn't really touch the floor all that much. I lay huddled in bed or sometimes in an arm chair all covered in blankets. I wasn't sick but I wasn't well either.

December turned into January then February but I hardly remember. I wasn't sure what was wrong with me. Christmas and New Years were just dates on the calendar. Too much work, too little food had a lot to do with it. I'd been foolish not to take better care of myself. I ran a fever now and again but nothing at all like Daniel and Abel had. My lungs stayed perfectly clear and the only sniffling I did was after I'd cried, only I couldn't remember exactly what had started me crying. I don't really think it was an infection of my body so much as an infection of my spirit. I just plain got depressed and couldn't seem to fight my way out of it; for a while I didn't seem to want to.

I was sick off and on so whatever Abel tried to get me to eat didn't always stick which only made the situation more difficult. Slowly I started coming back around. It was the middle of February but you couldn't prove it by the weather. I don't ever remember winter being such a miserable season.

The first time I got out of bed I could have crawled back in and never gotten up again. The cave ¬– our home – looked hideous. It smelled and laundry hung in unorganized groupings in every free space a line could be strung. The kitchen was safe for cooking and eating, but just barely. The bathroom hadn't been scrubbed since the last time I had done it, literally a couple of months previously. From the entry way all the way back to the storage areas I could tell they'd swept the floors but not often and little else. A layer of dust and filth seem to coat everything.

Abel found me crying. "Querida … here, let me adjust your covers."

"I don't want my covers adjusted! How could you and Daniel do this?!"

Abel stopped and I could tell he had absolutely no clue what I was talking about and somehow that made me even angrier. "I nearly killed myself trying to keep up with everything – one person, me – while both of you were sick. I get sick and all you really needed to do was leave me to sleep and when I finally do get up it looks … the cave … do you know how long this is going to take me to clean?!" I went back to crying.

Abel's face was carefully blank while he let me cry it out. He handed me a handkerchief when it seemed like I was about done and then he told me, "I am sorry you are disappointed Dacey."

And then I felt bad and told him, "Oh ignore me. I must be going crazy or something. You probably had your hands full with Daniel … and …" I suddenly sat up straight and the room spun. I startled Abel so much he grabbed me a little too tightly but he let loose and patted me instead when I said, "The grow rooms! Oh … oh Abel … how … how bad is it?"

I wasn't sure I wanted to know but Abel smoothed the rat's nest my hair had turned into and said, "Not bad. Daniel has been teaching me much. The mushrooms grow good as do the herbs. Daniel says that some of the vegetables do no grow so well but that it is the dirt is getting tired."

I was relieved and worried at the same time. I got the shakes and it was only a moment before I was asleep again despite desperately wanting to ask questions and get answers to them. The next time I woke up I was better – mentally anyway. I washed myself and then did the best I could with my hair. It was disgusting and after a light lunch of broth that both Abel and Daniel watched me eat like a hawk, I asked Abel if he would help me wash my hair.

I don't know who was happier about it, me or Abel. I was happy to get clean and he was happy to see that I was taking some interest in my own well-being again.

"Querida … do you wish … to talk … I mean … your … your illness … it was …"

I sighed as he rung the last of the soap suds from my hair. "I don't know what it was Abel. I'd apologize if I knew what I was apologizing for."

"I do not ask that of you. It is just … it was … worrying to see you like that. You … I have never seen you in such a state of being. You must eat better from now on. You must take better care of yourself even if I am too stupido to see it."

"Don't say that … Querido."

That made him smile. My Spanish was still horrible but I'd learned to say things to make him grin. Still, he shook his head. "You will not get away so easy. You did the worry of me very badly. I can barely think on the words to say them right at how it made me feel. No more again Dacey, truly my heart could not take it."

I had worried him and I was sorry for it. He overcompensated for a time until I was able to convince him that I was out of the dark place I'd fallen into. However I was physically fragile for a while; my bones felt as brittle as all the split ends in my hair. As much as I ate my energy level never seemed to go back to where it was before. I could nap at the drop of a hat; all of us could but I would do it standing up in front of the stove and had to be particularly careful.

All three of us, plus Dog, made an effort to go outside every day. There was a distance between Daniel and I that hadn't been there before. It wasn't like he was angry at me but like he had disengaged. It hurt and I cried, but not where Daniel or Abel could see or hear me. Daniel had transferred a lot of his need for affection to Abel and somehow I felt left out.

Oh, Daniel still loved me, that's not what I mean. And he seemed relieved that I was well and up and around again, but it is like he had taken a leap forward; he was still my little brother but he was no longer my little boy. I should have been relieved – and I was, or at least part of me was – but it left me feeling like I'd lost part of my reason for getting up in the mornings. It was hard to explain.

I had always spent so much of my time on Daniel that now that I didn't need to it was almost scary. I wasn't quite sure what to do with myself.

One morning I said, "Daniel, don't …"

"… forget my mittens. I know Dacey. I'm not little and stupid."

I looked helplessly at Abel as Daniel stomped out. "That's … that's not what I meant."

"I know Querida," Abel said with a kiss on my cheek as he too prepared to go outside. "He is simply being a boy. We are careless with our words at that age. I remember my aunts looking like that when my cousins would say similar words. He means nothing by it."

I sighed and tried to understand. "He's just growing up. That's what you're trying to say."

Quietly he answered, "Si. And you need to let him. He may … may never been exactly as others are but that does not mean that he will not come close. He may be slower at the growing up … but he is still doing it. Do you comprende?"

"Yeah … I get it." I sighed. "I know he took his mittens. Just make sure he actually wears them please."

Abel grinned, kissed me again – we had started cuddling again as married people do but I considered it more for Abel's benefit than mine – and then went out the door. Not having Daniel to take care of 24/7 – or at least not take care of him the same way – left me with time on my hands but not much energy to do anything with it. That meant I thought a lot.

February may have come to an end but the cold weather refused to leave. Not a single sign of spring was to be found. Then it seemed like the weather just went poof, warmed up to just above freezing during the day, and I knew it was surgaring time.

"Abel?"

"Hmmm?" he answered as he sat trying to plow through one of the manuals on wind generators in the library.

"Have you ever collected tree sap to make it into syrup?"

Daniel overheard and asked excitedly, "Is it time Dacey? Is it really time?"

Answering Daniel I said, "I think so." Daniel seemed satisfied with the single word and went back to what he had been doing before. Turning back to Abel who was still trying to understand what I was asking I said, "Maple syrup."

At that he made the connection. "No but I have read of it in the books and Daniel said that your family, they did make their own but that you have not for a long time."

I sighed and nodded, "It's a big job and we've had enough honey with the bees and such but … I think we'll need every advantage we can this year." I looked over at Daniel who was playing with Dog and decided I couldn't hide the obvious. Speaking openly I explained, "If the grow rooms are slowing down we are going to have to depend on the bulk storage items that we still have. Dad put back a lot and it was supposed to feed more people so we are doing better than we should have done but …"

I stopped as the thoughts going through my head seemed to be squeezing my chest and making it hard to talk. "I don't want to be like everyone else Abel. If there is a chance to stay out ahead of starvation for as long as we can …"

Abel closed the book and came over to sit beside me. "Querida, we are far from a starving time. I continued your inventory as you were … you were ill." He took the old afghan off the back of the sofa where I was sitting and placed it across my lap. "There, you are shaking again. You must remember, we still have the grow rooms – they have not stopped, just give less. Then there are the chickens and we have kept the little cochinillos – the piglets - to grow for next year. There is still game in the forest for all it is hard to find. And in the spring there will be other things like the pescados, ranas, tortugas, cangrejos, and the other things you have done before. We will survive Dacey, God has seen to that and why would He change?"

I let my head fall back against the sofa. "I don't know. My skin just crawls sometimes."

When he didn't understand what I meant I explained, "I don't know how to sit around and wait for manna from Heaven. It seems to me that if God makes us capable enough to do for ourselves that is what He expects us to do … not sit around and be forever waiting on someone else to do it for us. Dad and Mom raised me to be an ant, not a grasshopper. I feel like we need to gather the sap and make syrup. It's important."

Looking at my stubborn face he smiled, "And so we will. But there is no need to lose all our faith while we do it. We will work but we will trust our work is enough. There is no good to come from you to worry until you are sick with the feeling of crawling skin. Si?"

He'd gotten into bad habits while I'd been sick and his grammar was almost as poor as it had ever been … but I did understand what he meant. I may have had my hand on the rudder, deciding which direction to go, but it was God that put the wind in the sails that got me there.

*****

I knew which trees gave the sweetest sap because my parents had been done it for years and my dad had tested the sugar content of the sap himself. And I didn't intend on just making maple syrup either. The very next day I set about putting in the taps for sap collection.

I stuck mainly with the larger trees because they were the ones that were withstanding heart rot the best but I was also careful about how much stress I put them under. The trees I chose were over twenty-five inches in circumference which meant there could be three taps in them. After each tap had yielded about fifteen gallons I removed it and picked another tree to start on. Since it takes about forty gallons of maple sap to make one gallon of syrup that meant that over time I got about one gallon of syrup per tree that I tapped.

The sugar maple will sometimes yield even better but the average yield is 40:1. On the other hand all other tree saps take a lot more sap to make a gallon of syrup but I was determined to do everything we could. It was a tradeoff though; that was a lot of firewood to make syrup. Birch is 100:1 and pecan, black walnut, poplar, and black cherry are just about that much.

It didn't take long for us to start collecting but since each tap rarely gives off more than a quart of sap per day it took a lot of trees to get enough sap to boil down a gallon a day. I had about 50 maple trees tapped and still we'd sometimes run short to get a full gallon per day so I doubled the number of trees in production after cleaning off Dad's old equipment. We kept at it. Every day except Sundays for a month we made syrup. We wound up with sixty gallons of maple syrup and about five or six gallons of each the other kinds of syrup.

Doing something constructive seemed to improve my spirits. I was feeling so much better. At first I put it down to being outside more and getting something concrete accomplished, getting the cave cleaned back up, all three of us well after such a rough winter … but then I realized it might be something else.

The thought had probably been in the back of my head for months, might have been one of the reasons why I was hibernating for a while. It had to have been that long ago because of the symptoms. I lost a lot of weight while both Abel and Daniel were sick but hadn't managed to put much if any back on … but I could feel my body changing and even Abel had made a few comments about it during our intimate times; he seemed appreciate it.

I felt kind of stupid for not having realized it sooner, especially giving all the times I tossed my cookies there for a while. But when I tried to put on a pair of jeans that should have fit with no problem – they were real baggie in the rear end – and realized I couldn't get them buttoned; my subconscious suddenly let loose and I had to face facts.

I hadn't had a monthly in … well , for a long time, for months; it was the first week of April and it had been since before December. I had been putting it down to working and being sick and everything else but that was pretty naïve. I mean, you make your bed you have to lie in it. I didn't know how I felt … I mean I literally did not know how I felt about it. I was kind of numb. I hadn't even decided whether I was going to panic or not; hadn't even given a thought to how Daniel would react to the news. All I wanted to know what how Abel was going to react.

I thought there was no time like the present and went outside to find Abel. I had expected him to be chopping wood but he just stood there with the axe hanging useless at his side. He was looking off to the horizon and then I heard an odd sound in the still of the cold morning. I tried to shake the sound away wondering what insect was making it but then Abel started running in my direction, motioning for me to get down.

We hid beneath the canopy over the sink and Abel said, "Drone."

"A .. a what?"

"A plane with no pilot on board. Used for reconnaissance."

About an hour later the little drone came back but Abel refused to stop looking and a good thing too because a little after the noon hour an armed helicopter flew over using the same path taken by the drone. And it was heading straight for Amish Town.


	43. Chapter 43

Chapter 43

The reason I had come outside suddenly seemed like it was far from a thing I should be bothering Abel with at the moment. Instead I asked him, "When was the last time you saw something fly that God didn't hatch from an egg?"

Deep in thought he answered, "A long time." He chewed on his lip and then got up briskly and said, "We need to know what is happening. Are you well enough to come with Daniel and I or will you stay here?"

Alarmed I said, "You are so not leaving me behind!"

He nodded. "Very good."

In a matter of moments we were grabbing our gear and packing Daniel and Dog a pack. I included the sweater that I had pieced together for Dog just on the off chance that it got suddenly cold again. Dog wasn't just a pet, she was so much more and we all did what we could to ensure she lived a long life. I had even sewn her booties but she objected strenuously to them no matter that I'd had the best of intentions. Daniel had laughed himself sick at the sight and claimed that Dog hated mittens as much as he did.

Perhaps I should have mentioned my suspicions to Abel but since I didn't know for sure and since that was more than likely just going to complicate things too much I kept it to myself. I was wearing overalls anyway so the issue of tight clothing wouldn't be obvious.

We didn't stop and smell the roses – not that there were any to smell that time of year – nor did we stop for anything else either. After all three of us being sick most of the cold weather and not getting out to stretch our legs on long hikes, the trek up and over the pass to get to Amish Town was brutal. I wasn't the only one heaving once we made it to the top. It was also still slushy and muddy up there so we had to slow down to keep from slipping on the increasingly unkept trail.

As we neared Amish Town we came in slow and steady which was a good thing because they had spotters with some kind of equipment. Despite all I've been through there was something intimidating about having a big, black gun held on you by a real live soldier … but they were our soldiers, or were once Josef vouched for us we were treated like visiting relatives.

I located Monica with a few other women and saw they were helping at a big tent. I took one look at her and went, "What did you do? Eat a watermelon?"

She tried to give me "the look" but all that came out was a really stressed out grin. "Funny. You need to take that act on the road." She looked around and then asked, "Where's your shadow?"

It took me a second to realize she was talking about Daniel. "With Abel."

She made room for me next the pot that she was stirring and I saw that it was nearly all broth with what looked like real noodles in it. My mouth started watering. "We'll feed the children first."

I helped ladle broth into large mugs or bowls or whatever the children had with them. One of the women made Monica take a mug and sit down and I followed her over to the table. Finally I asked, "So what's up?"

She surreptitiously looked around and said, "They came in and just landed in the middle of town. They knew what this place was, who lived here. Supposedly we are known as a 'friendly community' and now that the worst of winter is over with they are trying to see which 'friendly' survived, who needs assistance, that sort of thing."

Suspicious I asked, "You sure this isn't some Trojan Horse?"

She shrugged, "They brought food … of a sort anyway … and right now the children especially need it."

Blanching, finally admitting what I'd been seeing ever since we'd come into town I whispered, "How bad has it been?"

With a calm acceptance I hadn't expected she said, "We lost almost two dozen; mostly the very old and very young. None to starvation alone but the lack of proper nutrition started it. Some of the old folks went without just so the children would have something to eat or so the animals could be fed so that they'd be able to make it to spring when they could forage again. Josef … he's … he's been going without to make sure I eat … because of the baby. We didn't count so well and …"

I smiled despite it all and said, "Momma always said you have to sleep in the bed to make … reckon you've been …"

"Dacey!"

I covered my mouth with my hand but she could still see my eyes crinkled up. Monica has apparently turned into a prude but my humor was infectious and she finally said, "Fine. Be that way. Maybe you'll have to pay for playing pretty soon yourself."

I was saved from responding by a female soldier approaching Monica and saying, "The base approved a convoy and they'll be here midday tomorrow. Your husband said that you'd know the best place to set up to disburse the rations and store any set up a clinic."

Monica got up and went off with the woman which left me looking around wondering what to do. The children … they didn't act like children, more like tired lumps. They were all thin and scrawny with dark circles under their eyes and hollows where their cheeks used to be. Some of the adults looked worse. I had to stop people watching because it hurt.

I got up and left the area and went to find Abel and Daniel. Unluckily for me I found Daniel first and he assumed the worst. He was helping to move some boxes of military stuff – medical supplies from the look of them – and he nearly bit my head off. "Go away Dacey, I don't need a babysitter."

"Grouch. I was interested in what you were doing is all."

I walked off feeling worse than I had in a while; a little lost and out of place. I found a stump behind one of the buildings and sat on it and before I knew it my head was bobbing as I tried not to doze off. Eventually I knew it was useless to fight it so I slid to the ground and leaned my head back for a few minutes.

I woke to a babble of irritated Spanish. "Abel," I sighed. "If you're going to fuss, at least slow down so that I can figure out what you are saying."

That stopped him. He sat down beside me and said, "I could not find you."

"I was right here."

"Si Querida but I did not know that. Josef has opened his home to us for the night."

I shrugged. "Better than sleeping outside."

He grew concerned at my lack of concern. "Querida, what is wrong?"

To my total disgust I snuggled into his coat – my father's old coat – and started sniffling like a two year old. "Daniel … he … he grouched at me."

"Eh … Daniel is a grouch every morning."

"No … no he was mad because he thought I was … was mothering him too much."

After a pause Abel asked, "Daniel said that?"

"He told me to go away, that he didn't need a babysitter. All I wanted was to see what he was doing … and he … he told me to go away. I wasn't … smothering him. I went looking for both of you only I found Daniel first and …"

I didn't want to talk anymore and thankfully Abel was more than willing to hold me and comfort me. He said, "I will talk to him. Growing up is one thing … hurting you while he does it is another."

I sniffled my tears away and said, "No, don't. He probably didn't realize what he was saying and I don't want to make a big deal out of it."

"Dacey, growing up for a man means taking … uh … responsibilidad. Even if he did no comprende his actions, to not point them out makes the danger of spoiling him. You will do the very thing he wished you not to … to baby him."

After thinking about it I replied, "I guess. I just don't …"

"… want to make a big deal of it. Si, I know. But sometimes deals must be made for things not to happen again. You are his Hermana …that will never change and he should show respect for all that you have done for him if he wishes to have respecto in return. Si? You understand?"

I guess I did. Then changing the subject I asked him, "Have you been able to figure out what is going on. I didn't have time to talk much to Monica much and … and I …I guess after that I was more involved in coming out here to pout and feel sorry for myself."

"Aw Querida … it truly upsets you what Daniel has said."

I got another hug that felt good and told him, "No … well yes … but not the words just … I don't know Abel, sometimes … lately anyway … it feels like I let him down this winter. I … look, we need to talk, but I guess this really isn't the time to do it."

"What? No, not it is fine. It is much to take in si, but I have the time for the talking. But let us sit down, my legs complain of the hike after not having travelled so much since we were all sick"

Since I was in generally the same condition I didn't object. We picked a bench on the porch of an old store front where we watched as the soldiers interacted with some of the AT people. The elders weren't much in evidence but Abel explained that to me first thing.

"What do you wish to talk about?" he asked.

Since that was a loaded question and I still needed to talk to Josef I instead told him, "I need to know what is going on. I feel … feel so out of touch. Every time I try and bring it up something else gets talked about in its place. I try and talk to Monica but it winds up being about her belly. I go in search of you and Daniel and I get sidetracked with hurt feelings. Let's just cut to the chase so I can know."

He looked at me and then understood. "Ah, cut to the chase I have heard … you mean no more delays." At my nod he said, "The winter has been very hard here. Many of the ancianos – the elders – are weak or Josef is worried they will catch … er … the germs and he asks them to stay inside. There is a network here that helps no one get abandoned so everyone knows everyone else's business. Somehow they have kept all who wished to eat fed … but there were some elders that gave up and drifted away. Some … some babies did not thrive either." He stopped and I could see him battling himself for a moment before simply saying, "I will not let this happen to you. You will eat from now on properly. Si?"

I had been trying not to worry if I had done something to the baby by being sick but for a second it came roaring to life in my head. I quickly stuffed it back where it had jumped out of but it wasn't easy and now that I knew it was there so I couldn't play stupid. My love for Daniel didn't mean I wanted to make one just like him … or one with any number of other problems. I felt guilty enough as it is.

"So … we saw the helicopter. We know how we felt when we saw it and can imagine if it landed near our home. The same was true here. But they were able to convince those here to let them speak with the community leaders and from there it went on to what you see now."

"OK, but what have you learned? What is going on it the big, outside world?"

I watched him sort out and organize his thoughts – Abel's face can be as expressive as his hands, and then he told me, "The Heart Rot, it still holds the world in its grip though scientists have found, as did we, that certain things are more immune to it than others. Edible fungi and ferns are being cultivated. Algae and seaweed are two other crops in high demand. Fish farms – as well as clams and oyster farms - are very important and I hear that several families here have survived on little more than what fish and other things they were able to put away from their farm ponds and local rivers and lakes. Edible weeds too are an attractive source of food for both humans and forage for livestock. The new crops have not saved everyone, many have already died and many will continue to die."

Horrified I cried, "Then what's the point?! Why are they here? To share the good news?"

He shook his head. "No, to try and preserve as many of the functional communities as they can so there is something to build from when the Heart Rot is over."

Beginning to have doubts I asked, "And if it never goes away?"

"It has not gone away yet but that does not mean that it is not going away."

Confused as I sometimes was by how he phrased things I asked, "Huh?"

"The scientist, they measure particles of it in the air … the density of it. The density has lessened over the last two years. Not enough that any area can be free of its grasp – they even found it at the north and south poles - but if the readings go down again this year then there will be hope. That is why the soldiers go around, first with their drones and then with personnel. They are …" He stopped looking for a good way to explain it but I thought I'd already figured it out.

"They are picking who lives and who dies by which communities they choose to help and which ones they turn away."

Abel reluctantly agreed. "Si, that is one way to say it."

"Well aren't they all saintly."

He gave a bitter grin. "I do not think they aspire to sainthood Dacey. They do not do this thing from the goodness of their heart but because if they do not do this thing they will not have a country to soldier for. Though much can be said against these people they see loyalty as a virtue and they have taken on as their mission the continuation of their country. That means that some people must survive. Perhaps it is not always fair who they choose to help and who they do not but then again Querida, I stopped believing in fair many years ago."

I thought about what he'd said then asked, "So what are they doing? How are they picking these new friends they want?"

He shrugged. "I believe they are picking communities with the greatest number of components for survival already in place. This community has knowledge and a willingness to work. While they are non-violent there are enough in the community willing to protect the true pacifists. There are natural resources already in place that can and are being used. There are only two components that would of the greatest benefit and that is food and medical care. Josef is already training more people to help with the medical end as well as learning from the natural methods used within the community. The soldiers have said that their command post has agreed with a series of two donations for the community. Tomorrow they'll bring in a load of bulk food and medicines. This will have to last until next spring when the soldiers will return and they will re-evaluate for another delivery."

I noticed, as it always did, when Abel was speaking about technical or military stuff his grammar was way better and this time was no exception. I let it pass because if I brought his attention to it, his nervousness would get everything all turned around.

"Well," I said. "That's mighty nice of them. I just hope it doesn't set this place up to be attacked by raiders or bandits or more of the same we just got rid of."

Abel shook his head. "I said 'some' food Dacey, I didn't not say much food. The greatest thing they bring is a small supply of Heart Rot resistant seeds that have been found."

"What do you mean found?" I asked, confused again by the way he had phrased it.

"The scientists, they cannot genetically modify a resistance factor but they have found cross-breeding some … what they call semillas de la herencia … heirloom seeds … will germinate and produce in some environments. These seeds have been placed into the care of Grandfather Issac and the community has already voted to grow them for everyone's benefit rather than on a family by family trial."

I was pretty blown away. "Seeds? Like …" I stopped, looked around, then just made a face rather than use words that might be carried away on the wind.

"Si … like that." Then he added, "But again, not many, and not enough to feed the whole community even if all of the plants survive. But, if all of their resources are combined, hopefully survival will follow."

I had a million other questions to ask but one of the soldiers came up and asked Abel if he would come listen to something to see if he could understand what was being said – they don't know he is a former peacekeeper, only see him as bilingual. I went in search of Monica

At that point I knew I couldn't delay talking to Josef any more but I didn't figure on getting caught again by Monica to help with the soup line. Seeing the children really tested my nerves. I wondered how much Daniel would have stood out from them if he hadn't lost much of his healthy look over the winter. Then when Monica and one of the soldier medics started talking about her condition and that all of the pregnant and nursing mothers needed to pay particularly close attention to their diets I just about wanted to scream.

But what came during the community meeting after the children had been fed and carted off and while everyone else got a small meal – with our family contributing acorns and some dried meat to the thin stew – forced me to lock my jaw so that no sound could come out.

There's a delegation that is leaving to parley with another community a couple of counties over to see if some kind of mutually beneficial agreement can be made. That community is at a lower elevation and on flatter land so there is hope that they will successfully grow corn or some other grain like sorghum. It was the trip so much that had me wanting to scream as the fact that Abel was going to go on it to help with security issues that were likely to come up.

After the meeting adjourned and we were tucked into a spare room on the back of Josef's and Monica's place Abel tried to approach me about it.

"Don't. Don't try and ask my opinion about it now. You've made up your mind and have done for a while now."

We were whispering but it was still a fight. "Querida …"

"I said don't and I meant it. You need to go so go … but don't think I'm jumping up and down happy about it."

A few more things were said back and forth and then Abel said, "I am not Jeff. This is not the same thing."

I was so mad I sat straight up in the bed. "Don't you lie to me Abel. Not after all this time. You know good and well it is just like it was with Jeff. He felt pulled to go too. He needed to go too. He felt it was his duty to go just like you do. So don't tell me this isn't like Jeff because it most certainly is. Jeff left and he didn't come back …"

"I will come back Querida."

I shook my head and felt the tears slide off my face onto the covers. "Don't make promises you can't keep. Lies and broken promises hurt more than just about anything else. If you go, be honest with me and yourself why you going. And you get to say I told you so only after you come back safe and sound. Last thing I want to do is to have to live with another permanent goodbye."

I could have made him stay. Or at least I'm pretty sure I could have. All I would have had to do was tell him I had a baby baking in my oven. But I didn't want to make him stay, I wanted him to stay because he wanted to. And if I couldn't have that I wouldn't use the other as blackmail.

We made up. I was too scared not to … to leave such a thing hanging in case the last time I said good bye to him was the last time I would ever get to say good bye. But even though we made up I … I don't know … it was like a part of me already believed I'd never see him again after tomorrow. My body wouldn't let me lay away worrying but my dreams were horrible and I woke in the morning more tired than I'd gone to bed.

Monica looked guilty whenever she looked at me. Josef wasn't going. He had wanted to but the community voted him down. First there was Monica to think of and second, he was the communities only trained medical professional of sorts.

It happened too quickly; we were saying good bye and then they were just … just gone. A group of seven men and they were swallowed by the forest before I knew it. I turned to Daniel who was crying and asking why Daniel had to go and told him to pack his gear and say good bye, we needed to go home.

"But how will we get there Dacey? Abel is gone."

"Same way we got places before Abel came along Daniel. I'll get us there."

He looked at me and I could see he wanted to be angry but the sorrow won out and he just hung his head and turned to go do as I asked. Abel had had a talk with him last night but who knew if it would have any affect.

Monica had gone off to tend to something or other and I went back inside to grab my pack. I heard slamming cabinet doors and drawers and followed the racket to the small study that Josef used as an office. I told him, "You're gonna tear those things off if you aren't careful."

He was really mad and it was a moment before he could calm himself down but that was OK, I pretty much knew how he felt. He reached for a package on his desk and said, "It's not much but here are some of the medical supplies for you to take with you."

I nodded my thanks and then said, "You got a sec? I kinda need to ask you something."

Since I had never come to him in quite that way he sat on the corner of his desk and waited. "How do you know if … if a woman is gonna have a baby?"

He jumped like I'd poked him with a sharp stick and then got all professional. I added, "I mean besides the obvious." I sighed and explained things in a little more detail at his request.

"I take it that Abel doesn't suspect?"

"No. I was gonna tell him and then the helicopter thing happened. Then I was gonna tell him last night only this other got in the way. I should have told him I know so I don't need any lectures but I just couldn't."

He drew the blinds and then shut his office door. He had me lay down on the table he used for such things and said, "I can feel your uterus easily so by this you are about sixteen weeks along, but standing up I'd never guess it."

I sat up and pulled myself together while he went over to a cabinet and pulled out a big bottle of pills. He said to me, "This are vitamins. Take them. Even if you don't think you can get it down, take one each day. It's important Dacey. You've already had some nutritional interruptions in the first trimester."

"That's bad isn't it."

He shrugged. "I can lie to you or tell you the truth."

Without hesitation I said, "Truth."

"That's what I thought." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "The most common side effect of poor nutrition is low birth weight but that comes with a whole slew of dangers of its own. ig bottle of pills. He said to me, "This are vitamins. Take them. Even if you don't think you can get it down, take one each day. It's important Dacey. You've already had some nutritional interruptions in the first trimester."

"That's bad isn't it."

He shrugged. "I can lie to you or tell you the truth."

Without hesitation I said, "Truth."

"That's what I thought." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "The most common side effect of poor nutrition is low birth weight but that comes with a whole slew of dangers of its own. Depending on what your nutrition was like at time of conception also plays into it … did your body have the reserves to build the baby right. We won't know the answers to any of that until after he or she is born. But from here on out you need to be as careful as you can be … for the baby and for yourself which is the same thing at this point. You need to be able to not just grow a baby in your body but be able to withstand the stress of childbirth itself. I lend you a book …"

"That's OK, have a couple, I just have to dig them out."

"You sure?"

I nodded.

"Perhaps you and Abel should stay with Monica and I …"

"No." There was no hesitation in my mind on that point. "We need to get home. There are things to do and I can't get them done if we're here."

Thank goodness that Josef was man enough to accept my determination. "Do you want this kept quiet? Do you want to tell Monica?"

Again my determination was complete. "No, there's no sense in it. Monica's got her own problems and it is no one else's business."

"What about Daniel?"

"I'll explain it when I need to."

"All right but remember what I said … and the two of you are always welcome if you change your mind."

I nodded but we both knew I wouldn't. In my own way I could be as stubborn as Daniel.


	44. Chapter 44

Chapter 44

April turns into May and I find out that I'm the one that has to explain the facts of life to Daniel. I was hoping Abel would be back to do it … but he isn't. It's a misery to me but I keep it simple – he didn't ask too many specific details thank goodness – and he eventually believes that there is a baby baking in my oven.

Maybe it is instinctual or maybe Daniel is just a good brother but once he comes to understand that it isn't that I want to be so different and change but that I don't have any choice because the baby is growing in there he seems to develop a protective streak that I've never seen him use with people, only with plants.

"Dacey, you need to sit down and rest, your face is that funny color again."

"Dacey, did you take your vitamin? You take your vitamin every morning so you and the baby and can get big and fat."

"Dacey, your shirt popped open again; maybe you ought to get a different one from the storage room."

"Dacey, don't carry that wood. The baby might not like it being bounced on his head like that."

"Dacey … Dacey … Dacey …"

A few times he made me want to laugh. A few times he irritated the living daylights out of me. A few times he made me want to cry with his sweetness. But a lot of the time he just made me proud. I grew to know for certain that my brother could be all right when he got older … he was just gonna get there the long way around. He might always be a little slower and little different … but he was gonna be OK.

It was for Daniel and the baby that I got up every morning and tried to do the right thing. So often all I wanted to do was crawl off and lick my wounds of loneliness and hurt. Hurt that Abel had gone off. Hurt that I hadn't told him about the baby before he'd gone off. Hurt that that is what it would have taken to get him to stay, and remembering that I was right back at the beginning of the circle and hurt that he'd gone off.

But for all that Daniel tried to help … and did … there was a lot he just couldn't do. He didn't suddenly become all graceful and careful overnight. Using an axe was still just too much to ask … for his safety and my sanity. I was back to using the forest's tree trash as my primary source of wood for the stove. Sometimes it meant that Daniel and I hiked and worked all day just to gather enough wood to last for the next couple of days.

I also couldn't trust him around the kitchen. He might be growing up but he was still Daniel and still prone to forget what he was doing right in the middle of when he was supposed to be doing them. He also wasn't a hunter … forager yes, hunter not so much. And even as May turned into June and we were able to fish and do other types of food gathering, I still had to be the one to clean the fish and gut the other animals, prepared them to eat, and do something with the hides and furs afterwards.

Then there was the cleaning and trying to figure out how to prepare for the baby. Reading those books Mom had hidden in her medicine chest gave me the willies. It all sounded a little too much to handle alone … or trying to keep Daniel out of the middle of it did anyway.

And why did I think about having to do it alone? Because I was becoming less and less certain that Abel was coming home. It was well beyond the three weeks they thought that they'd be gone at the longest. I looked down at my body, at the changes in my body, and I knew exactly how much longer they had been gone that they said they'd be. Not even Daniel asked when Abel was coming home anymore and that told me more than almost anything did that I wasn't alone in thinking that Abel was just like Jeff.

Sometimes I considered going to Amish Town but I wasn't sure I could make it up and over the Ridge. I was even less sure that I should take the chance. Things were stretching and pulling inside of me and my body didn't like it. I was so tired so much of the time that I'd started feeling a bit like a ghost.

I ate the best I could. Daniel brought in all sorts of forage. It had gotten to the point I'd had no choice but to let him go out on his own because if I got more than a mile from home it was like I was pulling a freight train behind me to try and get back. Fatigue would catch me off guard and sometimes all I could do was sit down and try and remember to breathe.

But I hated to let him go out alone. There were strangers in our valley. Not many, only a handful, but it was enough to add to my bushel basket of worry. I'd only caught a glimpse of them every now and again. They were more ghost than I was and we never saw the same one twice but it made me nervous anyway. Sometimes I imagined they were people that used to live here and they were coming home to die but it was only foolishness and fears. I never recognized any of the faces.

We did follow one of them, but only once. It was weird, like watching an old zombie movie. They just shuffled along without real rhyme or reason. And then they just fell down. After the person had lain there for over an hour I crept up to look to see why they were sleeping in the middle of the road … only they weren't sleeping. They were well and truly as dead as the zombie I'd called them, they just weren't the kind that got up again. I know that for a fact as some vultures were soon circling for a tasty meal and Daniel and I left the body where it lay, vultures or no vultures, because it was too creepy to do anything else.

There was a hole where Abel used to be. He was more of a presence in our lives than Jeff had been. With him gone it was like he had taken part of us with him. At first Daniel tried to be Abel and then in frustration he tried to revert to the way he had been when things had gotten too hard for him when he was little.

"Daniel, please don't. Don't you go and leave me too. I can't do this by myself. There's you and this baby and all of this other stuff. Please don't crawl inside yourself. I know it feels good for a while. Look how sick I was there for a while but it doesn't do you any good, it only makes things harder."

I don't know whether he was really listening to me and understanding or if his brain had worked it out all on its own; either way the next day he was back up and around and good ol' Daniel again. And just in time too because June was a hard month. As hard as the winter had been the summer looked to beat it. All the water ways and bodies – big and small – were swollen from the heavier than usual amounts of snow. Then it started raining. And it rained and rained and rained.

The meadow around the sink became muddy and we had to be careful not to leave muddy trails for anyone to see. I had to find a way to drain the meadow before it started filling the sink itself up. I wasn't sure how I was going to do it because there was no where for the spring water to go and it was already backing up. There were no seeps inside the cave but I knew it was just a matter of time.

Then I got the bright idea to dig a cut from the meadow to a natural gully that was the natural property line that had been used for generations by people on this end of the valley. It was like a granite sluice that ran for miles. Water was already pooling in the gulley but it was no where near capacity.

When I tried to start at the meadow end of the canal I wanted to dig every shovel filled with water and mud before I could add another one. So we changed ends and started at the gully. Daniel and I would take turns digging we me using a level every few feet to get the run off just right. While one of us was digging the other would gather stones to line the bottom of the canal with so it wouldn't just erode and fill with mud the first time water ran through it.

It took every bit of time we had that month. Rather than being the shortest line between two points we had to zig zag around some big rock out croppings but eventually we completely a small canal. The run off from the meadow was so gradual that at first I didn't think it had worked but within two days the water level surrounding the sink had gone down significantly … and so had my energy level.

I'd had no choice. We had to divert the water away from the sink somehow. If we hadn't we could have been flooded out with one real good gully washer; but it took the completion of the project took the last good bit of me with it. I hurt all over, liked I'd fallen down in the gully instead of just looked down into it. I was so tired I couldn't even force myself to eat even the meager helpings that Daniel kept urging on me.

Daniel knew something was wrong but I didn't know how to explain it to him. I just didn't have anything left to give. I was all give out. "Take a nap Dacey. That's what Dog and I do when we get tired. That'll make you feel better. It has to."

I was just so tired. "All right Daniel, I'll try. But don't let me sleep too long. I need to take care of that hen with the broken wing. We'll have for Sunday dinner tomorrow whether it is Sunday or not."

He was near tears. "Just take a nap Dacey. You'll feel better."

I decided to stretch out on the ledge and just relax a little. I hadn't really planned on napping, there was too much to do. Not only the chicken with the broken wing but I needed to separate some of the chicks and try and figure out which ones were roosters and which ones weren't. Then the piglets needed to be fed … only they weren't piglets anymore but full blown hogs and the boar was starting to get an attitude and he didn't even have any tusks yet. Then the coop needed repairs and laundry needed to be done and wood needed to be collected and cut and Daniel and I needed to do some foraging and …

At some points in my worries I must have really fallen asleep. The end of June was nasty warm from all the rain and water and the mosquitos could be a misery during certain parts of the day. I came awake thinking there was one buzzing in my ear. Only I realized it was an angry mosquito it was an angry Daniel … and he was talking to someone and it wasn't Dog.

Nearly in a panic I tried to claw myself the rest of the way awake and climb up the stairs. I was half way up when a spell of dizziness hit me and I started to fall. I remember giving a scream but that's it.


	45. Chapter 45

Chapter 45

The first thing I remember thinking is that something must have crawled in my mouth and died. It was just that nasty. In fact, so nasty that I started to gag.

"She's gonna puke … I know she is … she's that funny color again."

Daniel. But if Daniel was where his voice was coming from who was helping me to lean over the bed to hurl into the bucket? Well, not hurl exactly; nothing was coming up, not even spit. I tried to struggle but it is very hard to fight and gag at the same time, it's like the two things can't exist in the same plain of existence.

"Querida, mi amor, mi precioso …" More nonsensical phrases in Spanish followed those and I'm thinking that I've well and truly sprung a leak in my sanity.

I was gently laid back against the pillows and I realized that it felt like the side of my face was about three times bigger than it should have been. I reached to feel it and a hand gently takes mine and pulls it away. "Don't touch Dacey." That was Daniel again. "Abel has a cold pack on it to help with the swelling. You know you aren't supposed to mess with it or it won't help the ouches."

I tried to talk but my mouth and throat are so dry nothing is coming out. I feel a damp rag put on my lips and I can't help it, I start sucking on it like it was a bottle. "Easy Querida, here … this is better."

A cold spoon is raised to my lips and then a thin trickle of something that tastes like lemon water slides into my mouth and down my throat. Heavenly.

Finally I can croak, "Abel?"

"Querida!"

I feel like I'm being smothered in the mother of all hugs, especially after I realize it is Abel and Daniel at the same time and then Dog adds her bit by jumping on the bed. OK, that's too much. I mumble, nearly suffocating, and they finally turn loose.

"Home?" It was the only word I could squeeze out.

More lemon water and I begin to feel like maybe I won't die of thirst after all. "Si, en la tarde … yesterday afternoon. Oh Dios! I should be shot for … for …"

Not only can I hear the despair and regret in his voice but I can actually feel it coming off of him in waves. After so many days of wanting to throw something big and heavy at him for leaving now all I can think about is making him feel better. I reach around and finally give him an awkward one armed hug because Daniel is still holding my other one like he thinks I'm not going to mind about not touching whatever is wrong with my face.

Which gets me to thinking and I start to panic. They both notice at the same time and Abel whispers, "Shhhhhh, is OK Querida. The … the bebe … it moves around like … like nothing I have ever felt."

I settle for a moment but then croak, "Can't … open … eyes …"

Daniel answers me because Abel doesn't seem to be up for it. I feel him shaking as he holds me. "You tripped Dacey and smacked your face pretty good on a step. There was blood everywhere from a cut in your eyebrow. It was awful. And now your eyes are all swelled shut. You look like Terry Hanover when he got stung by wasps."

I blanched remembering what Daniel was referring to. Terry was a few years older than me and he and some guys were helping one of the older ladies from church clean out her attic, only it wasn't squirrels up there like the old lady thought but wasps and Terry took the brunt of the first wave. His face looked like a marshmallow that had gotten left a little too long to roast. Not pleasant.

I'm still tired and float in and out of it for the rest of that day. Every time I woke up Abel was right there spooning liquids down my throat. Eventually I had to get up and go to the bathroom. I was finished and unlatching the door to be helped back to bed when Daniel came up and kissed me … something he had not done in a long time. "'Nite nite Dacey."

I whispered, "'Nite Daniel."

"I'll leave my socks on for you tonight."

That was sweet. I know it sounds totally goofy but for Daniel to say it, it was really just sweet.

Abel let me take about two steps but then when I heard Daniel's door close Abel picked me up and carried me back to bed. "Querida … I … Dios mio … there are no words … not in my language, not in yours …"

He laid me on the bed like I might break into a million pieces and then I felt him kneel and put his head on what was left of my lap. "Please forgive me."

He'd surprised me. Abel could be emotional sometimes but this was more than usual. "Abel please don't," I whispered. "You needed to go … to see … to whatever. Just now … can you stay? Not go off again? I … I … I need you here."

I'd never said it right out like that. It was scary, letting him see how much it all meant to me. "Si Querida … I am here and here I will stay."

"Just … just for now. I know you probably need to …"

"No, but we will talk of why later. For now all that matters is that you … you …" His voice had grown hoarse. "Dacey … I … I want to … to see. I have not because Daniel watched me like a hawk. But now that he is to his bed … I … I have such a need to … to see …"

I felt his hand, tremulous against my belly. I wondered why I wasn't embarrassed. In a way it seemed totally appropriate but totally crazy at the same time. When I didn't object he slowly undressed me, being so careful it nearly made me irritable.

He was quiet for a long time. At first look was all he did, but then I felt feather strokes like he was almost afraid of touching me. Then he bent down and kissed my stomach. We both laughed when the baby didn't cotton to it and gave him a kick in return. He carefully redressed me in a clean nightgown and said, "When you feel better I will help you bath away the bruises. Si, this I will do. But for now, we will both rest." I was so dozey at that point he could have said we'd be taking a trip to the dark side of the moon and I would have just grinned and said sure, why not.

I felt him get off the bed and I panicked for a moment. "Don't leave!"

"Shhh, I am right here. I will pull the chair over and …"

"No … no … here, with me. I need to know you're here for real and not some crazy dream I'm having."

He asked seriously, "Are you sure Dacey? You need not say these things for me."

I would have snorted except my face had started to hurt too bad. You'd figure after all this time he would have figured I wouldn't do something for that reason alone. "Keep me warm Abel. I'm so cold. I haven't really been warm since you left."

That did it. I heard him rush out of his clothes and then gently climb in with me. We didn't do anything of course. I wanted him near me but I wasn't up to anything else. I don't think he was either. He was more rattled than I could guess and it was days before I was able to see well enough to see that his voice didn't always match his expression.

I was not allowed to leave the bed except for a few necessities for nearly a week. I slept a lot. And I ate a lot. But that's about all I did. For breakfast he would fix me this kind of warm oatmeal smoothie he called avena or something like that. It was a warm, very liquid oatmeal that I could drink through a straw. There was very little substance to it yet it filled me up as well. He also had me drinking something called orxata de xufa … kind of an almond milk or sometimes he would make it with rice. Whatever it was it was good. I told him he could do more of the cooking any time he wanted to.

He gave me a sorrowful look and said, "This is the extent of my culinary skills Querida. My grandfather would make these for my grandmother when she was not feeling well. He got the same distant look in his eyes I had seen in my own when memories from our pasts would come up.

"No matter," I told him trying to make him smile. "These are worth it."

He tried to give me a smile but he was still very affected by finding what he did when he came home. In some respects it seems like I was able to get over it better than he has. "Querida, did you trust me so little …"

"What?! No … no that wasn't it at all. It's just that I figured it out the same day everything seemed to start changing and every time I thought that this was the right time something else would come up. And then I couldn't make you stay … because I knew you would. I don't know Abel … please don't … don't be this way about it."

He could see that I was getting upset and he scooted over to me and said, "Shhhh, I should not have brought it up."

"No, better you do it now than let it fester. But really Abel, it wasn't because I didn't trust you. A part of me trusted you from the very first and that part only got bigger. It was just all so confusing coming right after all three of us being so sick … only …"

"Only what?"

"Only I don't know if I sick so much in body but in … in spirit or something. What if I'm a terrible mother? What if … what if … if I …"

"Terrible?! No! Impossible'! Ridiculo! Look how you have cared for Daniel. No, I'll not hear such things … not even from your own lips. Nunca."

I was finally able to go outside without the sunlight hurting my eyes so bad but I still sat in the shade rather than have them water so much that it looked like I was crying. I wasn't allowed to do anything but sit and sort greens that Daniel had found and brought back. It was good to feel like I was accomplishing something but even that little bit seemed to take almost more energy than I had.

"Sleeping beauty, do I kiss you to wake you up?"

I had fallen asleep leaning against the tree. "You know, this is getting down right silly. I fall asleep faster than Dog does."

Daniel who was standing right behind Abel liked that and laughed. "I'll finish the forage Dacey. You better mind Abel and go inside, it looks like a storm s coming."

I did get inside and the storm did come. Abel and Daniel were both soaked so they washed up and not long after dinner was finished Daniel went to bed.

I was prepared. I'd made Abel a cup of very rich hot cocoa and this time I wouldn't be put off. "Daniel's in bed and asleep Abel. I'm feeling better and can even see out of both eyes now. I'm rested and I've eaten."

He sighed. "You are too …"

"Don't call me fragile Abel. Just because I'm not one hundred percent doesn't mean that I'm going to fall to pieces just because you tell me what happened. And I think I have a right to know what kept you gone so long."

He nuzzled my cheek a moment and then sighed. "I suppose it cannot be put off any longer."

"Was it that bad? Oh no … I … I didn't even ask if anyone from Amish Town …"

"No Querida, we all returned safely … but it was a near thing. And a difficult thing for a couple of the men who had not seen war before."

"War?" I asked quietly. "The military types didn't say anything about a war did they?"

He gave an expressive shrug. "Perhaps war is not what they would call it but it was fighting and men dying. It was more than a riot or a mob … there was purpose and strategy to it. What they fought over was less clear however. We were caught between three different factions for nearly a month and never did find out exactly what they were fighting over."

"If things are as bad as the soldiers made them out to be I'm surprised anyone had the energy to fight."

"When there is nothing left but fighting men will always find the energy." He sounded old and cynical and it was hard to believe that this man wasn't much older than I was.

"Is that all? I mean fighting is enough but I mean is that all that kept you away?"

He shook his head. "Those young men are foolish. Every empty building they thought was an opportunity to scavenge. It became … tiresome."

I think Abel was being polite for my sake but I interpreted it for him. "They were being a big ol' pain in the backside."

He sighed and said, "Si … a tomano estupendo pain in as you say, the back side." I could tell he was annoyed just remembering it. "And had I known you were here, in this condition … I would have just left them to their foolishness. A couple of other men told them the same thing. The worst? That only two of our seven should have been so green and foolish. Instead two that should not have were and it left only three of us to try and control the infantilismo. It was like trying …" He couldn't seem to think on exactly what he wanted to say then he nodded. "It was like trying to convince Daniel to keep his mittens and socks on that first winter we were together. Ay yi yi … they made me want to … my blood boiled Querida. Never again, never."

"Ah so that's why you say you aren't leaving."

He nodded, "A big part of it. Perhaps I am become too alone but I do not like this working with people I do not know, and do not know if I can trust."

I looked at him and reminded him, "You're not alone, you have me."

I get the first real smile from him since he came home. "Si … I have you." Then he got serious and said, "And I should take better care of you. Now let us rest."

He was getting a little imperious but I know it was his way of dealing with being scared for me. My health was the only thing that he was that way about and since I seemed to need it I didn't object.

June turned into July and I started feeling better but no matter how much I ate it all seemed to stick in the basketball shaped mound that sat on my stomach. I was as then as I ever remember being in every other part of my body … just my chest and the basketball seemed to get bigger. I felt silly … to me I looked even sillier.

"No, you are Hermosa … beautiful."

I rolled my eyes. "I look like three balls stuck on the front of a stick paddle."

He opened his mouth to deny it but the look I gave him had him closing his mouth. "I will call it what it is and one day you will believe me. Now, it is time for your surprise."

"You're being silly."

"Perhaps but Daniel and I have worked very hard and you will enjoy it."

I laughed because it sounded almost like a threat. He led me into the kitchen, sat me at the table and then instructed me to close my eyes. He called Daniel who was snickering and tell him to hurry up.

"Hold out your hands but do not drop it."

"Uh … this isn't a frog again is it Daniel?"

For some reason that cracked my little brother up and despite my best efforts I do nearly drop it when it is put into my hands. Cold … cold as the ice room.

"Now … open your eyes Querida."

I did and what I saw was … was … "Ice cream? You made ice cream?!"

Abel shrugged but was obviously pleased at my reaction. "Not ice cream … frozen horchata. We have been stirring it since last night to make it as it should be … the texture needs to be as butter. Go ahead, taste it before it melts."

"Get three spoons, it is for all of us."

Daniel didn't have to be told twice and soon we were all sharing the best thing I could ever remember putting in my mouth. "Oh Abel, how? How did you do this?"

"It is not so hard," he said blushing a little at my pleasure. "It was mostly the stirring and stirring and stirring to make the smoothness."

Daniel grins and says, "Happy Birthday Dacey!"

And suddenly I realize, I'm seventeen years old.


	46. Chapter 46

Chapter 46

Seventeen. When my parents were alive it seemed so far off, like it was never going to get here. Then after they died it was no longer important; acknowledging the passage of time only seemed to mean that I was further and further away from them, from the good things my life had been and no closer to the end of the suffering I felt. Time certainly wasn't important to Daniel and that seemed the best way for me to handle it as well.

Then Abel came into our lives and our friendship turned into something so much more. I started to measure time again. When was the last time I had seen him. When would I see him again? How much time did we spend together? Then the winter illnesses that brought back all of the horrible memories of my parents' deaths, of being alone. My fear of being pregnant battled with my fear of spending all my time alone.

Finally they get well then I get "sick" and then well and while I'm still confused and trying to figure out where everything is going my conscious mind finally acknowledges I might be pregnant. I accept the reality of being pregnant and then Abel going off brings back memories of Jeff disappearing from our lives. I was scared that I was going to be left alone to take care of Daniel and even more scared that Daniel might be left alone to take care of my baby and what a disaster that would have been.

Death from disease, starvation, and violence surrounds us on all sides. We may be insulated from it but that doesn't mean it isn't there. It doesn't mean that it might not strike any one of us at any time.

Thankfully Abel returned to me … to us. Thankfully I didn't have to face it all the time and responsibilities in front of me alone. But as the days passed the shoe was suddenly on the other foot. Now I worried about leaving Abel alone; leaving him alone to take care of Daniel, of the baby and everything else. I saw the fear lurking in his eyes as well. I even saw a certain confusion and fear begin to lurk in Daniel's eyes. And I could do nothing to allay their fears no even my own.

I ate the best I could; both Abel and Daniel saw to that. But it seemed like my body, once so easy to care for, doing anything and everything I asked of it, had suddenly developed a mind of its own. Sometimes what I ate would stay down, sometimes it would not. Sometimes I felt good after I ate sometimes I felt worse. I craved sleep yet when I did it only seemed to make me crave more. No matter how I tried to hide it by the end of July there was no denying my condition was getting worse.

I had to get up in the middle of the night and wound up spending more time in the bathroom than I had meant to. When I came out I was shaking. I found Abel standing there like the wrath of God.

"I am going for Josef before first light. He will come."

Shaking my head I told him, "Um, it's too late for that."

"No. Do not say that," he demanded as he helped me back to bed. "It cannot be too late. I won't hear it."

I sighed. "I need you here."

Frustrated he said, "And you need a medico. None of my aunts and cousins were like this. Something is not right."

"Abel listen to me. None of that matters right now. I need you here because the baby is coming."

"Si soon. That is ... why ...". He trailed off suddenly understanding what I had been saying. "The ... the bebe ... comes ... now?"

"Well, maybe not right this second but certainly it seems to mean to be born today."

I didn't even try and translate the slew of Spanish that fell out of his mouth at that point. I don't think I could have anyway. It was just one long string of syllables full of guttural sounds with the occasional squeak thrown in for good measure.

We had prepared for this. Abel knew about animals being born as I did, we'd both been raised on working farms. Human babies were different but not that much. It was what came after that was different. I wouldn't be licking my baby clean. Nature would only go so far to help. We'd have to cut the umbilical cord ourselves. We would need to make sure the baby could take its first breath. The baby would need diapering and swaddling. It was going to be completely helpless. And by the time the noon meal came and went, that is exactly how I felt as well.

I once heard a lady at church tell Mom that having a baby was like trying to push a watermelon through a drinking straw. Another lady said it was worse than trying to pass a kidney stone. Another lady said it was like the old joke of trying to take your bottom lip and pull it up over the top of your head. Personally I'm not sure it is the pain so much as it is you have no control over what is happening. There is no time out when a baby decides to be born. There's no stopping to catch your breath or taking a moment to think. And eventually you don't want anything other than for it to hurry up and be over with.

I gave up being in the bed; all it did was make me miserable and uncomfortable. For a while I sat in a rocking chair and basically just zoned out. For a while I even thought I had the labor thing down but all of a sudden – zap! – things started changing.

The books call it a transitional period. Yeah right. More like a period of going crazy trying to figure out just how uncomfortable things can get. I walked, I bent over, I kneeled, I tried lying on my side, I tried getting on all fours … I felt like a pretzel that was trying to escape being twisted. I felt pain in places I wouldn't even talk to Abel about. Eventually it settled into waves and I just survived from the peak of one until the peak of the next. Then the valleys disappeared and I was riding a wave of pain that didn't seem to want to end.

Trying to remember the tail end of it all makes my head hurt. Things got fuzzy and the lights started going in and out. Eventually I felt this big … well, kind of goosh and then it was like this slithery … ok, I give up. There isn't really any way to describe it if you've never done it. Basically the baby came out.

That's when things got scary. It didn't cry. I remember Abel praying and Daniel crying and it seemed like a long, long time and then there was this strange squeaking noise. The sound made me happy but in a far away dreamy sort of way. I was floating away … just drifting … and not much seemed to matter.

I vaguely recall my chest getting pounded on and then something being forced into my mouth. I wasn't all there anymore but a part of me knew what was going on, I couldn't do anything about it. I knew I needed to help but I seemed to have forgotten how. Then it was like a big electric shock and everything went black.

_

I can't tell you how much later it was but there was this squeaking and I knew, absolutely knew, that it was for me and me alone. And something told me I had a choice. I could listen to the squeaking, do something about the insistent tugging, or I could go back to sleep and never wake up.

The temptation to go back to sleep was pretty big. I was tired, not just from the baby but it seemed like from a bunch of stuff that I hadn't realized was weighing me down. I was ready to just let go then behind the squeaking and the tugging I heard a voice … deep, gravelly, so full of sorrow that it was almost too much to bear. I knew I knew that voice and then I remembered and it became much easier to tell the temptation to take a hike.

I couldn't open my eyes, they seemed glued shut but I could sigh. It seemed important that I let him know I was there. I must have done it a couple of more times, trying to form the letter A but barely making a difference.

"Querida?" The incredulous tone of voice told me he still wasn't sure he was hearing what thought he heard. I tried a few more times but I was so tired I wasn't sure if he understood before the darkness claimed me again.

I woke up again to tugging and a deep cramp. I must have moaned loud enough that Abel heard me and finally believed me. The tugging continued with Abel's gentle assistance and then I heard him directing someone to do something and there was a sudden burst of taste on my tongue as a very strong broth was spooned into my mouth.

"Easy Daniel, remember she may not be able to swallow."

His reply made it sound like he was concentrating every cell of his body on the task before him. "She's swallowing it Abel! She's really swallowing … it isn't just dripping down her throat this time."

"Good … good …"

"God did do it didn't He Abel! You said He would and He did!"

"Si Daniel, but quietly now. The baby must concentrate so that she can drink."

"When's she gonna grow? She's still puny. If she's eating shouldn't she be growing?"

Normally such a question would have made Abel laugh, smile at least, but instead I heard nothing but extreme control. "It will take time, that is all they need. Time and for us to take care of them."

Time seemed to pass but I can't tell you how much. I do know that when I finally opened my eyes it was to find the room quiet except for Abel taking care of things for me that had me so upset that my chest hurt.

"No," I moaned in a nearly silent whisper.

What little sound I made startled Abel and his eyes flew to my face and he saw that my eyes were open. He was so shocked that he didn't understand I was just about dying of embarrassment right there

He leaned down, trying to hear me. "Are you in pain? Tell me Querida. Can you tell me?"

I could barely form the words and struggling to make him understand was draining me but he finally got the idea. Rather than embarrassment though he gave me a gruff answer I hadn't been expecting. "I will do what needs doing. I am your husband and it is my right to do these things for you. When you are well you can do them but for now …" Then I heard him sigh and he was less gruff. "Dacey, you took care of me when I was ill and I … I understand what it must cause you to feel. To feel like you are made helpless and a child. But just as you did for me, I do these things for love. Si? Comprende Querida?"

I didn't but the idea behind it seemed to ease what I was feeling somewhat. The next thing was … "Baabeeeee."

I could see he still looked very serious as he finished what he was doing and drew the covers over me. "She sleeps."

That could mean a couple of different things, some of which were too hard for me to bear. "Slllee ..?"

"Easy Querida. She is in a little drawer right here. She is too small for the bed we made. Daniel and I must be careful, she is nearly lost in the drawer."

"Small? Too small?"

He licked his lips and brushed the hair out of my eyes and I saw he hadn't shaved in a while but it was hard to tell how long because his beard always grew so fast. Finally he shrugged. "She is small. Very small. I … I do not know if she is too small." Then he leaned over and picked up a bundle that looked about the size of my mother's best dress up purse; big enough to hold but not big enough to put much in.

I was absolutely scared to death. I'd had dolls bigger than the tiny thing he placed in my arms. Then it started making noise and I realized what the squeaking had been. Next I realized what the tugging had been as Abel unbuttoned my night gown.

"Easy Querida." He gently moved me onto my side and then fixed it so that the squeaking stopped and the tugging started.

I didn't have a clue what to do but apparently my body did and what I couldn't figure out, Abel helped me with. It didn't take long before the baby went to sleep. He gently nudged her and she woke up again and started feeding some more. Eventually though she just wouldn't wake up to eat and he picked her up and patted her a little until she made this strange little bubble sound and then he changed her and laid her back in the drawer. All during this time all I could do was watch and it made a very deep and horrible ache in my chest. I remember crying but I don't remember going back to sleep but I must have.

My days flew by like that but eventually I was awake most of the time and the bleeding had stopped. I was very weak but I wasn't in danger of dying. From that point I improved every day until finally I was able to get up and get around. Abel and Daniel didn't stand constant guard over me as they had and I was able to take care of Leena myself … as in Catalina after his grandmother. Victoria was her middle name … Daniel named her after our mother. Catalina Victoria Montoya but the name was way too big for her so we all called her "Leena" for short.

July became August and August became early September and we should have been preparing for winter … and Abel and Daniel were. But underneath it all we held our breaths. Leena stayed small. She squeaked, she didn't really cry though I thought lately she had seemed stronger and louder. She filled up her handkerchief sized diapers as often as I remember Daniel doing and her poo stunk which meant that what was going in was definitely coming out all right.

The first time she smiled I nearly screamed and went running to Abel so fast he thought something was terribly, horribly wrong. When I explained and Leena did it again we all started prancing around the cave like a parade of crazies; me with Leena, Abel, Daniel, and even Dog joining in.

My energy came back but not the way it should have. I knew it. Abel knew it too. I rarely left the cave except on the warmest part of the day and only in the best weather. Still I managed to get a cough that took a while to kick. Then the first cool breeze blew and I worried that we hadn't done enough. That winter was coming and it just wouldn't be enough.


	47. Chapter 47

Chapter 47

The rag tag end of my cough was finally gone and I needed some air, some sunshine. I knew what natural sunlight I got over the next few weeks would likely have to hold me all winter and I wanted to soak up what I could. I wrapped Leena in her blanket and climbed out of the sink. I didn't have to have help doing it anymore and I glad to not be tied down to someone else helping me all the time.

As I finally reached the top of the stairs I saw that Abel was chopping wood; he swore we wouldn't run short this year like we had last and he never let a spare moment go by that he didn't at least add a stick or two to our supply of fuel. Daniel, who had been growing so fast you could almost see it the few times you could catch him standing still, was bringing in another basket of forage to sort and dry or can as we needed.

I told him, "Hand me some of those and I'll help."

"Nuh uh … you handle Leena. This is my job."

"What? You think I've forgotten how?"

He looked at me and grinned mischievously and said, "Maybe."

I stuck my tongue out at him and said, "Razzle frats on you."

Daniel laughed but didn't bring me any of the forage. It was a good thing because Leena picked that moment to start squeaking. I picked her up and slid her under the poncho I wore a lot because it was just too hard to constantly run and change my shirt so she could get fed.

It's a strange thing. When Leena is eating I feel like I go off to Lala Land. I mean it is one of those things I imagine if you could bottle people would pay a lot of money for – assuming people still use money some place in the world – but it is kind of freaky as well.

Leena and I were all comfy on the blanket when the forest got quiet. I was about to sit up to see what had caused it when Daniel rushed over and covered us with a couple of branches and then hid behind it. "Stay quiet as a mouse Dacey. Two people are coming I … wait, that's not a people that's Josef."

I could tell he was about to jump up. "No!" I whispered. "Not until Abel gives the all clear Daniel."

A little chagrined he said, "Oh. Yeah. Good thinking Dacey."

My back had been to the direction the men had come from and I couldn't move without unhooking Leena and if I did that she wouldn't be real happy. She wasn't big and she really wasn't all that loud but she could let her feelings be known that's for sure.

Daniel went to stand up. "Daniel?"

"It's OK Dacey, Abel told me to come over. But you stay put 'til I check it out."

Oh my Daniel, I wish Dad and Mom could see him. Despite all of his issues he's more mature now as a young teenager than many of my older friends were before they were forced to grow up due to Heart Rot.

In no time Abel ran back over and carefully moved the branch off of me and then helped me to sit up. It was Josef all right but I didn't recognize the guy with him.

Abel walked up and said, "Dacey, this is Louis. I met him on the trip. He is a good man."

I nodded but continued to hold back. I was looking at Josef who was looking at me. He tried to hide his shock but I could see it behind his stoney face.

"I know what I look like Josef. Pretty pathetic huh?"

He knelt down and said, "I came over not knowing what to expect. Frankly I'm surprised we found you so quickly. I just went by the little bit that Daniel had said about you living near your parents' house and took the same trail I saw you take each time."

I looked in consternation at Abel who had a carefully blank look. "You didn't."

"Querida, there were a few times … I needed someone that would come to care for you and Daniel."

I was outraged and very upset and then suddenly dizzy. "Dacey!"

I wanted to be mad at him but just was too busy trying to keep my brain from spinning. The man named Louis said, "I swore a blood oath Missus Montoya. Wouldn't ever break one o' those … more than my soul is worth."

I looked at him and realized he talked kinda funny. He spoke good English but there was something strange about it. "Got me a Granny what Abel here promised to look after should something happen to me." He wasn't Amish either 'cause he said he'd sworn an oath and that was something they didn't do.

Then I realized why he sounded so different yet familiar. "You're from West Virginia."

He looked surprised but somehow pleased. "Sure am Missus."

I wanted to ask what he was doing here but Josef was trying to take Leena from me and I wasn't having any of it. "Dacey, let me check the baby out."

"Her. Her name is Leena and don't you dare take her blanket off, she'll catch a chill and she's too little to drink tea."

I realized as soon as I said it that it sounded strange and the concerned look on everyone's faces made me realize it sounded worse than that, it sounded crazy. I was getting upset and that only made the odd feelings I was having worse. Abel bent down and picked me up and then turned to Josef and Louis, "You swear by all you hold dear that no one else is with you or followed you?"

Josef looked offended but Louis stuck out his hand and said, "Made sure to lose the couple of young rascals that wanted to follow us and then came up behind 'em and put a scare into 'em. They left off after that. Nosey peckerwoods but no real harm in 'em but the both of them learned the hard way not to push me too far."

I could feel Abel nod and then turn to Daniel who he told, "Run ahead and clear the way." This must have been a secret between the two of them because when we finally entered the cave the pocket door at the end of the hall that led to all of the various storage are was slid closed and a book case stood in front of it.

Abel noticed me noticing and kissed the top of my head and I relaxed some. He might have told some, might have had a good reason for it, but he didn't tell all and didn't intend on telling all either from the looks of it.

I tried to think about what the rest of the place must look like and remembered that the kitchen was bare of everything except the forage that Daniel had been so faithful in gathering and if I had to guess the pantry door was being covered by the stand that held Mom's cookbooks and such. Abel gently laid me on the bed and then took the squeaking Leena from my resisting arms.

"Let go Querida. She won't go far, just right here on the bed … beside you, si?"

I started having trouble breathing again and Josef took charge. "Dacey, look at me. You've known me for years. You know I never hurt Daniel and I never would. There's no need to panic here. Just try breathing slow and steady."

He was right, I had known him a long time and he'd always been good with Daniel. Dad and had liked and trusted him. I tried not to think about the fact that Dad had liked and trusted the men that had come that day he and Mom had been killed but it was a tough battle barely won. Finally I said, "Right here where I can see what you are doing."

Daniel and Dog picked that moment to stick their head in the door and asked, "Abel, you want me to bring in some water?"

Since I knew for a fact we never had to bring water in it must have been some simple signal and Abel's answer of, "No Daniel, the barrel is full" must have been the answering one because Daniel grinned so big that it didn't make sense. Abel led Louie out and must have been taking him to the kitchen but I saw by the shadow on the wall that Daniel and Dog had parked themselves outside the door.

Josef noticed too. "He's different."

Since it was obvious who he was talking about I said, "He's growing up. It's to be expected. Abel counts on him a lot and so do I." I made sure it was loud enough for Daniel to hear. I wanted him to know I was proud of him.

Josef nodded and then looked around. "These work?"

"The solar lights? Yeah, we just keep them turned down low to save battery."

"Makes sense. That's how they do it at the farm too. We've been blessed that a lot of the people were already set with solar … one of the few things the Amish had over the Townies. Now let's take a look here."

He unwrapped Leena who did not like it at all. He looked at me and asked, "You keep her swaddled all the time?"

"She doesn't seem to like it any other way. She gets all fussy if I don't."

He nodded and I couldn't tell if that was a good thing or bad thing. Beginning to get anxious at his silence I burst out with, "She might be small but she's a good baby."

He looked at me and said, "It's all right Dacey. I'm just measuring her and checking her reflexes."

"Fine. But what is that telling you."

He wrapped Leena back up but rather than give her to me he said, "Your turn."

"No … way."

"Dacey, why do you think Abel took Louis off."

"I'm fine."

Daniel stuck his head in the door and asked, "Dacey you want me to hold your hand like Momma used to hold mine? It might help."

I sighed, knowing I was beaten. "No Daniel, it's all right. Just don't you peek you hear me?"

"I didn't peek when Abel was taking care of you did I?"

"No, so don't go doing it now."

Josef sighed and shook his head but that's the only sign he made that he thought I was over reacting. He really didn't do all that much but he asked questions that I really resented having to answer.

"You know, I don't know that it is any of your business," I told him after a particularly embarrassing question about me and Abel.

"You are about the most hardheaded girl I've ever met."

"Thank you, it's a gift I'm pretty proud of." I heard Daniel snicker.

Josef snorted but it seemed he was at the end of his questioning anyway. "Dacey, you've had a close call. You still aren't completely come back from the birth. From what you've told me you're lucky you didn't develop a fever, infection, or worse. And given it was you telling me and not Abel that means you probably aren't even telling me the whole of it and I'll be asking him a few questions too. Now you're obviously anemic and some of that is affecting the baby."

That stopped me. I whispered, "I'm … I'm hurting Leena."

"No, not hurting her. If anything its probably the other way around. A woman's body naturally puts the best in her milk before the mother gets it. Leena is probably syphoning off a lot of the nutrients you need for yourself."

Relieved I said, "I don't care. All I care about is her growing up."

He nodded, "Which is what I figured which is why Abel is going to need to watch and make sure that you get what you need."

Not being the idiot he must've took me for I said, "Don't even think about telling me I need to eat liver. If I eat more liver I'm gonna turn into one. Chicken liver. Pork liver. Venison liver." Sighing remembering the sight of Abel and Daniel with my mother's books out and making a list I added, "Egg yolks, leafy greens, fish, chickweed, catnip, burdock … and I have to have blackstrap molasses in my tea instead of honey." That was a real grievance for me. I liked molasses but I preferred honey when it came to my tea.

Josef looked surprised and then said, "Oh … your mother would have taught you."

"Yes and her books are still around and Abel has gone over every single one of them. He's got this long list of what I'm allowed to eat and what I'm not and what I'm allowed to do and what I'm not."

I was running out of steam and trying not to show it. Daniel must have noticed because he came over and said, "It's all right Dacey. Why don't you take a nap. I'll take Josef over to the kitchen."

"No. I'm getting up. If we have company …"

In the end my stubbornness only took me so far. I walked as far as the kitchen but all I was allowed to do was sit in the rocker and "decorate the room" as Dad used to call sitting around doing nothing.

Abel had gotten pretty efficient in the kitchen but he was wily too. We had intended to start culling more of the flock before it turned too cold so he just did one of them early. It was a gimpy ol' hen that wasn't laying anymore and was starting to get picked on so it was really putting her out of her misery sooner rather than later. I told Daniel which herbs to use to season the hen and then they roasted it while we all sat and talked. Or rather they talked, I went to sleep after I fed Leena.

I woke up realizing she wasn't in my arms and jumped. Abel got up and it was only a few steps before he was beside me. I wasn't awake all the way and after he let me know Leena was in her little box beside me and then he put an afghan over me I started to sleep back into sleep but not before I heard Josef ask, "How often is she like this?"

"She is much better than she was."

"This is better?"

There was a pause and then Abel said quietly, "This is much better. For a long time … I thought I would lose one or the other of them, perhaps both. I … I thought about … but Dacey would have never forgiven me and I could not have forgiven myself. So, I helped Dacey to … to care for Catalina. It … it slows her getting better. Yes?"

Josef sighed and said, "As you said, I doubt Dacey would have forgiven you if you haven't tried and there's no way a baby that size can go on any kind of milk even if there was some. You've done good to do what you did. Do you have any of those pre-natal vitamins left?"

"No. I ground them up and put them in the water we were feeding her hoping they would help."

"Probably more than you knew from what I've seen and heard from you both. They'll both remain delicate through this winter. You'll have to be very careful even if she gets stubborn. I'm not sure what is causing those spells you say she has, it could be any number of things; lack of a vitamin or mineral her body is craving, the anemia she is experiencing, simple fatigue, maybe a form of stress driven panic, who knows. But Abel, you're going to have to face facts. You said you had to perform CPR a few times; the spells could be a direct result of the loss of oxygen and may be a permanent fixture from now on. Are you prepared for that?"

"I … I have thought of that. I had a cousin who had asimientos, what you call seizures. They did not stop her from having a life, a family, she simply had to take care once she learned to recognize when they were coming. As for the rest, we have spoken of her need to take care and she has agreed; she does not wish to leave us." He continued to talk but I was just too tired to listen.

I woke again when I heard the oven door open and smelled the chicken. I wasn't exactly hungry … not in it was a pleasure to eat kind of hungry; but my body craved the food, sometimes so much it hurt. But I was embarrassed. The first time we had company since my parents were alive and I was barely moving around more than a slug.

Louis noticed and told me matter of factly, as if he had somehow read my mind, "Don't fret on it Missus. My Granny is the same way but there are just days when God deems her to have a Sitting Day and on them days it's just best to do it 'cause that's what He wants. Reckon He must have something mighty fine planned for that little peanut o' yours what with all you've been going through to keep her and raise her. Reckon there's a reason for it and for the way you're feeling. Best let God do as He sees fit and stay outta His way and mind Him."

I was beginning to understand why Abel had trusted the man. He grows on you in a weird way very quickly. Abel asked him to say our dinner prayer and Louis seemed pleased to be asked. The men tried to take only meager portions but I told them, "Eat. The sooner that carcass is cleaned up the sooner it can be put in the pot to make broth with. And eat your share of the greens, no one wants to eat reheated, wilty greens."

I didn't have to tell them twice and soon enough dinner was over with, the dishes were cleared away with all of them helping to clean their own plates – that was another embarrassment and I hated imagining what my mother would have said about it – and then we all went into the living room where Daniel heated up a pot of acorn coffee for the men. The "coffee" was really just roasted acorn meats that were then percolated in an old coffee pot but Abel liked it well enough and Josef and Louis seemed to as well. I stuck to water. I was always thirsty it seemed.

Abel asked after their families and then once the formalities were out of the way he asked what we'd both been wondering, "What of the seeds?"

Both men grinned, "Nearly forty percent germination. And almost all of those produced something; not anything approaching normal but they did produce. The A-Town voted to save everything for seed though we did give each of the children something."

Abel asked, "And everyone was willing to do that?"

Josef shrugged but Louis said, "Most. Got some real knotheads even in a place like A-Town. But feeding the kids like we do they didn't have a whole lot of support for what they wanted."

"What they wanted?"

Louis snorted, "Wanted to use the seeds like gold, try and trade for more solar or fuel so that we could get some of the big tractors up and running."

I said, "What's the sense in having tractors if you don't have seeds to plant?"

"Good question Missus. They said them soldiers would bring us more in the spring. Bird in the hand is worth two in the bush says I."

Abel asked, "How is the town set for winter?"

Both men became grim. "We'll squeak by. We've got teams that will watch everyone better this year. We'll lose a few but not to outright starvation if we can help it. Most everyone that was going to go that route already has, now we just need to care for the weak and less able bodied, the widows, and the orphans. Seeing the crops this year has bolstered those that were weak in spirit as well."

The men continued to talk and when they wound down I asked Josef, "How's Monica?"

He gave the barest of smiles, "About like you would expect." That about covered it and we both knew it. I'd already heard the baby had been a little boy and they'd named him Adam. He'd been born at only six pounds but apparently that was a good weight these days. They had a higher than normal number of stillbirths and miscarriages and it was being put down to poor nutrition and stressful living. Remembering that had me cuddling Leena closely to my chest.

Abel must have noticed because he changed the subject to something less upsetting. There was a little more talk but I was busy caring for Leena and then we all went off to bed. When Abel and I were there together, after making sure our guests were cared for, he asked, "Will you forgive me?"

I wasn't going to fool around and pretend like I didn't know what he was talking about. I sighed, "I told you when you first came that this was your home too. I just wish you would have given me some warning or we had talked about it. My parents always talked about the big stuff before they went and did it."

"Si Querida, but it was a battlefield decision. We were in a bad spot and … and I did not want you to wonder if I never came home. I saw what Jeff's disappearance made you feel. I could not do that to you."

Looking at it from his perspective I suppose I might have done the same. "I'm not … not angry Abel. Just … I don't know … I don't know if I feel so safe here now."

"You forget Querida."

I asked, "Forget what?"

Abel's voice got still and as hard as I had ever heard it. "I know where they live too."

The threat was implied and I believed him. That didn't exactly make me feel any more comfortable with someone knowing but it reminded me as nothing else could exactly where Abel put us in his life. We were the top priority and something in me told me we always would be.

We both were quiet a moment then I asked, "What do you make of the seed germinating?"

I felt him shrug. "It means there is hope, but there was always hope. We just need to go through the fire and trust that we will outlast it. It will be next year that tells whether this year was really important. Will the seeds continue their viability or has the Heart Rot programmed them to self destruct? One year is not enough to see the direction the road is leading."

"I suppose."

"Now, did Josef tell you anything I should know about?"

It was my turn to shrug. "I don't think he knows any more than we already figured out for ourselves. Did he say anything to you?"

He was quiet for a moment and said, "He said that we should wait a long while and not risk another pregnancy until you are fully recovered from this one. He spoke of a few … suggestions … that might help with that."

Indignant I told him, "That's none of his business."

"I made it his business by asking. And he is right. I understand you do not like … er … speaking of certain things. But soon we must. We are man and woman, not beasts of the field that breed for no reason but instinct."

The way Abel put things sometimes seemed a little crude, but it was true nonetheless. I shook my head and my hair snapped and crackled from the static electricity in it. "I don't mind talking about that stuff with you. What I don't like is someone else making like it is their business and they can tell us what we can and cannot do. Whether we have leventy-dozen kids or only Leena that's between us and God and isn't anyone else's say so."

He kissed my temple. "Querida." He kissed me again and then put some distance between us. "I am not a rutting bull. I can do this," he mumbled to himself in Spanish. I don't think he thought I understood but I did. I understood something else too.

"You're not the only one that misses the … er … closeness Abel."

He stopped and then said, "No?"

"No. But I guess we've got to do what we've got to do. I'm feeling a little better every day. Maybe some days it doesn't look like it but I am. I'm determined about it. This past year has been hard … for all of us. I don't think I ever imagined a time would ever be so hard. But we're getting through it and some good things have come out of it. We just need to hold onto that part of it. I don't know what this winter will bring … or even next year; probably good things and bad just like life always seems to bring."

He scooted back to my side and we spooned up together for warmth and mutual comfort. He sighed in pleasure. "Si. But we can do this yes? Daniel is growing. Leena is growing. And we are growing too. Each of us in our own way. It makes me eager to see what tomorrow will bring."

I rolled to face him and snuggle up under his chin, "Tomorrow's good, but let's not forget about right now. Right now seems pretty good too. We just need to think around the problems that might come up. No reason we can't get er … creative."

His voice took on a husky note and in agreement he said, "Si … right now seems pretty good too. May God help us find ways to be creative for the rest of our days."


	48. Chapter 48

Chapter 48  
EPILOGUE

"Daddy, why do Uncle Daniel and Aunt Pauline live in a hole in the ground? Wouldn't it be better if they lived in a house like us?"

A little dark skinned boy runs up behind the little girl and taps her hard enough to make her stumble and yells, "You're it!" before running off. The girl just rolls her eyes and continues to walk beside her father as her siblings dart this way and that between the trees.

The father looked down and thought just how much she had turned out like his own mother, even her looks, which caused him a twinge. Since she was waiting for an answer he said, "I grew up in that 'hole in the ground' … or at least until I was about six or seven."

"Is that when Poppa finished the house where we live now?"

"No, that was only a little place. Poppa tore that down when he built the big house we all live in now."

"But why don't they come live with us now when Poppa and Mawmaw are gone? Aunt Leena lives with us now."

"Aunt Leena and Uncle Adam are only visiting until they get their place finished. Now that Uncle Adam is finished with all of his training he is going to start his own medical practice on this side of the ridge while his brother keeps the one going that his dad started over in A-Town."

"But doesn't Uncle Daniel want to live with us anymore? He used to. Did we do something wrong? I miss him."

The father smiled. "No Sweetheart. My Uncle Daniel is … well he needed his own place. All the noise and ruckus up at the big house doesn't always set too well with him. Aunt Pauline is the same way. And out here they are closer to the plants and animals they like so well."

"'Cause Uncle Daniel and Aunt Pauline are special?"

The man asked abruptly, "Where did you hear talk like that?"

"I heard a lady at church say it. She said it real funny like she didn't mean the word like the word is supposed to mean."

"Now you listen here young lady. Uncle Daniel and Aunt Pauline are a little … different … eccentric maybe … but God made them just like He made us and I better not hear another thing about it."

Properly subdued the little girl said, "Yes Daddy."

The father, regretting how forcefully he'd reacted added, "I know you don't mean anything bad by it Vickilynn but words have power and using the wrong words can be hurtful to people. Folks like Uncle Daniel might take the long way around to get someplace or they might have a totally different way of looking at things, but that doesn't make it wrong."

Reassured the little girl said, "Yes sir." After a pause she asked, "But why do we come out here every day? Why don't they come to us sometimes?"

"'Cause Uncle Daniel is real busy this time of year and your Mawmaw made me promise when she went that I'd keep an eye on them just in case. Besides, this is your Uncle Daniel's and Aunt Pauline's anniversary, they've been married five years. Your momma will skin me if we don't get this cake delivered and get back to the house to help with the garden and J. Paul."

"Daddy, is like Uncle Daniel?"

The man paused and then nodded, "A little bit. Your Mawmaw swears he's quieter than Uncle Daniel was at that age though."

The little girl looked completely unconvinced and asked, "You sure?"

The man laughed and reminded her that her grandmother was never one that liked being questioned so if she said Uncle Daniel was noisier than is they'd just have to believe it.

The man stepped into the clearing and looked around at the place that hadn't changed much since he'd been a child running as free as his own small children were doing now. Uncle Daniel and Aunt Pauline were sitting on stools he'd made them for last Christmas shelling beans, something they seemed to have endless patience and energy for.

He watched each of his children begin to settle down as they knew that if they wanted their Uncle Daniel to show them some new and interesting thing he'd found in the forest they'd need to play by his rules of staying calm or he'd get fed up with them and tell them to come back some other time. They also knew not to startle Pauline and he was grateful that they were careful with her even if they didn't know the whole of it.

Pauline had been a slave during the Starving Years and had nearly died before being rescued by the militia in that area. Then several well meaning people had paired her up with a man that had turned out to be an abuser. By the time he'd died – been killed in a brawl actually – Pauline was like she was and there was no changing it. Uncle Daniel had met her one time when they were taking some goats to market and for some reason known only to God and Uncle Daniel it was love at first sight for both of them. The man's mother had done what was necessary and Pauline had come home with them and the rest as they say was history.

He leaned against the tree and thought about his own childhood and about his sister Leena … and about his other siblings as well, all of them seeming to have outgrown the wanderlust and finally decided to return to the home they couldn't seem to wait to escape when they were young and raring for adventure. He was the youngest and the only one that had never seemed to feel the need to see what was "out there."

He looked up to see Aunt Pauline quietly waiting for him to notice her. He took off his hat and said, "I beg your pardon. I was wool gathering."

She gave a small smile and said, "You miss them don't you Jeff."

He nodded, "Yes ma'am. I sure do. But it had to be the Lord's work that they were able to go together. There's no other explanation for how things happened the way they did."

His parents had been gone three months and it still caused him a twinge but he knew where ever they were they were happy just to be together.

*****

On the other side of the world the old woman stopped to empty a stone out of her shoe. The hike had been lovely but tiring too, especially on the heels of the big ceremony dedicating the memorial to the men and woman that had left Spain at the behest of the UN and never returned. "Reckon the children are doing all right?" she asked the man at her side.

"Jeff will have things well in hand Querida. And Daniel is there to help if need be."

Dacey nodded. "I know, I know. Time I cut the apron strings. Just he's the youngest and … well, as much as I've had fun seeing your old home Abel, I miss the noise of our own around us. I'll be glad to start back tomorrow. It was nice that you found some of your cousins still alive but, I feel like such a stranger around here."

Abel smiled and said, "Yes, me too. It is so quiet here. I thought …"

"Thought what?"

His shrugs were still as eloquent as ever. "Perhaps to find a piece of myself I had left behind."

Curious she asked, "Did you?"

A rakish grin partially hidden by a mustache and well-trimmed beard preceded his cocky swagger in her direction. "No Querida. I realized if you had not come with me that would have been the piece that was missing."

Dacey smiled realizing age didn't change as much as she thought it would. "So, did you like the ceremony?"

"Eh, it was all right. Too many in the audience didn't seem to really understand what the memorial represented. I saw very few people our age except in the special visitor stands and of them, I saw very few who seemed happy to remember only that they survived. It was a spectacle. I am glad my cousin got us those passes so that I could tell the story of those that had died with honor but I'm not sorry to be returning to where I now belong."

"To be expected I guess. Not a whole lot of us old timers around, or at least not in any shape to do a bunch of gallivanting around like we've been doing."

The swagger had drawn him very close and he whispered huskily, "You still … gallivant … quite well."

That caused Dacey to laugh out loud. "Honesty Abel, that ceremony was supposed to be serious and here you are … well … acting like you're acting."

Abel smiled and then leaned against the tree while his wife finished tying her boot. "I can think of no better affirmation of life than that and a prayer of thanksgiving. We've already said our prayers, so why not now the other? We lived through seven long years of the Heart Rot. To have survived it was a miracle, a blessing from God above. And the recovery afterwards was just as long and nearly as hard as the Starving Time as the world tried to find its way. Then the war … but it is all done … at least until the next crisis and there are children and grandchildren and hope."

"Why Abel Montoya … there's always hope."

"Si Querida, there is always hope," as he swooped in for a surprise kiss that had her laughing all over again.

THE END


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